What am I suppose to do on a date? Physically/etc.? Been with 5 girls so far on dates, want to make then one work. Help?

thrwawayacct12 · 2014-08-01T04:55:50+00:00

I was in your shoes not too long ago. I also met my dates online and had trouble making it past the first date, but no problem getting them. I'll provide you general advice, but first know if a girl is going on a third date with you then she likes you.

Generally first dates (especially online ones) are like date 0s. It's to see if there is any attraction between you two. You want to ensure you pick a location that will benefit you. If you meet up and decide it isn't working then you need an easy way to bail. This is why coffee/drink dates on week nights are favorable.

Secondly, don't worry about too much. You want to stick with conversational topics that get her talking about herself. Family, occupation, recreation, dreams is a good start. But be careful not to turn the date into an interview where it goes question -> answer, question_2 -> answer_2,...,question_n->answer_n. When she mentions something, or responds to your question then be thinking of ways to connect it to something you know or can relate to. This will keep the conversation going without falling into the question->answer loop.

Be relaxed. Hug her whenever you meet her. Compliment her. Let her know she is pretty, and gauge her reaction. Don't worry too much about kissing on the first date, but at the end do bring up whether she'd like to go on a second. You can be vague about it, so you can text her later with specifics to confirm. Like maybe "Hey, wanna check out that bar sometime soon?" (this is assuming you guys somehow like bars and you mentioned it and she seemed interested). Then later text her saying something like "Hey, I had a great time with you. I'm free next <date>, would you like to go to <bar you referenced earlier> at <time>?" -- Then her response/lack of will be very telling.

For me (everyone does things differently) I'm not that physical on the first date. I talk to them like a friend, make them laugh, and compliment them by letting them know I think they are attractive. At the end, I go for a hug, then text them that night. If they like you, they won't care you texted them that night. If they don't, they probably won't respond right away and may reject/flake on you sometime later.

The second date is where I escalate physically and is what I consider "date 1".

bl1y · 2014-08-01T13:04:33+00:00

How do I escalate physically with a girl if we are starting with dinner

Guess what, bubba, you just discovered why dinner dates are terrible. If you're going to be seated, you want a date where you're seated side by side, rather than across from each other. This is why going out for drinks tends to be pretty good, or getting coffee at a cafe that has couches. There's actually more to it than kino, and I don't want to write a long explanation now, but just know that being face-to-face puts people on guard (heck, it's known as a "combative" stance); side-by-side makes them feel like a friend, and puts them in a cooperative mood.

then maybe going explorer one place in car [sic]

Car is an obvious problem because (1) you can't turn your head to talk, and (2) you should be focusing on driving, not talking, especially if you're at all nervous. Girls want someone who can make them feel safe, and being a shit driver won't help that. If you're going to venue change on a first date, pick some place you can walk to. Likewise, if it's a first date meet them at the location -- do not pick them up (picking girls up is a holdover from the 1960s, when few women drove and fewer had cars to drive; and you'd generally be taking out a girl you were friends with already, not a stranger).

thacunninglingist · 2014-08-01T12:11:51+00:00

I just want to say in my opinion no matter what date it is you should be constantly hinting towards physical escalation. I like to do things like whenever you get a chance make contact with her physically. For instance showing her something on your phone to get her closer to you. The whole time you should be making her feel more comfortable with you but also throwing in hints that you are attracted to her and where you want it to lead. If the entire date you are like friends than you are failing to communicate to them your interest in them. Another thing to consider with these online meetings is that some of the time there wont be any spark for her, that's not to say you are dead in the water cause you can always surprise a girl, but it makes it a lot harder and generally I wouldn't pursue them any further than a casual encounter for the night. If you went on 3 dates with a girl and nothing happened at all to make you or her feel like more than friends than there is definitely something wrong. You need to start making moves sooner and less subtly if you have even been at all. They aren't just gonna decide to make a move cause they like your personality.

joshsway · 2014-08-01T13:49:37+00:00

I wrote about this EXACT topic: https://www.joshsway.com/articles/view/how-to-escalate-on-a-date

XenElement · 2014-08-01T08:33:00+00:00

Couldn't find the original document (didn't search long really, but I'm sure reddit will help me out) but the DiCarlo escalation ladder is an excellent crutch. Be sure to improvise by situation, but this gave me a pretty solid concept enough to have confidence to do something.

http://www.tsbmag.com/2006/10/17/a-step-by-step-ladder-of-escalation/

VicAceR · 2014-08-01T12:37:32+00:00

So simple. Alcohol!!! Also, try to understand body language. Take every opportunity to be as close as possible, obviously not right off the bat, but sometimes even when there's good chem this works too; sit beside each other for dinner or when you're having drinks, make lots of eye contact, touch her briefly whenever you can and fallow it up with a smile or a compliment. Reinforce physical contact with positive verbal cues. Be playful, and loosen up. Most importantly; don't take it too seriously, try to have a good time and enjoy your self. Its not just about her..

TdeG76 · 2014-08-01T17:07:46+00:00

Don't take her to a bar. Plan better. Take her to an activity. EVERYONE takes her to a bar/club/movie... Take her to a comedy show (so you can talk about the comedy show) take her to an activity, bowling, pool, indoor skydiving (so you can talk about the activity you are doing) Hell lead with that, take her to a quick art show early, then dinner, then you can talk about the activity you did before dinner to avoid the lul in conversation and also use the conversation as a segway into learning about each other. Then have something else planned for after dinner. Once you have done that, there are three disctinct different experiences she has had with you in one night. Three dates in one.

When you are out, walk as much as possible, offer your arm, see if she takes it or just puts it there. Escalate by putting your arm around her. When you are at a comedy club, touch her when you laugh together. Pool or mini golf should be obvious as to how to escalate touch. Don't be afraid to tease her and also call her on her shit. Literally push pull her. Let her say something really lame and literally push her (gently) away from you and let it hang there and then pull her back in. She will probably put her arm around you after that. I was on a date with a girl that I called Sarah Palin most of the evening because she told me she loves Ayn Rand books. She ate it up, it showed I was comfortable with her, she was a peer, a friend. Being a friend isn't the bad part, friend zone is a construct made by guys who think women owe them because they were nice to a girl.

Seuguh · 2014-08-03T18:10:04+00:00

Girls you pick up from dating sites are not gf material. Especially if they're attractive. Think about it, why would a fine girl need a dating site to find a Bf? It's either she has loose morals, gets played a lot, or she's some kind of crazy. You don't want to have a gf that a bunch of dudes plowed with no commitment.

First date, dinner? Fuck that. You're getting to know the person. What if, right off the bat there's no chemistry? You have to endure a whole 3 course meal with that person. First dates shoukd be walks or something small like ice cream, or coffee. That way you can talk and escalate easy. Touch her wrist, pretending to look at her watch or bracelet. Go for a makeout. Then see if she wants to go back to your house for a "movie". Proceed to bang her brains out.

Girls online are mostly looking for hookups anyway, and fuck buddies.

Title	What am I suppose to do on a date? Physically/etc.? Been with 5 girls so far on dates, want to make then one work. Help?
Author	therapyaccount1
Upvotes	27
Comments	18
Date	August 1, 2014 3:20 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2caxm9/what_am_i_suppose_to_do_on_a_date_physicallyetc/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-am-i-suppose-to-do-on-a-date-physicallyetc.1374440 https://theredarchive.com/post/1374440

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