Paying, feeling disrespect

Playful_Dot_537 · 2025-08-14T23:18:16+00:00

If it bothers you so much then stop paying.

But it sounds like your problem is not money-related.

Stop worrying about what they say or do and whether that bothers you or not. Worry more about what you want. You just need to center yourself more.

"From now on, I think i wont pay for them, keep the dates short, dont pick them up"

Coffee dates work for a reason. If they can't make the effort to meet you at a cafe and pay for their own latte for a 20 min chat to see if the vibe is there, they probably aren't someone worth being with anyway.

If you are high effort and allow them to be low effort you kind of get what you deserve.

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-08-14T23:54:59+00:00

Who wouldn't look at you with disgust when you're "asked to twerk" right after meeting a stranger? But that aside, you need to plan dates more carefully if you don't like paying for them. Maybe it's best for you to just go for a walk. Or you can simply state ahead of time, in advance of the date, that you'd like to go double dutch. Communicate with her.

As another poster mentioned, you don't have any entitlement towards physical results just because you went on a date or paid for her food. If you don't get a kiss or even a hug out of the date, that's her decision and you have to accept it. If you don't like the results, that's too bad. Keep meeting new people until you find someone you'd like to pursue more dates.

liftingnstuff · 2025-08-14T23:45:45+00:00

If you don't pay you're going to miss out on a ton of girls who like you but got an ick that you didn't pay. If it's too expensive pick cheaper spots. It's part of the game.

For the example of girl 2, pick a venue where you are more isolated so you can talk about sex. Either that or take it as an opportunity to whisper in her ear. Not being willing to talk about it makes you look prude, and will make her self conscious.

The girl is not obligated to have sex with you if she holds hands or flirts back or makes out. She's not even obligated to text you back if you do have sex. You could have done something that turned her off. An ex could have re-appeared in her life. She could have gone on a date with someone she liked more. Take a lesson from the experience. Do better next time.

There are a small percentage girls who use guys for food/drinks but the vast majority picked you for that moment. They picked you over staying home and watching netflix. Over some other guys. Over doing literally anything else in their life. That means they are at least somewhat open to something happening and they want the date to go well. From then it's on you to be attractive enough that it goes further.

ImpossibleBritches · 2025-08-14T23:59:19+00:00

Why are investing so much into nothing?

Stop paying for dinners.

Make your first dates free or cheap. Outdoor events, walks, cafes.

Dont pay for a dinner until you are a couple of months in to a relationship. Dinner dates signify that you are emotionally and psychologically invested already.

Your underlying issue is that you are psychologically and emotionally invested already.

That won't go away with a little online advice. You need to work on that.

But one step forward on that account is to stop making a big deal of first dates. You need to make them lighthearted, low-cost affairs.

Split the cost on coffee and cake, at most.

vesieco · 2025-08-15T04:45:41+00:00

Gotta go for cheaper low pressure dates. I try to spend max $20 CAD on dates especially the first few with a girl, and even then some offer to split

its22K · 2025-08-15T05:49:07+00:00

What you feel is valid. Keep your standards up..

wildrift91 · 2025-08-14T23:12:37+00:00

50/50 - adhere to it strictly. Otherwise you risk putting her on a pedestal and thinking she's above you.

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-08-15T03:24:24+00:00

- Girl 1. We meet at a mexican bar near her place. She comes all nervous, then eases up. Gets a drink we get nachos, she almost eats everything, gets tipsy. I pay for everything, doesnt says thank you. We kiss at the end (like a short kiss), we touched, i flirted. But tells me she doesnt want an encore and that it was nice. Friendzoned.

Nobody is forcing you to invite her to things that cost money. If you are so upset that women don't thank you for inviting them, maybe you can just do something else as a date idea? Or vetting women by talking to them more before deciding that you want to take them out on a date?

- Girl 2. Sex convo comes and she ask me about my sexual experiences, like wild stuff. I dont wanna be talking cuz people are next to us. Then, when we were driving and talking about music, I asked her if she could twerk, and she looked at me with digust. Oh the double standard! So she can ask me about sex but i cant ask her about dancing!

Asking her to twerk is way more invasive than talking about sexual experiences because you are trying to get her to behave slutty for your pleasure. This is basically putting her in a position where she can feel objectified and valued only for her body instead of for who she is, so it's a false equivalence because being curious about sexual preferences and mutual sexual compatibility is different than her asking you to act in a sexual way.

Double standards would be if she told you "can you do a lap dance like you are a male stripper" and you did it, only for you to tell her to twerk and she getting upset. In that case, yes it would be a double standard.

- I payed. 70$ ; no thanks. We make out 3 times.

Maybe her way of saying thank you is "kissing you" 3 times.

- Then says she wants to leaves thing like that, no second date. Before, she told me : we can start by having fun and if it clicks then maybe serious is nice.

Yes, women don't owe you a second date. I know you already know this, but the whole post carries this vibe of cynicism and resentment about women all over, so i feel like you might need a bit of a reminder.

- Pissed me off she didnt say thank you either. This two episodes have me all with low moral. Im not paying and expecting sex, I want to be gradual. But these chicks behaviour confuses me. Why would they hold hands, make out with me and then ghost me!!

The problem is you have expectations. Women go with the flow, they don't have some long term plan about where things need to go. They just do what feels right in the moment and whatever they do in the moment isn't a promise for the future . You are the one who assumes that if they do x, then they must want Z in the future, and then get frustrated and angry, when they never actually promised anything,... You are the one who created expectations and they are not responsible for whatever fantasies or expectatios you unilterally decided to create.

- From now on, I think i wont pay for them, keep the dates short, dont pick them up.

That's a good decision and what you should always do. That and vetting women properly before taking them out on dates. Talk to them more, be more selective, and only give the pelasure of having a date with you to those who earned it and truly stand out.

Life-Income2986 · 2025-08-15T00:09:05+00:00

You think of women as things and you think by paying you are owed their body. You are the embodiment of the very core of what feminists find repulsive about dating losers today.

Take responsibility for the things you do. Embarrassing.

Title	Paying, feeling disrespect
Author	matutewittg
Upvotes	0
Comments	32
Date	August 14, 2025 11:06 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1mqgdzm/paying_feeling_disrespect/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/paying-feeling-disrespect.1559606 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559606

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