How do I stop being bitter?

appolonysian · 2024-08-08T14:31:33+00:00

This may as well have been written by me. Get tons of matches and dates off apps, but fuck things up pretty much every time.

Analyze your side of things closely: since you’re the common denominator in all of these cases, there’ll be something you have done that’ll jump out as a pattern.

For instance, I’ve done this and come to the conclusion that my issue is lacking confidence in interactions and a discomfort around sexualizing and escalating, which I rationalize by saying shit like “oh the logistics were bad”, “I didn’t have anywhere to take her”, etc. Pure cope. What it effectively means for me is that most dates become painfully PG friendly chats during which the flame of attraction sputters and the woman is left thinking, “damn, here’s this hot guy who I was expecting to be mad confident and dick me down, but he can’t/won’t act right…. Boring.”

They don’t wanna be around a guy who can’t or won’t play his part right, and they have a plethora of options, so why would they wait around when for all they know, date 2 will be a painful replay of the 1st?

Do that introspection and pattern analysis and you’ll likely come to some similar insight about your behavior. Don’t blame women on this, or anything - they react to you.

Rollorich · 2024-08-08T16:56:32+00:00

It sounds like people view you as boring or bland. You should read the book Models by Mark Manson and focus on the chapter about polarisation. By being polarising you get people to either hate you or love you, but at least they feel something.

Jironasaurus · 2024-08-08T14:41:40+00:00

If you're going through hundreds of dates, and not getting any connection that lasts more than 2 weeks, then you should stop doing whatever it is you're doing. It's clearly not working.

What do you think is the problem?

norwegiandoggo · 2024-08-08T14:14:21+00:00

Need to figure out what you're doing wrong and stop taking it personally. Focus on your behavior. Not "you" as a person. There's probably nothing wrong with you as a person but there's probably lots wrong with your behavior if this happens over and over again. Take a learning approach. Don't do the same stuff over and over if it's not working. If something doesn't work after 10-15 attempts you have to change something major about what you're doing. What did you do right before it went to shit? That's your clue for figuring out what you did wrong.

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-08-08T14:52:39+00:00

Numbers game is always good as long as you stick to fundamentals. If you reach to a few weeks of no/bad outcomes then time for self and fair assessments.

There’s always room for improvements. It’s ok to step back and see how and why everything went the way it did. You know what they say, keep doing same shit over and over again and expecting different result is …

averageguy694200 · 2024-08-08T14:36:30+00:00

Do you even like any of these girls? I’ve gotten the “your a great guy, but” text from three different girls just in the last month and it doesn’t sting when i remember they’re just boring hot girls who I just want to bang really bad. You’re probably not being flirty enough, I’m doing the same thing for sure.

endoar · 2024-08-08T17:39:48+00:00

Focusing on the things you can control and putting yourself in someone else's shoes (For someone to take advantage of another, the other has to let them do it.).

Also, work on developing your dating skills.

If you can't connect with a girl and lose their respect, you have to start doing something different.

Try studying these books:

1- how to become an alpha male by john alexander (book for inner game)

2- The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want by Richard La Ruina (book for night game)

3- Magnetic Messaging by Bobby Rio and Rob Judge (book for text game)

4- Daygame blueprint by Yad (video course for daygame)

My favorites, you can read them in that order.

TonyGTO · 2024-08-08T20:12:48+00:00

Most girls are looking for fun, connection, or both. It seems like you might be missing the mark in those areas. You also may lack value as a man, or you're not communicating your value properly. Also, you might be portraying yourself one way on dating apps but come across differently in person.

Your main problem is your self-esteem. There's no way someone with healthy self-esteem would go on a few dates without any success, even if they make mistakes each time.

WiseMan_Rook22 · 2024-08-08T21:53:00+00:00

It’s definitely a you problem. Take some time off and develop yourself. Stop chasing

Practical_Window_919 · 2024-08-09T07:56:33+00:00

Listen, dude, are you even connecting with these girls? Or are you connecting with anyone at all? When I say “connecting,” I mean forming a meaningful bond or understanding with someone, where conversations flow naturally, and there’s a genuine sense of mutual interest and compatibility. If it’s just the women you’ve met, then you simply don’t vibe with them. There doesn’t need to be anything wrong with you or them. You might just be a bit of a special case who needs to meet someone who is also a bit of a special case, if that makes sense.

If you struggle to connect with anyone, then it sounds like you’re dealing with something deeper, possibly depression. In that case, it’s not your approach or whatever superficial things you think you need to work on. You need to see a therapist and work out your issues. You might think it’s because of this or that, but oftentimes it goes much deeper than you realize.

A simple rule to follow is that when there’s a genuine connection, communication, getting along, and all that is effortless. We often believe we need to work “hard” to get what we want, but that’s not always the case. When it comes to seduction and relationships, the less effort that’s needed, the better the match is likely to be.

zebekias · 2024-08-08T20:24:52+00:00

Stick with it, it took me 5 years before things clicked, 10 years before finding “the one”. I’m guessing you are handsome but your inner game needs work. It can all be fixed. You likely have blind spots, things (usually negative) you are not aware about yourself, but others can see them. You will have to figure out what they are and work on them. You have to take an objective honest look at yourself, maybe ask for outside assistance. Obviously don’t be bitter or blame the women. Attraction is not a choice, nobody is judging you specifically. You have to look at it as strictly business.

averageguy694200 · 2024-08-08T14:31:59+00:00

You probably need to be way more flirty and you’re being too nice. I’m working on the same thing. Have gotten the “your a great guy” text three times in the last month after 1-3 dates.

Title	How do I stop being bitter?
Author	uwearmeout
Upvotes	17
Comments	28
Date	August 8, 2024 1:53 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1en6k08/how_do_i_stop_being_bitter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-stop-being-bitter.1526691 https://theredarchive.com/post/1526691

Comments