Someone, in fact, a few people, have pointed out that sometimes my advice can be out of reach for some guys, especially complete beginners. It's a good criticism.

For that, I wanted to go over what I think is the biggest problem that holds back beginner's from taking that step from nothing to something.

It's the same thing that holds everyone back - fear.

Some fear is always good. It keeps us civilized. It keeps us from doing things that can hurt others, emotionally and physically. We should be a little bit careful, especially when it comes to sexuality. I don't want anyone here, especially those that I give advice to, to do something that would hurt someone else, even if it's unintentional.

That fear that you shouldn't kiss that girl might save you from getting slapped or even arrested. There's a reason we are hesitant about taking action.

One should not, especially when starting out, go balls to the wall and chase after every girl they see. It can be, at the minimum, tiring and deplete our ego if we run into a horde of rejection. At the worst, it can get us in serious trouble.

However, one must at some point take a risk. If you don't approach, you get nothing. If you don't try, the chances of anything happening are slim.

Also, if you're more on the introverted side, take action, any action, can be frightening, down to the existential level.

I have two solutions.

One, start slow and safe.

Here are a few things that are safe.

Approaching a girl who is alone or with a group of girls. If she's alone during the day or at a party (for a brief second, as we know that girls very rarely go out alone), then there is nothing wrong with walking up and introducing yourself.

Asking a girl out. Save for very conservative countries, like some in the Middle East, or certain parts of England where you could be arrested for harassment, even if you weren't harassing her, it's generally okay to approach women. The bigger the city, the more safe, since your uncommon behavior, approaching a girl randomly that you don't know, will be lost in a sea of people.

When it comes to the physical side of things, it's generally a safe extension of your physical self to try and hold a girl's hand or to lightly touch a girl's arm or elbow as you talk. If it goes bad, she might recoil and give you a strange look, but you're not trying to grab her ass or face. Stay away from intimate areas if you're really new to all of this, if for no other reason than to be legally beyond reproach.

As for starting slow, the most basic of the seductive process is to start conversation. I'm direct and almost always start a conversation by complimenting a girl, but there's nothing wrong with starting with, "Hey, how are you?" or even just "Hey." In fact, before I give a girl a compliment, I'll begin with a greeting like this, and often, her interest is already there the moment I approach (if she's interested in me; I'm not claiming to have a 100% hit rate). More often than not, a girl will be interested, if she were to be interested at all, the moment you approach her. Countless women have told me they decide if they were to sleep with a man within a matter of seconds. At that point, it's your fundamentals that attract her (fashion, hairstyle, facial expression, body language, etc). However, to even get your foot in the door, you have to approach, since women rarely approach.

If you want to be even safer with this, wait for women to be in safe positions to open them. A girl who sits near you on the train, a girl in line at the coffee shop, a girl who's walking next to you on the street.

Simply turn to her and say, "Hey," or ask her how her day's going. Focus your energy on delivering that greeting with as much charm and sexiness as you can muster. At the worst, she thinks you're a bit too social and ignores you. At the best, she was waiting for you to talk to her and is extremely happy you did.

Learn how to socialize before you learn how to seduce. The only difference between the two is that one is charm-based and makes someone enjoy being around you, while the other is about taking that interest, exposing its sexual component, and then amplifying it and leading it to a place where you two can express it physically.

As for the other solution, go into your fear in the meditative sense. Be specific and concrete about it.

"I'm afraid of talking to women."

"I'm afraid of being rejected."

Yes, I know, I've been there. Still am there at times. But be specific.

You're afraid of getting rejected. I highly doubt that you've never once talked to a human being who has a vagina. Right? You've HAD to interact with others at some point in your life, unless you were raised by wolves. Okay. Were there girls that you talked to who didn't jump on you, rip your clothes off, and then shove your dick inside of them?

That was rejection.

It was passive rejection, but it was still rejection.

Yes, you've already been rejected.

Okay, now, the killer question.

"Did it kill you?"

Nope. You're still here. Hi, how ya doin'?

If it didn't kill you, then will it kill you if it happens again? Probably not.

Thus, the fear is exposed for what it is - a hoax played on you by your mind.

You're not avoiding death, you're avoiding pain.

Well, the tough truth is that the pain is already there. You're in pain because you're not living the life you want. Ah, I got you there, didn't I?

You're already in pain.

And if you're already in pain, why not use it to get somewhere a bit less painful?

That's how you examine fear. If you keep repeating over and over, "I'm afraid of X," without understanding what that means, VERY specifically, then you're not really examining it are you? This is what we call ruminative thinking. You repeat the story in your head and it never changes, but that story is in the past. No matter how extreme your past failures, it's only a story. You're alive. You could go out RIGHT now and meet a girl, right? There's nothing LITERALLY and ACTUALLY stopping you, yes? No guy who stands at your door 24/7 and says, "You can't go meet women, good sir," right? I hope not...

I'm not saying that you can't think your way out of this. You can't. You can't solve everything in your bedroom, especially seduction. It's a "do" sort of thing.

Which is the paradox - you're afraid, but the only way to get through the fear is to run through it, despite your fear.

So, take it slow. This minimizes the fear's grip on you. I'm not saying you need to go out and be Casanova by tomorrow. Start with small tasks, that way the excuses that your fear can throw at you are minimized. Eat the whale one delicious chunk at a time.

And, then, the moment the fear DOES try to feed you an excuse, sit with it. Have a conversation with it. Ask how big this fear's agenda is. Then, ask yourself if that fear is realistic or not.

Very often, you'll find the fear was lying about most of what it said.

Sometimes fear tells the truth, yes, but often, it's a liar.

"'I only steal because my dear old family needs the money to live!"'

Locke Lamora made this proclamation with his wine glass held high; he and the other Gentleman Bastards were seated at the old witchwood table. . . . The others began to jeer.

'Liar!' they chorused

'I only steal because this wicked world won't let me work an honest trade!'

Calo cried, hoisting his own glass. 'LIAR!'

'I only steal,' said Jean, 'because I've temporarily fallen in with bad company.'

'LIAR!'

At last the ritual came to Bug; the boy raised his glass a bit shakily and yelled, "I only steal because it's heaps of fucking fun!"

'BASTARD!'"

Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

This is a scene from one of my favorite fantasy series. These Gentleman Bastards are professional thieves and this is their chant. They run through a series of excuses that a thief would give for why he does what he does, and at every excuse, they call it for what it is, a lie, until they get to the real, bastard reason.

They like stealing, because it's fun for them.

Fear is the same.

Fear likes to steal your life from you, because fear enjoys it. That's how fear gets its rocks off - it steals life from you.

Stop letting it steal from you. Stop jerking fear off.

Instead, go out, meet women, start slow, and then, eventually, live the life you want to live.

Once you take action, fear can do nothing but masturbate alone in a dark cellar as it thinks of its next plan of attack.

Hector Castillo