Most people here know about Mark Manson's book Models. It's a pretty good book. If you don't : The gist of it basically is that you become attractive through being vulnerable and confident about you are. By being that, you demonstrate that you prioritize your own self-perception over how a woman (or society) perceives you over something you are,say or do. That is True Confidence because it shows that you express your thoughts, feelings and identity without shame and don't depend on a woman's or society's validation. Sounds pretty good, right ? Unforunately I think things are more complicated than that.

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  • Take Bob. A 33 year old who is a virgin or has little experience. He meets an attractive woman. They're about to have sex. He's nervous. What does he do ? He has two options. Be honest or go with the flow. He decides to be honest. By being honest, he shows that he prioritizes his own self-perception over how the woman perceives him. That means he is truly confident. Right ? Well.. that man is in for a rude awakening. Why ? Because it doesn't matter how he sees himself. He's a virgin at 33. This conveys the message that he's a weirdo who for some odd reason did not manage to get intimate with women. In my opinion, Bob will be better off faking it till you make it. I think this type of advice shouldn't be as frowned upon as it is. In the second case, Bob loses his virginity and gains important reference experience.

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  • Jack is 27 and unemployed and has been slacking for a while now. He meets an attractive girl with an interesting life style. She has a master degree while he has dropped out of college. They go on their first date. Again, the man is left with two options. A) Be honest about his entire situation or be B) be vague or even portray a better picture of himself with the intention of closing the gap onwards. A will probably lead to him being dismissed. B will keep him in game for a while. What should he chose ?

I think the idea of being 100% honest is not a realistic one. I think "confidence extremists" frown upon faking till you make it too much. Results are important to get reference experience. Especially for late bloomers.

I'm curious. How has your experience been with the principles mentioned above ? I myself have succesfully faked it till I maked it on occasion. I know while being not inhibited and being completely open about yourself feels good, it feels like shooting yourself in the foot. There are behaviors or traits that show you deviate from the majority of the population. Some peoole call that neurotypical. Deviating too much from the norm and being very low in neurotypical behavior is a huge turn off which is what I tried to show with the example of the 33 year old virgin. I think Mark Manson and a lot of "Inner Game" idealists neglect the notion that self-perception which is completely devoid of external perception does not exist. Both influence each other and being aware of how some traits or what you do influences a social situation means you're socially intelligent. This should not looked down upon as lack of self-esteem. We all want to be liked and need to be liked.

Thoughts ?