Need help starting (a really frustrated AFC)

pickup_startist · 2010-09-29T00:28:47+00:00

-----------------------------------------------------------------> click on the new to this subreddit

Honestly, we have this posted every other day. I think the best advice I can give you is, "If you want to pick up women, have something going on in your life other than picking up women", Neil Strauss (not sure if that is from him exactly)

philosarapter · 2010-09-29T13:35:50+00:00

Listen you can believe what you want about the PU material, but its meant to teach a few important concepts:

1. Social skills are a SKILL. That means it takes practice and time to get good at them. You aren't going to develop them magically over night, its not somethingthat you are just born with. If you want to get better at talking to people, you are going to have to.... talk to people. Constantly. All the time. Both men and women. You have to get over your fear of strangers and just keep practicing until socializing becomes second nature to you. Its just like learning to ride a bike.

2. Fundamental human nature: People want what they can't have, and they only value things that they worked hard to get. (Think for a moment how excited you used to get for christmas, but after you finally opened your presents, you weren't as excited. Gaming a girl is being a present that is really difficult for her to unwrap.) Instead of chasing after girls, you make them chase after you, you keep wetting their apetite and increasing their sexual desire by letting them know they can't have you. (Until you finally let them have you)

3. Be confident. Developing "inner game" is about feeling good about yourself and your abilities and taking charge of your life. On the journey we call life, women prefer to be passengers. Women are looking for a man who takes control of the wheel, knows where he is going and is going somewhere they want to be. Make your life an awesome adventure and women will want to come along for the ride.

The 'canned lines' are supposed to give you a starting point and allow you to understand why they work and how the female mind works. I'm not going to try to sell you on anything, I would much rather you do your own research and find results for yourself. What do you really have to lose in trying? Its not like youre getting laid as it is now.

ArMcK · 2010-09-29T01:20:38+00:00

Just the other day I started a weekly challenge with a beginner's task for guys like you.

pickup_startist · 2010-09-29T00:50:00+00:00

I have spent no money on anything pickup-related, ever. If it's a scam, you can very easily subvert it by being involved without spending money.

The fact that there have been no financial barriers to entry for me lead me to believe it's not a scam.

2010-09-29T04:59:18+00:00

You will have more success with game than without.

If you keep your expectations reasonable and slowly rachet them up as you advance, you'll have an easier time.

No, you won't be banging supermodels within weeks, as some programs promise. But you'll have the experience of other men at your disposal with every approach you make, and the more material you learn, the larger your repertoire will be. That's valuable.

2010-09-29T12:40:50+00:00

I can't picture myself doing canned lines or saying any cheesy pickup lines

then don't use them. you do have to open though.

I really suffer from horrible approach anxiety

Stop jerking off and start approaching ugly women or dudes then to at least get comfortable talking to other people. I bet you haven't jerked off less than 5x a week in over a year. give yourself one day a week where you can jerk the turk to clean the tubes. the rest of the time, feed off that sexual energy. it's amazing what you'll find yourself doing when your juices are at full capacity.

Also, women will be more attracted to you when you are hornier if you do it in a way so that you don't look / feel dirty about it. Girls like sexual guys just like guys like sexual girls.

ihaveabu · 2010-09-29T14:15:11+00:00

First step: improve self confidence (physical, mental, etc) you do this by improving the way you look, work out, get better clothes, accessorize. all this gives you a positive self image. you want to look in the mirror and say "damn i'm sexy" when you're done.

next, read some basic materials on body language, conversing, etc. watch movies with alpha males in them (any chick flick, classic tom cruise/clooney/harrison ford/007 flicks)

talk to people. talk to everyone. hey, how you doing? oh yea! me too! blah blah blah. talk to the old lady at the grocery store. doesn't matter

don't focus on anything specific about pua until you have these basics nailed. you'll see a huge boost in confidence. most pua specific skills can only be learned when you're already confident.

frogma · 2010-09-29T18:38:42+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you, in terms of my natural attitude. I'm insecure and I always get a little nervous when talking to guys or girls (at least, if they're strangers). I also didn't buy the whole "openers" thing; from the minimal experience I had, I saw that most of the guys who got laid all the time had some inborne ability to make conversation and build attraction - ie, they didnt use any "routines." To help myself get out of this mental state, I first started talking to girls who were certainly out of my league. I would say really stupid, awkward shit to them. But what you'll find is that after even a few times doing this, you'll be more at ease the next time you try. And the next time. Etc. Soon you should pick up on the topics of conversation that will lead to attraction (relatable stories, current events, teasing, and the "right" questions to ask) just by listening to what various girls have to say. The main thing is to realize when you've said something wrong, and just avoid it next time. As some of these guys have said, the best way to get used to conversation is to practice it, regardless of how awkward or embarrassing it is. That's what I did, and despite the fact that I still consider myself really shy and insecure, I can make friends and pick up women better than most of the guys I know. Always remember, when you strike up a completely awkward conversation with a stranger, the worst thing that'll happen is they'll leave. If you want, you can even make it a game where you purposely start up really weird conversations and just laugh when people try to get away from you. Even doing that will help you get over your approach anxiety and you'll be able to start up regular conversations more comfortably.

Atheizt · 2010-09-29T07:14:17+00:00

I started off very similar to you only a matter of months ago and while I'm far from being a PUA I have improved significantly.

The two best things I've done are improving social ability and self confidence.

My confidence boosts have (controversially in this subreddit) come from many hours in the gym. I've lost weight, altered my physique in a major way and I know I look much better. Couple that with the fact that I set a difficult goal and am well on the way to achieving it and my confidence has naturally increased. YMMV but its allowed me to stop being so damn shy and really take on the 'of course shes interested in me' attitude rather than giving myself a million reasons why a woman would turn me down before I even approach.

Don't get me wrong, I still have approach anxiety but I've so far reached a level where I can overcome it with some focus.

As for the social ability, you will have to push your comfort zones for a while but I just decided to start looking for conversation, however trivial, anywhere I could - but without being creepy. A recent example, I was with a mate last weekend while he was looking for some new clothes. I just kind of wandered around aimlessly waiting and the chick behind the counter approached me asking if she could help. Rather than dismiss her with a 'I'm fine, thanks' I made some minor situational joke that got a laugh and spent the next 15 minutes talking to her while my mate tried on clothes.

I had no intention of number closing since the majority of her motivation likely came from having me buy stuff but it was a chance to chat to a very attractive woman and get over some of my nerves. My friend was impressed and surprised since it was so out of character for me to come across so strong and confident but the fact is thats who I am now and its a big advantage.

Anyway, like YusakMadiq said, check out the "New to this subreddit" section on the right.

Title	Need help starting (a really frustrated AFC)
Author	Zeratul9856
Upvotes	2
Comments	12
Date	September 29, 2010 12:13 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dk95o/need_help_starting_a_really_frustrated_afc/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/need-help-starting-a-really-frustrated-afc.1287518 https://theredarchive.com/post/1287518

Comments