No problem approaching & getting the contact, but having difficulty getting engagement after

BrycePrestonHayes · 2025-08-19T04:31:38+00:00

What you're missing is escalation, in both areas.

You're hitting on girls, but you're not complimenting them or telling them you find them attractive. You're making small, and being friendly, and for this reason, you're not cutting through the BS to find out whether they're interested in you. You are not "simping" or "giving away your power" by being direct in your attraction to somebody. Rather, you are finding out quickly whether this other person returns your level of interest. If they do, that's when you take down their number and set up a date.

Regarding the girls you lose at lounges, again, you are not escalating. THEY are leading YOU to the dancefloor, where instead of having fun, you're in your head and decide against joining them. If these women are spending all night with you, why aren't you kissing them? Why aren't you inviting them back to your place? You are letting your seductions stagnate because you're not taking things to the next level.

Furthermore, I strongly advise against starting conversions on Instagram or on dating apps. You live in the part of the country with the highest concentration of people, and by extension, women. You should be going outside and meeting these women at the gym, at the park, at bars and lounges, etc. Conversations in DMs have such a low return on investment...I've been around the block, and only 1 woman has come from a DM outreach...just don't waste your time.

You're tall, you make good money, and you live in a place where there are plenty of fish in the sea. Assuming you're decent-looking, it sounds like you're in your own way. Tell her she's cute, get her number, invite her for drinks, go for the kiss, and so on.

It really is that simple; you just have to be the guy to do it.

Kindly-Mycologist135 · 2025-08-19T10:20:31+00:00

Women give out their numbers to tons of guy, it's not a big deal.

You need to go on a mini-date as soon as you meet here. That will create a lasting memory in her mind. When she give her number out and gets a text, she thinks, "oh, right, who was that? that guy I met randomly.... oh right I have him my number... omg look at that huge rat eating garbage... "

If you go on a mini-date, even 5 min for coffee, you are having a bigger impact, and embedding a deeper memory into her mind. She might think "Oh yah that guy who took me for coffee, he was cute..."

Don't just collect numbers, go on insta-dates, make an impact.

srosete · 2025-08-19T10:57:04+00:00

It's difficult to make a proper assesment, but it seems to me that you are taking it too seriously from too early.

You say you struggle with flirting. I don't know what concept of flirting you have in mind, but proper "flirting" is different to the classic "Johnny Bravo" approach (with many compliments, boasting etc.). Proper flirting is a combination of different techniques: good conversation, teasing, double sense, humor, kino... And you may read this and think "oh, so I just have to be funnier". And that's normal, but that's also the most common mistake people make about seduction. It's not about being funnier, it's about having fun.

And right now, I would say that you are not having much fun. It seems that you enjoy approaching girls, and that's why they respond well: it's not a chore for you. They can smell this. But then, you start DMing her or going to places that you don't like and that's when you struggle.

The best advice I could give you to have more fun during the whole process is to stop playing it safe. It's always better to be perceived as "too much" than falling short. If you are struggling on DMs, or at the disco, or whatever it is, just tell her "this sucks. Let's meet in person/go take a walk/insert whatever the hell you actually want to do and will make you feel more comfortable and have more fun".

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-08-19T16:13:05+00:00

- I usually approach saying you look ____ (European country). I get conversations with tourists visiting from Europe or other American states. However, I’m having difficulty translating the Instagram contact to real dates.

Women don't care how they look or what descriptions you do of them, what they care is how her look causes you to feel. When you descirbe her, you are talking about facts, logic. It's like describing a tree, "This tree looks green with a bit of yellow on the leafs...."

This is what you are doing when you tell women a description of what she looks like, it might be technically correct, but it builds no connection with you because you are not sharing how you feel about it. And if women don't feel anything with you, they might give you their number but they'll see no point in seeing you again.

- My conversation is rather straightforward and not too flirty.

When men say this, what they usually mean is: "i am logical, i don't connect with her as I focus on facts, and I don't create sexual tension with a woman as i only describe her, i don't express desire, which means they feel no sparks or anything. Can someone tell me why don't they want to go with me on a date?"

Can you see the problem? yes you need to flirt because flirting allows you to make her feel something, to make her feel your desire, to make her feel that she has an effect on you and that you are not left indifferent because of her. This invites her to feel what you feel and connect with you making it more likely to want to see you again simply because women want to follow their heart when that happens.

But when you focus on facts, logic, objective descriptions of her, and on negotiating a date with her, you make her think and analyse with her brain. And when that happens they are not following thier heart, instead their logical brain tells them "you don't know this guy, you have nothing in commun, he could be crazy, or anything else.

- I dont compliment in general because I dont want to give my power away or simp.

I have great news for you. Complimenting isn't flirting, so that's not what you need to do! Yeeei! What you need to fo is flirt, which is expressing the emotional or physical effect she has on you. Tell her the things she makes you feel in terms of attraction and sexual desire, for example:

"The way you are trying so hard not to kiss her right now", "the way you lose concentration when she smiles cute like that, the way your heart rate increases when she does "that" particular thing", "the way her gaze kinda hypnotizes you", "the way her touch hits you like a wave", "the way her mannersims warm up your heart", "the way you feel so drawn to her and can't help it".

That's how you flirt, not by telling them compliments or descriptions descriptions of what good qualities she has or raising her ego, but by expressing the emotional effect her attributes or actions have on you instead because that way you are inviting her to feel what you honestly feel right now without seeking something in return.

So it's not: "I want something from you", it's "Im inviting you to feel what i honestly feel right now". That way you go from negotiation vibe to an experience vibe.

You are not there to get something because you don't need anything from her, you are there to give her something because you are abundant, and what you give is an inviation to feel.

Avoid the trasnsactional frame: Here is what i need, what do you give back" and instead offer an experience: "This is what i feel inside, come feel it with me".

KpopFramer_23 · 2025-08-20T01:22:27+00:00

coworker does the same thing. gets numbers from women at bars but zero second dates. turns out he never actually asks them out, just sends memes and small talk for weeks

Title	No problem approaching & getting the contact, but having difficulty getting engagement after
Author	PetrosKorejskvoliSrb
Upvotes	15
Comments	14
Date	August 19, 2025 3:28 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1mu7h15/no_problem_approaching_getting_the_contact_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/no-problem-approaching-getting-the-contact-but.1559923 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559923

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