This is the second in what will hopefully be a series of posts about what I have learned after 9 years of cold-approach. Please read part one first: https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/841a5b/what_ive_learned_after_9_years_in_the_game/?st=jex7x0i6&sh=eaae4602

If you've applied the information from that post, you should find yourself in a conversation about you and the girl. This is a great position to be in and you are already ahead of most guys who didnt take action. But what now?

I remember when I first got into this stuff and started approaching girls, my first real sticking point was figuring out what to say after the opener. I posted threads about this on forums and either got back esoteric inner game mantras ("just express yourself without a filter", "bring her into your reality", "be man to woman", "what you feel she feels") or overly simplistic responses ("just close, pussy!", "get physical", "make her chase you"). In all honesty, I understand where these responses come from. It's hard to give advice on game. I've been reminded of that while responding to you guys' comments and messages in the past week. Either advice can be trite and cliche and apply to everyone, or it can be meaningful and specific and only apply to some people (and actually be counterproductive for others). So in this post, I want to lay out the huge caveat that many of the points I mention may not apply to you. Hopefully many will, but please think critically and take everything I say with a grain of salt. As far as format, this will be a bit of a brain dump because there isn't really a set linear format to this stuff. I don't think of game linearly and neither should you.

  • Keep in mind that the whole point of the conversation is to build an intimate, romantic relationship with the girl. Basically you need a combination of friendly rapport with a little bit of sexual tension.

  • Most guys who start reading about PUA material online have, at one point or another, been "friend-zoned" by a girl. This terrifies them and so they decide that they need to immediately have tons of sexual tension with every girl they approach otherwise she will friend-zone them immediately and they will die a virgin. The problem with this is that most girls (especially quality girls) need a certain amount of trust and rapport with a guy before they are comfortable enough to be sexual with him. Being overly "man to woman" or "icy" or "polarizing" at the approach means these girls reject you immediately and you end up only hooking up with girls who are relatively easy and/or superficial. This feeds into the red-pill obsession that all girls are driven only by their hypergamous instincts and are constantly looking for opportunities to cheat and "trade up." Hypergamy exists of course (nobody of value, guy or girl, wants to date a loser), but in my experience, it is far from being the primary force that drives female dating behavior.

  • So, in my opinion, your focus when first meeting a girl should be primarily to build rapport with her. Understand and explicitly appreciate her for her personality, motivations, quirkiness. Build inside jokes with her, tease her like you would a friend, etc. When you are able to build a decent amount of rapport with girls, it is relatively easy to escalate an interaction, get her number, ask her out, etc., because it makes sense in her reailty. You enjoy talking to each other, so why would you not want to keep doing it over drinks, coffee, back at your apartment, etc.?

Here are some tools and tips you can use to accomplish that goal. This is just my style, feel free to use what you like, modify it, and add your own:

  • Ask questions and LISTEN to her answers. Conventional PUA wisdom frowns on asking questions because apparently its "taking value" and can lead to a boring "interview mode" style conversation. This is utter horseshit in my opinion. Asking questions is only bad if you don't listen to the response. Small talk is important because it is how people normally meet, so why reinvent the wheel? Also, it can be a jumping off point for deeper conversations. So ask the girl things like where she's from, what she's up to right now, whether she goes to school, etc., and REALLY LISTEN TO HER RESPONSE.

  • Then you can ask a follow-up question, relate it to your life, or compliment her on something emotionally relevant she told you. You can tease her, too. Building inside jokes and a light-hearted, fun vibe is as much a part of developing rapport as the heavy stuff is. Don't go overboard with the teasing, though. You don't want to be the guy who "plays too much."

  • Compliments about a girls accomplishments, personality, motivations, etc., are MUCH more powerful than ones about her physical attributes. That's not to say that you can't compliment a girl on her looks, but the focus should be on the deeper compliments. If you do this right, it will build a decent amount of sexual tension in its own right, in a way that the girl can relate to.

  • If you feel like you are asking too many questions, or if you sense the girl is feeling shy and isn't opening up, there are a couple of things you can do:

    • the first is called a "statement of empathy" (credit to Alex and the 4 Week Natural crew). Basically, acknowledge you may be coming on too strong: "I don't mean to disturb you by the way, I guess I'm just in a chatty mood." This often defuses a lot of the girl's nervousness and you can usually keep the conversation going. If she is in a hurry, this gives her an out. This is a good thing because the conversation likely wouldn't have gone anywhere if she was in a rush.
    • You can also fill in gaps in the conversation by talking about your day, what you were up to, etc.: "I just got off work and was in the mood for coffee so I headed over here. How's your day going?"

  • At some point you should try to figure out whether the girl is in a commited relationship. You shouldn't do this too early or too directly because she will have a kneejerk reaction to call any guy in her life, from an orbiter to a casual fuck-buddy, a boyfriend. It's better to wait until you have some level of rapport before asking her, in a playful way. The way I do it is I tease her on something she said that can be interpreted as nerdy and say something like "damn girl, we need to find you a boyfriend." If she has a serious boyfriend she will say "I already have one". Now you know. If she says yes, I suppose you can still keep trying to get with her if you want, but be warned: it will be an uphill battle and karma is a bitch lol. You can still be friends with her, though, and exchange numbers and social media info as friends. If you have a decently curated social media profile and use features like Instagram stories regularly she will stay engaged with you and might message you if things change with her boyfriend.

  • If you both have time and are hitting it off, then feel free to suggest an insta-date to get coffee or drinks or pool or something. This is a great way to have some more time to get to know the girl. If she agrees, that's a sign things are going well and you can start building a little more sexual tension by getting more physical (hugs, handholds, etc.), doing some silly role-plays, complimenting her appearance a bit more, basically being a little more sexually expressive.

  • If you have followed the earlier steps, it should be natural to suggest a future date and get her number. Don't be too formal. Stick with drinks, coffee, pool, putt-putt, whatever. You want something that is low pressure and fun, preferably with alcohol and some activity so you can easily get physical. Ideally, you suggest a one-on-one meetup. Alternately, if you sense she needs more time to feel comfortable around you, you can invite her to a group meet-up, too. For a while, I would invite girls to join me and my friends at Top Golf, which is basically a bar and driving range in one. This works well for girls who you meet while they are working and you have to come in more under the radar.

  • When you exchange numbers, exchange at least one type of social media as well, preferably instagram. This is a great way for the two of you to keep experiencing each other's personality from afar. I can go into instagram some other time but RSD recently put out a great video on social circle game and instagram. I think it's on RSD Luke's channel. It's rare that I recommend an RSD video nowadays lol, so check it out. I'm pretty sure Alex from 4 Week Natural has some good stuff about combining social media with cold approach too.

  • This post was basically a brain dump, but I hope you guys got some value out of it. I tried really hard to make it more organized but it didn't work lol.

*****I wrote this post with daygame in mind. The same principles apply in bars and clubs, but things move a bit quicker and, in general, you can be more superficial and illogical, focusing more on sexual tension at night.

TLDR: Focus on getting to know the girl, appreciate her personality, and invite her on a date.