The Post-Third-Date Awkwardness of Not Banging

littleblacktruck · 2017-06-23T17:11:10+00:00

I'll tell you what I tell my daughter... No sex until you're exclusive, i.e. committed.

If every woman followed this rule, the dating world would function much better.

Cook him a meal, discuss exclusivity without pressuring the poor bastard, and then fuck his brains out. Men are simple and have 5 rules for women: 1. Keep me fucked. 2. Keep me fed. 3. Keep up your appearance. 4. Keep from being a pain in the ass. 5. Keep repeating the five rules.

pirateninj4 · 2017-06-23T16:38:23+00:00

Some dudes aren't in that much of a hurry. Most dudes are. He might be more selective than the usual. It's not unheard of to wait longer than 3-4 dates. If he's not going for kissing or hands on stuff I'd be concerned though.

TRPBackpacker · 2017-06-23T17:30:47+00:00

If you are borderline bangable, then I won't initiate sex.

If you are relationship material, I am testing to see if you like me enough to initiate something or reciprocate.

If he is 36 and successful in life/women, he is going to test you.

vibrato2 · 2017-06-23T15:59:20+00:00

What kind of things do you do to keep a relationship going, keep a man interested, and all without sleeping with him? What kind of advice would you have for young women who are trying to remain “good girls” in the midst of a hook-up culture?

blowjobs, cooking, cleaning, massage

Venny_1 · 2017-06-23T16:47:22+00:00

...nor can you assume the worst (that he still just wants to bang)

Him wanting to bang is the worst thought out scenario? Wanting to create a raw, physical, animalistic connection is the worst? If you want to keep the image of a "good girl," then it's not about when to have sex with a man; it's about how to keep a man's interest going after the sex happens. Femininity, intellect, nurturing skills, a low dial on the nagging, keeping alone time for the man (and for yourself as well) etc. These are what keep a man interested and invested in a relationship. These are what define a quality woman.

By the way, the worst scenario would be for you to have developed a oneitis for this man, only to find out he has been mending his sexual urge outside of you. Food for thought.

MentORPHEUS · 2017-06-23T19:31:34+00:00

My preference is for LTRs, never same day bang or ONS. Also, I personally savor the teasing and push-pull of courting. Therefore, my dating funnel and escalation rate are calibrated for a longer-than-TRP-average journey to intimacy.

Most relationships have become intimate on the third or fourth date, not counting an optional brief zeroth-date which is a noncommittal short meeting in person. Most of my GFs found this enjoyable, some would even say "refreshing" in the current dating climate. One GF was very religious (I'm not at all); there was mutual attraction and IIRC we went on nine dates before becoming fully intimate.

Often this is not openly discussed; it is usually mentioned in both of our dating site profiles that we don't want a ONS. The escalation proceeds comfortably, with an enjoyable push-pull and escalate-cool down cycle that allows a certain amount of indulgence in partial intimacy, yet without allowing lust and horomones to be the primary drivers.

Women who did not savor the courtship never made it to LTR status. Some ejected without comment, a few complained as if something was wrong and were rejected. Those who were very sexually aggressive and pushed the pace faster than I led (very intimate touching or unilaterally shedding all clothes on date 1/2) proved to be BAD LTR material and flamed out before the 45 day mark.

Actionable advice for women who want to keep their integrity and prospective boyfriend's interest

Vet and preselect! Make sure you're on the same page with relationship intentions. If he openly says he's not seeking a serious relationship, next him because you won't sex your way to his commitment.
Express your preference in positive terms, not negative. "I'm interested in a long-term committed relationship, not a hookup" is much more appealing than "If you just want sex KEEP IT MOVING because I'm not that kind of girl!!!1!!!"
When you have a serious prospect who mutually values a certain amount of waiting, what's really important is that he feels progress. This means pacing the intimacy with push-pull, not going all the way to your soft limit immediately then having no further escalation to offer. It's much more enjoyable for both parties to have a long slow ramp toward intimacy, than to go straight to a plateau then stagnate there.
Blue balls is a real physical phenomenon in men. When we're excited without release for hours, it physically hurts. Don't dismiss this reality from your awareness whatever rate of escalation is right for you.
If your goal is a LONG escalation (virgin, waiting for marriage or engagement), consider alternatives to PIV or oral that meet physical needs as part of the long escalation ramp, or keeping a lengthy plateau period satisfying, once you've mutually decided to proceed with a serious relationship. This might include light petting (touching/caressing everywhere but boobs, butt, crotch), underwear cuddling (where touching anywhere unclothed is fair game), each party masturbating while making out, mutual masturbation.

nicetimeisback · 2017-06-23T16:29:57+00:00

Let me tell you, if you are not having sex with a guy and you are not desperately wanting to have it, it means you don't like him (physically).

Just stop wasting his time, don't be an evil cunt.

max_peenor · 2017-06-23T16:30:38+00:00

Let's be honest here. If he isn't trying to turn the relationship sexual by now, do you really think it's going to have any fire later?

Waiting just isn't something people do any more.

DontTreadOnSnek · 2017-06-23T17:14:13+00:00

In my personal opinion, if we haven't banged by the end of the third "date," and definitely by the fourth "date," I'm probably going to move on - you can be the most perfect unicorn this world has ever seen, but if you're going to jerk me around and deny my intimacy needs just to make yourself feel a little bit less of a slut, when both of us know you've fucked guys on the first night before, I'm out.

ThirdEyeSqueegeed · 2017-06-23T16:45:51+00:00

How long are you expecting him to wait?

zyk0s · 2017-06-23T20:12:28+00:00

I don't understand what advice you are looking for. Do you have a specific question? Do you want some validation for your strategy? Do you want to know when to say yes to sex?

You say you're Roman Catholic, 30 and living in the South. You also say you "don't sleep around". Are you a virgin? If yes, you should let him know, and should be stating you will to get married and be a traditional wife. But I'm gonna assume you aren't, and aren't in a hurry to get married. If that's the case, your Catholicism doesn't really matter, does it?

Here are the dynamics you need to understand: you find him attractive, so you guys are now at the stage where he's buying your sex and paying with his commitment. Both of you are trying to determine the price. First, you need to figure out what you want from him, and if it's likely he's willing to pay that price. Your value is roughly whatever you've priced yourself at in the past (if you've had ONSs, you're worth a few drinks, if you've waited until marriage, you're worth a marriage). So the advice would be, price yourself slightly lower, unless you've genuinely become a better woman over the years.

Phoenixtorment · 2017-06-23T16:50:54+00:00

You need to explain more, did he try to escalate with you sexually and you denied him?

Ercole-- · Fri Jun 23 18:52:20 2017 UTC

Just invite yourself to his place and say "I never do this. I'm not that type of girl". Should clear up any confusion and then the sex will clear up any awkwardness.

GreenPiller · 2017-06-23T19:45:24+00:00

You know the world is fucked when women don't know how to keep a man interested. 1.Fuck him 2.Be pleasant 3.Cook for him If that doesn't keep him interested please tell him to fuck off.

[deleted] · 2017-06-23T20:15:10+00:00

Lol, you had these standards from 19 till now? Good luck then.

Me thinks this is a deliberate change in strategy.

TunedtoPerfection · 2017-06-23T20:14:33+00:00

It's only awkward if you or he makes it awkward. It can only be made awkward if you both pussy foot around the subject.

If I'm not reasonably sure we are having sex there will be no third date. But, honestly you wouldn't talk to me past the first date as for my current situation I am only looking for FWB or plates, and i make that abundantly clear right out the gate as every man in the dating scene today should.

If the woman is worth knowing without having sex with her, then I will continue the relationship and it never gets awkward since we already broached the subject.

the-capitan · 2017-06-23T20:39:01+00:00

on top of waiting as long as possible, you can also never raise the time to wait. if you do, you just alpha widowed yourself.

i've had a couple girls since swallowing the redpill whose SMV and RMV wre high enough that i considered them for LTR. even if they shot down my escalation while giving IOIs, the initial wait wasn't the problem... it was finding out that they are making me wait when she didn't make a previous guy wait. it means she's not attracted to me, she's zoned me as a beta, she only wants my resources, she's alpha widowed, and any relationship is doomed to failure. i shit test her back by cutting resources to zero, and she always walks away.

MattyAnon · 2017-06-23T19:54:30+00:00

. The general population views the fourth date as the date where it is finally acceptable for the woman to bang.

Third.

. You cannot assume the best (that he has oneitis for you too) n

You're just using "oneitis" in place of love.

Oneitis is a terrible stupid thing for a man to get. It's inappropriate to feel this for a woman with an n-count higher than zero who you're not planning to marry.

Sorry girl, but you are not worthy of the commitment you desire.

) nor can you assume the worst (that he still just wants to bang).

What the fuck is this shit...... there's something wrong with sex now?

You must talk to him about not banging. If you worry about how he feels about you emotionally it is clearly not time to bang.

Thank god I don't do monogamy with this kind of female thinking out there.

What kind of things do you do to keep a relationship going, keep a man interested, and all without sleeping with him?

Fuck off, not interested in orbiting.

What kind of advice would you have for young women who are trying to remain “good girls” in the midst of a hook-up culture?

The trick to remaining a virgin is to not have sex.

Also, if he expresses desire for exclusiveness and monogamy it will come across more genuinely.

Good luck locking down your beta, I will not help you reach your hypergamic goals.

Bear-With-Bit · 2017-06-23T19:40:49+00:00

Giving women dating advice is pearls on swine. They're just gonna do whatever they want, even to their own detriment.

stemgang · 2017-06-23T20:36:02+00:00

4th date? I always heard 3rd date. If she is not ready by then, I assume I have failed the screening and cut my losses.

Ercole-- · 2017-06-23T19:07:23+00:00

Edited:

Just invite yourself to his place and say "I never do this. I'm not that type of girl". If it's true, you'll clear up the awkwardness of not banging your boyfriend. If it's false, you'll either have a bitch for a boyfriend or he'll hit it and quit it like a man.

Or you could drive on like you're doing and pass the last exit on the "Just Friends" highway.

yummyluckycharms · 2017-06-23T20:44:04+00:00

Op: you're not ready for a relationship. If you're havent fucked a guy by the third date, you're friendzoning him and wasting his time. I usually dump a girl if no sex by third, sometimes by 2nd date. My time is simply too valuable

Title	The Post-Third-Date Awkwardness of Not Banging
Author	Landry86
Upvotes	28
Comments	109
Date	June 23, 2017 3:34 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6j1xd5/the_postthirddate_awkwardness_of_not_banging/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/the-post-third-date-awkwardness-of-not-banging.44220 https://theredarchive.com/post/44220

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