What RP gets completely wrong about the Sub and Dom relationship.

My_IQ_is_60 · 2021-12-21T11:39:24+00:00

How does one become a dom? Is it just something you know before you even have sex, or is like an evolution?

Are male virgins welcome in the BDSM scene? Honestly I've thought about trying to get into it purely for how communicative it all seems. From what I've heard it's very much about open communication about your wants and needs, no flirting or games that enfuriate me in modern dating, so I'd love to try it... But let's be honest no one wants a male virgin, we're a red flag

AvalancheReturns · 2021-12-21T10:35:52+00:00

Same goes for FDS, whenever its mentioned there its abuse, not bdsm. Aaaand thats how i got banned from FDS before i even knew what it entailed :D

AntiVictimhood · 2021-12-22T03:03:31+00:00

I hear you, but the ideals in the professional BDSM community do not hold for the day to day relationship where there is a clear pattern of authority/adherence. (FYI- I use masc pronouns for the dominant partner, and female pronouns for the submissive partner because this is the reality 99% of the time in red pill relationships.)

What I've found in most RP dynamics, is there is someone who calls the shots and asserts their will, and the other person who fearfully complies.

"The sub gives control to the dominant with the agreement that the dominant will consensually challenge the sub in ways that will enable the sub to be more free; come out of their shell and push their own boundaries and grow in all aspects of the relationship. This is a core trait of all professional bdsm for men women and other."

You're right, this is the core trait of professional bdsm. This is not a core trait of D/S dynamics in day to day life. The notion that the submissive person has power does not at all mimic the realities of being a submissive housewife to an entitled man. Nor does the idea that through submission, it allows the sub to become more free and push boundaries in the relationship. That is the last thing a RP man wants. He wants someone to comply, who doesn't question, who adheres to her rigid roles as a wife.

The norms of the BDSM community which asserts that the sub has power because they choose to submit is rarely the reality for relationships premised on traditional gender roles.

Secondly, there are different kinds of dominance/authority. And when I was in redpillwomen, I tried to clarify this time and time again.

There are some men who want to lead by gaining respect, acting in their partners best interests, being assertive, and making decisions because in some ways it's practical to have a strong division of labour and clear roles. It makes things easier. This is what I call "belevolent leadership". The people who are good leaders and care about the wishes and wellbeing of those who look up to them.

That said, the kind of "leader" or "dominant" that I see most often in TRP community is the "tyrannical leader". The man who wants respect and compliance by virtue of being a man. Not through any accomplishment, gaining trust, earning respect, showing he is an effective leader etc.

He wants power because he's a man. Not because he's proven himself to be an effective and trustworthy person to call the shots, who can make choices that are best for everyone.

Third. There are different kinds of subs. Many subs who do not adhere to the BDSM ideal of "this sub is actually in power because they choose to submit out of empowerment and trust!". I say this as someone also in the kink community, who is usually a sub and has friends who are professional subs. And some of the stereotypes that subs are emotionally unstable, have trauma histories, and low self esteem is true more often than many people in the community are willing to admit.

I find the assertion that the sub holds power the equivalent to the assertion that sex work is empowering. Sure, for some it is. But that assertion masks the reality that selling your appearance for the sexual pleasure of men is often done for the sake of expediency, constrained opportunities, desperation, etc.

I find in BDSM that the assertion that all subs have power and that these dynamics allow the sub to be free and push boundaries is an ideal that a lot of subs I know don't actually relate to. It's kinda like good PR rather than being a universal truth held by subs. I can't say much about doms because I rarely play that role and don't have any close friends who dom (aside from my man).

In a romantic sense, red pill women who want to be submissive mistake choice submission with being a doormat who never asserts her needs/wants. They do not fit with the BDSM narrative that the sub has power. These women are often terrified to assert their needs, they deny when they're victims of domestic abuse, and they keep quiet because they fear that they've "hit the wall" and can't find a "high value man". So they bite their tongue and endure mistreatment and orders because they think it's the best they can get.

EHL_sask · 2021-12-23T06:01:19+00:00

BDSM is a bit too extreme for me

Tostitos153 · 2021-12-27T00:25:08+00:00

Most RP men won’t understand because they’ve simply never been in a relationship before period. All these talks and ideologies are delusions which they ironically accuse of only happening to women; yet they don’t have a grasp of the real world and real world relationships

Title	What RP gets completely wrong about the Sub and Dom relationship.
Author	Mh882130
Upvotes	21
Comments	14
Date	December 21, 2021 9:27 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/rlazhh/what_rp_gets_completely_wrong_about_the_sub_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/what-rp-gets-completely-wrong-about-the-sub-and.1091385 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091385

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