On oneitis.

atafies · 2012-05-04T16:33:12+00:00

Try to stop thinking that everything has an 'evolutionary purpose.' 'Oneitis'(really starting to loath this word) is a result of one thing only: lack of abundance. You've been going through life not actively doing anything to talk to the girls you want, so when one girl shows the slightest chance of wanting you, you latch on, thinking that this is a gem that you must not let go(which is wrong, of course). There are so many awesome girls out there; you just have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone and into theirs to find them.

UnapologeticalyAlive · 2012-05-04T17:26:28+00:00

You should never NEED someone in your life. Girlfriends, friends, they're just additions. You have you, and that's everything you need.

I think everyone does need friends for social support. The important thing to realize is that this need doesn't justify you in expecting more from someone than they're willing to give. When you do that, you're disrespecting their free will. You're treating as like a thing, not as person. You're dehumanizing them. The whole problem with oneitis is that the guy is expecting more affection and intimacy from the girl than she's willing to give. The guy is, in effect, disregarding the girl's right to choose who she gives affection to. In so doing, he's treating her like an object. That's not love or affection. It's borderline psychopathic.

cc81 · 2012-05-04T16:34:29+00:00

Regarding the evolution argument. 99% of everything that mentions evolution in this scene is bad pseudoscience. I think we would improve so much if we just skipped it.

Bhorzo · 2012-05-04T19:33:10+00:00

The current (2012) environment where a man can go from 0-30 without having any sex at all is totally unnatural and probably never happened in the past.

Men who are having regular sex - even if they hate their spouse/partner/gf - don't suffer from "oneitis". Oneitis is purely a result of sexual/social deprivation which never really happened in the "evolutionary environment" that we developed in.

pk_atheist · 2012-05-04T20:20:46+00:00

I respectfully disagree with point 1.

It shouldn't be a point of shame to need somebody in your life. A lot of people are built differently, and one thing I've noticed in my mind is that without a current pursuit, girlfriend, or f-buddy, I'm noticeably depressed.

It's not a choice, it's not optimal, but it's how I was built. In my mind, it equates social interaction with the opposite sex as a staple. It is a need, and nothing less.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

I think the point donggg is trying to get at here isn't that you should be ashamed of this need (or want for some), but that you shouldn't let that need/want blind you into making poor decisions. Be outcome independent. I leave clubs alone more than I leave with a girl because I'm sticking to my guns, no matter what. And sometimes I have to remind myself that's ok.

Christafarian · 2012-05-05T08:32:45+00:00

Our ancestors lived in small bands and had very limited reproductive opportunities. In our ancestors environment, that one girl really did matter, which is why so many men today wind up feeling like a single girl actually matters.

donggg · 2012-05-04T18:02:11+00:00

By never needing friends, I presume you mean you shouldn't need a specific person? I can't see not needing any friends at all, that would be just horrible.

syspak · 2012-05-04T23:32:56+00:00

I want to speak up on this because I am still stuck on my ex from now 8 months ago.

I have been doing as much sarging as I can do. Mainly at night, work during the day prevents this. I have done the whole 10 new lay thing and that number still climbs. I find it easy to attract girls, and meet with them. Where I am falling down is the fact non of them I have had the same connection with.

Starkiller148 · 2012-05-05T15:55:45+00:00

It is absolutely NOT okay to have feelings for someone if you like them simply because they flirt with you for a bit and then move on to flirt with another guy and you get jealous. Those aren't genuine feelings inside you - those are feelings of jealousy and competitiveness. Not a good thing.

I really needed to hear this. I'm going to forget about Emily right now, and go sarging. Yeah, that sounds good.

forgivedurden · 2012-05-05T17:54:02+00:00

i don't really have any trouble flirting with other girls. i mean, usually, i'm not going to start flirting with just anyone, but if they seem a little into me then yeah, i'll go ahead. and i usually fall for anyone who'll flirt with me and throws a winky face at the end of it, lol. kinda lame huh. i was just (kind of) flirting with some chick earlier.

but really, in the end, it's always me thinking about her. and yeah, my feelings probably did develop because she did flirt with me and it made me happy and at the time i was sort thinking about seeing if i could get anywhere with her; and the flirting made me really think i would. and then feelings developed and stuff sort of went south from there. but when i'm around her, i do find myself happier and i'm usual smile a lot more. it might not be okay to have feelings for someone because they flirt around and maybe even lead you on, but it's not something i find myself able to control. that's why i'm here though.

Title	On oneitis.
Author	donggg
Upvotes	41
Comments	25
Date	May 4, 2012 3:59 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/t6zmq/on_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/on-oneitis.1332205 https://theredarchive.com/post/1332205

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