• You’re a nice guy.

  • How are you still single?

  • You’ll find someone some day.

  • You’re going to make your future wife very happy.

  • There’s hope for you.

I’m sure many young red pillers have heard similar lines like these and ruminated over their implicit meanings for years. I know what you’re thinking. If I’m such a catch, then why am I still single? Nothing I do works. Why am I never good enough to be with someone right now? You assume that they must be patronizing you, or implying their disinterest is purely physical but they’re too afraid to say it directly. Or they’re implying that you’re secretly hopeless and they don’t want to be the one to let you down. Here’s the harsh truth:

In most cases, for one reason or another the other person just doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. Instead of giving you some bullshit reason to fixate on that will likely follow you for life (I’ve heard multiple grown men obsess over off-hand comments girls made about them in middle school), they are letting you know that you are more than capable of finding someone else who feels the same. It’s meant as a courtesy, to be polite in the face of a very unpleasant moment. They don’t want to burden you with some minor detail that will likely get blown out of proportion from your POV. They want you to keep trying.

Imagine you’re in a dart competition. There are 100 rounds and you have 1 chance to make a perfect bulls-eye in each round. In this case, a bullseye represents finding someone with whom you share attraction, chemistry, and wants the same things as you. But here’s the kicker, the distance from the dartboard, the dartboard’s size, and the time you have to take your shot changes drastically each round. One round, you may have 10 seconds to make a bullseye on a dartboard the size of a dinner plate that’s 20 feet away. If any one thing is off, it can greatly diminish your chances of success. You must learn to manage your expectations. Women are as varied in mindset as we are in our bodies. You can’t possibly expect to win a perfect game each time, but it’s totally possible for you to make it at least one round. However, you will strike out waaaaay more times than you’ll win and some people will just have better luck than you in different rounds.

The point is there are a thousand different variables to consider in why things may not have worked out with one person. But the you shouldn’t get too hung up on the last round and just focus on making your next shot.