Let’s talk prenups.

Banincoming · 2017-10-18T00:00:32+00:00

I have mixed feelings. As a pragmatist, it's 100% logical. But if you don't trust the person you are marrying, why marry them?

that_other_person1 · 2017-10-17T13:11:45+00:00

My husband and I talked about it. He has oodles of money saved up since he is 34 and is really frugal. He lived in a small, shared apartment (he had his own room, but shared a living area and kitchen with random people) (he now lives with his parents since he gave up his apartment when he visited me in the US for three months and had stayed since then he can move to me straight away when he is accepted). He started out that way since he had started a business and didn’t have that much money when he started out due to the recession. After his business improved, he still lived there so he could save up for a house eventually, since he lives in England and houses are enormously expensive there.

This may be a lot of background, but I feel like it’s important. His parents had discussed a long time ago doing a prenup if he ever gets married. They hadn’t brought it up again when we were going to get married, but he did write up one for us anyway. It isn’t a long term one though. I forget exactly what it says, but I believe if we get divorced within a year when he moves to the US, he’d keep all his money. But then after that, it is null and void.

My parents didn’t like the sound of a prenup at all. They thought it seemed unromantic, like he didn’t think our marriage would last. But I know that’s not it, he just has a lot of money saved up, and is extremely logical. It is his personality.

I didn’t like discussing this at all, but I understood the need for it.

Actually this post got me thinking why he hadn’t done a more thorough prenup. I think he is very confident we will work out. We are both intelligent, logically minded people (though I am more emotional, I am not ‘dramatic’), and love discussing deep topics and have already grown together in these. So I don’t think he can see us growing apart. I already knew this.

But he is also completely fine living pretty simply. He didn’t mind living in that shared apartment. He doesn’t mind eating microwave meals. He is always telling me how important his business is, and how he likes having some influence over the software of creating websites (he codes a software you can use to create and enhance websites). He is perfectly happy working a lot. So I think he knows in the back of his mind, even though he hasn’t told me, that he’d be fine going to a more simple way of living if we get divorced.

Whisper · 2017-10-20T08:37:44+00:00

Prenups are useful... because family courts love a good laugh.

In all seriousness, family courts have torn up these agreements for all kinds of reasons, including feeling that it was "unfair", or that it was "signed under duress" (and, yes, duress can include "he wouldn't have married me if I didn't sign").

It's important to understand that marriage is no longer a contract.

Contracts have:

Terms
Consent
Enforcement

... modern marriage has none of these things. The terms are undefined (only to be decided by a court if and when the union is dissolved), they don't have consent (because you can't consent if you don't know what you are consenting to), and they don't have enforcement (because undefined terms cannot be enforced).

Now, the prenup is an attempt by couples to take back control of their marriage from the state, by explicitly defining terms and making a contract. Problem is, it requires the assent of the state to do so, and the state has already decided it doesn't want marriage to be a contract.

So you can try it, but don't expect miracles.

TetraKent · 2017-10-17T23:38:56+00:00

One time when I was in a LTR with a man who fancied himself an entrepeneur and was one of those "temporarily embarrased milionaire" types. And the topic of Pre-nups came up and he said he insisted on one. I was already fine with this even before I knew RP concepts. But I added "You know that pre-nups become invalid if the husband is caught cheating." Even if it wasn't true (i just read it somewhere) His reaction of concern and confusion was a major tell and was another reason not to choose him as a husband.

pmononoke1 · 2017-10-17T10:48:04+00:00

I just read this article a few days back and I believe it has a valid perspective. Here is a link and info (incase link doesn't work just google it and it will show up) Prenup Is a Four-Letter Word Modern Love By ABBY MIMS OCT. 13, 2017 https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/13/style/modern-love-prenup-is-a-four-letter-word.html?_r=0

StrongAffordance · 2017-10-17T05:48:45+00:00

As a divorced, newly Red Pill aware man, I will do my very best to ensure that any man I care about (brother cousin friend), if they choose the risks of marriage, do not do so without a rock solid prenup.

loneliness-inc · 2017-10-17T06:18:06+00:00

It's an interesting step back from the "forever love" idea. I heard of one very well off millionaire who had like $20 000 per year of marriage and $230 000 per child conceived. But love is priceless amirite?

2017-10-17T18:24:28+00:00

I'd have signed a prenup. My husband is a 1% owner of the family ranch and will get 1/3 when his parents die. I'd have been happy to say I have no rights to it and even that I'll repay any of my debt he paid off, if we're married for less than 10 years... but that's about all I could do. In my state, you can't sign away alimony. Even though I say I wouldn't want anything from him and that I have my own well-paying career, we can't make that legally binding. Additionally, any wealth we build would be divided 50/50 if we divorced, under state law. Prenup only applies to the wealth existing prior to the nuptials.

Ultimately, it never happened. I was completely willing, but my husband never really got around to it. Good thing for him, I've no intentions of taking advantage, because I still think it would've been entirely reasonable.

SouthernAthena · 2017-10-18T11:49:10+00:00

I would absolutely get a prenup. I've heard it referred to in RP land as marriage insurance, and I think that's the best way of putting it. If you had a 50% chance of breaking your leg as a bull rider, and you were able to get insurance (health, disability), wouldn't you be crazy not to?

There's a ~50% divorce rate in the US. You'd be crazy not to make legally binding provisions when everyone is amicable and clear-headed.

I've heard some pretty BP reactions from my parents too, but let's be honest... I know my parents don't understand the reality of modern dating, and I don't particularly want them to have to look into that abyss. But we can't afford to buy into the fairytale ending.

As for what should be discussed in a prenup: first and foremost child custody. Then finances and division of goods (like the house). Write your prenup like you're going to need it, and act to make sure you never do.

2017-10-19T00:20:02+00:00

It is my understanding that prenups rarely hold up in court when challenged, especially the longer the marriage.

it_was_awiens · 2017-10-17T14:39:13+00:00

Prenuptial agreements are not effective. The female party can claim she signed it in duress (because she was in love, and it was the only way to get married), and the prenup would be tossed out just like that. They really are worthless.

I think the only possible solution is just not getting married, and getting a cohabitation agreement. Each individual might be able to keep their own earnings/assets that way.. but even then, it probably depends.. if you have kids or something the male then is probably forfeiting all assets regardless.

2017-11-15T21:55:28+00:00

I don't know if my beliefs on this subject are RP or not. I personally am fine with pre-nups. It doesn't mean your spouse won't support you throughout the marriage- its just protection from them (or you) losing money you've worked hard to earn. Finances aren't romantic or sexy, but it's an important topic.

Spazzy19 · 2017-10-18T00:41:52+00:00

I don't want one. I divorced after a 10 year marriage a little over a year ago, but I did not try to take things that weren't mine. He had sex addiction problems and had an affair, and despite my hurt, I never had the desire to injure him that way. We'd always been very much on the same page financially, and to this day we could borrow money from each other or rely on each other financially if needed.

We split our home equity, I kept my furniture I brought into the marriage, we divvied joint items up, and even helped each other move. He refused to let me contribute to the $380 Divorce fees too.

I want to find another partner with a similar financial outlook and demeanor where things are looked at fairly. I will eventually inherit a chunk of change, and I own a new property. I still don't like the idea of a pre-nup because I plan to vet well enough that I will already know how my partner will generally react when emotions run high. And I don't want to be with anyone who would want to ruin me just because he can.

Laceandsilks · 2017-10-17T14:06:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2017-10-17T22:12:43+00:00

In the USA, a poor lawyer can get a prenuptial thrown out.

Title	Let’s talk prenups.
Author	redpilledsub
Upvotes	22
Comments	45
Date	October 17, 2017 4:57 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/76wct9/lets_talk_prenups/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/lets-talk-prenups.73610 https://theredarchive.com/post/73610

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