What does "holding your frame" really mean?

untitled1 · 2016-12-06T02:59:27+00:00

The term "frame" was borrowed by pickup artists from Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). The original concept goes like this: even if there is a single objective reality currently happening (e.g. It's 68 degrees and I am sitting in a classroom with 25 people listening to a lecture about physics), each person has their own individual interpretation of this reality. Different people notice different details of what's going on. Each person has their own set of memories they compare their current situation to. Each person has a slightly different emotional reaction to what's going on. The subjective interpretation of an objective reality is called "frame".

That is, everyone is looking at the same picture, but each person puts a different "frame" around it.

So frame is your interpretation of reality. The interesting thing is, when you're in a group of people you can draw others out of their reality and into yours. Whoever has the strongest frame wins.

Have you ever heard of those people who just waltzed past security and got backstage just because they acted like they belonged? Because they acted like they belonged there everyone else believed that they were supposed to be there and just let them through. That's maintaining frame.

If you wear a silly hat and think, "Man, this hat is ridiculous and makes me look stupid," then other people will think you're a loser with a stupid hat. But if you wear a ridiculous hat and think, "This hat is unique and the epitome of cool," then other people will be drawn into your reality and assume you're cool. (This is what Mystery is famous for.)

If you approach a popular kid (or hot girl) with the mindset "This person is way above me and probably has no interest in talking to me" then she will be drawn into that reality you created and think that you're a loser. If you instead approach with the mindset "I'm a cool person with interesting things to say and I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks about me" then they will be drawn into that reality and think you're a cool person. That's maintaining frame.

You have created a reality where being 16 and short is a bad thing and means your not good enough. This reality gets projected outward in your body language, tone of voice, and word choice. Other people then accept the reality that you're short and not good enough. If you instead cultivate a reality (or frame) where you're a badass regardless of your height, people will fall into that reality and accept it as true. This is where being cocky and agree and amplify help.

Cunt_Robber · 2016-12-06T03:43:11+00:00

I might get some ripostes for saying this but I think TRP should apply to ages 21+. You cant even buy a bottle of wine to take to a date, much less know what holding frame out in the real world entails. I feel theres a high risk for all you young (ie under 18) kids to develop weird concepts about women and dating if you read this page so young. How does anything make sense when you have no personal experience and are going by what you read on here and what you see on TV?

How I can explain frame is like this: youre doing your own thing, comfortable in your own skin interacting with friends and family, and then you get a crush on someone (thats what they call them in grade school right? And you try to hide it like its gonna be the end of you if anyone finds out) and you start acting weird around her cause hey you like her and maybe you start sweating, feeling uncomfortable, maybe youre not as confident as usual talking to her because of her looks. Thats losing frame--youre uncomfortable, you feel and do/say things you wouldnt normally feel, say or do.

Basically, however you act when youre single and comfortable with yourself is how you should act around a signif other. However, something about female behavior turns guys soft. You change due to hormones and spending too much time with that person. And so when you go soft and change she'll gradually stop liking you, and it's hard to recover from it once it happens. This is why guys who are aware of it "turn into" assholes, to essentially cover up or try to reverse the softening/change of frame. The way I think of it is girls make guys go crazy if they hang around them too much. Thats why you should do your own thing and get adequate space from your romantic involvements, to keep your head clear.

syf3r · 2016-12-06T04:22:25+00:00

there is a brilliant example on the trp subreddit.

search for the post titled best of rational male.
click year 1
click the post titled 'alpha'
on that particular page, there is a link to a video. watch it. it's about a kid who held a party and is being interviewed. this is a great example of frame.

mrpCamper · 2016-12-06T15:51:28+00:00

You do get it. You're examples are areas where you are having difficulty holding frame. So, this tells me you get it. It sounds like your issue is how to hold frame in a difficult situation. The answer is have some canned responses and practice them. For example.

someone says: "you're short."

You say: "And you're observant."

Situation is diffused and you've held frame.

btw, I grew like 4 inches between 16 and 18.

ReddJive · 2016-12-06T17:16:00+00:00

It means.

Step back

Laugh at her

Smirk at yourself

It's all bullshit.

[deleted] · 2016-12-06T02:00:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

amekooky · 2016-12-06T15:57:57+00:00

to me holding frame is sticking to how awesome/cool/relaxed etc you were perceived when first meeting someone. When i first started learning the terminology here i realized what it meant whenever a chick flaked on a 3rd date, i bitched about it and she ghosted me because of acting like a bitch.

648262 · 2016-12-07T01:07:58+00:00

Understand clearly what frame is, then it becomes intuitive what it means to hold it.

omega_dawg93 · 2016-12-07T16:27:36+00:00

holding frame is explained in several threads on Reddit... and they all basically have the same "advice" unless you're in a thread abt trump.

with trump, "frame" & being alpha both take on a different meaning and/or definition.

Title	What does "holding your frame" really mean?
Author	UmDylan
Upvotes	38
Comments	18
Date	December 6, 2016 1:26 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5gpz5e/what_does_holding_your_frame_really_mean/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/what-does-holding-your-frame-really-mean.312 https://theredarchive.com/post/312

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