So something I was thinking about is why the same mistakes keep happening over and over again and I don’t want to generalize but rather use the typical stories that you hear.

So My belief is that everyone wants to feel loved, wanted, and respected. Doesn’t matter if man or women.

But when that doesn’t happen I see a bad pattern. one thing you hear a lot from women is that they believe they tell their men what they want and they don’t get it, only when divorce come up something changes but then it’s too late.

Men on the other hand typically state that their ex did nothing but critique , complain and withhold affection making them feel unwanted.

Which then leads me to conclude that the way women tend to express their needs is in fact a horrible approach, simply by complaining / critiquing and otherwise shaming the man the thought is that this will cause them to change and do what they want and get their needs met .

In turn what often happens is the opposite, it’s men isolating, distancing themselves and operating on the idea that doing nothing is safer than doing something that’s wrong . A natural response to that kind of communication .

Now the sad part is that when the relationship fails the women will blame the men for not doing anything and not changing , believing they expressed their needs and will be supported by other women that they did nothing wrong and so will make the same mistake over and over again .

Men in turn too will believe their partner was a horrible nagging wife and then not learn how to break that cycle, how to stop turning inward and so make similar mistakes in the future.

I know every person is different but I am seeing this pattern play out a lot in the forums.