In conversation with a friend.

Friend: If Hypergamy don’t exist, why did my wife leave me after I did everything for her. Worked 16 hours a day to buy a house car, give her kids, etc.

Me: It’s not that it doesn’t exist, but rather that it is circumstantial and based on needs deficiencies subconsciously activating your survival and biological imperatives which your wife had with you.

Friend: How. I did everything for her. Everything.

Me: No you didn’t. From a financial point of view you did. But from an emotional and sexual point of view you didn’t. You worked 16 hours a day significantly depleting her non sexual physical and emotional needs. You kept trying to roughly engage in physical sexual intimacy which your wife told you many times she wanted sensualness. She literally wanted to feel your love because you were working too much and away from her most of the time she didn’t feel love and she lost her secure attachment you provided her. This meant some of her most fundamental needs were being depleted, which activated the natural law of evolution/devolution which worked to kick start natural Hypergamy which is the fact that when all our needs are not being met, we subconsciously tend to begin to question, wonder and possibly look for someone(s) to fulfill those needs.

The difference between men and women with Hypergamy is that women will actively do this because it is most likely easier or less riskier for them to engage in, especially if married, while men will do this in secret through fantasy and delusional while still being attached to their partner.

But everyone does it.

When our basic needs are not being met and other areas are being overly met our survival and biological imperatives kick in because the brain signals them to as the brain thinks something is wrong from a survival point of view.

The problem is the brain lacks differentiation and does not understand life circumstances thus what might be a really happy marriage or spouse to you, is actually to the brain a problem and not correct because all your needs need to be met. If just one is not being met you will begin to start this process. This is the human nature part of it.

When any of your survival or learned needs needs are not being met, nothing you do is going to stop your brain from meeting those needs one way or another. And when the brain and the subconscious control your needs, unless you become aware of it you will do things you never thought you’d do simply to survive.

This is why when people say. I’d never thought I’d leave my partner or I’d never thought I’d do something like this, they actually most likely mean it, because they can’t explain how their subconscious hijacked their brain to get the things that were lacking met.

So know your needs. Know your attachment style. Know the needs you learned to value due to people your environment shaping you that way. And know how to acknowledge when they aren’t being met so you don’t accidentally throw your life away because your brain thought you were in risk of dying.