Hi, please be gentle. I’m at 44 days without sex, which is the longest I’ve gone my entire adult life since age 19. I got married young to a very immature, controlling, and insecure man and had a tough 14 years with him before he got so violent I finally left. I was raised very religious so a lot of these RPW concepts are automatic for me, but proper vetting was not something I learned!

I’ve never done the “cock carousel” thing, but definitely am guilty of “branch swinging”. In the 3 years I’ve been divorced, I’ve had two serious 1.5 year relationships and haven’t ever been truly alone until now. My last relationship was “on a break” for the past month and a half and officially ended two weeks ago. We had gotten together right after he separated from his wife of ten years and he says that even though he deeply loves me, he has too much baggage, drinks too much, and doesn’t feel worthy of love or want to be in a relationship any more.

So far I’ve been spending lots of time with my kids and other family, reading, journaling, meditating, going to therapy, fasting, getting lots of sleep, and trying to heal. I also started going to the Unitarian Church and praying again (after being atheist /anti-religion for 5 years as a rebellion against the overly strict conservative church I had been in all my life). Im back to a healthy weight for the first time in 4 years. I’m also learning how to set appropriate boundaries.

This is all so much to process, and any guidance or support is appreciated. I’m expecting to spend at least 6-18 months in nun mode to fully recover and heal and learn to properly vet. I’m not even sure I’ll want to date again at all until my kids are grown. (Kids are 12, 10, and 3. For math buffs, yes the youngest was born during the divorce. Controlling ex husband got me pregnant when he knew I was thinking of leaving, as part of his pattern of escalating control, jealousy, stalking, and threats. I left anyway while I was pregnant.)