Seddit, Blown off for second date. Then she returns.

chameche · 2010-07-09T14:17:31+00:00

Dude, you guys are all way overreacting. Is this the first time that she flaked on you? If it is then I say she can get a "free pass" as far as getting another chance. Don't call her out on it, it just looks desperate. Just ignore it. Don't answer the question of whether or not you are mad. Just ask her out again and make the request for a specific day. By suggesting a specific day you imply that your time is important, and by not answering whether or not you are mad she will assume you kind of are, but you don't have to look like a butt-hurt baby to get that point across. Especially if you like the chick give it a shot. Don't reply immediately, give it at least a half a day, that's a long time for me to go without answering an email, if that is quick for you then wait longer. Remember, it is entirely possible that she really did have friends come in from out of town. It's still rude to cancel, so she will need to make up for that, but you know, shit happens.

justthrowmeout · 2010-07-09T14:57:31+00:00

Upvote for chameche. All this "you must punish her" stuff is no fun for girls. They won't want to hang out with you or anything.

They want a fun guy who make them feel good, right?

Anyway, this flake thing is a basic thing.

First, let's look at it externally:

If you are fun to be around, living a fun and interesting lifestyle, she'll be less likely to flake.

You don't know this girl, she may have actually had friends in town for the holiday weekend who she really, really missed; it's nothing personal. Girls are dynamic, sometimes they get a "bros before hoes" mentality too.

Now let's look at it internally:

How much emotional investment do you have in her? If your investment is less than hers, you are higher value. If it is more, then you are lower value.

How would a high value man react to her email?

If he was busy having so much fun that he didn't even notice she flaked, he won't be mad, right?

If he gets mad over her flaking the first time they were going to hang out and he tries punishing her, it looks waaaaay beta. He obviously has more invested than she does, so he comes off as way low value.

I once was seeing this HB8 with an HB10 personality who did this shit all the time. The only time I got anywhere with her was when I ignored it and lived my life the way I wanted, not jumping through her hoops or getting pissy like a little girl when she wouldn't jump through mine. When she called the day after she flaked I told her about all the amazing shit my friends and I did/experienced. Once, she even brought another boy to my work to try and make me jealous. AMOGed the shit out of that poor guy. Still, this was when I was new to the game and eventually I just got fed up. I pretty much told her, word for word, what quazzy said below. She never called back. I had made her feel bad, not good. I looked authoritarian, not fun.

When a high value girl sees a dude get pissy and punitive because he isn't getting the return on investment that he wants, if she has less invested than he does, she'll walk. Every time.

So ignore the "are you mad" bait. It's just bait, that all. It isn't the prize. You are the prize, and you had fun that weekend and you're going to tell her all about it, with lots of high value and emotional spikes, but leaving enough info out to tantalize her into wanting more.

CuilRunnings · 2010-07-09T16:20:21+00:00

You sound really, really passive aggressive. Shit comes up, stop taking it personally like a little child. You've waited a while to respond, so she knows to handle it better next time. I would deny everything "oh no sorry not mad just been a little distracted. I've got some from time on xxx, want to try to get together again?" would probably work wonders. Plus, now since she's trying to please you, it will be much easier to get what you want.

Whenever I'm starting something new with a girl, I LOVE when they fuckup or do something like that because it's a perfect way to get them in the frame that they need to win my affection.

monolithdigital · 2010-07-09T15:31:00+00:00

Rule number 1: Never let them see you sweat. A blowoff means she is trying to get rid of you. Being busy and trying to reschedule is something else. Don't respond to the shit test and carry on. Just don't let her dictate the terms.

MeanMotherHubbard · 2010-07-09T18:15:47+00:00

If you are going to have a relationship with this woman, you are going to have to spend a lot of time explaining your expectations to each other. This is not a deal breaker. It's just part of relationships. If you like her you can stick it out a little longer. If there are more red flags, they will come out soon enough.

cyg_net · 2010-07-09T02:57:54+00:00

"I'm busy guy, I respect your time and you should also respect mine. I can only fit you on (whatever day next week)."

Three things might happen:
She will not respond: move on
She will reply but will tell that she's not available and reschedule... If she reschedules, respond... "I don't like flaky people, how do I know you will that you're going to show up"
She will reschedule her life around you (optimal)

madeffx · 2010-07-09T03:14:01+00:00

She choked. Now, get mad at her, because she has no right to make you lose time like this. Make it clear with her that you need a 24h notice so you can re-schedule. Also, tell her that if she ever wanna see you again, that she has to make it up to you and plan out the next date, and that you'll fit her in your schedule when you can. Take a stand. Make it clear she can't fuck around with you. Peace

Title	Seddit, Blown off for second date. Then she returns.
Author	justthrowmeout
Upvotes	4
Comments	32
Date	July 9, 2010 2:46 AM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/cnjki/seddit_blown_off_for_second_date_then_she_returns/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/seddit-blown-off-for-second-date-then-she-returns.1310843 https://theredarchive.com/post/1310843

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