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menwithv3n
[–]Godisgoodkj142 35 points36 points37 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
don't take it personally bro....
think about it like this. you don't know ANYTHING about her, and that's what your cold approach was for, to find out.
She could have trauma from a past stalker who she met through a cold approach.
She might've seen her friend get harrassed through cold approach outside a bar.
She might've just gotten out of a longterm relationship and has no emotional space to consider a new guy because she's so hung up on her ex. She could've JUST broken up with the dude that morning.
Etc. etc.
In other words, there's a reason to her response. It's not necessarily your fault, but just the circumstances. Remember that people are in their own lives as well, and sometimes there's just not space for someone new at the moment for whatever reason. Of course, there might've been some weird creepy shit you accidentally did, but based on what you wrote here, seems like you'r a stand up dude who understands boundaries and how to respect a no.
Also, don't be embarassed or care about what the people around saw/thought. YOU are the one who had the guts to go talk to the cute girl, NOT them.
Trust.. do another cold approach soon and more likely than not you'll be able to have some type of decent interaction. It really depends on the girl.. there are ones that are super down to talk (and these are the cool ones) and then theres the ones that just act bitchy for their own reasons (examples above).
[–]menwithv3n[S] 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you man, I really needed this, feeling much more positive now :)
[–]Godisgoodkj142 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
post about your next attempt and message me so i can check it out
[–]Finallyonreddit23 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well said
[–]hunterpua 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
This only happened because you startled her. My friend had a similar experience when he approached someone the wrong way.
If you approach someone the right way, in a way that maintains their comfort then you'll get much better reactions from them.
[–]intelectualycurious 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
try smiling next time
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Congratulations for going for it..
What is your appearance like. I mean manner of dress, hair cut, body shape?
[–]menwithv3n[S] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Thanks bro, I would say I'm decent looking, about 6ft I dress well and I've always had girlfriends throughout college, university etc
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You’re better off trying indirect game. That’s finding another reason to talk to her.
[–]menwithv3n[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Can you give me an example, perhaps something you have used in the past? Would really help
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My standard indirect approach is at a bar. I sort of move the bar stool to the right position and whack the stool some girl is sitting on by “accident” then I apologise but then I’m in.
It’s an excuse to open a conversation without admitting interest
[–]skullirang 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Lol that’s actually hilarious. That happened to me a few times before when I accidentally approached an older woman. They tend to be more paranoid.
But yeah keep approaching after a bad approach because it really tempers your confidence and everything else after that doesn’t really hurt.
If approaches remain stinky, try to keep note of what you are wearing, your posture/positioning and the area. Those are usually the reasons people react that strongly to an approach.
[–]menwithv3n[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I like what you said about everything else after doesn't hurt, will definitely dust myself off and try again tomorrow.
[–]skullirang -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup try it. That’s why I’m low key glad when I get early bad approaches.
There is state of flow you go into once you’ve warmed up enough and your conversations flow naturally with ZERO AA. For me, the earlier I get a bad approach the sooner I get to that state of flow since I’m force to shut my brain off.
[–]ilikepie145 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Gotta keep trying. Also don’t do it where a bunch of people would be watching you. Girls wouldn’t like being approached like that either
[–]Finallyonreddit23 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Na man ur supposed to not care what other people think that’s how I’m trying to go along with it
[–]ultimate_self 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Laugh it off, its a funny situation and story and its something you can tell over again. Just reframe it. "This one time I started talking to a girl, she jumped up and ran off! Can you believe that?! Glad I dodged that bullet and came to talk to you instead!"
I told a Freind about what happened he thought it was hilarious haha, good tip on the reframe I will definitely use that
[–]ultimate_self 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah man, think about it in the bigger scheme of things. When you stand close to a mountain it looks massive and insurmountable, but when you take a step back, you see it for what it is and its less intimidating.
Just because you were the one who got rejected, shouldn't make it less funny. That's an extreme behavior on the girl's part. And if you think about it, who really acted weird? Is it weird to be friendly or is it weird when you run away from someone being friendly?
Everyone in this group got rejected at one point or another.
Once I approached a girl at a bar (it was summer at a beach bar during the day), I came in super suave and thought for sure I was about to charm her right out of her sun dress. She gave me one disgusted look, picked up her drink and turned her back on me.
It was awkward as FUCK. And I was mortified until I turned around and saw all my friends sitting there dying laughing at me, I couldn't help myself and cracked up too. Thats the way it goes.
If girls had any experience approaching guys and seeing how hard it is and how much balls it takes, I believe they would act differently. But thats not how society evolved. Its our job to do the approaching.
Hang in there bud. Keep doing it, you will have a good experience soon enough, and you will be hooked. If you keep working on it you'll get to a point where unbelievable things happen, that you never could have made up.
I met a girl at another bar once, I was just on point that night and everything was just going exactly the way I wanted it, to the point that the girl literally thought I must be someone famous or rich or royalty. She kept asking me who I am. Girls can't believe that just a regular guy can be that confident and secure with himself. Its some subconscious sublimal thing that just sends them into overdrive. I felt like a God.
But even after that, I still crash and burn! But those times that you are that on, man, there is nothing like it!
So keep going! You'll get there, and it will hurt less and less to get rejected!
[–]Sovar33 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Was she asian?
Definitely not, she was Caucasian and from her accent sounded European maybe russian?
[–]rfd007694 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
2 years ago I was living in Europe and meet some russian girls, man I dont know if its only me or what but russian girls were a little more rude and colder in the beggining than other europeans girls I met but then once they know you better they are like every other woman. I remember I really think one of them hated me but it was bs, it was just matter of time we spent really good moments
Asians always seem scared of me😂 I needa try some of my race LATINAS
[–]7Saturn7Saturn7 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I haven't seen anyone here say that cold approach works every time, but do you think that every woman will flip her lid if you say "excuse me"? You can resolve that question for yourself in ten minutes lol
Don’t sweat it even if u didn’t approach right u said excuse me that didn’t mean anything that wasn’t on you. Maybe she was paranoid from past experiences go for it another time my friend good luck
[–]mojojojo2069 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lmao that's so funny man. Keep at it, you'll be laughing about this memory in no time. Courage is doing something when you are afraid, but still take the leap!!
[–]BouncyBlue12 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In today's world, women are extra cautious of strangers (especially strange men) approaching them. People aren't used to meeting naturally anymore..... Which is kind of sad. Please dont take that personally. She was probably just startled.
[–]DJGammaRabbit 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You tried to do something and she was all over it. Bad experience on her part, not yours. Honestly tell yourself exactly what happened: went to approach and she turned “weird” or something.
[–]pumadine 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I got arrested in the mall and was brought to a police station. but I was already approaching for a few years prior. I was so in the zone, or high state, that I did not even care.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hell Yeah! This is actually great, shit can get weird when you put yourself out there. Keep doing it and it will work, you will get talking to women. but yeah some women will definitely run away saying “no sorry no” and it’s sucks every time, but women are rad and sex is really good so it’s worth it.
You only said excuse me?
[–]kyzen142 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lolll that's funny... she was most likely startled.
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[–]kneecolelm 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
I’m a woman and I like when men cold approach me, just not creepily like. I like when men are direct and honest with their intentions. I don’t like the whole ‘game’ of “does he like me, does he not like me, am I reading too into this?” I gotta repeat that it must not be creepy though. Just talk to us like normal people lol.
[–]ripecantaloupe 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
If a strange man stops you on the street or approaches you in a store, tells you you’re pretty, and wants your number, you like that??
[–]kneecolelm 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
No, I think you misunderstood the whole statement I just made. It shouldn’t be creepy. That, is creepy. Some women think an any interaction with a man they don’t know is creepy, women have been taught to think that way, which makes it damn near impossible for any man to approach a woman without coming off as a creep. I understand that, but if a man is genuinely interested in a woman and has good intentions at heart he shouldn’t be damned for that. If I was at a restaurant or a coffee shop and a guy got my attention and said hey, and started a genuine conversation with me, he shouldn’t be yelled at for being a creep.
[–]ripecantaloupe 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Women can’t know their intentions, that’s why it makes a lot of women uncomfortable. Genuine conversations in a space meant for hanging out is fine, like a coffee shop or a bar or a party. Is that still technically cold approach? Most the cold approach things I’ve read are dudes asking if it’s ok to just stop a girl on the sidewalk and imo, that’s never cool beans.
[–]kneecolelm1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Men can make their intentions known after they get to know you a bit. For the most part, if a guys comes up to you at a coffee shop or bar their intentions have been made pretty clear. They like you for whatever reason. Whether that just turns out to be a hook up or something else depends on both people involved. Yes, that’s still technically a cold approach, what you’re saying sounds more like catcalling or dudes just being creeps.
[–]recyclablebanthas1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
1
Women can’t know their intentions, that’s why it makes a lot of women uncomfortable.
I would suggest that their intentions are usually pretty clear. Guys trying to approach women are clearly after something like sex or relationship.
The issue is not that you can't know their intentions perhaps, but rather that you can't tell whether this person in front of you will necessarily be respectful of you or take what you want into consideration as they pursue what they want?
2
Genuine conversations in a space meant for hanging out is fine, like a coffee shop or a bar or a party. Is that still technically cold approach?
Yes, it is.
Technically, cold approach simply means that you are starting a conversation with a stranger, no matter where it is.
It's not only stopping girls on the street.
3
And as far as where an approach happens, it could very well be possible for it to happen on the street and still flow in a natural way.
It's a situational thing, not about the specific space.
Like, if something occurred while two people are walking on the street, and one person comments on it, that could easily start a conversation between the two people which is perfectly natural.
And the key throughout an approach is supposed to be that the guy should be paying attention to the feedback he's getting from the person he's interacting with.
So if someone was actually following good advice and they approached you and you were uncomfortable, then they should be bidding you good day and peacing out.
4
Most the cold approach things I’ve read are dudes asking if it’s ok to just stop a girl on the sidewalk and imo, that’s never cool beans.
One thing to bear in mind is that most of the audience here consists of noobs who came here to try and figure all this shit out. Many here are lacking in basic social skills, including a fair number of the people giving advice.
There are also a few old school seduction dudes floating around pushing outdated and tone deaf techniques, especially since some of them make money selling coaching services.
And unfortunately, by and large, the more positive guys who really figure this stuff out tend to move on from this subreddit and aren't around to pass it on to the next batch of newbs coming in.
5
Your experiences with cold approaches, being stopped on the street, etc., are completely valid. There are a lot of guys out there who don't know what the hell they're doing.
But that doesn't mean that it's not possible for a person to have a natural and comfortable conversation with someone they just met who happens to have also stopped them on the sidewalk.
Though I'll be clear, this specific scenario is a difficult and advanced thing to pull off, requiring a high level of observation and improvisation.
It's not really something that should be suggested to noobs who are still brushing up on basic social skills, which is the case for much of the audience here.
[–]ripecantaloupe1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Not reading that, just letting you know
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[–]kettlebell_workout 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Congratulations, you just popped your cherry :)
[–]menwithv3n[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Haha thanks man, the first and last possibly
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
so i went over and said excuse me very politely
Saying "excuse me" is an admission right off the bat that you're being a bother.....
Just skip to the chase.
[–]menwithv3n[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What do you recommend?
Just start a conversation. As they say in sales, "Assume the sale." Assume she wants to talk to you because you're interesting and start talking to her.
Don't apologize, don't make excuses, don't frame the interaction as if you're being a pest because she'll take you for a pest.
Frame the interaction as if she's lucky you're paying attention to her because you're a cool guy. If you're not yet cool, pretend so you can learn to be cool and get some things going that make you cool.
You don't say where you were, was it in a park, a bar, or was she sitting with her family at a restaurant?
There's a big difference to approaching a woman who is at a bar than say at traffic court or working on her laptop in Starbucks.
Adjust to the situation, sometimes there's almost no way to approach in which you're not being a pest, so try to avoid those situations, but there's plenty of times when someone is open to a conversation, but nobody, not guys, not girls, nobody wants to be bored.
Wow I didn't really look at it like that, that's very insightful! She was actually just In the street smoking, there were a few guys across from us who looked like workers from the store apart from that it wasn't too busy. Do you think it's better if I stop the girl rather than approach if the girl is stationary
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Stopping someone is a bit harder, it can work, but you have to be fully confident and on point. Talking to someone who is standing around (esp smoking) is much easier.
If you smoke, it's easy, just ask for a light and start talking.
If you don't smoke, it's a bit harder because smokers are used to other smokers smoking with them (I actually smoked for a while socially just because it was easier to smoke with girls than not).
In either case, if she's there smoking, it's not like your wasting her time in any way (she's already just standing around) so opening is pretty easy, just start a friendly conversation.
If she's not interested, got a husband/boyfriend, etc., she'll let you know somehow, but you'll never know anything if you don't start talking to her.
[–]Confident- 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Your approach was good bro. When you direct approach you cut through all the bs. A girl will either reject you, act neutral, or be completely open to your approach.
You got rejected which is OK. Just keep on approaching and have that abundance mindset.
Thanks buddy I will keep on trying
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