Should you be the guy she shares her problems with?

causeNo · 2020-12-17T17:21:52+00:00

Never. You become an emotional tampon and thrown in the friend zone. Her shit is not your problem.

amphibious_moose · 2020-12-17T18:17:14+00:00

It depends. Do they know that you’re interested in more than friendship? Have you made that clear? Are you hanging around them as a “friend” in the hopes that they will see how great you are and want to get with you?

The only person that can put you in the “friend zone” is you. It’s admirable to be there for a friend. It’s incel level 9000 to act like a friend but have hidden ulterior motives. Just be clear about your intentions and you’re all good.

Woujo · 2020-12-17T19:11:04+00:00

No.

You only do things for women if they have done the same for you. You are not her therapist. Unless she has done something that merited you becoming her therapist, you don't need to do that stuff for her.

2020-12-17T18:05:01+00:00

Its up to you. Some people would see it as a sign of weakness that you decide to listen and hear other peoples problems. In addition you are being "used" so to speak

Others see it as the moral action to take as quoting the classic song " Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain, We all have sorrow....Lean on me, When you're not strong And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on...". So its really up to you. Just dont get taken advantage of is really the thing you should watch out for

spacejam_is_myjam · 2020-12-18T16:51:18+00:00

The only woman you do this for is your wife or girlfriend. Or a woman you have no sexual interest in

2020-12-19T02:09:40+00:00

You can be that guy, but only if you wanna be her boyfriend.

You only enter the friendzone when you've burned all other bridges. If you've been flirty and have expressed romantic interest from the very beginning and you also haven't been a creep, it means that she might want you as a boyfriend.

The fact that she shares stuff with you doesn't automatically mean that you're in the friendzone. This is a pretty bogus PUA misconception. It means that she wants to build a lasting relationship with you.

Whether that relationship will be romantic or platonic is determined by other factors which mostly depend on how you're acting towards her.

In other words, if they friendzone you, then they most likely do it because you're acting neutral. You can easily reverse that. Just start flirting.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2020-12-18T06:51:27+00:00

Concur with previous post. Never. Classic Nice Guy behavior.

You are being deceptive by not being upfront with them about your true desire, which is to date and/or have sex with them.

Read The Book of Pook to snap out of it.

TravonM · 2020-12-17T21:41:11+00:00

If she has problems, your job is to make her forget about those problems. If you talk about it she’s going to associate you with the negative feelings that come up.

Czekraft · 2020-12-18T02:26:36+00:00

Only if you told her beforehand how much time you are going to spend with her.

When people know how important your time is, they are more likely to do what they came to do and not waste yours on bullshit.

The girl I'm sleeping with I do hear her bullshit, and while empathetic I do some active listening, and when I see an opportunity I will poke fun at her tell her she worries too much and get to the fun.

Now that I think of it, she tells me her issues when she's on my lap or when I'm holding her. Perhaps as a joke you can pat your knee so she gets the idea you'll console her like that. And if not you can both laugh it off. No harm no foul.

MistahUndaCova · 2020-12-18T08:31:56+00:00

Don't acknowledge it at all. That's a recipe for being put in the friend zone. Act like you haven't noticed that she's sad. If you're interested in being more than friends with her, you need to push towards that direction.

TosACoinToYourSwitch · 2020-12-24T20:11:33+00:00

I am exactly the same and women do not see me as a friend only because I am very (respectfully) up front about my interest in them. I'm clear enough about it that at some point they're expected to respond. If my interest gets ignored, I have my answer. If it doesn't, again, I have my answer.

I'll put it this way, if you want more than casual sex you WANT to be her friend. The best relationships are with people you are both friends with and sincerely sexually attracted to. If you want to not be only seen as a friend, maybe consider exploring her with personal questions more and not waiting for her to come to you with her feelings.

Also, if all you do is support and empathize with her feelings, thats a kinda one sided interaction. Is she only unloading on you, only having you be supportive? Share back. Relate to her feelings. Continue the conversation. You need back and forth. Share some of your emotional shit with her. Not like while you're super fucked up, but talk about relatable emotions and let her support you back. Give her the validation of having a positive effect on your emotions. While flirting with her. Always lightly flirt. If you are interested in a girl, compliment her genuinely. Tell her shes attractive physically and mentally. Tell her she deserves a kiss for being so supportive and see what she says in response. Never, EVER hide your interest in someone and you will never get friend zoned without it being clear and you being able to accept like ok yeah she just wants to be friends so I can make a friend and go flirt with someone else.

Also, if you can use relating to her emotions to segway the conversation back to positive emotional content, make her feel better and get her laughing, its a big help.

dasanman69 · 2020-12-29T17:49:46+00:00

Do not become her emotional tampon nor her male best friend. She'll never see you as a sexual/romantic option

Abject_Yellow_793 · 2022-06-19T04:49:43+00:00

I’m in this situation rn but I just wanna fuck

Title	Should you be the guy she shares her problems with?
Author	assortedchaos
Upvotes	16
Comments	28
Date	December 17, 2020 5:18 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/kf1n1r/should_you_be_the_guy_she_shares_her_problems_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/should-you-be-the-guy-she-shares-her-problems-with.1507277 https://theredarchive.com/post/1507277

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