Gravity of the Scenario is irrelevant, shit-tests are shit-tests

bogeyd6 · 2017-06-15T12:54:34+00:00

Nothing new here and your situation for sure is not unique as you well know. My personality is such that I actually work better in high stress environments and high pressure demands. When asked how I can be so calm and collected when the shit hits the fan I usually give the same answer each time. Maybe it can help you.

"Worrying is not going to save you, so concentrate on what will"

Your child is sick in the hospital and the wife decides to light into you. Is now the time to be worrying about disrespect and shit testing when she is obviously on emotional overload? You could use a hefty dose of STFU and start taking control during these trying times. It's quite unfair of you to expect her to be an adult. Is there a difference in rules? No, not in my opinion. You need to extract from her frame and handle the things that need to be handled.

I will also give you another wife pro-tip. Those things she says when she is mad, she means those things. I know from personal and shared experience that being gone from home is very hard on the wife. I've seen many a marriages fail like a heel on a fat girl. You need to start taking control of the things that our external to your home. Then of course she will complain that inside the home is getting to be too much in a few months, but oh well.

redandswollen · 2017-06-15T14:35:22+00:00

There's a difference between being an emotional tampon, a punching bag, STFU, and being an oak. Will 88's advice may work for him, but I doubt it will contribute to a loving and harmonious marriage. You've already identified the times when you reflexively get sucked into your wife's drama and you want to change that.

STFU doesn't mean that you sit there with a smirk on your face, practicing "amused mastery." AM works well when you're seducing your wife, but it's a shit strategy when there's real problems going on. More often than not you come across as a pompous ass and it'll compound your problems.

Fogging is a great strategy when she's being a cunt. Just let her wail and whine and pretend like you give a shit. What's it to you? It's not like she can hurt you with her words. If she really provides value to you, don't just chug a beer while she's in distress. She'll tire out eventually and if you fog and act supportive she'll be more emotionally connected to you and be more likely to jump on your dick.

Fighting with a woman feels so terrible because, for men, it's much more physiologically stressful! Our sympathetic nervous systems get amped up much more than women. Our heart rates and blood pressure skyrocket. Women don't understand this, and it takes a superior man to engage a shitty woman. You know what a blue-pill avoidant strategy is? STFU and drink beer. Or tell her to STFU.

You know when STFU works well? When you can feel yourself getting out of control. When you want to put her head through the wall for being a disrespectful harpy, when you're busting your ass to work for the family.

In those times, yeah, STFU. Say, "Honey, I hear you, this sucks, but I feel we're both letting our emotions get the best of us. I'm going to step away for a bit." Then you chug a beer, take a walk, etc. Then you come back and try to engage again. Because in that situation, you show that you actually want to have an interpersonal dynamic with her. And, if she's really a quality woman, she'll realize that you care. The next time she blows up, it should be less intense. And so on, until blow ups are a rarity.

This is a long game strategy, to provide for years of harmony, rather than momentary peace from the harpy. You're not a bitch punching bag. You're not a pussy for letting your wife talk to you with disrespect. It's just another day of training, making those marriage muscles grow.

ReddJive · 2017-06-16T13:39:58+00:00

You do realize you are dealing with comfort tests right? If you are reporting to us accurately this statement is more comfort related

Wife: I'm tired of dealing with everything by myself while you are working, its not fair!

But you also say this:

she is very prone to getting very angry at me and blaming me fore everything.

Thing is comfort tests, while a shit test, are more about her. She will wrap you in it, and those are more advanced but they re still about her. I've seen where a woman will resent the fact that she wants and desires a alpha. She falls easily into your frame and she doesn't know what to do. She wants and doesn't want it at the same time...this is where holding your frame and passing comfort tests become vital.

For a military spouse she is looking for the comfort that she can handle things while you are gone. If you truly are owning your shit she's falling into your frame easily. Taking your lead. When you are going she is a wreck

So either you aren't showing her that she can indeed take over while you are gone and handle things like you do, OR....you really fucking the whole thing up.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2017-06-16T13:00:56+00:00

I'm new here, but I've read The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida three times.

It could help you 'frame' your wife's emotional outbursts. You can't control her emotions, but you can control your response.

ex: you can get mad when it's raining, or you can just grab an umbrella.

heinzketchup123 · 2017-06-15T09:56:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TopOfTheEighth · 2017-06-27T05:00:05+00:00

It may be helpful to realize that your wife can't communicate for shit. When she's feeling stressed out, she's going to puke up some words that may or may not form coherent sentences. You don't have to take them literally at face value because they don't necessarily make any sense to begin with when considered in a literal sense. Women tend to communicate based on what something makes them feel, not what the words they are using actually mean.

Remember that women respond to feeling surprised with things like, "Shut up. I literally almost died in the floor I was so excited." This shit is no different. If you keep that in mind, it can help to keep you from feeling the need to respond to the crazy talk.

Title	Gravity of the Scenario is irrelevant, shit-tests are shit-tests
Author	brotherpotatos
Upvotes	1
Comments	50
Date	June 15, 2017 9:29 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6hdyft/gravity_of_the_scenario_is_irrelevant_shittests/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/gravity-of-the-scenario-is-irrelevant-shit-tests.206006 https://theredarchive.com/post/206006

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