My Mom is Abusive

vagbutters · 2017-01-21T09:20:31+00:00

Most women are cruel as fuck to beta men and resent being with them.

My ex had a very shy / introverted father and a bitch mother and she ingrained her mothers behavior even though her father pretty much raised her.

She'd relentlessly shit test me and probably thought any guy could be broken in with enough shit testing / nagging.

I walked away from her mid conversion on multiple occasions and even got physical, but it didn't phase her at all. She gave lip service and worked even harder on any perceived weak points she found.

Even when guys aren't married to petty dictator bitch wives that make their life hell, the vast majority of guys become slaves to their imperatives.

I used to hate on women for having non existent logic reasoning abilities when I was nothing but a young aspie, but now I have mad respect for their natural manipulation abilities to make guys follow their imperative (maximum resource provision until she can branch swing to a perceived better guy).

Alphas tend to see through their behavior and aren't easily manipulated, which women value because a beta might easily have his resources extracted by someone else.

HappyScribe · 2017-01-21T12:35:11+00:00

I feel for your dad. My dad was broken by a BPD woman who was never satisfied. When I say broken, he had a complete nervous breakdown and now, almost 20 years later, is only beginning to recover.

His sense of humor went first, then his ambition and then he gave up his dreams. He was forbidden to have any friends away from home. He was violently attacked in his sleep - to the point I grew up in a house where we locked our doors at night, and I still find it hard to sleep with someone in the same room as me.

Be aware that how you model your own relationships is often based on how your parents behaved toward each other. You will either mimic your parents, or do a 180 and try to be totally different. You will be tempted to be a domineering control freak, and this is a mistake. Some arguing and compromise is necessary - you might not want to visit her folks on Thanksgiving, but decide to do so anyway to make her happy. What is important is you prioritize your mission in life, yourself and then your woman.

Be there for your dad. Try to get him to go out with friends away from your mom.

radioactivities9 · 2017-01-21T06:24:41+00:00

I've somewhat the same issue. My mother can be really tyrannical. She has a bad concept of boundaries, if any. This partly came from being a mother and making all the domestic decisions. So she likes to especially take her neurosis out on me (her adult daughter, therefore her extension of herself) in ways which the specfics don't matter.

During one heated argument I told her: "I'm not your husband and I'm not your son. I'm a woman. I don't care how happy you are. I will fight with you. I'm not going to accept you act like that and rationalize that it's ok because 'you're just a harmless woman' Do you realize that?"

It made her go quiet. It had her adjust her actions in the future. Not majorly, but significantly. She suprisingly stopped being a non-stop harridan.

I think some women don't know that men accept women's behaviors because they are WOMEN not because the women are justified, proper, enlightened, whatever they may think.

If this rings true, find a way to get her to understand this in some way.

You are her son, I don't know your situation, but there might be a chance that you can get through to her, because in most cases a woman's son can do no wrong. He's like a little god full of potential she wouldn't want to interfere with. It's not so easy for your dad, even if it seems simple. He likely knows why she is like this, what happened in her life, as he is her husband. And he is probably right to be compassionate. Married people can grow a lot of bad dynamics together. It is hard to change.

But you may have more influence than you think. My mom certainly values my brothers opinion and respects him more than she does me or my dad, in the everyday ways.

I'm glad I read this. And you have saved yourself years of hurt realizing that you don't have to accept that type of behaviour. Weathering pain is a masculine narrative, but your home should be a reprieve.

drty_pr · 2017-01-21T14:06:26+00:00

It's your dads fault man. Thats going to sting, but it's a fact. Head over to MRP if you don't believe me. As a man it's your responsibility to set boundaries and enforce them too. There is nothing you can do bro. You can't change people. They can only change themselves.

Use it as a tool and NEVER settle for that shit should you choose to go down the family road. It took me 11 years of marriage to discover red pill. So much past precedent has been set, it's a coin flip as to whether I can turn this ship around. Take solace in the fact you will be equipped with the tools to forge yourself the relationship you want.

evilcatnap · 2017-01-21T06:05:06+00:00

This is your Dad's fault.

As men it is our job to train our woman and keep them in line by teaching them.

Think of the relationship as a father to daughter one (figuratively, not in the sexual sense).

Your Dad is a beta male, I know this is hard to hear, but if he wasn't then this wouldn't be happening. What you see is your mother's unsatisfied need coming to the surface as shit tests to get a rise from your father. His failing to pass the majority only gives her more control and reason to act out.

She doesn't even know she's doing it and to some extent she may think she's keeping him 'manly' by putting him under pressure.

Learn what not to do from your Dad. As sad as that may sound.

But when it comes to relationships one person 'wears the pants' so to say, and in this case it is your mother.

Bandos15 · 2017-01-22T12:14:47+00:00

Same situation here, but with my sister being dominant as fuck also. Picking order at home: sister >mother>me/dad. I moved out of the house after nearly killing myself. Left my dad there, using alcohol to numb his pain. Lesson learned. Never Let women dominate you.

dwd3xedwsz · 2017-01-23T00:23:26+00:00

My dad seems like he is disengaging from life to some extent, and when I visit them now he has a bottle of wine over dinner and watches sports.

I wish I had an easy solution for this. The only thing I can think of is trying to invite him sometime to hang out without your mom present. Or try to get him back in touch with his friends. And keep trying. Persistence is the way to get anything done.

NeoreactionSafe · 2017-01-21T15:26:38+00:00

Your dad has been failing Shit Tests for years.

He may have been fairly healthy in a masculine way (just by nature) as a younger man, but he's allowing "Female Game" to grind him down into beta.

Realize you are seeing the damage of years of Shit Tests.

All you can do is understand the dynamic and dedicate your life to Red Pill awareness that will allow you to pass Shit Tests and prevent this from happening.

He never knew the Truth of life... you have the chance to correct that.

Arie_R · 2017-01-21T16:47:31+00:00

Your parents have been together from before you were around so they likely have a pretty long history together, much of which you will not know about and may never know. It's sometimes hard to imagine how parents even liked each other to begin with and what kept/keeps them together; I have had similar thoughts with regards to my own parents. It sounds like your mum is behaving badly and that perhaps other people in your dad's situation would not put up with it, but you don't know their dynamics and history completely; if you did, you might understand your dad's behaviour better.

What you could do is point out the situation whenever something happens, stating you think your mum is unreasonable or maybe blowing things out of proportion. Perhaps if she hears it from someone else, she might reflect more on her behaviour. This could also make the situation worse where she might think you are teaming up with your dad against her and this will affect your relationship with your mum.

Your mother may also 'put up' with your dad in ways you don't know about. No one is perfect and in any relationship, people have to accept character traits of the other person. Maybe your dad is not doing enough around the house, maybe he's never been supportive of your mum's ambitions/plans, maybe he didn't help out when you (and any siblings) were small, maybe he's blown a lot of family money on gambling or some other hobby that benefited no one but himself, maybe he's been unfaithful, maybe he's neglectful of your mum's needs, who knows.

radioactivities9 · 2017-01-21T19:17:00+00:00

Does she have grandkids, if she is at that age? If not, are you the only one that could make that happen for her?

I think my mom is miffed that she doesnt have grandkids when many of her friends have. She feels it's something people have to complete their lives. Entitled to, perhaps.

trapaik · 2017-01-21T19:36:46+00:00

Same issue here kind of.. Except my dad has cheated in the past

rainyweathergirl · 2017-01-22T13:47:12+00:00

It sounds like your mom has some anger, ego and control issues and it can be impossible to set down boundaries with these sorts of people especially if they hold the cards in something that can potentially destroy your life. I have an ex boyfriend like this, and I won't go into detail but when I left him he took a lot from me. Because I happen to be a more passive and complacent person I always found it hard to fight back. I have a sister like this also and it took me years to finally zone her out of my life for good. People like this are never feel like they are in the wrong. In fact, according to them they are selfless and they are always the hero. The only boundary you can set with these people is to completely give up on them. I understand that I only know some of the story, I could be wrong, but from reading your post it sounds like your mom could be one of these people. I feel for your dad if this is the case. It's hard to live a peaceful life with someone so high conflict who has a giant ego.

theamazingswayze · 2017-01-22T19:26:34+00:00

After a while in marriage, there must be a masculine figure, and a female figure. There are dominant and submissive roles.

Unfortunately if your Dad no longer takes charge in the house, your mother really has no choice but to assume an Alpha Woman attitude. It's really fucked up.

But at least now you understand what's happening.

OP, make sure this never happens to you.

ozaku7 · 2017-01-22T19:44:23+00:00

It is clear that your dad is at fault here. But do not ever give in to your mom's manipulative crap.

epubliusrex · 2017-01-23T00:04:55+00:00

Your mother is a Borderline. Look it up. I bet it fits.

All men need to know what the criteria are for cluster B disorders. Use the DSM IV, not the V.

Gawernator · 2017-01-23T02:30:39+00:00

I have a mother that was verbally and physically abusive too, sadly she has some mental health issues. With a strong father you generally turn out well. Hang in there

sc1690 · 2017-05-22T04:34:51+00:00

I was that father until quite recently then I just got fed up with the crap. I unleashed a verbal nuke character assassination on my (then) domineering wife, recalling dozens of instances when she threw little acid comments my way in front of family and friends, and totally blew her away. She crumbled like paper and started crying. Now she she respects me and can see that I have a backbone and will not tolerate her nonsense any longer. I pointed out to her that I honestly could not give one single solitary fig what she threatens to do to me as I will destroy her as well. Dead Man's Emails come in handy lol Needless to say she has stopped that crap.

Mckallidon · 2017-01-21T18:44:48+00:00

All women are abusive bc AWALT.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-01-22T01:47:31+00:00

I am super pissed, and I don't know what to do about it

You do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Knowledge is power, but it is also a burden. In this case, you have no good way to use your newfound knowledge and it is certainly not your place, or your role to lecture your dad about Pimp Hand or to tell your drama queen mom to knock off her bullshit.

SadKoopa · 2017-01-23T01:29:14+00:00

TL;DR: OP said he's a little bitch and cries victim since he has the idea that the universe rotates to him. Then rants about how he was betrayed because he was a little bitch boy.

Be a man.

Title	My Mom is Abusive
Author	BareFistEmpiricist
Upvotes	63
Comments	68
Date	January 21, 2017 5:44 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5p94h0/my_mom_is_abusive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/my-mom-is-abusive.40200 https://theredarchive.com/post/40200

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