why many men feel uncomfortable with sparking sexual attraction in a woman especially if they like her?

OpinionThink481 · 2026-06-28T23:12:45+00:00

With other women you do it because you think they are easy to replace and don’t care much if you lose them.

With the one you really like, you have the tendency to play it safe in order to not “lose” her.

This happens because you prioritize the outcome so much that you put the filter on, and you no longer act authentic as a result. Instead, you act in a way that you think will guarantee that you win her over.

Deep down you know that sexual desire has risks of it going wrong sometimes depending on each girl, so since your mind is on “i must win no matter what” mode, then you logically conclude that “if i remove risks then I can’t lose for doing a wrong move”.

If this was football (soccer), it would basically be like playing defense because you would prefer the opponent didn’t score against you instead of trying to score more goals against the opponent which has the risk of leaving your defense vulnerable to counter acts by the opponent.

The solution to this is to fully internalize that there will always be more hot women that you can meet, and that doing what you want without caring about the risks is something women will always respect more than a man who doesn’t do what he wants due to the risks.

So what’s at stake is not whether you win her over or lose her, what’s at stake is whether you can actually be the man who does what he wants simply because he has the balls and integrity to honor his desires regardless of whether you win her or lose her.

You should also read this book on amazon on seduction that puts you in the right mindset:

Western-Month-3877 · 2026-06-28T22:47:00+00:00

Yes, it’s typically a fear of rejection. You want to protect your image in her eyes so much so that you don’t want her to think of you negatively.

Start by not attaching your emotions in her. Liking her is fine, like liking her smile, her face, her body, her personality. But that’s about it. You gotta keep in mind that even tho you know her, she’s somehow still a stranger to you. Meaning that if you wanna be honest, there’s no emotional bond between you and her. At least not yet. So putting your emotions too early (aka emotionally investing) in her by thinking a lot of her or imagining things you do with her as if she was your gf is a counterproductive mindset; you mentally paralyze yourself. You need to stop doing that.

ControlGood8979 · 2026-06-28T22:40:16+00:00

Yea. Stop thinking too much. Paralysis by analysis is not just an engineering concept.

TuxedoPinata · 2026-06-29T05:42:26+00:00

I think it has to do with ingrained learning. I looked into this as a behavior pattern and I quickly realized what was going on:

Growing up, whenever I showed romantic interest in a girl, she would immediately start avoiding me (or even worse, mock me).

On the contrary, when I approached as a friend, I quickly realized I got much more positive reactions.

Now, my young brain obviously learned that I have to hide my interest at all cost. Never mind that the second approach led nowhere except a friendship, that was a problem for another time. At least the painful rejection was avoided. And if you have some general appearance related issue that gets called out, your brain puts two and two together and says “ok dude, you can’t just show up like the attractive guys do, you probably need to hack the system in some way”.

So looking at it this way, it makes perfect sense. And these learnings run deep. I often think that the biggest difference between successful people and unsuccessful people are their first interactions.

ImpossibleWaiting · 2026-06-28T23:08:06+00:00

By realizing that women love sex

ApartmentWorried5692 · 2026-06-28T22:55:29+00:00

For me, it’s “oh shit, I didn’t think I’d get this far”.

Last night, I was at a bar. Some cougar looked at me. I looked back and held eye contact. She smiled. I darted my eyes away like a coward because “She wasn’t bluffing”.

Rare-Degree-9596 · 2026-06-29T02:49:35+00:00

It's an art form to talk someone into thinking it was all their idea and I don't mean that in a negative maniputive way.

Sometimes if you keep the vibe light hearted, playful, yet progress into increasingly physical advances. Most of the time girls ramp up the tempo as they start letting go and having fun.

HomelessMilkman · 2026-06-29T11:05:43+00:00

It's not 'the outcome' per se - I want the interaction to go well as much as anyone else.

Relaxing is basic self-awareness. The part that makes it weird is that you're fully in control of yourself - whether your jaw, neck, shoulders, chest, gut are tense and 'bracing', whether you're breathing deeply - but you effectively throw that out of the window, assign the responsibility to someone else and want external reassurance to dictate whether you're 'allowed' to relax yourself or not, it's pure self-interest (also, doesn't work).

Being relaxed, being happy, content, emotionally regulated, is nothing to do with anyone else. Approval or disapproval, pressure or not, you can choose to relax.

It's nothing to do with the outcome to the degree that things could be going well, yet you're tense to move things forward - you can be tense and overwhelmed amidst positive attention - it's still attention you're not acclimated to. For all the guys concerned about 'outcome', you can get it and still fuck it up because how much does me saying, "You the man, you got this!" really affect your confidence?

Guys are uncomfortable in these situations because you're also tense and uncomfortable speaking your mind in a thousand other situations. If you're generally relaxed, liberated, freely expressive, charismatic, etc. sure you want it to go well, but there aren't any 'stakes' - you're free to walk out of it loose, relaxed, content, not reactive, defeated, beaten down, emasculated.

Pure_Invite_5661 · 2026-06-29T13:37:23+00:00

I don't feel that hesitation if I connect with a woman , sex is a beautiful thing to share . If you are warm , respectful and know your limits , I don't think most women would take offense from this .

O_Pacity · 2026-06-30T05:28:35+00:00

Me imagining i am wanted is way better than having confirmed they have no interest. I know what the answers will be, i dont need them to confirm it.

daring_innovator · 2026-07-09T06:19:14+00:00

It’s shame deep inside of you that’s your answer. If you gotten negative reactions from escalating thing’s sexually and you internalized it then that’s gonna make you more shameful and less secure. If you need knowledge realize that women enjoy sex more than men. The problem is you’re hung up on the shame thing.

Title	why many men feel uncomfortable with sparking sexual attraction in a woman especially if they like her?
Author	2DTurbulence
Upvotes	70
Comments	13
Date	June 28, 2026 10:38 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1uib099/why_many_men_feel_uncomfortable_with_sparking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-many-men-feel-uncomfortable-with-sparking.1583837 https://theredarchive.com/post/1583837

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