What does it mean when they say they're looking for something serious?

aquilaruspante1 · 2022-06-25T17:07:05+00:00

41M into women here. Honestly, this is not a joke and I don't want to criticize anyone. I am genuinely interested in the answer to the question I...

[–]CompetitionFair7686 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]aquilaruspante1[S] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

The thing is this way they filter out way more guys than the ones who want sex.

I know they're not asking me to commit right away but they want to see if there is the intention from my side for commitment which of course there isn't before there is. This is the whole point. If to date you want intentions for commitment even before we have met you're asking for too much. Only thing I need for dating you is you being attractive and that's how things should be.

Wrong. The background I come from is totally different and 90% of women don't have problems to date someone cause they think that one is attractive and it doesn't matter where things go.

I don't like prostitutes. I'm looking for something real and human. To be honest it's ridiculous you suggest me to hire a prostitute. It means you probably haven't even read my post.

[–]CompetitionFair7686 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Ambitious-Ice2357 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]aquilaruspante1[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]aquilaruspante1[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for your reply.

Firstly I would like to disagree with you when you say women tend to get invested emotionally when having sex. I disagree cause I know thousands of women who don't. You talk about it as if it was a biologic matter. In my opinion it is a cultural matter. Women get heartbroken cause they start fantasizing too soon about that man being their long term partner. It's a belief system matter, not a biologic one. If they believe they're going to have sex with the knight in shiny armour, then when that have sex it means they found the knight in shiny armour. Of course when this guy disappear they will be heartbroken. Women with the same background as mine are not promiscuous but they don't mind having adventures and the necessary condition to date someone is that someone being attractive to them. Period. Intentions are not important initially. Gauging the intentions soon is something really new for me. It didn't exist where I come from and it gives me huge anxiety.

The problem here is that I have a strong desire for a partner, long term but I will never date anyone who date with that goal in mind. It just makes me very uncomfortable. Simply because the mere reason I'm dating you doesn't mean you are the person I want to stay with forever. It's a huge pressure you're putting on me from the beginning. I know you don't want commitment from the start but I guess if we keep seeing each other it means you're expecting it going somewhere and that what scares me. To me it's nothing serious until otherwise stated. If you want me to declare my serious intentions before you're out.

Speaking of libido, they certainly must have a low libido and that's another reason they're not good for me.

To be honest I can see why men ghost women. I will never do it but I don't blame them.

[–][deleted] 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]aquilaruspante1[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]aquilaruspante1[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]aquilaruspante1[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]aquilaruspante1[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link

So do I. But now think back through that same database of personalities, and tell me what the most likely outcome is for a woman having constant, amazing sex with a new plaything. Im not talking about one and dones. To be reliably spectacular in bed in another person requires building some form of intimacy. A sensitized awareness and receptivity to another person's motions, emotions, and desires. The same traits that make someone truly awesome in bed inherently carry the potential to make strong emotional connections.

I agree with you and that happens also to men. It happened to me as well. That's why people end together. That's actually the only way I know. It's not something you agree before. So what does it mean when they say they're looking for something serious?

You seem close enough to the mark with your example to understand that these qualifiers and defense mechanisms are a means of avoiding regret.

Absolutely not. I think they are means to avoid a certain type of relationship at all costs, cause it's wrong from a moral point of view.

I dont know what that background is, but I am very well-travelled. Where are located now? I.e. Which culture are you trying to decode and understand?

I'm in England and I come from Italy. I can tell you Italy is quite diverse regarding sexual openness. The southern part is more conservative, whereas the north is more progressive. I'm from the south but when I was 23 I moved to the north where I lived until I was 35. Also it depends what kind of people you hang out with, I always hanged out with the most humanist and progressive but I don't think the difference was huge as I had a couple of relationship with girls from different backgrounds. By the way, all the time I spent in Italy, all girls just wanted to fuck me. Many times it was them making sure I wasn't after anything serious to be reassured they wouldn't have hurt me. Other times it was me to be upfront and saying I didn't want anything serious. Never been a problem. All my female friends have always pursued sex. That's the initial thing. The start of something that can evolve in a relationship. I can tell you many examples. But the main thing is until I lived in Italy saying you weren't after anything serious is what they wanted to hear to feel ok.

Then I moved to England and I realised what I used to do in Italy didn't work here. I remember a girl I approached in a club shouting at me saying I wanted just to fuck her only cause, after she said she's never had a boyfriend, I said I didn't know what I wanted. I remember a girl ghosting me and when I asked what was the reason, she said it was because I said I wasn't traditional. One told I have to earn the cookie which really make me mad cause sex is not a reward. Plenty of women asking me what I'm looking for and if it is even just "to date and see how it goes" it means I only want sex (oh my god, they make me feel so bad! Like I'm doing something wrong to them) and I am to be avoided. Even when they don't do that they always put some sort of pressure on me like "I'm after that wow feeling or nothing".

A few months ago I went to Rome to visit my brother for 3 days. I used dating apps just to see what was around. Didn't meet anyone of course but in 3 days I had 4 matches. 2 of them were poly girls (which is not bad to me given that I'm open to casual. My profile says I'm open to polyamory) 2 of them were monogamous. An interesting thing is when I asked one of the monogamous girls how was online dating going she said "very good, good, so and so, bad, very bad" and she said she meant she had different experiences, she met lots of people, some good some bad, some of them were just sex, other ones she would have liked to be something more but it didn't work. When I was back to England I tried to give the same answer to a lady asking me how was online dating going. She started saying "are you a serial dater?". After a few more messages she blocked me. No English girl I've spoken to has ever admitted she's met a lot of people like the Italian one (that one was super honest). They all actually say the same thing: "I've met no one" or "not many, not sure why I'm here" and similar stuff. Being in Italy 3 days and speaking to these women was such a liberating experience. I finally thought I was normal, after 5 years of feeling like there's no vital space for me in the dating world.

So my problem here is that I come from a background where things are different. I'm not used to this stuff and I don't know how to deal with it. That why my question. I want to know what does it mean and how it works.

My friends in Italy say not to take what they say too seriously, also my women friends but I take it is something very serious actually and it's definitely cultural.

At the beginning I was a bit shocked. Italy is a Catholic country, famous to be conservative compared to other European countries whereas England is known to be a progressive one, and it is if we consider LGBT rights etc. But for some reason women behave conservatively. And it's not something I notice only on dating apps. I work in a hospital and I'm surrounded by women. Women are generally way more conservative than the ones I'm used to in Italy. The only 2 women I've heard saying they were seeing someone not seriously in England are an Italian and a Portuguese girl, I've never heard an English girl saying that. But I've seen English girls crying cause they were ghosted after a serious relationship that lasted 4 dates (and of course my advice was not too invest too much to begin with and that she cannot hope in a serious relationship so soon). The only women I fucked in these 5 years are a Belgian into polyamory and a Greek I met in a club. No English women even tho I've dated a ton.

[–]aquilaruspante1[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

In my opinion, such measures are the result of an increasing ratio of social predators. They arent really needed until more deceptive and manipulative practices become more commonplace. As predation ramps up, so do the protective counter-measures. Human beings are fundamentally driven to avoid regret. The more times they've been in situations they regret, the more their behavior changes to avoid that regret.

I actually think the exact opposite. I can see English guys ghosting girls a lot. I can see it cause I hear girls talking about them and I don't blame these guys. I have never done it but considered it so many times. There's no other way to deal with these women other than let them hear what they want. I chose not to deal with them at all.

And again, if you don't want to feel regret you have to learn not to be attached too soon. I've learned it, all my friends have done it. It's an healthy thing to do. It has to do with growing up. Mature people can do it. Deluding yourself you're seeing someone for a serious relationship is not the healthiest way to avoid regret. Actually it worsen it.

honesty. Making your situation and desires clear, so that others know in clear terms what they can expect, and if their own needs align with yours. Youre simply avoiding people who are being open and upfront about what they want. If you eliminate the people who know that about themselves, who does that leave you with? The uninterested, the unaware, the undecided, the deceptive, the self-deceptive and the socially fearful.

This bit made me actually doubt if you even read my post. Not sure what to answer. This actually made me want not to answer at all.

If it wasn't because of honesty I wouldn't be here asking what is it they want. I invite you to read my initial post again mate. I am upfront and very honest, I said that again. Women from my background appreciate it, women in the background I'm in now tend to see me as a red flag.

Also can you tell me what is honest about looking for a serious relationship online? Probably you mean the merchant honesty, yes I agree with you in that case, not the relationship honesty.

Good. Pragmatists arent looking for people still coming to terms with how to clearly and honestly state what they need. They want people who are adept at dealing with real things in real, explicit and defined terms so they can make effective and reliable decisions.

I'm missing the bit where you mention feelings.

If youre not secure in yourself enough to state what you truly want to someone else, no matter how uncomfortable or anxiety inducing that may be, then you arent a good match for someone who can. You havent developed the strength of character required to take a seat at that table. You will not be missed

I always state what I truly want in total honesty. I can seat at a table and be myself. So, not me thanks. Again read again my post please.

When we are faced with what we truly, truly want, our minds try and protect us from regret and disappointment. What if you try and fail? What if you believe its going to work out and it doesnt? Youll be hurt. You will experience deep and painful regret. So to keep us from that pain, your mind creates fear. Anxiety. And that fear prevents you from reaching for what you want in a meaningful way. The more you truly, deeply, desire something, the higher the stakes, the more profound the potential regret, the deeper and more tangible the fear. You will always be deeply uncomfortable when facing your deepest desire. If you let the fear win, youll never let yourself have it.

This is just your interpretation of what you think I've said. I'm not afraid of my emotions and I'm up for living them to the fullest. That's actually what I would like to do and that's what I can't do because of women who look for serious relationship like they're at the supermarket.

I just want to meet people like me and have connection with them. There's no chance I will be in a committed relationship if I don't build connection which is impossible for me to do with a woman with a certain mindset. 2 days ago I put OkCupid location to Milan and I had a very nice match with a very open minded woman (into polyamory). Again I felt so liberated when I told her the way I am. I am considering to go back to my original background cause life doesn't feel good here.

That conclusion is born out of fear, not reason. And somewhere, deep down, you know it. Otherwise, you wouldnt be so invested in avoiding it. Youre afraid of what you truly want, and thats normal. But buddy, you cant get what you truly want until you conquer your fear.

Again, can you tell me when I say I'm avoiding what I want? I'm not avoiding any type of relationship. I'm only avoiding a type of women.

[–]Slurpentine 4 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

I actually think the exact opposite. I can see English guys ghosting girls a lot. I can see it cause I hear girls talking about them and I don't blame these guys. I have never done it but considered it so many times. There's no other way to deal with these women other than let them hear what they want. I chose not to deal with them at all.

Your perspective makes a lot more sense in regards to middle-age dating in England. There are indeed, stark differences between that culture and urban OLD in northern North America- I had assumed that's where you were coming from. English culture, especially middle to upper income, absolutely decodes differently.

And again, if you don't want to feel regret you have to learn not to be attached too soon. I've learned it, all my friends have done it. It's an healthy thing to do.

While I tend to agree, its also a barrier to being fully present. The fear of being hurt can be subtle and insidious. It can tell you to stay distanced, to stay uninvolved, when in fact, jumping whole-hearted into a high-potential situation may be the neccessary and most effective thing to do. Its fine and heathy to wait for the right situation, the right moment, but when it comes, one must seize it, with all the strength one can muster.

If it wasn't because of honesty I wouldn't be here asking what is it they want. I am upfront and very honest, I said that again. Women from my background appreciate it, women in the background I'm in now see it as a red flag.

Yes. Because what you're signalling is that a high sex drive in your partner is a very high priority- moreso than a match of personalities. Youre saying to them, that no matter how well the two of you get along, the relationship will not work without a very strong sexual component.

While I also personally know that that is true, especially for myself, it will not play well to generic English sensibilities. As a broad trend, there is far less emphasis placed on sexual compatibility, and far more placed on compatible 'branding'- the ability to project a coordinated image as a united front, and working together to create the lifestyle both people want.

Your priorities are different than the ones they ascribe to (at least on paper, but welcome to centuries of sexual repression), and they are disengaging from you immediately as a result. Probably for the best, on both your parts.

Also can you tell me what is honest about looking for a serious relationship online?

Mm. I think I see the sticking point. You're used to an open, emotionally up-front culture, where relationships are formed and measured by sexual and romantic capability. Youre having a great time, and great sex, and youd like to keep doing that- that sounds like a great life to you. (Me too, bud!)

You're working within a culture where long-term relationships are far more practical in nature. Reasoned. Considered. Pragmatic. The math works out. Sexual compatibility is something you work out as a suitable arrangement. Placing sex as your primary concern would be like walking around with a neon sign saying 'PERVERT! GET YOUR PERVERT HERE!' And thats just not on the list of acceptable men to date as a lady of 'discernment, taste, and considerable station.'

While you think they are being dishonest, they are not. They have a different perspective, with different priorities, and do not describe a 'successful longterm relationship' in the same way as you. They are being honest about what they want, being as clear as they can be, to notify prospective callers of their true intentions. That's all anyone can do, and they are doing that.

The problem is effectively a cultural miscommunication. Youre using the same sounding words, but its actually a different language. Your meaning is different than their meaning, so you think theyre being dishonest (because they arent looking for what you think they are saying theyre looking for) and they think you're a sex-wolf in sheep's clothing, saying youre looking for 'a successful longterm relationship' when really you just want to get your brains fucked out, now and forever, with a reliable, likeable, life-partner. And theyre not wrong, because that would be a successful LTR for you.

You're both being honest. Both sides think they are being clear and straightforward. They are both unaware of how the other side is interpreting their message. When it becomes clear, they are assuming deceptive intention instead of an honest misunderstanding.

I always state what I truly want in total honesty. I can seat at a table and be myself. So, not me thanks.

Im starting to see that that's true. I also thought you were being either deceptive or self-deceptive, with reasonable cause. But now I can see that its simply a cultural 'mis-translation'. You are not looking for what these people actually mean when they say what they are saying.

Like many of the women youve been dating, one presumes, that sudden disconnect in your behavior (where the misinterpretation is taking place) and speech, read to me as a deliberate attempt- conscious or unconscious- by your mind to avoid actually becoming involved in a 'serious longterm relationship'. There are very few reasons why that happens, and none of them are good. Red flags. It was only through followup that the actual situation became clear.

Again read again my post please.

You should be aware that I read everything meticulously and carefully, so this reads as an insult to me.

But, Im not going tobtake that personally, because its the result of the same bias I had. In light of the actuals, Im sure Ive sounded rude as well. One for one, no harm done. Youve assumed error or lack of understanding, when the root is actually a different understanding. We always assume, when things seem clear to us, that the other party is at fault. Theres no reason to suspect otherwise- until there is.

I just want to meet people like me and have connection with them.

And theres the rub. The odds are stacked against you. Youre living in a culture that, in general, has different priorities, valuing different things than you do. That's a rough go.

Heres what I would do, if I had to take my kinky, poly self to live in jolly old England. Start looking for the underground. Every culture that exudes ubiquitous social pressure has its pockets of nonconformity. Who recognize that they dont hold the same priorities, or value things in the same way. Find them. Make friends there, and focus your efforts.

I'd follow my nose to the biggest BDSM/Hedonist scene they've got, and start building a network. Get the vibe, learn the lingo, put the word out, and start looking. Ill meet and greet everyone, but Im looking for people like me. They exist. I'll find one. And where there is one, there are many.

Follow that trail. Make friends and allies along the way. I know exactly what I want, and I will find a way to signal that clearly and effectively in local terms. It wont take long, and getting there is a helluva good time.

At least you know whats been going on, at any rate. Alter your course as desired.

[–]aquilaruspante1[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]aquilaruspante1[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

Right finally I have some time to reply.

Italy is very open, and quite progressive sexually.

Have you even been to Italy? Do you say that by experience or just because of what I said? Italy is very different according to areas and environments regarding to sexual openness that's why I only mentioned it when you asked. Before you asking I only said "my background".

While I tend to agree, its also a barrier to being fully present. The fear of being hurt can be subtle and insidious. It can tell you to stay distanced, to stay uninvolved, when in fact, jumping whole-hearted into a high-potential situation may be the neccessary and most effective thing to do. Its fine and heathy to wait for the right situation, the right moment, but when it comes, one must seize it, with all the strength one can muster.

And i absolutely agree. It takes intelligence to understand when the moment arrives. The healthy approach is not to jump in it wholeheartedly too quickly but to have the courage of doing it when the moment comes.

While I also personally know that that is true, especially for myself, it will not play well to generic English sensibilities. As a broad trend, there is far less emphasis placed on sexual compatibility, and far more placed on compatible 'branding'- the ability to project a coordinated image as a united front, and working together to create the lifestyle both people want.

I personally value both approaches. Depending on the situation, there are people who you have high sexual compatibility with but you wouldn't plan anything more than that. After you match sexually tho it's normal to check for personality and 'branding' compatibility. Both approaches are necessary if you want to get somewhere.

My question in facts is what shall I do when I find a person who I'd only like to fuck but they say they don't do casual dating, they're looking for something serious? Shall I tell them "sorry I can't see this going anywhere" even tho I would like to fuck them. Wouldn't they want to fuck me if they're attracted to me, despite branding compatibility?

My therapist says I've got a big prejudice that makes me avoid relationships because I weigh words a lot more than what should they weigh. He says I don't know why they say that, maybe they want to avoid one night standers or maybe they don't want to look like sluts but what matters is their behaviour when I meet them. So my therapist suggests me not to take it too seriously. But then I read Reddit and everything else and all the hate towards fuckbois, I read in their messages a lot of hatred towards this dating for dating sake, and i think it's in facts something to take seriously.

You're working within a culture where long-term relationships are far more practical in nature. Reasoned. Considered. Pragmatic. The math works out. Sexual compatibility is something you work out as a suitable arrangement. Placing sex as your primary concern would be like walking around with a neon sign saying 'PERVERT! GET YOUR PERVERT HERE!' And thats just not on the list of acceptable men to date as a lady of 'discernment, taste, and considerable station.'

I suppose infidelity is very diffused then as love always wins.

You should be aware that I read everything meticulously and carefully, so this reads as an insult to me.

I didn't mean to insult you at all and I apologize if you read it as one. I was only frustrated for being completely misunderstood, frustration which started building up lot more before your reply and for which you're not responsible. Frustration generated by women and by people asking me what's wrong with someone being upfront when that is exactly the question I came to ask with this post.

Heres what I would do, if I had to take my kinky, poly self to live in jolly old England.

I don't define myself either as poly or kinky. On OkCupid o chose I'm open to non monogamy cause I'm not necessarily looking for something serious but I think I would be monogamous if I start a committed relationship. Regarding being kinky, even tho there's stuff I'd like to try I don't consider myself as kinky. Actually I consider what I'm looking for as the most natural and normal thing ever.

Honestly I don't think I need to look for kinky people to have sex. Seriously? If that's the case I'm going straight back to Italy.

You said you know a thousand of women who do sex without commitment so I would like to ask you where and how to find them.

Also I practically don't know how to date with a purpose. Not knowing it, being in an unknown territory makes me anxious. Could you describe me the average ritual? What are they expecting from me?

I'm very sorry for the late reply, I've been super busy and tired and this is long. I hope you can still reply.

[–]Slurpentine1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Italy is very open, and quite progressive sexually. England, in my experience, (I have family in London) is the polar opposite. Super repressed, in general, very concerned with appearances. My maternal side comes from a line of English merchant nobles- my grandmother was a very proper lady.

Theres a lot more focus on one's ability to be an accomplished 'social actor'- saying and doing what is expected, instead of being open about what you need and what you want. Especially in regards to sex.

It understandably represents an enormous change in which kinds of social strategies are going to be the most successful. Typically, an increase in social conformity puts greater emphasis on nuance. Subtle differences that scream volumes. My grandmother would show her irritation with a conversation simply by placing her teacup down a little more firmly into the saucer than usual. That was her intentional signal, and one was expected to pick up on it. Otherwise, outwardly, she didnt change a bit. Immaculate self-control.

Id imagine youre going to be in a struggle with picking up those small, seemingly insignificant cues. Not only do you have to read between the lines, you have to speak between the lines, and that requires a knowledge and experience with local social conventions- unwritten rules- at a very high level. It takes a great deal of study, observation, experience and time. Its hard work, and you seem to be doing reasonably well. Cut yourself some slack, its going to take a while.

[–]Calamity__Bane 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

You’re preaching to the choir, man, I agree with everything you’re saying. As far as I can tell, what they tend to mean is that they want someone who is interested in a long term relationship and is dating for that explicit purpose - if it ends up looking like a casual thing they’ll say no, but if it ends up looking like a serious thing they’ll stay. What they’re trying to do is filter out guys who only or primarily want something casual - they’re open to a bit of a discovery process like you are, but at the end of the day they’re saying they’ll cut it off if they don’t see it going anywhere. That means they’re evaluating you for things like money, status, career prospects, etc. alongside the more traditional attraction factors. At least, that’s the interpretation that makes the most sense to me, it doesn’t mean they’re not open to sex, but they’re assessing to see if there’s broader lifestyle compatibility in order to make the sex a good deal for them.

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[–]aquilaruspante1[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

I've got a timeline too to make a family. I'm 41. I only think it's sad looking for someone to make a family with like you're looking for a house, or a job. The only way I know to look for someone is dating people with no goals. That's the quickest way I know. The best relationships I know were born from casual ones. Whilst I look for the right one I can have some nice time with someone else without being promiscuous however. By the way, you want to have kids, but what with those women who already have kids. What's their problem? They should be sorted. So what?

I'm not intimidated by honesty. Actually my problem is the opposite. I want honesty, I want to be honest, I don't want to be brought to ghost women after I had sex. I just want someone to date me cause they like me as a human, not after their goal.

As you stated, you've got materialistic goals, i.e. your timeline to have kids. That's exactly what scares me, that's exactly what I don't want. Why don't you do kids on your own instead of using a relationship for it? A relationship is a human matter, if I see a person is because that person has something I like, something to give me and i have something to give them. It's not because they are useful to my life goals.

You are reaching the end of your breeding time. That's another thing, it has nothing to do with relhationships. Someone suggested me to see a prostitute, I suggest you to get artificial insemination if a kid at all costs is what you want. Relationships are another thing.

What's wrong with a guy being honest and telling you he's open to something serious but not necessarily looking for it? Why don't you like honesty? Do you prefer the liar who ghosts you?

EDIT:

Also I would like to add that at 41 I'm very tired of games. I will never pretend to be someone I'm not to get sex, I will never ghost anyone after getting what I want. I would just like to meet mature women who are ok with their sexuality, not afraid of it and it's so appalling they are almost non existent in this country, which is supposed to be progressive. I come from a bloody Catholic country and I can find plenty over there.

[–]Calamity__Bane 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

As someone who gets where OP is coming from, it’s not so much that he’s intimidated, it’s more that he’s trying to make sure it’s worth investing his resources (time, money, attention) into a particular person.

Sure, he’s open to a relationship, but it’s not like a long term relationship is the only viable outcome, and if he’s going to be investing time and energy into someone, he has to know if the opportunity cost is worth it. If she’s saying she wants a relationship right off the bat, she’s basically telling him she won’t explore any of the other options, even if those options are more appropriate given their individual situations, and is also basically saying she’s going to ask for a pretty big upfront investment for what amounts to a moonshot. Now, maybe they’d be great together, but given this lack of flexibility in her ask, there’s a reasonably big chance he’ll just be wasting his time, and since there isn’t much differentiating her from any other woman at this stage, the rational thing to do from his perspective is to head to a cheaper and more versatile provider.

[–]aquilaruspante1[S] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

You more or less understand.

It's definitely too much investment from soon.

Not investing too soon is something I learned at my own expenses and something I would suggest to my best friend, to my brother and sister.

Investing from the beginning, being focused on your goal is absolutely an unhealthy waste of energy that will drain you, delude you and cause you to miss lots of nice things (nice even tho they are different from your goal).

You can have wonderful time and connection with a woman without necessarily it being serious or long term. This fixation to the goal is very materialistic, unhealthy and delusional. If I want to date someone is cause I like spending time with them. Period. Knowing about their goal make literally and physically my belly ache with anxiety.

I just can't do it.

Title	What does it mean when they say they're looking for something serious?
Author	aquilaruspante1
Upvotes	3
Comments	30
Date	June 25, 2022 5:07 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vkjifz/what_does_it_mean_when_they_say_theyre_looking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-does-it-mean-when-they-say-theyre-looking-for.1256110 https://theredarchive.com/post/1256110

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