Love is not enough.

TheToastTot · 2014-08-27T13:21:38+00:00

Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term.

This. I've seen countless women say "men are assholes!" whilst only dating assholes. It's important to be logical about the things our partner does. Just because he gives you butterflies in your stomach doesn't mean he'll make a good captain. There is no "the one."

Love does not solve your relationship problems.

The only thing that can fix a relationship is a partner that is willing to change and make sacrifices. Sure your SO might love you, nut you might be a nagging harpy that emasculates him. Him loving you won't fix this, you changing for him is the only thing that will fix this.

In loving relationships, it’s normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own desires, their own needs, and their own time for one another. I would argue that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship so great.... A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it.

Basically, find a good captain that has your best interests at heart, nothing new here lol.

philomexa · 2014-08-27T15:08:04+00:00

Good article, my only beef is that he COMPLETELY mischaracterizes Trent Reznor and his song Love is Not Enough (which is not about love...like, AT ALL).

swift-heart · 2014-08-27T15:18:12+00:00

this is wonderful. kind of tempted to share it on facebook, which is a really rare occurence for me

PhantomDream09 · 2014-08-27T15:34:03+00:00

Excellent article, thank you for sharing this with everyone.

The truth is, it went wrong before it even began.

When dating and looking for a partner, you must use not only your heart, but your mind. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like cherry popsicles. But you also need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their worldviews in general. Because if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you…well, as the ski instructor from South Park once said, you’re going to have a bad time.

A stable relationship has to consist of more than fireworks and sizzles. We often have women ask "how can I if a man is good or not?" - in fact there's a thread on the sub right now called Captain Characteristics". We warn users about being overly specific with 'check-lists' because many people go off the deep end with unrealistic musts. Many people have a physical 'type' that they prefer, which is fine...but also something I never really understood.

My exes look nothing alike, nor do their personalities have much in common. My SO is very different from the other gentlemen I dated, and far better in every way imaginable. I never had a 'must' list in terms of looks, or job or politics. Instead I had things that I valued, and that I wanted my SO to value as well. If I'm being completely honest, I never really knew what I wanted (and needed) until Occam came along and showed me everything that had always been missing previously.

So instead of all or nothing 'must' lists that cover everything from eye color to suit preference, go with something a little more abstract.

Finances: We have similar attitudes towards money
Social Life: We both like to spend out time doing similar 'energy level' activities (both extroverts and introverts may struggle more if they pair with someone that is opposite to them)
Personal morality/philosophies: We either both have similar ideas, or we can discuss anything at length without feeling irritated/pressured to change our stance. My SO and I have many similar outlooks, but when our opinions don't line up it's never an issue.
Honest/Straightforward: You can trust that he will always tell you what you need to hear (even if it's not the same as what you want to hear). A good man let's you know exactly what you mean to him. If he wants to be in a relationship with you, he will make that known.
We both feel the same way about kids and marriage. This is huge. If you want 5 kids, then dating Mr. Hunk isn't going to work if he isn't interested in being a dad. I cannot tell you how many people start (and stay) in relationships with the hope/belief that their SO will "come around eventually." I see both men and women continue along, thinking that their SO will magically do a 180 on either (or both) of these subjects. Think of the outcomes:

They do genuinely change their opinion
You genuinely come around to their way of thinking
They don't actually change, but they decide to set aside their own preferences to make you happy
You don't actually change, but you set aside your personal wants to make your SO happy

You do not want to gamble when it comes to marriage and kids if you feel strongly about these subjects - so don't put yourself in a position where you have to cross your fingers and hope. Don't fall for the trap that says "I can change him for the better!" If you don't like the person he is and the values he holds when you meet him, then you should move on.

HappyWifeLife · 2014-08-27T16:07:30+00:00

Great article! thanks for sharing it!

lostatsea93 · 2014-09-01T23:54:36+00:00

This is perfect.

SILENTSAM69 · 2014-08-27T20:13:01+00:00

While I believe the title, the person who wrote this was an idiot who made up some of that, or just has no idea what they are talking about.

They seem to know nothing about Trent Reznor for one. The guy did a lot of drugs.

Title	Love is not enough.
Author	TheToastTot
Upvotes	30
Comments	11
Date	August 27, 2014 1:21 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2eq0y4/love_is_not_enough/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/love-is-not-enough.2128 https://theredarchive.com/post/2128

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