Virgin Problems

Ramo029 · 2017-03-14T07:22:50+00:00

problem is, only people willing to wait would most likely be a beta male whom you will not be attracted to.

you would ideally want to secure a high value male, but what do you have to offer that a high value male will sacrifice sex until marriage?

xXJesusFreak · 2017-03-14T07:58:17+00:00

Hope you find what youre looking for. Says the 27 m virgin. Reason why is in the username

akatsukirp · 2017-03-14T06:27:11+00:00

If you meet a red pill man say goodbye to your virginity.

This isn't a problem. I like a girl with some sexual experience as being sexual is part of the human experience between a man and woman. For a LTR I would prefer a woman with a low N count, not a virgin. Depends on the guy.

Why do you want to stay a virgin? to help you secure a great guy in marriage?

If you meet a guy and it feels right go for it. Have fun and explore all aspects of relationships, it's how we learn and become the best versions of ourselves.

Your_average_Russian · 2017-03-14T14:00:10+00:00

Hi there. I married a virgin girl in her twenties so here's a male perspective on the matter.

Like you, she chose to wait until marriage (a religious marriage in our case) and I find that very respectable and take a reasonable ammount of pride in the fact that I'm her first man. That said, it was an extremely hard decision for me to make. I've had casual girlfriends and one night stands. I'd never had a long-term relationship without PIV sex. I'd been married once and my marriage quickly fell apart due to me becoming a bluepill frustrated chump leading to loss of attraction on ex-wife's part, a dead bedroom, a divorce (no-fault thank God), and me finding the Red Pill.

We did have very good chemistry from the get-go. She was very much into me and admitted she was scared to tell me she was a virgin (she was afraid I would bail right then). I didn’t bail as she’s a sweet, fun and beautiful girl and I quickly developed feelings of my own for her. However I didn’t let those feelings devolve into oneitis and since she made it abundantly clear she was aiming for an LTR and marriage, I made it a point to vet her as pragmatically as I could to see if she was, beyond reasonable doubt, LTR/marriage material.

First and foremost, I took virginity completely out of the equation. For an LTR I wanted to see what value she’d add to my life. Virginity’s value for an LTR is nil. It’s gone on the wedding night and apart from being a point of pride for her it doesn’t add much to the relationship.

Here are the ways in which she convinced me she was the right girl for me:

She was always overtly sexual with me, always willing to try things in bed not involving penetration. She was very inexperienced (I may or may not be the first man she saw naked) but quickly learned the ways to please me and was genuinely eager to please. She was all over me and I responded in kind - I could see she had genuine sexual desire and no significant sexual hangups. We have a great sex life now but if she didn’t show desire back then I’d call it quits for sure.
She didn’t buy into Western feminist crap. First of all, she didn’t think men owed her anything by virtue of her being a woman. She was always respectful. She rarely shit-tested me, and when she did she had a great deal of self-irony about it. She didn’t demand gifts or solicit attention. She always offered to split the bill. She believes a loving woman should care for her man and thinks traditional gender roles are okay. Whenever we were together at my place she cooked for me and helped me around the house (she still does, despite having a full-time job. I work longer hours and I wake up to a home-cooked breakfast and come home to a home-cooked dinner every.single.day.). She didn’t want me to do “women’s” chores (like cooking or cleaning up) but expected me to do masculine chores (taking out the trash, fixing stuff around the house and working on the car) – which I gladly do.
She follows my lead. She made it clear that while she can definitely think for herself, she’s comfortable with me making decisions that may affect both of us.
She respects my boundaries. She is supportive of my hobbies and never shit-tests me about them (no “it’s either me or…” or “you’d rather spend time doing X than being with me” bullshit). She, to my knowledge, doesn’t accept any advances from other men. She doesn’t go out in sexy outfits without me (and she always dresses sexy for me. I shit you not – she even puts on fresh make-up and dresses up to meet me when I come home after work). She doesn’t go to nightclubs without me. She doesn’t drink alcohol without me. Etc.
She has healthy boundaries of her own. She doesn’t take shit from people. She’s serious about her career. She has hobbies she spends her time on. If I fuck up from time to time, she doesn’t bottle up anger and gives it to me straight, no holds barred. I can respect that.
Last but not least, she grew up in a healthy loving family lead by the father. Her parents are still together and she has a good relationship with them.

The list may go on a bit, but you get the gist.

Now I might sound very full of myself making such demands of an LTR partner, but I’m pretty sure she’s done her vetting as well and judged me worthy of the value she provides. We have a strong, respectful and loving relationship.

Hope this helps a bit.

Ramo029 · 2017-03-14T07:36:59+00:00

to be completely honest, I wouldn't wait till marriage for anyone. I'm sure some males would, but I see no reason to. whatever wonderful qualities a woman who is supposedly worth waiting for are available in other women who wouldn't make you wait.

those qualities include being extremely feminine, minimal shit tests, caring, etc. just being a good person.

the thing to remember is AWALT, but it is an AWALT spectrum. I'd want a women who is as close to the left of the spectrum as possible.

Docbear64 · 2017-03-14T08:59:33+00:00

It's tricky because young blue pill me would marvel and applaud your choice , older jaded red me would probably lose interest in you .

I can applaud you for not being a slut or desiring to be a slut and sleep with several men for the sake of " experience" . My issue would be that unfortunately your mindset is rare and for every 1 of you that values a Long term relationship and wanting to crave a deep sexual experience with one person there are ..... countless women out there who fuck just about any half way attractive guy they cross paths with .

Your best bet is to find a guy who thinks like you but the caveat is that it may be tricky to find one who thinks like you and is attractive and ambitous / driven as you are and yet patient enough to wait until marriage .

I'm assuming if this is your perspective you plan on getting married soon right ?I can see a woman 24 and possibly accomplishing this without it coming across as a red flag .

An adage here says that any woman who makes you wait for it probably weren't worth waiting for in the first place and the older a woman gets the more true it is in my experience .

So I guess that would be my advice I respect your personal convictions , I think you can find the kind of man you want with those convictions , I do not think any man decent RedPill man will take those convictions seriously in 5 years ( This is debatable but I know I wouldn't).

mismm · 2017-03-14T10:33:42+00:00

Your best bet is to find an older guy who would want to settle down if they found someone they deemed worthy. No high value guy your age is going to wait.

Or just remain a virgin until you are older.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2017-03-14T13:08:36+00:00

Head over to /r/deadbedrooms if you want to know how this is a good idea.

Iron rule of Thomassi #3: When anyone makes you wait for sex, or implies through their action that they are making you wait, the sex is never worth the wait.

This applies for guys as well. A guy who doesn't mind waiting until marriage, let's just say he's not going to be especially eager to initiate things with you after marriage either.

[deleted] · 2017-03-14T15:06:52+00:00

I once went on a few dates with an old acquaintance from high school and we wound up hitting it off. I learned that she was still a virgin that had only dated one other guy for two months just prior to me. (Christian private school) They hadn't even gotten past 2nd base. Jackpot right? Wrong! She was incredibly into cuddling and being touchy feely, but refused any attempts at a kiss or anything that might lead to sexual escalation. It wound up being confusing and an incredible turnoff for me. I liked her, but I stopped hanging out her for that reason as she had no idea how to connect with a guy. She was convinced she was worth the wait while she had zero sexual experience. Huge catch 22. A guy with any self respect will begin to lose attraction if they're turned down.

Naebany · 2017-03-14T14:40:33+00:00

Hmm hard question. Most of redpillers seem to be preaching the lifestyle of spinning multiple plates and marriage as ultimate evil/fail, so it's hard to give you advice on that end. Still, some red pillers want to have long time relationship partner/marriage, kids etc. And if they do then yeah, they would want something as close as possible to unicorn and virgin/low n-count is one of good things. I think the good compromise would be sleeping without marriage, since that's like buying cat in a bag. Not riding CC, but also not making your partner wait for like 2 years*. There's no shame in sleeping with a man you're dating after some time. And if that doesn't work then so what? You're not guaranteed a LTR for life after marriage either.

I don't think it's possible to find high-quality red pill man that is willing to wait years* to get sex. Remember that man desire sex more than women. So when you are happy just getting commitment, man would feel used giving commitment without getting sex. That's the slut version of man, comparable to woman giving easy sex.

*and if you're thinking about marriage after shorter time than at least 2 years, then I don't find that to be good idea. It takes time to get to know someone...

asktrpthrow123 · 2017-03-14T14:55:04+00:00

Good on you for having a noble notion such as saving your virginity for one man.

Truth is though, if you're attractive, most men won't believe you and with the societal circumstances we live in, you can't blame them.

This is a bit of a dilemma because optimal red pill male strategy says that if she's not fucking you asap, you're not alpha fucks in her eyes aka no commitment without amazing sex. Optimal red pill female strategy says no sex without commitment.

One strategy will have to compromise. You're in a powerful position because you haven't given sex to anybody yet. So even if a man has to do a lot to get sex from you, if he's the only one who got it, he can't think he's getting a shitty deal because no one has gotten it before (unlike the reformed sluts who think suddenly holding out sex makes them a more suitable long-term partner).

Your problem is that you need that man to stick around so you need a good vetting process for that (you don't want someone who wants to bang and dash or someone that sees you as a short term fling)... not sure how the female vetting process looks like but maybe go look at the redpill woman sub.

In this day and age, it's hard to find a man worth his salt who'd wait till marriage for sex unless he's kinda BP and looking to get married kinda soon. You're probably better off playing a somewhat long game (which you can do because you never played the short game with other guys) until you figure out if he's in it for the long run.

You're a girl so if an alpha gets your emotions riled up, good luck. Logic will be thrown out the window for feelz.

askmrcia · 2017-03-14T16:10:01+00:00

You're in a huge dilemma so I understand where you are coming from. First off its good that you are a virgin, but realize there is more to that when it comes to being a LTR. Are you fit? You healthy? You have good job? Good college major? Not ugly? Nice?

Second, you mentioned that you want to save sex until marriage. Most of us here are against marriage, so if you want someone that's redpill or even purplepill, good luck.

The only guys that are going to wait until marriage are ones from other cultures or strong traditional religious backgrounds. So if those the guys you want, then you need to be looking in a church.

If you want a chance to find a better man, high value, and all that jazz then you need to give it up IF you really like the guy and see it going to the distance. And you better be giving more then just sex because the guy you are looking for can get that from any woman that offers more then being a virgin.

Good luck

quicklogaccount · 2017-03-14T21:05:27+00:00

I'll answer the trolling, because troll got it really wrong. I hope at least one person listens to this.

As much as RP is filled to the brim with tradcons, RP isn't tradcon itself. Tradcon values aren't natural and RP, if it preaches anything, it is that we're in an environment in which women are encouraged to act naturally and men are not. You can't reverse the first, so you should do the second.

Now, because of the sheer amount of tradcons and anger phasers, you missed a point.
The good strategy for pursuing a relationship isn't pursuing it from a chick that has valuable sex (valuable because it is rare). The good strategy is committing to a chick that offers too much besides sex. Men are usually on scarcity and believe sex offers endless fulfillment, no decrease of marginal gains as the quantity increases. Smart men quickly realize it's not like that, the marginal gain for more sex in a relationship becomes zero really soon.

So, the truth is, you don't really have a problem to circumvent there. What you need is finding a guy that perceives the value you bring to the relationship. Stable thoughts, decent understanding of your nature, decent understanding of his nature, expectations aligned to his own (not necessarily tradcon), and doesn't have an inflated sense of self worth and isn't prone to develop one to make up for other insecurities.
This guy will know that you have valuable sex, but he won't care a lot about it. He'll most certainly have cheap sex, be used to cheap sex, and won't offer you anything other than sex for your valuable sex.

Now, as for, how to meet this guy. Get male friends you might get to know BEFORE you are in a relationship, any sort of it, and that might know you before one as well. Otherwise a valuable man won't be interested in you. The additional value of your sex certainly doesn't make up for being on celibate during the relationship. Of course, I'm assuming the trolling won't stretch long enough for you to consider a one way open LTR.
Contrary to the anger phase belief, there can be friendship if the expectations are aligned.

zattraction · 2017-03-14T11:21:27+00:00

Let's have a coffee together ;)

Redphithrowaway · 2017-03-14T18:41:53+00:00

This is advice I'd give my daughter.

Date around and find specific traits you enjoy in men. Spin plates. Should be easy as hell for you. The problem is staying a virgin, it's not easy. Learn the game from a mans perspective, and you will have a huge advantage over alphas who want to fuck you.

In the meantime focus on becoming the best person you can be and getting your own shit in order. Guys looking to settle down want stability and lack of potential collateral. Having a job, a degree, and some goals (even something like becoming a mother is great). This also tends to scare away "fucbois" (boys who want easy pussy).

When you are in a position where you want to get married, turn towards older men who have their shit in order. They will more likely be looking to settle down.

Tip: My biggest green flag aside from virginity is a strong relationship with her father. If she loves her dad and he was strongly involved in her life she is almost always a great girl for LTR.

sumethreuaweiei · 2017-03-14T22:14:47+00:00

If you absolutely have to before marriage, the only thing I'd say is to not sleep with a guy unless you're in an exclusive relationship with him. If they push, just say "I don't sleep with guys outside of a relationship." There was a post a long time ago about a guy who came across a girl like this and she stood her ground no matter who it was. He ended up wifing her up because she also had a lot more to offer than just her body, and had a very low notch count because it scared a lot of horny dudes away.

Like another poster said, the biggest thing about a girl is whether she improves your life or not, and sex is just one component. One difficult but long-term strategy is also to get with a guy who is on a journey rather than at the end, because guys will have massive respect for someone like this. A guy who had a startup that struggled for a few years and you stuck through with it until he became successful. Or a skinny dude who's dedicated to the gym and has been going for a year, but won't have a greek God body until another year or two into it.

cerebralrust · 2017-03-15T14:38:33+00:00

This cannot be real. This is a troll

firewelt · Thu Mar 16 3:15:35 2017 UTC

Are you lithuanian by any chance?

Title	Virgin Problems
Author	Virginproblemss
Upvotes	11
Comments	57
Date	March 14, 2017 6:04 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5zahyq/virgin_problems/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/virgin-problems.87720 https://theredarchive.com/post/87720

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