Need help/insight asap.

UEMcGill · 2018-04-15T20:11:05+00:00

Not a lot to go on here. How long have you been together? Are you fat? Are you working out? Are your finances in order (there's a difference between paycheck to paycheck with her staying at home and her staying at home).

The long of it is, she doesn't buy into your mission. She sees you as controlling and demanding. Let her work, don't let her work, but how does it fit your mission? Instead of telling her she has to pay for it, instead say "Hey, here's what it would cost; if you find a job to offset that great, let's talk. Just don't put us as a family behind until you have something lined up."

My wife stayed at home, but I made signifigantly more money than she did or could hope to working. We would have paid nearly what she made by her working, plus the schedule would have been crazy on top of it. To us the value judgement was easy. So sell your wife on what the value judgement is.

Finally, on your wife seeing a lawyer. Is she impetious and rash or is she generally a calculating person? My impression is once women have decided to cut ties, it's been in the works for years. This goes to my first question, where are you at in the shape of your marriage? Any marriage can be saved, it's really if it's worth it for your time and value to invest in saving it.

hystericalbonding · 2018-04-15T20:29:47+00:00

Everybody wants to be alpha, but nobody wants to read the sidebar...

When she insisted on the idea of daycare, I said that as long as she paid for it, then she could do it

Is that how you framed it?

How about, "The income will need to be at least enough to cover daycare, your taxes, transportation, and incidental costs associated with the job. Do you have something lined up?" It's a simple pressure flip.

I do not believe her maternal instincts have really kicked in as much as I would have liked.

How about your paternal instincts?

Seems like you have lots of ideas about what she should be doing. What are you doing?

simbarlion · 2018-04-16T00:35:17+00:00

Everyone here would agree it's hands off during pregnancy, and TBH that includes 3 to 6 months after IMHO.

I am going with a scared wife left alone too much in a different state with no support, from you or family or friends, panicking and looking for the door.

I can tell you are a emotional ice block from your short ass sentences and logical answers. Read up on the comfort side of the equation.

Now if the lawyer was not a ' friend' I would see it different ly so take that into account.

Get her a nanny or do the childcare thing for a month. Monitor things. A scared woman will say a lot of dramatic shit to a 'friend'.

Now watch me get fried for giving a shit.

screechhater · 2018-04-16T02:01:43+00:00

Nice job mate !

Bring woman where no one she knows, lives.

Shitty leadership and helscious comfort test - “you’ll have to pay for daycare yourself ......”

Reject444 · 2018-04-15T20:36:26+00:00

You're getting good MRP advice here, but MRP may or may not fully apply to your situation--have you ruled out the possibility that she's suffering from post-partum depression or something? Giving birth can really mess up a woman's hormones and emotions for a long time afterwards. Certainly she could be feeling these effects just 4 months after having a child--and those are still the "getting no sleep" days where the baby is often up all night. I'm not telling you to give her a pass or to let her violate your boundaries, but I'm saying there's a possibility for an explanation of her behavior that isn't the standard "you're fat and weak" or "she's shit-testing you".

BostonBrakeJob · 2018-04-16T01:54:37+00:00

u/UEMcGill gave you great actionable advice, but you gotta be willing to go through with it. And it doesn't sound like you are.

I also agree with u/simbarlion. Your best bet, IMO, is to look at it the way he described, ignore it the best you can and continue working on yourself, and she'll either come out of it, if he was right, or you'll be in a better frame of mind to follow McGill's advice if not.

Do not talk to her about it though. If she would deny it, you'd still have your doubts (rightfully so, can't trust anything she says at this point). If she owned up to it, you're not prepared to pull the trigger. If she goes off on you for going through her phone you'd surely get sucked into some verbal intercourse and would still have no resolution. IF you absolutely cannot keep your mouth shut, talk to a lawyer and have the papers on hand BEFORE you do any talking.

I wish ya the best man, whatever you decide.

cholomite · 2018-04-15T20:14:32+00:00

read these posts by /u/archwinger, especially the last one. women will enjoy spending their time serving a high value guy, if he knows how to get her to do shit for him. don't be afraid to boss her around, and make sure to reward her after she does what you tell her. you need to put yourself first, but make sure she knows that what she is doing is critical to your mission. women don't like feeling useless, they can't take care of themselves on their own, so to them the tribe is everything. if my girl isn't working, my home better be 110%, if she is working, shes giving me a portion of her money to help cover costs, and she doesn't mind because i'm hot and popular and its cool.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4szxjg/take_ownership_of_your_women/

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4dcw3j/dont_make_her_happy_make_her_invested/

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3278bm/order_your_wife_around/

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3uuxzp/be_a_social_dynamo_so_she_doesnt_have_to_be/

about the divorce shit, honestly, the less you care if she leaves your ass, the less likely she will be to leave your ass. you should be your number one priority now anyway, or at least you and your kid. handle your shit and make her help you, but if she doesn't want to, then you don't give a fuck because you'll be fine on your own anyway.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2018-04-15T23:56:37+00:00

Outside of sex, women want commitment and men want loyalty. And men want loyalty WITH sex.

Destroy the loyalty and the sex almost never makes up for it.

In other words, if you are getting it 5x a week, why do you care if another guy gets it 1x a week from her?

Because of loyalty.... and trust.

And here’s where I am going with this...

You have one question to answer. You alluded to it in your OP and several times in your comments.

That question is...

Can you ever trust her again?

If yes, then work it through with her and hope she never pulls the trigger on a weapon she has already acquired, loaded, and cocked.

If no, then completely support her getting a job right where you are, continue to build your warchest, and when YOU are ready launch the nukes.

No mercy.

Destroy her completely with malice aforethought.

If you don’t, if you show mercy, if you show hesitation, if you try to compromise or take the high road, she will burn your shit to the ground and OWN you for two decades to come.

It’s your choice, just don’t fuck it up.

Based on what I’ve learned about women, I’d go for the option that protects your interests for decades to come.

She’s a conniving, disloyal bitch.

You did a poor job vetting her.

How do I know?

I’ve done it twice, and lost into 7 figures in the process.

A smart man learns from his own mistakes.

A wise man learns from others’ mistakes.

Be smart, or be wise.

Your choice.

Choose wisely

FlyingSexistPig · 2018-04-16T02:40:35+00:00

So, first off, the hard facts: You're not in control of the situation, and you absolutely must be. All the crap you've been told about equal partnerships and equal decision making is complete garbage. She's a new mom, and she has no idea what to do, and she has no emotional or intellectual resources to figure it out. The time for planning has passed and the time for doing is upon you two.

When she's pregnant, she can't make decisions at all. Everything for her is impulse and emotion. E V E R Y T H I N G.

So you're going to have to make all the decisions. This is what will give her the sense of comfort and protection that she's seeking in a divorce. By the way, a divorce will solve none of her problems. You can make these decisions, and then tell her what you're going to do. Gladly accept her input, but you HAVE to make the decisions.

She should not be trying to go seek new work now. The only reason she is doing so is because you've fucked up, and she's desperate for a solution.

So, you didn't spring forth into this situation fully formed. Did you just move to a new city? Do you depend on two incomes to make ends meet? Did you plan the kid?

TAusernam · 2018-04-16T05:52:04+00:00

Yes, meet with a lawyer
Do NOT tell her you went through her phone or that you know anything about her looking into divorce info
When you're leaving for work in the morning, or right after you get home casually mention that you've thought about the daycare thing and that you think it's a good idea. Ask her to find a few you can go check out together.
Sit her down and ask her how everything is going and just listen for a while. Don't get defensive if some of the shit she says is about you, just listen. Repeat back what she says and nod every once in a while so she feels heard. Then consider everything she said and let her know you'll think about it and then come up with a few compromises. Let her know you love her and express empathy for how hard this whole move has been, and having a baby, and being cooped up all the time--that she must feel like she's going crazy.

Then yeah, read the fucking sidebar you dumb fuck and then maybe your marriage has a chance.

Oh, and why the fuck do you have such a problem with daycare anyway you dumb fuck shit faggot? That's the best possible scenario for you. You think your kid is going to be better off sitting at home watching tv with your stir crazy ass wife? A day care will be regimented. They'll feed it. They'll burp it. They'll change it. They'll make sure it gets plenty of sleep. And you won't come home to a crazy bitch who wants to kill herself.

When the fuck are you dumb fucking fuckheads going to realize we don't live on fucking farms anymore? Why the fuck would anyone with half a brain want their wife to stay at home when she, your kids, and you would be 10x happier if your kids went to daycare and she got some time to figure out what she really loves to do with her time? Dumb ass fucking fuckass christian retard motherfucking faggots and your stupid ass ideas that you got from ass fucking jesus. Use your fucking brain dumbass.

the_grizzlebee · 2018-04-16T19:14:17+00:00

Just pointing out, she did not just randomly decide to look into a divorce because of a single disagreement over daycare. There is a lot more to this to unpack.

Title	Need help/insight asap.
Author	TAusernam
Upvotes	2
Comments	66
Date	April 15, 2018 7:47 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8chok1/need_helpinsight_asap/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/need-helpinsight-asap.204618 https://theredarchive.com/post/204618

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