Putting arms around girls.

YJLTG · 2012-05-31T16:50:20+00:00

Do you mean arm around her shoulders? Don't.

Instead go for the arm around the waist. If you can position yourself next to her and facing in her direction, it doesn't take much movement at all to pull her a bit closer. The waist is a better place for sensuous touch anyhow.

If the waist is still too much, start with your hand in the small of her back, especially when going somewhere. Guide her along.

onionringsandoreos · 2012-05-31T17:38:57+00:00

Here's my take: if we are walking TO somewhere, or with any kind of purpose, arm-around-the-shoulder just feels awkward and kills my natural gait. It does work if you are just strolling about, or walking around a museum or some similar venue. My go-to escalation is usually a playful push away, and then pulling her back in with the arm around the shoulder. Also, don't death grip her shoulder -- I try for a playful draping of my arm around her neck. You can also then grab a boob if everything lines up.

Aldovar · 2012-05-31T21:18:48+00:00

If you've read DiCarlo, then you should know that you start off with incidental kino before doing deliberate kino.

You can create or make use of opportunities to plant your hand on her waist/back incidentally, even for just a second. Try it next time when you can't hear her and you need to lean in close. Or maybe when you want to whisper to her that the guy that walked by you totally had his fly open and he doesn't seem to notice.

I sense that this specific kino feels awkward because you don't do it frequently... but you don't do it frequently because you feel awkward doing it. Start slow. Good luck.

ARealSocialIdiot · 2012-05-31T20:21:17+00:00

[permanently deleted]

miles_v · 2012-05-31T19:20:26+00:00

draping their arms over my shoulders.

To me, that's a way more difficult move than putting my arm around her. Just mentioning that because I think it's an indication that it's all in our heads.

For some reason, my brain makes a big deal about draping her hands over my shoulders and your brain makes a big deal about putting your arm around her.

In reality (and from her perspective) neither are a big deal.

4FF41R · 2012-05-31T20:39:22+00:00

Think of it that it's all an escalation.

I am not sure where the start is, but at some point early in the interaction, you might want to ask her name or state your name first... follow it with the classic handshake. Yes it might be old fashion, but it is a way to (psychologically) initiate kino, and if she's not telling you her name, or she tells you her name but doesn't want to shake hands... something's now right, either too fast, or wrong context, or not (enough) attraction... whatever.

So, if the starting point is the socially accepted handshake, and the intercourse is the end point, somewhere in between there's hugging, putting your arms around her precedes the hug in the escalation.

Yes this is a very broad and vague generalization, but there's no need to memorize anything, no need to take step 17 before step 17 1/2... be natural, enjoy the playfulness of it all, never overstep your boundaries, but always escalate escalate escalate. With practice practice practice practice everything becomes natural.

B-80 · 2012-05-31T23:44:14+00:00

Just do it when you are both laughing or something, like you put your arm around her waist and give her a squeeze in a moment where if she was a guy friend you'd give him a high five. It comes off a lot more natural that way, then just leave your arm there and she probably won't even notice it happened until it's you've been sitting there like that for a little bit.

You need to get comfortable sitting with a girl with your arm around her though, it's a huge IOI if she lets you do it and it's an assertive way to show sexual intent without being too over the top aggressive/needy.

After a little bit, some girls will shrug you off, don't take it personal, she might just have been physically uncomfortable. Try again later (a while later), and for the love of god don't acknowledge that she brushed you off.

07SS · 2012-06-01T01:20:50+00:00

Your solution works.

Also, if it feels THAT unnatural for you, you can try the less intense version that I'm actually a fan of cause it makes the girl wonder if you're doing it cause you like her or if its because it's a comfortable position: If you're sitting next to each other on the couch or on something with a backing to it (read: not a bench), put your arm around her but NOT on her, just rest it on the couch or back of the chair. You can touch her body with your arm (actually this is best) but you're not clasping your hand on her shoulder.

Works great especially for k-closing on a couch.

DerpVonGroove · 2012-05-31T17:36:39+00:00

Not sure if I'm actually helping here but I used to have this problem until I started NoFap (not masturbating at all). Read up on it and see if it's anything for you.

It's probably placebo but it has helped me be confident in touching women casually and "invading" personal space.

Poueff · 2012-05-31T21:27:07+00:00

I usually go for the waist and hips area. Way more sexual and confortable, and also makes it easier to get face-to-face (just turn her a bit) over doing what is basically an awkward hug. I usually only do it when we're lying down against something since it works better then. I also do it when I don't have enough rapport with a girl and for only a few seconds (usually as a "come here" kinda thing) as "the claw".

I've also had a funny experience with this once where I almost literally took away the girl from under a guy's arm by pulling her by her hips - and him trying to follow her shoulders along for 2 awkward seconds.

2012-06-01T11:41:38+00:00

"walk with me" (put arm around her waist or shoulder and lead her for a second or two, even if you're just going into your kitchen or walking down the frozen foods aisle or walking to the bathroom of the bar)

but you have to commit. and you have to be in it for the long haul. if you are thinking about when you are going to let go, so is she. if you are thinking about something else, so is she. you have to train your mind to let go of that stress and concentrate on something else in a relaxed way.

funkyjames · 2012-06-01T14:34:34+00:00

i actually tend to stay away from the arm around the shoulder. theres a buddy of mine who ive seen do this a lot. observations: 1) i thought it was kind of creepy. he can get overly touchy-feely 2) observing the girls hes done this too, i think they felt the same way judging by their facial expressions (that it was creepy), and were just too nice to brush him off bottom line: i wouldnt do it. i agree, it does seem unnatural. i also think it seems like a big deal, kind of calling too much attention to yourself if you get me. the waist seems like a much more natural and sexual way to touch without making it seem terribly conspicuous

Title	Putting arms around girls.
Author	donggg
Upvotes	41
Comments	87
Date	May 31, 2012 4:35 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ue2kf/putting_arms_around_girls/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/putting-arms-around-girls.1333457 https://theredarchive.com/post/1333457

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