Being a player looks awesome. It is awesome.

You have girls excited to go on dates with you. You have many different girls in your bed over the course of a few days (and maybe even on the same day or the same moment).

You're good with women.

However, if you've made it to that point, you will also notice an interesting phenomena.

As women become increasingly charmed by you, they are also increasingly wary of you.

They will compliment you, smile at you, touch you, and give you every green light in the book, but when you ask them out, try to kiss them, or take them home, they will bashfully smile and declined your offer.

Their interest wasn't politeness. You know it was genuine attraction. You understand the difference. Maybe a few of them had boyfriends, but with the ones who were definitely single or didn't care if they were or not, they still rejected you.

Why? You did everything right.

Many of them won't tell you, but the few who are kind enough to drop you hints or even outright tell you will reveal what it is (and it was because of women telling me that I realized this problem).

It's the player paradox.

"You're very smooth, Rico Sauve."

"I bet you do this all the time. How many girls have you charmed into bed this week?"

"Look, I like you, but I know that I'll just be another one of your girls, so I'm going to have to pass."

"You're quite the ladies' man" (then proceeds to not give you anything).

"I'm not like the other sluts that you fuck."

Every one of these I've heard multiple times and there are many more derivations of this. But what it comes down to is one thing.

Attainability.

I'll explain.

Attainability is a term that harkens back to Sebastian Drake's VAC model of attraction. He's the guy who coached my mentor/boss Chase Amante.

Value - Attainability - Compliance

Value is how hot/popular/smooth/rich/good-looking/stylish/etc you are. It's general but clear.

Compliance is simple. The more she invests in you, the more she will continue to invest in you. There's a reason why people continually fall for the Sunken Cost Fallacy. If they've already put so much work into something, they will usually continue to. This is also why shitty relationships/marriages will continue long after their expiration date. They've already put so much time into it, so why not keep on keepin' on? Terrible for a quality life, but emotions are sticky, persuasive bastards.

Attainability is a bit more nuanced. It denotatively means how available/easy it is, but how could you not be available to a girl you're obviously trying to fuck? We're men. If we want you, we want you.

Well, she doesn't know that. Yes, she knows you want to fuck her, but does she know you will?

Firstly, you need to consider her emotions. If you're not actively making moves to fuck a girl, she doesn't care what you're saying - women respect action. Are you grabbing her ass? Moving her outside the bar for a more intimate talk? Grabbing her hand and actually leading her home?

If not, she doesn't think you actually like her. She's wondering why you're not taking action. This is especially true if she gives you a big hint that she wants to move things forward.

"I'm tired."

"Where do you live?"

"I prefer to talk about that somewhere more private."

If you miss a hint like this, she's going to think, "Wow, this guy doesn't really like me, does he?"

That's why girls will suddenly get mad or aloof after hours of really fun, animated conversation. They've come to the conclusion that you don't really like her, i.e., she doesn't think she can have you.

In other words, attainability.

Secondly, she needs to feel cared about. I've fucked my fair share of damaged whores, but even the most fucked up of them wanted to feel some emotion before they fucked you minutes after meeting them. Shit, maybe they need it even more so than the more mentally stable women. They're letting loose for a reason - they want validation and love, but either can't or never have had actual genuine love and respect from a man they find attractive (they don't consider their orbiters to be men. They see them as pathetic worms).

Yes, women want to be savagely fucked by the biggest pimp they can find, but they do want to feel cared about. Whether it's cuddling or just ordering her an uber, feeling cherished, even by a guy she'll never see again, is on her agenda.

The player, unfortunately, presents a problem with this.

They have probably met someone who is smooth and sexy like you, but have also found that this guy, once the sex is done, or if she doesn't fuck him quick enough, will jump ship and move onto another girl. So, while enjoying his game, she will reject him before it goes too far.

She also knows he's far less likely to want to date her after sex, so she'll put off sex as a way to see if he actually likes her and cares about her. Yes, players can get LMR from a girl not because she doesn't want to fuck him, but because she wants to fuck him so much that, as her experience or instincts tell her, that a guy this hot probably won't stick around for long. He's got so many options.

And in the final case, usually with the highest quality of women, I'm talking the top 1%, they know that they can find a guy as sexy as this guy but who is far more likely to commit. Also, players present a threat to one's reputation, as fucking him will induct you into his Slut Hall of Fame. Association with such an accolade does not boast well for conservative or high-society women, even if he is very exciting and sexy. He's sexy but not emotionally attainable or available for a relationship.

Which is the paradox. Women think the player is sexy, but because he's almost too sexy, she realizes it's too good to be true. There's a catch. Usually that he'll never text or call back.

Even if you totally intend to.

I mean, you spent all this time getting good with women not only to get hundreds of ONS? You'd like to see at least some of your conquests again and maybe even date one of them. Girlfriends are great! (Read that with a Tony the Tiger voice, por favor).

Or maybe you don't want to see her again, but you do want to fuck her, and you're kinda irked that she's rejecting you not because she doesn't' find you hot, but because she Scooby Doo'd your ass and saw you for what you are.

All that work and you find yourself back to getting rejected for the complete opposite problem you used to have.

What to do, what to do?

Well, there's a few solutions.

  • Cut the player/party talk. Don't talk about your conquests, crazy party lifestyle, polyamorous views, etc. Anything that might paint you as a huge scoundrel, just leave it to the imagination. she's probably going to read it on you anyways. Your look, your vibe, your tattoos - your sub communication will do the work for you. What this will do is give you the +Value of being a player (i.e., you're good with women and can make her cum hard) without the -Attainability of being a huge fucker. She'll rationalize away your vibe but still be wet from it. "I mean, he seems like a player, but he's so nice!"

Which brings me to the next tip.

  • Cut the asshole behavior. If you're already quite good with women, being an asshole is only necessary when a bitch steps out of line, she needs some ego management, someone disrespects you, or you're in a foul mood. Otherwise, cut the teasing. Cut the skeptical/aloof/stoic facial expressions. Pay attention to her. Smile. Be sweet.

Shit...you may even try to...

  • Be romantic. This one changed my game completely. I'm very, very sexually direct. I'm also super handsy. Sometimes, it's a bit too much. This girl thinks I'm gonna fill up her meat-sleeve without remorse and never talk to her again. She thinks her only value to me is her pussy (and with some women, this is true). To counteract this, I started being romantic. Now, I'd never lie to women. I only ever promised a relationship once (with a girl that I did want to date, but it's not a smart move). I avoided anything that I couldn't follow through with.

But that didn't stop me from giving them the emotions of romance.

Stroking their cheek and telling them how gorgeous they are in a sweet, doting voice (while also grabbing their ass).

Telling them that i want to spend the entire weekend with them (starting with leaving the club and fucking each other senseless).

Focusing on them and only them the entire night, despite other girls' attention, and treating them almost like my girlfriend for the night (and then going home to do what boyfriends and girlfriends do).

  • Show some boyfriend potential. There's a reason why I'll sometimes lose a girl to an attractive but traditionally conservative guy who doesn't come off at all like he fucks a lot of girls (even if he maybe does). He has boyfriend potential. You can show this by espousing traditional views on marriage ("Yeah, one day I would love to have a wife and family"), leaving yourself open to love ("Being in love is awesome, but I'm looking for the right person, you know?"), or suggesting that maybe she might be your future girlfriend. I suggest only doing this if you feel it genuinely, but if you are amoral or sociopathic, then fly free and toss that shit out there.

Some of this might seem "Beta" or lame, but what's important is that it works. You cannot refute empirically tested results on pragmatic grounds, only philosophical grounds. Also, it's not suggested that you do any of this until you are already quite good with women, i.e., you are recognized as a player.

If you employ some or all of these tactics, you might find your percentages going up, especially with higher value women who would previously entertain your games but never take them too seriously. My quality of pussy has gone up consistently since changing my personality to more of a "lover of women" than a "player."

I'm still a scoundrel. I still fuck girls then never see them again. But sometimes I do see them again. And now they know that it's a possibility and are even more attracted to me because of it, because now they have something to strive for.

One who accomplishes this task becomes attainable on both an emotional level and on a relationship level, even if she doesn't quite get it.

The rusted piece in the mechanism is replaced and the problem disappears.

Overcome the player paradox by becoming something else entirely.

Hector Castillo