Giving gifts (birthday, anniversary, Xmas)

sexyshoulderdevil · 2016-08-26T04:38:42+00:00

Well, your proposed response would pretty much make you the littlest bitch of all the little bitches. So don't do that.

Ya stuck in the anger mode, yes? Want to punish your wife for YOU being a little bitch, do ya? Go on and rub her nose in it real good...that'll fix it all up nice and pretty.

You don't need to buy her expensive gifts and shit. But if she adds at least some value to your life, don't be a dick bag to your wife on her birthday. Go fucking figure something out once you're done playing with your freshly grown clit...

druganswer · 2016-08-26T12:28:40+00:00

We all go through this. You don't want to "reward bad behavior" but not getting a gift on a birthday isn't the best way to do it... MOSTLY because you don't have YOUR shit together. You think that she isn't adding value to your life, but more likely than not, you are fucking up and are adding even less value (in any meaningful form of the word) to her life. You're punishing her and her not getting anything from you stings for a second. Then it stings again and again every time that her friends, family, coworkers ask what her husband got her for her birthday. In fact it stings even more, because now she looks like she has a shitty husband to all the people that matter to her. And she probably already thinks you're shitty in a ton of ways, so she is asking herself what the fuck kind of redeeming value do you even have? Because you're here on MRP asking this, you probably really ARE shitty in a lot of other ways and the answer is probably not very much.

You DID this because you read some bullshit on the internet about how she doesn't deserve a gift because she's a bitch. Now you are probably going to listen to me and a few guys here and do a 180 on this because well... you fucked up. But here's the thing: YOU ARE STILL GOING TO FUCK THIS UP. Unless you really GET the fucking point here, you are still just reading from a script some strangers on the internet gave you and trying to piece it together to fit your specific situation and then hoping that your wife doesn't see you as weak.

"I'll own it, I should have gotten you something. I have not been happy about our relationship and its been bothering me a lot. I've been quite angry the last few weeks."

This is getting there. But fuck even blaming it on "being unhappy about our relationship." This sounds like you're about to have a talk about what you're unhappy about or something. "I was angry with you and so I did not get you a gift. I realize in hindsight it was childish and short sighted. I'm working on not being so irrational about this kind of stuff." That's not eloquently put, but spice a version of that up and you have a sentence that owns your fuck up, doesn't throw excuses or grovel for her acceptance, and shows that you have improvement in mind.

What would blue pill you have done? Probably gotten her a fucking gift because she's your wife and you love her. We seriously need to have a post that says don't do/say things TO your wife for the first X months of your journey. Work on your damn self before you start trying to pull some "alpha" bullshit on your wife. You're going to end up with a wife that not only doesn't find you attractive but actually hates your fucking guts.

If you're still here in a year and you have taken her to the place you had your first kiss for your anniversary, and you got her a single red rose and a framed picture of the two of you for Valentine's day, and you are overall a fun, fit, POSITIVE (even to your wife), outgoing guy and then she is STILL constantly a bitch to you for no reason, then you can think about ignoring her birthday. But if she hasn't shown any improvement by then (and you aren't bullshitting your own improvement) her flipping out over your lack of a gift shouldn't matter, because you should already be on the verge of leaving her. And maybe THEN it will be the wake up call she needs. But not now, because you probably fucking suck, and leaving you now would probably be a +ev proposition for her.

jeeohnjones · 2016-08-26T07:32:54+00:00

Get her a gift for putting up with you.

[deleted] · 2016-08-26T11:38:06+00:00

I don't buy christmas gifts birthday etc. I don't like the schedule.

I did buy the old lady a new cell phone and some harnasses for the dogs this week, felt like it.

Do, or do not. Don't have any expectations of anything afterwards. Try having an edge here for a bit. No one divorces because they didn't get a BDAy present

BaronVonNrx · 2016-08-26T11:56:16+00:00

Did she do anything besides breathe to earn gifts ?

SampsonBrass · 2016-08-26T12:21:07+00:00

This entire thing makes me cringe. Gifts should be given out of a true desire to give them. When you feel it, then give it. It's like birthdays have been transformed into some kind of Day Of Obligation Bonanza. And you, you're such a shriveled whiner. Stop man. It's embarrassing. This is so ham fisted club footed.

How about: "Nice, bring me a slice."

stonewall1979 · 2016-08-26T12:13:30+00:00

Got some covert contracts going huh? As I was once told by a veteran here "stop mentally finger fucking everything". Don't worry so much about Alpha & Beta and live to improve yourself and the lives of those around you.

Didn't buy a birthday present? Was it talked about before hand? Was a night out negotiated in place of presents? Some times you have to suck it up especially in the beginning of the you MRP journey and pretend to be a little beta as you work on your alpha.

I'll add one more thing, I was talking to my dad recently and he told me "never do anything for your wife because of your commitment, that'll just lead to resentment on your part. Do things for your wife because you love her and want to do them." So you give a gift because you want to, because you want to see they joy it gives her. And give without expectations. Just because you gave her a widget doesn't mean she's going to fuck you.

Lastly, get over the anger, go lift heavy and read the sidebar.

P.S. No one likes hearing shit from their mother in law. Did you step in and defend your wife? Tell Mom it's not her place to 'fix things in a day'? No wonder she's being bitch, she probably feels it's two on one right now and is defensive.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-08-27T22:04:16+00:00

She's been giving me the silent treatment that last few days and appeared on the verge of tears.

Let me guess she turned you down 1 to many times and you are pissed.

Trust me bro, ignoring her birthday is probably not the right 'punishment.' This is being a bitch, not a strong man.

Edit: I like your edit but you certainly should not text this. Text her something vague and mysterious. I might tell her exactly this at some point but for now I would just tell her "Your right, I should have gotten you something." Just FYI, it's not to late. Do you even know what she might like?

She KNOWS you are pissed. You think she is near tears because of no birthday gifts? She is near tears because she is married to a guy who doesn't "get her" and it sucks.

trp_dude · 2016-09-01T18:22:43+00:00

I had the same question as you when I first started out. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3o61id/presents/

The best response to your question are

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2009/05/19/be-a-skittles-man/

and

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/44ihif/explaining_the_skittles_man/

There are two things to consider. First, nice things you do for her that she doesn't earn is a DLV (display of low value). It's equivalent to wooing. Don't do that. It will just reduce your value in her eyes.

Second, the problem I had was that I enjoyed surprising my wife with nice gifts. That my friend is a symptom of oneitis. If you still have that urge, you need to work on OI. I no longer get any pleasure out of giving my wife presents she doesn't deserve.

"I'll own it, I should have gotten you something. I have not been happy about our relationship and its been bothering me a lot. I've been quite angry the last few weeks."

No. STFU.

She sends me a text today that a coworker of hers gave her "a cake, her only gift."

The best response is, "I know"

Title	Giving gifts (birthday, anniversary, Xmas)
Author	BaronVonNrx
Upvotes	4
Comments	51
Date	August 26, 2016 4:19 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4zmsqf/giving_gifts_birthday_anniversary_xmas/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/giving-gifts-birthday-anniversary-xmas.207183 https://theredarchive.com/post/207183

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