Post-parenting-time Depression

Lugubrious_Lothario · 2022-10-30T00:57:11+00:00

My daughter is still less than a year, but mom and I are separated, and things are not good between us.

I wanted so much to be a dad, when I found out I was going to be, but that everything about that would basically be decided by a woman who hates me my heart shattered. I wish I knew ew how to cry in a way that fits the depth of sadness I feel.

I'm sorry you're going through it.

Leeroy_Jenkins_PhD · 2022-10-30T02:03:29+00:00

The switch drop off is the worst thing in the world. Life feels so empty on the weekends I don't have my daughter. I'm sorry you're going through this.

OverLemonsRootbeer · 2022-10-30T07:39:54+00:00

I was a SAHM, and now I see my kids for a rushed weekend EOW.

OP, I feel this so deeply, and I could weep. I wept a lot in the early stages of our separation, and it does not go away, it only dulls to an ache.

All my love to someone who sounds like a fantastic parent to a fantastic little girl. You are setting such a good example in love, loss, and triumphs over grief for her. Don't ever let yourself forget that you are still her parent and you are doing a damn good job. Give yourself some credit, take a deep breath, and put your pants on a leg at a time as time passes.

You can do this.

Spodee5 · 2022-10-30T12:15:48+00:00

During the first year or year and a half.....through our divorce and custody battle.....I would get hives when I would go to pick up our sons...my ex made exchanges difficult would slap the vehicle and get in the way of me leaving and would scream. After drop offs my emotions and mood was so labile. Sometimes I was ok...other times I would start crying and shaking and it wasn't anything I could control. Sometime you gotta just get through the emotions. I started filling the empty time with things I wanted, gym, hobbies, dating, concerts, hiking, paddleboarding, kayaking going to friends houses. That helped a ton. Keep that relationship with your daughter. She's going through a lot too!

time_waste_quicksand · 2022-10-30T02:44:05+00:00

I am so sorry and so feel you. Hope it’s ok to respond bc I am a female but divorced from a female, thus i get a lot if help from this. When it first happened the feeling when they weren’t with me I still honestly can’t properly describe. Best I had was like a limb was cut off, but the limb was still out there but I was locked down to even look for it. It’s just … the most unnatural and horrible thing i have ever experienced. I absolutely feel you. It really really does ease with time, though it’s not a short amount of time to feel pretty somewhat ok about it. Like at least a year, maybe two. So you MUST at least distract yourself until then. I’m sorry. It’s so awful.

time_waste_quicksand · 2022-10-30T03:01:08+00:00

Oh one thing that helped me a lot in the Early Times that i didn’t realize until recently was kind of helpful - including really close friends or family member or two (never more than two, one was perfect) in some of my time with my girls. Over for take out dinner. Drag one to the park with us, whatever. It helped me a bit with the suddenly not having another parent to tell the minutia about them to (“ha she said this funny thing” “christ is she gonna jump off that thing omg” etx ha) but even more so to talk about that minutia when they went to the other parent and I felt like absolute hell. Small things to talk about about my beloved kids and people that knew what the hell I was talking about.

Nobody-941 · 2022-10-30T16:25:57+00:00

Saturdays seem like a bad time for an exchange. It ruins either parents out of town plans with or without the kid for one. Can you perhaps change it to a weekday morning? That way you drop your kid off at school and off to work you go. No time to be depressed and no empty house to immediately go back to.

folie-a-dont · 2022-10-30T17:09:43+00:00

Those feelings of depression just mean you are an engaged, loving father to your daughter. I have 10 & 6yo boys who I share 50/50 and life is amazing when I have them. It feels empty without them. The only way that I have found to cope with the pain is to appreciate that having them 50/50 means I get to dedicate being fully present with them when I have them. Handle the rest of your life business when she isn’t there so you can love every moment you are with her instead of having to divide your attention between her and life responsibilities.

JonathanApple · 2022-11-01T23:10:00+00:00

Hey man, you got 50/50 right? Cherish that. Many men, myself included, would give their right nut for more time. I hear your though, I'm super depressed without my kid. No answers. Get an anxiety blanket and climb in?

well_that_sucks1 · 2022-10-30T14:52:17+00:00

You sound like an great father and doing a amazing job, true love for your daughter, I have recently experienced and explosion of love for my 2 daughters (normally dead inside, show less emotion) but I feels great to be connected with my little darlings. I do miss them when I leave for work, and the first thing I do when I walked in is find them and hug and kiss them. Keep your big heart bro.

Title	Post-parenting-time Depression
Author	EmotionSix
Upvotes	17
Comments	11
Date	October 29, 2022 11:57 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ygz0l6/postparentingtime_depression/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/post-parenting-time-depression.1137384 https://theredarchive.com/post/1137384

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