Reading seduction leads to Depression

RussianFakeNewsBot · 2018-08-03T22:47:55+00:00

This is great I identify with a lot on here, especially the bit about being someone who approaches things methodically and studies flaws to try and improve.

When I first started trying to improve my romantic life I was trying to force myself to be like a friend who is a hit with the ladies, and like what a lot of people idolise as a great seducer, except that isn't me. We share some qualities in that we're opinionated, intelligent people. He's much more outgoing and actively enjoys the thrill of the chase and having multiple women at once and being known as a ladies man. I tried to emulate this but I'm just not as outgoing, I'd rather have special bonds with fewer people. I can become more outgoing but I'm not going to reach his level so I need to take my own approach, become confident in my own personality even if that is a little quieter. I have a lot of friends of both genders and have been on a few dates with some who I've known for years so I know I've not got a shit personality, I just need to focus on presenting that to new people better.

Also going to the gym, moving out of parents and getting better jobs has improved my confidence, happiness and self worth. It's also made me more interesting. If you're stuck that's probably where best to start, I'm not sure approaching loads of girls in the street is always necessary, especially if your in a country other than the US where this sort of behaviour is much weirder.

thegreatzack · 2018-08-03T23:10:36+00:00

I have to say I agree with this post, and identify strongly with the "think and study too much with just a little practicing". I want someone to tell me what to do, what my best course of action is. Not just in the seduction realm but in other facets of life. In my mind I think "someone else has already figured a better way and that's what I should be doing". Its honestly hard just to figure out what the fuck to say to a girl with out over thinking it or messaging a close friend asking "ok what the fuck do I say now"

Maybe it's just away to avoid rejection or taking risky moves, everything I do and say needs to be a calculated move. I just can't go on impulse. It almost feels like I'm just waiting for that one girl or this one particular time in my life (in my case being under 21 and thinking once I can go to bars) a whole new world will be opened up.

When you are one of these people and some girl just ghosts you for no explained reason it can be a serious blow to your psyche. Cause now you just sit and think "oh I should have said this" or "If I had just went on a date with her then I would have been able to use the moves I've read about" and it makes you never want to talk to girls again because you think you are just get the same results so why even bother.

What makes it even worse is I don't feel like an introvert. Yes I can agree I enjoy my own personal space and "get energy" when I'm alone, But when I actually know the person or they know me well enough to listen to me, I am very open and can chat away about what ever random thought I have all day. Its a conundrum I like to call "the introvert who just wants to be an extrovert". I envy people who can just seemingly talk to some stranger and they just become best friends over the coarse of 5 minutes! What am I doing that I can't get similar results? I know the saying of "you shouldn't compare yourself to others" but in this day and age its hard not to see what everyone else is doing on social media

I can't answer any of the problems presented in this post because its something that I'm currently trying to figure out myself. Like stated earlier I just want to read that one article where everything will just "click" and I'll be happy and banging chicks all day. But that doesn't seem very realistic and this battle is seemingly one I need to fight on my own. It can just be hard to do that when you are just waiting for someone to serve you the answer on some magical silver platter.

To anyone reading this feeling the same type of way, I'm right there with you singing

chronosthetitan · 2018-08-03T22:13:31+00:00

My friends a introvert, I stress to him social circle is probably better suited to him because he would be more comfortable in small groups compared to big groups. I tell him one on one is probably better than a group.

ambiguous_juice · 2018-08-04T00:22:56+00:00

Another quality post today has been a good day for this subreddit. I choose what information to really listen and apply to my life but I should put myself out there more. I identify with a lot that you read though and I'm sure we all will get to the place we wish to be at if we continue to work towards our goals.

Aeon199 · 2018-08-04T03:53:48+00:00

That I have to be super outgoing, extroverted, 200lbs ripped to the bone, with confidence of Donald Trump and social status of Robert Downey Jr. to get girls. Which is of course bullshit. Sure, that guy could pull a lot more girls than someone who doesnt have those things. But even Robert or Donald started somewhere. And it is completely natural to feel insecure about things you are noob at. You gotta remember that with each date, each girl you will seduce, your confidence will grow as well as your dating pool.

The inverse question would be: Is there a point of no return?

You're younger I'm sure, but is it impossible to get women if you're like Rip Van Winkle in your mid 30s? Now, before you would go "that's just your poor life choices/apathy" which is partly true, consider I am autistic with learning problems, have major attention problems, cannot learn much of anything practical, don't know how to do much, and a lot of this cannot change... It's the hand I was dealt in life.

The only goal now in terms of seduction or whatever, I don't want to be a virgin still at 40.

The best and only way for me to frame this now is, "maybe some chicks have odd taste in men, and will go for a starving artist/loser type" and so on.

I've never liked the other options many folks tend to offer in response to this; the less said, the better.

All I have to do is try. I'm sure of it. No amount of trying will get me a normal life with a social circle, that is just not possible for me.

I have to be abnormal and behind in every way in life, and there's no arguing with that, it's a fact.

That there ARE attractive/interesting women who will go for men like this... that's another fact. I just have to try.

Lambdal7 · 2018-08-04T09:08:59+00:00

That I have to be super outgoing, extroverted, 200lbs ripped to the bone, with confidence of Donald Trump and social status of Robert Downey Jr. to get girls. Which is of course bullshit. Sure, that guy could pull a lot more girls than someone who doesnt have those things. But even Robert or Donald started somewhere.

It's been said ad nauseum in this sub, that you have to be superman, you don't need celebrity status, model looks and trump confidence.

You just need to approach a lot and be willing to learn what works and what doesn't.

Approach 500 women through Tinder, day game, night game, social circle and I guarantee you, you have 10 hot girls to choose from.

But most guys don't want to make the effort, they want to do nothing and expect a model to knock on their door asking if he wants to have sex.

Put in the work and you'll get results, you don't need model looks or celebrity status.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-08-04T04:12:24+00:00

1

Reading seduction leads to Depression

Reading/studying seduction can lead to self-limiting believes and depressive thoughts. But it will mostly happen to 1 particular group of people.

What the reading of seduction does for these people, is hold a mirror up to them and challenge them with what they could be doing. And the truth is, there are already self-limiting beliefs and depressive thoughts in place that are just revealing themselves at the thought of trying to try something new.

Because let's be real here: it's not as if such a person was flying high before they read up on seduction.

2

Lets be honest. This sub is full of people who are lost. They are mostly "ex-nerds" who like scientific approach to things. Especially big things. They (me included) think and study too much with just a little practicing (Or none) in real life. They dont know themselves much, havent lived much and therefore they are very vulnerable.

So you're almost hitting on the issue here. The thing about this demographic is that they take refuge in the idea of being analytical, but it's not true. All the thinking, overthinking, playing out scenarios in their heads without doing, it's based on fear, as much as they'd like to tell themselves that they're being logical.

That makes them vulnerable, yes. Because they're looking for ways to do without doing, and so they'll open themselves up to all manner of parlor tricks, short cuts, and manipulative tactics that are presented as easy ways to "make women" want them. If those methods involve easy formulas or steps to follow, they're even more enticing.

It's ironic because actually doing the real work, taking actions, is not really the hard part, so much as conquering themselves is.

3

They are like newborn babies. They will believe whatever adults (people in this sub with experience in dating) will tell them as a hard fact. Of course, there are universal attractive qualities like confidence, but thats it. Everything else is very individual and lots of people fall into the trap of black and white thinking which can be very dangerous.

Desperation can make people pliable and those who are desperate are ready to change, and thirsty for someone to follow.

4

For example, "nice guy syndrome." When I read about it, I could see that I exhibit some traits of NG. I immediately diagnosed myself as one. Fact that people describe me as nice didnt help. But in the end, I realised I dont have NG syndrome, simply because I have no problems saying no, I wouldnt ever befriend a girl with hopes of being something more. I like direct approach to things (And people :D) Sure, I am nice to people if they have done nothing wrong to me, but you give me bullshit and you will get bullshit plus interests from me, guaranteed. But it took me some time before I realised this. I was so caught up in that mindset that I didnt see who I really am.

Couple things here:

You're describing the normal trial and error process that's just part of growing up. People try on an idea and it fits or it doesn't. There's nothing wrong with this. There's no great threat here. It's like the Darwin Awards. Some people join cults, and others reject cult recruitment when they encounter them.
That said, you didn't really disprove NG Syndrome, so to speak. The issue is whether or not you are aware of your boundaries and actually enforce them. Having no problem saying no, is not an issue. Wanting to say no and feeling like you can't, that's an issue.

5

I also think that low self esteem or low social status shouldnt keep you from approaching girls. You know what feeling do I have from reading seduction?

That I have to be super outgoing, extroverted, 200lbs ripped to the bone....

This is a case where I'm really going to have to say Read the Fucking Manual. This shit is in the sidebar and you know what isn't there? The idea that you need status or muscles to "seduce" anyone.

This is a case of people needing to learn for themselves that there's a difference between newbs posting bullshit comments or diatribe threads on a sub-reddit, and sidebar information posted by veterans or AMAs.

Even this post of yours is not unique. About 3 times a month, it seems like someone posts something saying that "Seddit says XYZ," when it doesn't. No one ever links to evidence that this is a sanctioned thing they think Seddit stands for. But tracking back as best as I've been able, it's the result of newbs who don't know any better, following the "advice" of other newbs or similarly lost dudes. Or worse, being led astray by guys looking to market exploitative products or services to them.

6

Sure, that guy could pull a lot more girls than someone who doesnt have those things.

Not necessarily. No one is immune from needing to have inner game in order. Some of the biggest clients for the PUA coaches, are guys who otherwise have everything else in their life in order. Fitness, money, status, the whole nine yards.

7

Some people are naturally outgoing and extroverted, those things are easier for them. For introverted people this task is much harder , but when you put in the work and see how much you have improved and that you went from depressive anxious person to someone who is flawlessly seducing chicks on left and right... that confidence boost will be enormous. Much bigger than with people who were born to be social, you know what I mean? :)

I'd suggest to you, to consider the following: Introversion is not what we thought it was. We know that thought patterns influence brain chemistry and lead to emotions, and feedback loops. Maybe introverts are often suffering because of their own assumptions and mindsets about what they think socializing is supposed to be. They put pressure on themselves that is unnecessary and when I listen to them talk about what their expectations are regarding socializing, it makes ME want to live in a fucking cave.

It doesn't need to be that way. The anxiety and depression can be hacked if you get at the bullshit thoughts that feed these conditions.

8

I am still on the beggining of my journey. But the fact that I realised these things is first step forward. I am still lost, but I can see things are going to be definitely better. I just have to get over my laziness as often as possible and really push myself to be sociable. If I can do that, I am sure I will love who I am and you will too ;)

An important step is making sure you find ways to socialize and cross-pollinate socially, other than meeting and dating girls. Because if dating is your primary source of dynamic socializing, then you're going to have a bad time. You're going to end up putting too much on the new girls you meet and wondering why they bolt.

SebbM12 · 2018-08-04T05:49:19+00:00

That's not what being a nice guy is, we call nice guys to people that thinks they will be liked/get girls if they do favors and give gifts, they are also weak and avoid conflict at all cost because again, they just want to fit in, be liked and think this is the way to achieve it. what you describe is not that at all is just kindness and everyone does that. the other things you say are kinda obvious, I think that one of the main advices we give to people here is to take everything with a grain of salt and just experiment to see what works best for each, the thing is just do it. So yeah, not seeing the point of your post my dude, as someone who suffers from the depression and it's not a natural at all having the knowledge of seduction has helped me to see what my mistakes have been and how to do thing right in the future, of course just having the knowledge is not enough but I'd say that gives you a huge advantage above everyone else, the only thing that there's to do now is take action .

tacklewithguile · 2018-08-05T14:53:21+00:00

Agree with the whole "ex-nerds with a scientific approach part." Hit home with me because I notice so, so, SO many people here almost talk as if people aren't humans. It's all manipulation and they forget they should treat people better. For them, there's a systematic way to do everything and they're so quick to shut down someone here when they have a natural emotion of some sort. Sure this shit works well, but let's not forget we're all human eh?

Title	Reading seduction leads to Depression
Author	depressedjoecz
Upvotes	27
Comments	14
Date	August 3, 2018 7:38 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/94cpnq/reading_seduction_leads_to_depression/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/reading-seduction-leads-to-depression.1307217 https://theredarchive.com/post/1307217

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