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3last
[+][deleted] 13 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
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[+][deleted] 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]kerrigan7782 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Came here to object about the design, you said it better than I could have lol.
[–]RichardBong 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I almost got nauseated trying to read that, like the same feeling from trying to read a book in the backseat of a car.
[–]Reaperdude97 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That is the problem. Mens Rights is against silly fonts.
[–]radrler 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I fail to see anything. That is one shitty poster.
[–]ENTP 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No contradiction was implied in the title.
[+]pcarvious -6 points-5 points-4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would change "If you change your mind" to "if you tell us to stop". Otherwise I like it.
[–]ThrashtilDeath 11 points12 points13 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
They went a little overboard with the goofy writing.
[–]atheist_verd 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah. I like it, first feminism and MR, but those fonts... could have done better than make it seem silly.
EDIT: Actually, now that I think about it, it seems rather sexist in that it paints the entire thing in a silly light, like we aren't really supposed to take conversations about sex seriously.
[–]dermanus 7 points8 points9 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think these are pretty good. They're gender neutral, and they encourage people to communicate. The font is ugly as sin, but the message is good.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Interesting posters and nothing wrong with the messages. The only problem is if I was talking like this to my girlfriend she would just totally be turned off.
And the font was terrible.
[–]3last[S] 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
your girlfriend would be turned off by you asking "does this turn you on" or "would you like me to ___" or "are you okay with this"?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
We've been in a relationship for almost 6 years, and we've gotten to know what we both like and dislike. If there's something new one of wants to try, we'll just try it out, and if it doesn't work, we do something else. If what one of us wants to try is pretty out there, yeah, we'll talk about it, but not while having sex. That just kills the mood. We'll talk about it beforehand, and decide then if we want to try it next time we're having sex.
There's a lot of trust in our relationship. guess I should count myself lucky.
[+][deleted] 13 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]3last[S] 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
and by "she might be turned off" do you mean "she might have the opportunity to say no and then i would clearly be a rapist if i didn't stop [or get blue balls if i did stop because i apparently don't know how to masturbate]"?
[+][deleted] 13 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]3last[S] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
not trolling, i just genuinely don't understand your point of view around consent. especially because now you are talking about going up to a random person in a bar when you originally were talking about consent with your girlfriend. [edit: just realized the original comment was by a different person, disregard previous sentence!]
i do think ways of asking for & communicating consent are often really different between a first-time experience vs. within a long-term relationship, but either way it seems odd to me that making sure you are giving someone the kind of pleasure they want could somehow be a turn off.
[+][deleted] 13 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]3last[S] 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
that's the whole point of these posters... it's not saying you have to ask "do you want to have sex?" out of the blue (you're right that that can be a turn off, though certainly not always). it's giving some idea of vocab for actually talking about consent in a way that's sexy & respectful.
it wasn't a misunderstanding... i said that if you ask someone if they're into and they say no then you continue with the sexual activity, that would make you a rapist.
[–]Bobsutan 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They're so busy it's just distracting. Very bad design IMO.
[–]DerpMatt 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cant read shit!
[–]Egalitariman 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This is an interesting issue.
Do I think men and women need to consent to sex? Absolutely. To have sex without consent is, indeed, sexual assault.
Do I think that consent needs to be explicitly verbalized? No.
I have been dating someone for several years, and not once have either of us asked each other for permission before making love, even before we were officially dating. The problem with the above stance is that according to it, my girlfriend and I have each sexually assaulted each other (or made that a possibility) every time we have had sex. Most rational people would say this is ridiculous. It sends the message that the only way you can know if someone consents is by asking. But that is untrue. The way someone is acting towards you, touching you, kissing you, or placing their mouth or genitals on yours are all ways that consent can be expressed without words.
The problem with perpetuating this myth is that it makes it easier for those who consented nonverbally to later claim assault or rape. And the problem with accepting this myth is that it makes way for it to be implemented as policy; policy that would unfairly prosecute those who had sex with a nonverbally consenting partner, simply because they didn't ask.
Then how are we to know if someone consents? Well, most people are readily able to pick up on body language and make that distinction fairly easily. Luckily for the others, however, the distinction can be made crystal clear by several monosyllabic words such as "no" or "stop." While persons completely incapacitated (such as by alcohol) cannot say those words, it goes without saying that those persons cannot consent, but perhaps that should be a different poster drive.
Finally, this is a MRA issue because it probably affects men more than women (can you imagine anyone taking seriously a man claiming rape because the woman didn't ask him if it was ok first, despite his obvious advances?). I do appreciate the posters' gender neutrality, though.
[–]BedMonster 12 points13 points14 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It isn't saying that sex without explicit consent is sexual assault; sex without consent is sexual assault. The notion is that yes, millions of non-verbal consent negotiations go perfectly fine - but it is easier to misunderstand non-verbal cues than it is to misinterpret explicit verbal ones.
The more important point is that you don't lose anything by asking - if you're worried that asking "may I?" before your fingers or penis enter her vagina is going to "ruin the mood," or change her mind, let me ask you: Is this someone you really believe it to be a good idea to be having sex with?
If they're not confident enough that they want to have sex to verbally consent to it, they're probably that much more likely to regret it afterwards.
[–]AugustBurning -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well put.
[–]Crimson_D82 -4 points-3 points-2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed, also see above post.
[–]Crimson_D82 -2 points-1 points0 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wish the font weren't so crazy I could more than the corner. I also like the whole "it applies to everyone" but you stated there's more to it than asking. Perhaps if people learned to consent without the other person having to ask. I make it clear to my partners I am ready long before they feel the need to ask.
[–]RichardBong 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
WHY WOULD THEY USE THAT FONT? WHY?
[–]Jesus_marley -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know right? it's like they're trying to revive that old 70's slogan for a new generation. Keep on Fuckin'
[–]EpicJ 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The message is OK but the way they deliver it is unclear and distracts from the message
[–]CptSeaCow -2 points-1 points0 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Consent is ongoing... even the day after :\
[–]RealQuickPoint -2 points-1 points0 points 13 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I support that these posters encourage communication, but dislike the message they're sending :|
[–]powerpiglet 14 points15 points16 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I kind of like them. Can you elaborate on the message you dislike?
They're upbeat instead of depressing/shaming, and they don't cast men as the enemy, as far as I can see.
[–]RealQuickPoint 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Oh they're much better than the typical consent posters, but saying that everything done without explicit consent is sexual assault isn't a good message. Miscommunication happens sometimes.
[–]oneiorosgrip 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I also like that gender isn't mentioned... but I agree that the message is overboard. Action-implied consent is consent just as if it had been spoken... and communication is a two-way street. These posters make it look like the initiating party must also be responsible for initiating all of the communication, as if the other partner has no agency until acted upon or asked questions.
[–]dermanus 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I actually think these ones are a bit more subtle than that. They say "consent is an ongoing conversation". That allows for more personal responsibility. After all, body language is a huge part of conversation.
Also, although they likely didn't intend this, it does imply that consent can't be withdrawn without some kind of conversation, which addresses a common MR argument that some women report regret as rape.
[–]RealQuickPoint -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I disagree, as that's interpreting the posters in an unintended way (which is pretty clear from the wording used on the posters). They're very clearly pushing for explicit affirmation rather than implicit affirmation.
[+][deleted] -9 points-8 points-7 points 13 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Consent is an ongoing message, eh?
Does that mean while I'm banging her I have to keep asking her if she wants to make the sex with me? How often? Like every 30 seconds OK?
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Well there's certainly no other way to tell if someone wants you to keep doing something.
[–]oneiorosgrip 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I can think of a few ways.
[–]Crimson_D82 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
If you've ever watched porn you know how to ask every few seconds without it getting old and you know how to give consent without it getting old.
Much faster than 30, HAHAHA.
[–]oneiorosgrip -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Never seen anyone in porn need to ask every few seconds... nonverbal communication and verbal feedback both seem pretty prevalent.
[–]Crimson_D82 -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Never seen anyone in porn need to ask every few seconds.
Well, there's your problem. Try using your ears for listening and not your eyes. I notice this tends to work better. The point I am attempting to make is you can use dirty talk to give and ask for consent.
[–]oneiorosgrip -2 points-1 points0 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The fact is it is unnecessary to do that. Perception is not limited to your ears, and communication is not only the responsibility of one partner.
[–]Crimson_D82 -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
1) Agreed 2) I am not feeding you anymore- 3) It was a joke.
[–]oneiorosgrip -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
2) ? and 3) Poe's law
[–]SCCROW 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No - every 5 seconds.
"Do you still wanna do it?"....
"Do you still wanna do it?"...
[–]recovering_PMO -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well, about 28 seconds is all I need! Seems like I'm in the clear than.
[+][deleted] -12 points-11 points-10 points 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Those are painful to read since this isn't the 60's.
Also the message is a tired one - that a girl can change her mind halfway through and if you don't get out of there (heh) ASAP then it's rape. I have an issue with them.
[+][deleted] -11 points-10 points-9 points 13 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Doesn't even matter if you stop. If a woman decides after consensual sex that she regrets having sex then you raped her. Even if you weren't the one to have sex with her.
[+]Crimson_D82 -6 points-5 points-4 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Mini tape recorders are a good thing to keep running and hidden.
[–]recovering_PMO 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Isn't it illegal to record a private conversation without the consent of all involved parties? I thought that this was part of what the watergate scandal had brought us. I may be wrong. Feel free to correct me!
[–]Crimson_D82 -2 points-1 points0 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If that were totally true then nanny-cams would be illegal. I honestly don't fully know. I do know on phones calls it's true. Also that's why I said tape and not video. It might help in case you do have to use it and they want to make a big issue of it.
[–]recovering_PMO 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As a call center employee employed by a major US corporation, I can confirm that it is only required to verbally announce the recording of a phone call in Florida, Massachusetts, and Oregon. In every other state there only needs to be an audible notation, and it doesn't need to be a clear indication of the fact that the conversation is being recorded. This could be a simple automatic beep tone, which is the case where I work.
Especially if goblins are sneaking into your house late at night!
[+][deleted] -8 points-7 points-6 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ongoing consent is a ridiculous topic. If you have a problem with something, behave responsibly and let the other person know. They don't have ESP.
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