Nothing to say/Mind going Blank

Glass-Fishing-533 · 2024-12-27T22:36:51+00:00

i have the same problem sometime. you should be comfortable asking follow up questions depending on how they respond (of course if their responses are all short then likely they aren’t that interested and/or are looking for a way out). the other thing is that you should have a script in your head (at least before you get comfortable having natural conversations) about what you want to ask strangers. for me since i mostly meet women at bars in uni i typically start with “what’s your major” (along with follow up questions and/or joking about how easy it is or teasing them a little). That’s a very easy way to loosen someone up, because remember, you are still a stranger to them and it’s always good to make someone laugh. Then depending on how responsive they are you can take the conversation from there like you are “branching” off from a tree of possible conversations.

as for finding things to talk about with friends/family, since you are not flirting with them (i hope!) you should read the news and know what’s happening in the world. it’s the easiest way to start conversation that aren’t boring as fuck. if you want more interesting conversations other than the day to day drama talk about your hobbies or what you are interested in or what you did that day and it will branch off naturally into more interesting conversation.

StrikingImportance39 · 2024-12-27T22:45:34+00:00

Don’t be so hard on yourself, bud.

It takes time to learn.

What helps me a lot is the understanding that the game goes both ways. 50/50.

So, if u can’t come up with anything, just say “Hi”. And belief that if she truly likes u she will help u out. If not, u move on.

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-12-28T03:23:31+00:00

I WISH there was something stupid that came to mind, I would gladly say it and risk a bad response as to just standing there stupidly.

I don’t get it. Why do you have to say something? I mean, saying something for the sake of saying something.

You come across as a few people that I personally know who always have to listen to music or talk shows all the time, either in the car or at home, as if silence can break them down mentally.

Silence is good, you need to enjoy and embrace it. Sometimes I feel like it is a test in and of itself. It’s okay if we don’t have anything to say. Imagine this: there’s only you and 1 other person in the quiet room. It’s like a staring contest between you and him, but let’s call it a silence contest. Whoever talks first lose.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-12-27T22:51:38+00:00

You just need to implement conversational threading. It's very basic and there are many coaching videos on it.

Its entire purpose is to give you additional relevant subject matter without you having to run a search engine in your mind to find what to say.

Pick up on a key word the other person has used and use it to continue the topic or expand on it, or to pivot to a different subject altogether. This way you are letting the other person do the thinking for you and you are making a connection in a manner relevant to what the person is saying.

Kingofpoop69 · 2024-12-28T04:25:34+00:00

I’m experiencing this exact same thing even with friends and family I hope we find some answers

HomelessMilkman · 2024-12-28T09:27:13+00:00

Even if your mind was completely blank, you're not devoid of sight or hearing. You're in an environment which has had thousands of choices which coalesce into the situation you're in now; you look at your computer screen/phone, where did you get it from? Why did you get it? How did you afford it? Why did you choose that one?

There's a massive amount of things to talk about and draw inspiration from in your immediate environment. You can practice 'free-association', the ability to create tangents from absolutely nothing, but it's not strictly necessary when there's all of this sensory information to pull from.

What's really happening is that you tense up and freeze, that monopolizes all of your attention and you can't 'see' anything else other than the fact you've 'gone blank again'. Because it has manifested itself into a 'problem you focus on', it distracts you from the solutions. The less you see it as an issue, the more you're aware of everything else and all of the conversations that could come from it.

Dwerg1 · 2024-12-28T13:53:16+00:00

Get comfortable with silence then, if you truly don't have anything to say then don't try to force it, just stay silent.

You're right that it's about energy, emotions and such. This applies to yourself in your own mind as well. Worrying or being uncomfortable absolutely kills the flow of thoughts. It seems running out of things to say induces this feeling in you and then the feeling keeps you stuck, resisting this feeling only amplifies it, still keeping you stuck with a blank mind.

You can try to let the silence be, breathe, relax and focus on your feelings rather than panicking about making up something to say. It's ok to run out of things to say.

If you can calm yourself enough and feel at least fine in the silence there's a decent chance your thoughts will start back up. At some point you might shift into curiosity, wondering about something you can ask her about. Maybe you suddenly have a spontaneous thought about something she said earlier that you want to comment on.

You can't force inspiration, you must relax and let it come to you naturally. Worrying about silence works against this.

I never worry about what to say and I never worry about my mind going blank, I focus on feeling good and what to say will just come to me. It's absolutely important that I feel comfortable and at ease for this to work. Even if I'm a bit stressed in general about something else entirely I just kinda shut down, how I feel has a lot to do with how my thoughts operate.

The key is never to focus on the thought layer, because it flows out of the emotional layer. Your thinking is going to be better if you simply feel better, so that's what you need to pay attention to and improve any way you know how.

I'm willing to bet you feel different in a group scenario than you do in a one on one scenario. Pay attention to how you feel either from memory, imagining it or the next time you're experiencing these situations. Notice the difference.

WittyJoy · 2024-12-28T18:56:57+00:00

Struggled with same. Best advice i can give is whatever the topic is that you feel is trailing off .. ask something about how she feels. Real life examples from recent convos:

I'm an architect. -whats a project you were involved in that you would feel... so... proud... to show me.

I'm in IT. -whats the most frustrating IT issue you've dealt with this week, something that made you blood boil? -show does it feel knowing that if you wanted to, you could absolutely ruin someone's day by messing with their tech or pretending you can't fix it? How does it feel to have that kind of power

I just moved back in with my parents. -i can tell from talking to you that you're really independent so must've had a good reason to move back in with them. The frustration must build up sometimes and make you wanna let it all out, but I bet there are other times when you feel super comfortable. How have you felt about it this week?

It sounds super lame, but I started experimenting with it a while back and you can often see a switch flip re: their interest. Guys are rarely asking women how they feel about things. The trouble i ran into is you can very easily start heading towards the friend zone super quick, so once she gets her story out and shows some emotion, show intent and escalate.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2024-12-30T05:52:26+00:00

Here are a few practical exercises for fixing this issue once and for all:

Take an improv class. Improv is about creating an impromptu act with another person for comedic effect and is all about creatively building a story together much like a conversation.
Spend 15 minutes a day doing a fake podcast where you just talk about whatever is on your mind and fill up that time.
Practice linking. That is where you take a word or sentence and expand on that or link it to another idea even if the connection is weak. Just find any written sentence and see how many new topics, questions, or jokes you can spin off of it.

Dandys3107 · 2024-12-28T09:23:45+00:00

Your brain works best when you are relaxed, pressuring yourself towards specific outcome can significantly lower your mental capabilities and memory. Instead of framing yourself as an entertainer, think about broad context of the interaction. When you are on a date, your goal is not really about leading the longest and most enjoyable conversation as you can, but create opportunities where you can escalate your mutual mental and physical intimacy with a girl. Besides words, you also have activities, non-verbal game and touching ladder to take care about. Don’t prolong your dates, don’t focus too much on topics that lead nowhere and potentially throw the towel if you can’t get into common vibe with a girl for longer time. Moment of silence is a good time to evaluate how is it going, what is yet to be achieved, enjoy the moment, relax yourself and maybe come closer to a girl and make a move that doesn’t require words.

epimpstyle · 2024-12-28T09:35:19+00:00

"Just lower the bar for what's good enough to say. It's not that you have nothing to say it's just that you think the thing you're thinking of isn't good enough to say."

Isn't it better to stop thinking philosophically and start taking actionable steps?

A script/routine/gambit will do the trick and you will know what to say and do for the next 5-10 minutes.

For example, you see a girl at a bar/club/restaurant "Hey, how's it going?" now if she says something you have the perfect opportunity to continue: "You know... I was going to XYZ club/bar/restaurant and I ended up here, but on the street, I saw a guy who said/did ..... [insert a funny story]" - You have broken the ice, you have made her smile, so theoretically she will tell you something, but you can also continue like this "I saw your bracelet/necklace/ring/shirt... it reminds me of [... insert another funny story]....

Because she is a stranger, you have nothing in common to talk about - of course your mind goes blank, especially if she is also quiet and doesn't help you with an idea, but for this reason you need to talk about neutral things as I said above and slowly move the conversation toward her: "you look like you're a teacher.... no? Hold on, three guesses... you are a banker... no? Give me your hand, now I will guess... spin around.... hmmm you look like .... [say whatever you want because it doesn't matter if you are right or not" - and now she will tell you her job. If she spins around, you can start talking about dancing or yoga especially if she is slim/fit. ... and now you have a few subjects to talk about.

Now you have a simple script, you can modify it to suit your style and personality, you need to do this 3-4-5 times before the words come naturally, but in the beginning, forget about being "natural" and stop thinking about any philosophy. Of course, this script is not a man-to-woman conversation but it is something to start with and build from there. If you start with a nice, friendly, playful energy, slowly the woman will enter your vibe and it will appear that moment when all you need is to listen to her stories but until at that level, you must be the one who shows her that you know interesting/funny things. If you are bored with a low energy, you can't expect the other person to do the work for you, you are the one who can dictate the tone/vibe of the conversation, so you need to start well and keep the same rhythm for 3-4-5 minutes, then the conversation will flow naturally. If you start a conversation and the conversation dies, it is not because the other person is boring, it is 90% your fault, in most cases the other person projects your attitude, that is why it is said that smiling is contagious. When you smile, you make the other person smile.

when I'm one on one with a woman or even a man for that matter my mind is just blank.

Just tell them a story or a funny thing you just remembered - that will do the trick. Sometimes I paint the nail of my little finger in black, then when a moment of silence appears, I show them my nail and now appear a bunch of topics to talk about: vampires, rock music, horror movies, being with a drunk chick who painted my nail etc etc.

Now you know what to say, and what to do, let's see if the "problem" is solved (I doubt it, because not knowing what to say is mostly related to lack of motivation and "courage" to approach - which is another story).

Title	Nothing to say/Mind going Blank
Author	Huge_Shower_1756
Upvotes	12
Comments	15
Date	December 27, 2024 10:27 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1hnqrkp/nothing_to_saymind_going_blank/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/nothing-to-saymind-going-blank.1539686 https://theredarchive.com/post/1539686

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