It’s amazing how much attention dedicating yourself to the gym can get you. I’ve been on-and-off active in lifting for fifteen plus years, but got seriously into it this last year or two. Recently single, and I noticed while partnered I was constantly being checked out. I felt guilty if I reciprocated the attention too much though, which I’m sure elevated said attention even more.

I’ve dealt with confidence issues for a long time. Practically grew up in the friend zone. I clawed my way out of it a few years back, and when that relationship went South I went no contact after expressing a lot of love and compassion (and have noticed several clues in the years since that she’s secretly hung up on me). Being out of my last relationship (one after the aforementioned previous friendzone situation), it’s super easy to get into my head and feel like I can’t do casual sex, of which I have little experience with (especially with hotter women).

Plenty of girls at work have expressed interest in wanting to fuck me since the break-up, but although I constantly flirt I’m reluctant to shit where I eat too much (requires a high amount of caution from what I can tell). Not to mention I drink very little nowadays, and have few guy friends either. So right now I’m just trying to focus on fundamentals, like hanging with dude friends as well to work on basic social skills. I also said yes to a less than hot older regular of mine at work to going out for late-night breakfast, and we talked for hours. We made out, and then she rushed to fuck me in the next few days (she said she hasn’t been laid in years). That made me kind of skittish, and I politely told her that we needed to pump the brakes in so many words, mostly because I’m still heavily in grief.

A co-worker of mine who just split with his wife too asked to join me at the gym. I said yes, and when he realized I go most days he invited himself to join me more. While I love my solo-work-outs, I can’t deny the opportunity to get more generally comfortable in my own skin and more closely knitting not only a friendship, but somebody to talk to where it’s not about potentially getting laid. So I’ve decided to allow this. He’s a cool dude, for that matter.

After he left today I still had a few exercises to do. One homework assignment I’ve given myself is to check women out, and if they look back at me to not just look away but to make a small amount of eye contact. I did this with an Asian girl I walked by, who immediately smiled.

Upon my last work-out I walked by a blondie who I could sense was shy and awkward herself, but who has put a lot of effort into her body as well. My instincts told me she was side-eyeing me as much as I was her. She started to do stretches that really emphasized her ass too, where she kept pulling her baggy shirt up to make it visible. I let my glances linger more, but she wouldn’t return eye contact during these moments. At one point I noticed she was looking in my general direction, and she jerked her head away upon me noticing (and I noted that I was literally the only person in this particular area).

She moved onto her next exercise, within ten feet of me. I noticed more things that my id insisted were peacock moments for me, as once again nobody else was in our area. Lifted her shirt above her chest (wearing a sports bra) to check herself out in the mirror. Literally pulls her baggy shirt above her ass before she bends over to check her phone.

She starts doing a work-out that I did earlier, but which I use a pole in one hand to stop myself from losing balance, as I’ve rolled my ankle several times in my life. After twiddling my figurative thumbs for a minute, I thought, “Fuck it.” I approached her, and told her as much, as I was using said pole for a different work-out right then anyways. I was careful to word myself in a way and use a tone to emphasize that I wasn’t giving her advice so much as just sharing my experience. She laughed, super shy but feminine and engaged enough for me to be reasonably sure she wasn’t creeped out. I introduced myself, and she told me her name.

I was about finished with my work-out here. As I got my keys out of my bag and put my sunglasses on, she straight up completely took her shirt off. So while walking by upon exiting, I gave her a fist-bump and wished her luck with the rest of her work-out, and then briefly looked her up and down and told her she looked great, “by the way.” She laughed shyly again and thanked me, and I was on my way.

Not quite ready to escalate too much in any situation right now, as I’m still grieving my break-up pretty heavily (going on three weeks from two years together). Not to mention that my gym’s another case of “shitting where I eat,” so escalation shouldn’t be rushed here. But baby steps, as I don’t want to use my grief as an excuse not to put myself out there either.

To all our other overthinking nervous dudes on here, we got this. Focus on things that make you happy and confident in yourselves, be patient, and take those baby steps. It’s fun if done right, I think.