Starting from less than zero

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-01-05T16:47:32+00:00

Models by Mark Manson is pretty good, it may give you more insights to deal with your situation.

DaygameCode · 2025-01-05T16:46:34+00:00

As a coach i would recommend you start with building your confidence. Confidence is a process which involves many steps.

Internal dialogue. The way you talk to yourself heavily impacts your self esteem. If you keep thinking things like “i don’t know why i even try” “i always fail”, “i am a loser”, “im an idiot”, “i suck with women”, “someone like me does not deserve to be liked or loved by women”... All of those thigns you say to yourself in your head will make your less confident in a steady manner. Because you are basically being a bad friend to yourself. If you talked like that to your friends when they fail, they would tell you to fuck off because you are making them feel even more shitty about themsleves. But when you do it with yourself you allow it, you keep attacking yourself and that destroys any self esteem you may have left.
Self acceptance. The problem is not having flaws. The problem is not accepting yourself with those flaws. You might be short, ugly, etc But the main problem here is your attitude about it. Girls are testing your character and strength. For girls the main problem is not that you are short or ugly or whatever flaw you may have, the problem is hating yoruself for having that flaw. That’s what the girls notice that you are not comofrtoable in your own skin, you aren’t happy with who you are. And that’s what turns them off more than anything. And yes girls will test you, they will call out your flaws. If you are fat they will say “you are fat”. That’s because they need to see your characte, your reaction to see if you truly feel good with yourself or are insecure. The way you react changes everything, if you act with self pity, embarrasment or anger you fail with women. If you choose not to take the “attack seriously” and can see that they are just testing you, then you just joke and say something like “Honey, this body screams sex appeal”. You just simply show her words don’t affect you, because you choose not to take yourself seriously. You simply are happy being fat and you know they aren’t really insulting you, but testing you. I don’t take seriously any tests of my character because it’s all a game for me. And when girls see that they quit the tests and stop being comfortable around you.
Accepting rejection and not basing your worh on it. The problem is you assume rejection = I’m worthless/inadaquate/loser... This makes you highly insecure since you based your worth on someone else’s judgment of yourself, a judgment that carries more weight than the judgment you have on yourself. You don’t know your worth or you don’t even appreciate your worth, so you base your worth based on what other people decides has value. As if their word was law, as if their criteria was the correct way to measure value, and your own criteria was the incorrect one. Why do you assume a person you know nothing about has a better criteria than you? What makes her qualified to have a better criteria? Nothing, and yet you let her opinion or judgement affect you emotionally. I choose my own criteria and i decide that everything about me is worth a lot, and if others don’t see that, i simply assume their criteria is bad. You may think this is a delusion, but you are also deluding yourself if you think their criteria is better than yours when you know nothign about them. So if you are gonna delude yourself, at least delude yourself in a way that benefits you.
Rejection doesnt mean you are undesirable, it just means you don’t connect with someone. A girl rejecting you means you are not compatible, and that you don’t connect with her emotionally or sexually. That isn’t a reflectio of your worth, or desaribility score. It’s absrud to imply that because not everyone you like has to like you back then that means you are not likeable. The problem however is that because you hate rejection then as soon as you get a 5 of them, then that’s it. That is enough for you to determine that no one in the entire country likes you. But what happens if you learn to deal with rejection? What if you learn to not take it personal so that it no longer affects you? What if getting rejected did not carry any emotional weight on you as if you offered them a chewing gum and rejected it because they don’t like it? You would not fear rejection and you would be ok taking more chances.
Silencing your ego. This wierd need to fit in with others, to seek their respect and approval. The need to prove yourself, your worth, your manliness, to other people. The need to project an image of success to other people. The need to make sure that you avoid rejection because then other people would think you are a loser for getting rejected, so you would rather avoid rejection than having your image that you want others to believe destroyed. Your ego wants to be equal ot others, or superior, but never inferior. Your ego cannot accept the idea that you are not as perfect as others, or as smart, or as desirable... Your ego cannot let others to think of you as inferior to them. But you are not your ego, and your needs should not be the needs of your ego. The ego is fake, it’s just an abstract image you have of yoruself or which you want others to believe. It’s a facade, a front, and that facade has no benefits because it’s fake and fragile.
Resilience: Every failure, every rejection is nothing but an ecperienec to learn and do better the next time. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from challenges and adversity, and growing and learning from those rejections, failures. You need to embrace challenges with girls as opportunities for growth and learning. Rather than fairing rejection because you don’t want proof that you are not worth anything, seek rejection as an opportunity to learn from the experience and improve your skills for future trials. The same way you would play a videogame. When you play a game, you fail because you are a noob at teh game, but with practice and training you become better at it and lose less times and win more often. Same goes with girls. You only become better the more you practice. Books can teach you skills which helps you to improve hence why i recommended them. And when you improve your skills with girls your results also improve, which has a positive effect on your confidence.

To conclude:

To get over the discomfort of approaching women, you have to force yourself to deal with the things that makes you uncomfortable until you learn to manage it, so it stops being so uncomfortable.

Life is not easy, so you are forced to do things that are difficult and uncomfortable in order to get the things that you want. If this resonates with you, you can book a free coaching call with me here, and I will personally coach you on how to talk to women to get dates.

tchombers · 2025-01-05T16:55:49+00:00

Nobody even mentioned this, but the first thing u should do to get above zero is working on yourself...

That includes a revamp on the wardrobe to a modern clothing style (most guys at 40 years or more do very bad on this. So getting a consultancy from elegant fashion male influencers may be a good idea.), hitting the gym, following a diet, working on the confidence, etc...

Usually seeing the improvements also help with confidence

A long relationship usually give us really bad habits

Time_Confection8711 · 2025-01-05T16:10:04+00:00

We all started from less than zero, just start that's what matter most.

Todd v old stuff, best technical pua on planet earth, by a long shot.

agentStag · 2025-01-05T17:06:00+00:00

Social Animal on YouTube

iamMoz-art · 2025-01-06T13:10:08+00:00

I came out of a 17-year relationship that started when I was 16, so I never dated until 2019. Here’s what I’ve learned from experience (and all of the mistakes):

General Mindset & Approach

Most people in the dating pool are emotionally scarred.
- They’ve experienced failed relationships and are paranoid. Normal behavior like texting often or being romantic can seem like red flags.
- A simple trick: Learn to make a napkin flower at the bar while she talks. It’s subtle but shows creativity without being too forward.
Most women will flake. Don’t take it personally.
Keep dating multiple people. Always have new matches and potential dates even if you’re seeing someone consistently. Momentum is key.
Decide if you like her by date 2. If not, move on. Send her a text saying she’s awesome, she did nothing wrong (if she didn’t) but that you don’t see a long term compatibility. Thank her for her time, delete her contact info (it will hurt your feelings alittle to dismiss them, out of sight out of mind)
Avoid long distance. Stick to within 15 miles.

—

Online Dating Strategy

In online dating, most conversations won’t lead to dates.
A lot of matches won’t respond. It’s part of the process.
Ask for their number after about 7 exchanges.
- Example flow:
  - Open -> Follow up -> Light date idea (“I bet you’re bad at bowling”) -> Ask about their schedule ->
  - Suggest taking the convo to text (“How about we figure out the rest over text? My number is 212... what’s yours?”).
- This filters out time-wasters. If they refuse to give their number, they’re not serious.
The best indicator of interest is if they continue the conversation the next day.
Use voice memos (Hinge, iMessage, IG, Snapchat).
- They convey personality and build attraction. Keep them 9-12 seconds long. Smile, slow down your speech, and add slight chuckles or pauses. Don’t raise your pitch when asking questions.
Get good profile pictures.
- Buy new clothes, take pics in different locations, and return the clothes if needed.
Clean up your IG.
- Post a few high-quality pics/videos, unfollow most people, and maintain at least a 3:1 following ratio.

—

First Date Best Practices

Activity dates are best – bowling, pool, mini golf, etc. Something fun and light.
Food dates lead to fewer second dates – too much sitting and talking.
Evening dates work best. 7 PM in winter, 8 PM in summer. No brunch or lunch until at least date 5.
Always pay for the first two dates.
- If she insists on splitting, she might not be interested. If she offers to pay, she’s very interested.
Always greet with a hug. By ¼ of the date, touch her hand (compliment her nails). Later, touch her arm or shoulder. By the final third, touch her lower back or waist.
Go for the kiss on the first date.
- Aim for mid or late date. If she refuses, she’s not interested. No woman cancels a second date because you kissed her – but they will if you don’t.
Talk less on dates. Let her share. 75% of the convo should be about them. Mystery is more attractive than oversharing.

—

Post-Date & Follow-Ups

Text an hour after the date. Let her know you had a great time and want to see her again. Don’t wait days – that’s how you get ghosted.
Even great second dates don’t always lead to third dates. Don’t overthink it.
Really evaluate after two dates. If you’re unsure or uninterested, don’t drag it out.

—

Additional Considerations

Screen for pets. Allergic to cats? Hate dogs? Figure this out early.
Vegan partners can complicate things if you’re not vegan. Choose wisely.
Stick to nighttime dates. They have better energy and allow for smoother transitions to more intimate environments.

Hope that helps!

Chiiiicckkeeennn · 2025-01-05T15:55:47+00:00

Themanmindset on yt

drkWater · 2025-01-05T16:02:25+00:00

Cool novel by Bret Easton Ellis

Smart_Inspector3705 · 2025-01-05T19:18:23+00:00

damn man 20 years of relationship. Curious what happened and why no marriage? (although it sounds like a bad idea now)

Realistic-Fee-3440 · 2025-01-06T11:57:13+00:00

Listen to the Black Philip show on YouTube.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-01-07T03:44:37+00:00

I have a lot of resources directly on my profile. It should be able to bootstrap your knowledge quite quickly when you combine it with action.

Title	Starting from less than zero
Author	darkdonathos
Upvotes	59
Comments	33
Date	January 5, 2025 3:43 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1hu9qvk/starting_from_less_than_zero/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/starting-from-less-than-zero.1540434 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540434

Comments

General Mindset & Approach

Online Dating Strategy

First Date Best Practices

Post-Date & Follow-Ups

Additional Considerations