I was just reading section 1 of Common Dating Myths in the FDS book. For any who may not have got there yet, it takes about how sometimes the men you know or are related to may ridicule your standards by claiming ‘You’ll never find a guy like that’

This got me thinking that for several years I’ve had a ‘good’ guy friend who I’ve often gone to for dating advice. When I tried OLD for the first time, I made a profile that was reflectful of my values and standards and that I felt would dissuade most LVMs. I shared my profile with this friend for feedback and he says to me ‘Ehh it’s too harsh I’d never swipe right on that’ and just like that I took his word for it.

I did a huge disservice to myself that day by letting his words stick in my mind. Instead of reconsidering him as a friend I started reconsidering myself and how I might be too harsh. Instead of questioning if I would want to date somebody like him, for the next year, I obsessed over making my profile ‘softer’. Predictably I went on a lot of shitty dates that left me with a progressively lower self-esteem.

This essay has shaken me back to my senses.

When it seemed like my profile would have culled him out, I questioned myself instead of questioning the value of his friendship with me. I should’ve trusted my gut and stuck to my guns with the ‘harsh’ profile. Sometimes we change and grow and evolve but the people around us don’t. It’s healthy to re-evaluate and cut off friendships with people who take away value from your life.

Lesson learned: Apply standards to all relationships whether they’re familial, platonic or romantic 🙌