I want feedback on improving my frame.

I have read the sidebar, WISNIFG, NMMNG, MMSL, WOFSM, SGM, PFS, all of roissy, rollo, etc.

Early 40s , 5,11', 185, bp 225x12, 20 pullups in a single set, etc. Just made a huge move to start my own business in a prestigious industry and it's going great. Make 500k-ish a year. Everyone in my life talks about my natural game/dominance/strong personality. Go to the gym 5x week.

I have 3 kids (1 from other woman), and have been with my wife for over a decade.

Before my marriage I spinned plates, etc.. 5-6 at once.

My wife was more submissive early on, but has slowly attempted to take more of the frame. She has some ingrained feminist beliefs from childhood she hid when she took up with me.

My wife is LSE and very jealous, accuses me of looking at women, goes bananas, asks if I have someone else, etc, and goes into pouting fits sometimes.

The cycle goes: I live my frame, very much on my terms, doing my projects (work extensively with my hands in free time), take care of kids, do hobbies, frequent and hot sex with wife -- average 3-4x per week. I rarely talk to my wife about my feelz (if ever), and if anything, share very little with her (certainly not many emotions). She does have defined household tasks, as do I, and I do work to give her affection/comfort outside of sex, but truthfully, most of my expressed love comes during sex (DEVI). Periodically, my wife gets mad and accuses me of not loving her, being an asshole, never apologizing, etc.. All of her friends have bluepill cowed husbands. Early on, I would struggle, DEER, talk etc, and also I struggled with OI if she denied sex. Eventually, the drama would end and life would go back to normal. Over the years, in the infrequent case of sexual denial I have become much better about OI, and I got better about fogging, AA, etc

Then one of the episodes culminated in a divorce threat, which truthfully upset me and made me realize I need work on my OI. I reiterated she is free to go, that I am who I am, but think life is pretty good, etc. I scheduled a divorce mediation and she basically skipped it. She stayed, hot sex, about a year of good living with frequent fucking, regular dates, family vacationing, me owning the finances, etc.

In the middle of my business launch 2 weeks ago (which is an SMV boost for me), she was asking lots of questions about how it was going and I felt she was being needy. I also don't really ever observe "sharing" with her bringing us closer together. I pulled away / went aloof which is my pattern, and she doubled down, went into a standoff. I go more aloof, she goes aloof, until she breaks after days and cries and tells me I never apologize, I dont need her, I don't treat her like an equal (LOL), it's like I dont even like her, etc. She says she's on edge all the time, sad, worried I am going to leave, is there another woman, etc. I tried to initiate sex and offer comfort but she hard NOs sex and wants cuddling only, which I feel sets a bad precedent after a 2-week dry spell. I might say 'ok goodnight' and roll over -- never plead, and withdraw to focus on other stuff afterward. Last night she overtly asked if I refused to cuddle until we have sex, and I replied at this point yes, sex is the foundation of a marriage, not up for debate for me. She scoffed "it's always what you want.'

So here are my questions:

Am I failing to "let her in" into my vision?

I experience my wife not really being receptive to my sharing information about what happened at work, etc. She praises me, but I have internalized this idea that sharing with her is validation-seeking. Does anyone have feedback on how to let their wife in better without it becoming about validation?

The "you never apologize" and "you dont treat me like an equal" and "I dont feel safe to be vulnerable with you" feels like pure shit test to me, does anyone have any suggestion for responses beyond AA, amused mastery etc? I never agree to change, and she tests and tests until she exhausts herself. Outside these episodes she's pretty submissive.

I shift back/forth between thinking this is a continuing test of my imperfect OI about divorce, versus she gets aroused by testing me at my strongest or weakest moment (or any moment between) and feeling that I will not change. I guess I am starting to think this is a feature, not a bug? The timing of this episode with my huge job distraction is not a coincidence.

I wonder if my test/where I can improve is about my failure to not get pulled into her frame on this, because try as as I do, I am still affected by her mood when she goes this off the deep end. Small mood swings I ignore, but full on silent treatment for days I outwardly dismiss but inwardly it does still affect me.

Any other tips on what I can do to strengthen myself, improve my OI, and overcome these issues that I keep contributing to? I logically know I would be fine if we split. In some ways I think it may be better for me. But I do struggle with true OI and how to address this cycle.

Thanks