The Friend Zone

CallHim2Duty · 2014-12-16T16:51:29+00:00

Just remember that you don't have to be her friend anymore if your feelings for her is keeping you from moving on or if she just doesn't feel like a friend anymore. Sometimes it works much the same way as attraction.

You're not entitled to her giving you a chance romantically and she's not entitled to your friendship. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. While the first entitlement is well understood and denounced the second is not, but should be.

sillymod · 2014-12-16T17:19:55+00:00

The "friend zone" is only an issue if the person knows that a friend's nice deeds are for the express purpose of showing worth as a romantic partner and continues to accept them with no intention of reciprocating or distancing themselves from the "nice friend". This is only an issue because the "nice friend" is being consciously used in a way that reinforces their disposability.

Being friends with someone and doing nice deeds for that someone does not entitle you to anything. It is called unrequited love for a reason, get over it.

ExpendableOne · 2014-12-16T17:21:11+00:00

None of this has anything to do with men's rights, to be honest, but here's my personal opinion. I do think it's wrong of you to be that upset, to the point of lashing out at her, just because this girl doesn't want to be anything more serious. It's okay for her not to want to date you. She's allowed her feelings just as you are allowed yours. You doing things for her also doesn't mean that she has to reciprocate. Being angry for not reciprocating your feelings, regardless of what you do for her or how good of a boyfriend you could be, is pointless and counter-productive, not to mention petty, childish and inconsiderate.

That being said, her comparison to a male friend doesn't really make that much sense either. If she knows you're attracted to her, then she should know that this changes the dynamic as well. If she sees that this puts her in a position of power over you or sees that you're doing special things for her that you wouldn't do for other guy friends because of the way you feel about her, she should probably do something about that to keep things fair and avoid taking advantage. If she wants to be your friend, then she needs to acknowledge that you have feelings for her and that this changes things, instead of pretending like the feelings just aren't there or that you're an asshole for feeling them.

It's also not really a good comparisson when two straight men would never really be "rejecting" each other, they would simply never be into one another from the get-go. If she is actually looking to meet a man but rejects you personally, then that is a concious choice that she's making about you personally. It is no longer a problem of gender, or uncontrollable circumstances, but personal choices. Not being into someone because of their gender and not being into someone because you have certain preferences that this person could meet but that you aren't willing to consider/entertain because of some negative pre-conceptions you have against them, are two separate things entirely. It's not like someone who's not gay would ever change his mind on not being gay. Someone that has a certain attitude about another person could certainly change theirs. What you prioritize in the context of a relationship is subjective, prone to error and always changing. Which gender you are attracted to never really changes. Her rejection of you is far more of a concious choice than a guy not being into guys.

In any case, you seem to be in a relationship where there is an imbalanced power dynamic. Unless the both of you actually address this, you will find yourself in a pretty bad situation. It might be easier to just distance yourself from this person until you find someone else or just lose all romantic feelings for her altogether.

lethatis · 2014-12-16T17:34:57+00:00

That friend's name? Albert Einstein.

InfoSponger · 2014-12-16T17:37:06+00:00

You want to avoid the friendzone? Stop trying to be friends with females.

2014-12-16T17:51:36+00:00

Hello, gentlemen.

Tips fedora. Hello to you, my good sir.

I have been reading here for a while, and as a straight male a popular topic appears to be the Friend Zone.

What and where and when have you been reading? A search for 'friendzone' in the history of this subreddit yields SEVEN results.

AdmiralKuznetsov · 2014-12-16T20:11:14+00:00

Obvious troll is far too obvious.

Lrellok · 2014-12-16T21:24:52+00:00

This is pretty simple, invert her arguement.

Has "calum" ever asked you to help him with his homework? Deal with his ex girlfriend issues? Get his ex girlfriend to leave a party for him?

I think we need to stop using the term "freind zone". This term implies she is being your freind, which she is not.

pizzaISpizza · 2014-12-16T16:54:18+00:00

First off, that didn't happen and this is clearly an agenda post, but....

There is a difference between a girl being a true friend to a guy, and a girl "putting a guy in the friend zone". In the hypothetical example you provided, you say that A was "a great friend to me". Yet, you give no examples of how she was a good friend to you. You do, however, give several examples of how you were a great friend to her:

Helped her with her homework
Helped her with boyfriend troubles
Talked to her boyfriend for her about leaving a party
(figuratively) give her everything
Been there for her when she needed you

Now maybe A was also being a friend to you, but you didn't provide any examples or evidence of that.

Being a friend to a person means that there is give and take in the relationship. Both parties contribute to the relationship, but both parties get something out of the relationship. I don't see that in the example you provided. I don't see what you're getting out of the relationship other than the "good feeling" of being able to help someone out.

Being put in the friend zone is when one person does the majority of the taking in the relationship while the other is primarily a giver. The taker manipulates the giver with the illusion that, so long as the giving continues, the taker might develop feelings for the giver and the relationship could develop into more of a give-and-take relationship. They use phrases like "I can't be with you right now" or "I'm not ready" or whatever.

Again, you don't provide any specific examples in your hypothetical about whether or not A was "leading you on" or "keeping you around". But based upon the few details you did give, the relationship seems a lot more like a Friend Zone that benefits A rather than a friendship that benefits you both.

zulu127 · 2014-12-16T16:47:44+00:00

I'm curious. What things has she done for you to make the friendship stronger?

CallHim2Duty · 2014-12-16T17:08:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

jtaylor73003 · 2014-12-16T17:09:47+00:00

Sounds more like you are in unrequited love which is made worse since you fell in love with your friend. I think she might be more accepting of you hurt feelings if you explain it more along those. Also were you always trying to go out with her or was this really falling for her out of the blue?

yelirbear · 2014-12-16T16:36:01+00:00

The friend zone is a self established comfort zone - it has no risk. Once it is established she wont think of you in a romantic way. There's a few things you could do if you really wanted to move it to the next level but that's a question for TRP not mens rights xD

James_Duggan · 2014-12-16T20:15:17+00:00

Young love. LOL. Once you get to be my age, you'll have learned that women do and say this kind of thing all the time. They're simply not trustworthy.

The_Red_Puke · 2014-12-16T20:34:26+00:00

Dude you just got friendzoned! Huh huh. Pretty embarassing, right?

Title	The Friend Zone
Author	CallHim2Duty
Upvotes	0
Comments	43
Date	December 16, 2014 4:28 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/2phapk/the_friend_zone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/the-friend-zone.992057 https://theredarchive.com/post/992057

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