Gentlemen.

We all know that non-neediness is super important to attracting girls. And because being non-needy is so simple, I’m actually going to write it again, just to take up space in this post.

BEING NON-NEEDY IS SUPER SIMPLE. :-)

So here we go. If the underlying message in your reaction to ANYTHING she says or does is:

  1. A compliment - Needy
  2. That she’s a dork - Not needy

That’s basically it.

But just for fun, let’s elaborate to provide some clarity.

A reaction that is a compliment is anything where the underlying message of what you say indicates that what she just said or did is:

  1. Cool
  2. Impressive
  3. Worthy of your admiration
  4. Exciting
  5. Important
  6. Profound
  7. Or anything similar that gives the impression that her “status” (the status created by whatever she said or did) is above yours

Instead of complimenting. A non-needy reaction is basically that she’s a dork. And the most fundamental way to portray that message is through teasing. Again, NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS OR DOES, she’s a dork. Examples:

  1. She’s a poetry major - DORK
  2. She loves Italian food - DORK
  3. She’s from a small town - DORK
  4. She’s short - DORK
  5. She bleached her hair - DORK
  6. She ran 5 miles this morning (and maybe she’s proud of it) - DORK

So let’s do some examples for each of these showing the needy (compliment) response, and the non-needy (teasing because she’s a dork) response.

  1. She’s a poetry major. Needy Response: “That’s so cool. I bet your writing is really beautiful and you can really express your emotions in prose. [Side note: I may have just thrown up after writing that -- and she probably did to after you said it]. Non-Needy Response: “So, what’s it like to dream in haikus?” “Do you think in haikus?” “Like do all your thoughts start like: I need to be gettin to class. I better start haulin some ass…” And so on.

  2. She likes Italian food: Needy Response: “Me too! Yeah Italian and Mexican are my favorites. So like what do you usually order when you go for Italian? What’s your favorite dish? [Vomit]. Non-Needy Response: “You mean Italian food, or Italian Men?” “It’s the hairy chest thing isn’t it? You dig that machismo, hairy-back Italian look don’t you?” “Don’t lie, I can totally tell.” “I knew this Italian guy once. For Halloween he put on a wife-beater and went as a gorilla.”

  3. She’s from a small town: Needy Response: “That’s really sweet. I think you’re lucky. I’m from the big city and you just don’t get those close, hometown relationships growing up like that. And the fact that your dad was the town mailman is really cool. You guys must have known everybody.” Non-Needy Response: “So like when you were in high school, did you drive a tractor to school?” “So what’s it like to draw water from a well.” “OMG I’ve never met anyone who knows how to milk cows. Hey let’s go find some cows right now, and you can show me how to milk them!”

  4. She’s short: Needy Response: Here the first needy response would be to say nothing and not tease the stereotype. Even worse would be if you actually said something ridiculous like: “You’re not short. You shouldn’t worry about stuff like that.” “Hey my mom is an inch shorter than you, and look, I turned out fine.” “You don’t need to be self conscious about your height. I think you’re beautiful.” Non-Needy Response: You hover your hand overtop her head like you’d do to a child that you’re measuring the size of. Maybe throw in: “What are you like 4 foot 1?” “You’re like a female Napoleon aren’t you, get mad easy and want to conquer shit?” “What’s the view like from down there.” Just look over her head like you don’t see her (that can be hysterical). If she’s trying to reach up to get something and can’t, you just sit there and watch her with a half laugh on her face (and guys on this one, YES you can go over and help her, but not till after the tease is complete).

  5. She bleached her hair: Needy Response: “It looks great. You were beautiful as a brunette, and you’re just as beautiful as a blonde. I’m so glad you did that, blondes are so cute (wink). [Be right back, I need to empty out the vomit pot for the next round]. Ok I’m back. Non Needy Response: “I know you want guys to stop saying you're smart, but you realize that bleaching doesn’t actually lower your IQ.” “Did you write down you address before you bleached? Once you’re blond, you know, sometimes you can’t remember stuff.” “Did you just bleach the top, or did you also bleach, you know…" (guys, that one is for a little further along in the relationship, after you know she’s definitely into you, or you’re already involved -- i.e. don’t ask someone you barely know if she bleached her 'good lawd').

  6. She ran 5 miles: Needy Response: “Awesome!” “I’m really impressed.” “You’re doing really well!” “Wow, I wish I could do that many.” Non Needy Response: “That’s all?” “Meh...that’s kind of lazy isn’t it. Don’t you usually do 10?” “Yeah I usually I only like girls that do 15 mile minimums, but...maybe you’re ok.” “Those clothes seem kinda sweaty for 5 miles aren't they?”

Tone & Touching

Tone for all teasing is: light and playful, just having fun, flirty, and mix in just a little bit of cockiness. You are confident enough to tease, and that means you have to have some cockiness mixed in there. Don’t be afraid to try it (I promise that’s what girls really want -- even though they deny it).

Touching is essential for attraction, and I’ll do a whole touching post later. But for now, any lite touching you can mix in with teasing is great. A shoulder squeeze. A lite push. A gentle poke in the ribs. A high five. A pat on the head (always great for the shawtys). A make up hug after she’s been teased relentlessly ;-) [think: her lips are scrunched, but she’s also kind of looking at you like she wants to jump you (because that’s what teasing does to girls). You bring her in for a hug and push her away “I’m just messing with you baby, you’re not that bad.”]

If she hits you after a tease, this is FANTASTIC. In fact, your goal should be to get punched in the shoulder or elbowed in the chest, or pushed, as much as possible. If she’s touching you, the attracting is building nicely.

Topics Not to Tease

Guys, use common sense. Everything we talked about is really little things like her major, her food preferences, where she grew up, height (which is a safe physical attribute to discuss 99% of the time), hair color, exercise routine. There’s a million more. But stay away from obvious shit like: weight (girls really can have issues about that), any kind of physical or mental illness or condition (not only of her, but of a relative or something -- right? You don’t tease about her cousin who has down syndrome). And the beauty is, there are tons of little, safe things to tease. Just find one, exploit the stereotype, and run with it. Keep bringing it up from time to time.

80/20 Rule

As with everything in life, apply the 80/20 rule. Not every word that comes out of your mouth needs to be a tease. Find good opportunities to tease, and tease a lot, especially at the beginning. That builds attraction. Guys who tease are confident, non needy, challenging and sexy. Just do it :-)