Dealing with the "One-Upper"

This is my most recent blog entry that reflects upon my time out with a few friends last night and dealing with "that guy" who needs to one-up everyone else to inflate their own ego.

Taco Night; best night of the work week. It's not just because of the $0.50 tacos, the cheap beer, or the flat screens blaring the baseball game (though you'd be hard pressed to find a better winning combination), it's the fact that it's the one evening of the Monday through Thursday week that everyone I know is willing to risk a few more precious hours of sleep for a chance to get together with the old group and catch up on our lives. I don't mean to make us sound old and depressed; we're all 23 years old. But, lately, with everyone hard at work, it's been difficult to see the people I spent all my time with during my college years.

It was, however, shaping up to be a good night. We got a solid group of people together this week. There were 12 of us, including two new guys who were friends of friends of someone as well as a gorgeous girl I was determined to get to know a little better. Everything had started out perfectly fine; we were all enjoying ourselves, cussing at the ball game, and having a good laugh. That is until one of the new guys revealed himself as a "one-upper."

Every single time anyone's mouth would open up. "Yeah, we ended up stopping in Paris for a few nights during the last stretch of our tr-"

"Well, I lived in Paris for a whole year and studied there! Had a flat two blocks from the Eiffel Tower!"

Every damn time. Without fail. This guy had a better experience to tell, better advice, cooler friends, more "ins" with more bands, visited more museums, played more sports, etc. than anyone sitting there. And damn it all if he didn't let us know it every chance he got!

But, as he continued interrupting and rambling, I decided upon two solutions (both a bit dependent on the situation) that either spun me into a positive light, or completely negated his authenticity.

1. Sarcasm: This works any situation, but is a go-to when you may not know many people in the crowd as option number two might not be as easy to pull off without aid from friends. But, its simple, effective, and is exceptionally useful when you can tell everyone else is growing sick of the bullshit. The rules are simple; be a sarcastic ass, and make sure to only insult his stories and not him personally. That would just come off as petty.

Whenever he'd open his mouth with a one-upper, I'd then one-up his own one-upper with something so ridiculous as to completely negate his credibility.

"Well, we ended up just hanging out at the beach on the third night, since the weather was decent and we were pretty tir-"

"Nothing compared to the beach we were at in Pensacola! 88 degrees all weekend, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky the whol-"

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to interrupt you, but did I mention that our beach was on the Moon? So anyways, there we were in space, just working on our tans... I'll tell ya, being that much closer to the sun makes quite a difference. Man, did I come home a bit crispy."

At this point, people are either laughing because (a) they too thought he was obnoxious and were happy to see him shut down or (b) the sheer ridiculousness of it is enough for any drunk person to get a good chuckle. The sarcastic approach is simple, and will hopefully put the one-upper in his place, silently getting him to realize how much of a toolbag he was being the whole night. However, if you want a bit more of a humble approach, the second option works (but usually requires you to be around friends who know you well).

1. Let your friends do the valuing for you: This is a little tricky to pull off, since it may require a few people to either be in on it, or know you well enough (and respect you well enough) to share your own stories for you.

I'll admit, at the beginning of the night, I was getting annoyed. I just wanted to drink and laugh with my friends and get to know this beautiful girl a little better, not spend the night having a dick measuring contest with some desperate Alpha wannabe. My goal was to just play it cool and not let him get me riled up; no matter how much he attempted to devalue me and no matter how hard he tried to inflate his own ego. I think my friends caught on to this, as they were aware I was interested in this girl, and decided to step in.

"Well, you see I've been playing guitar for, like, ever now. I mean, my buddy has some recording equipment and actually helped Prince's second cousin record some EP stuff, so the guy is definitely good. Yeah we're hoping to get a CD out there soon. I have some in's with some club owners who said they'd play our stuff so-"

My friend chimed in calmly and turned to me.

"Oh that reminds me. Dan, how did your show go? I know you and Luke played at that bar on Saturday night."

The girl's eyes lit up as she turned to me. She asked intently about my guitar playing, while twirling her hair. She absolutely couldn't believe that I never mentioned it this whole time. And as far as I'm concerned, that is what earned me extra points.

You see, I didn't blurt it out the first chance I got. That wasn't the first time someone had brought up music, or the first time the one-upper had tried to impress everyone with his music life, yet I stayed silent. I simply listened to everyone else, and didn't attempt to value myself in front of her. Instead of desperately trying to play "keep-up" with this guy, I just let my friends add the value for me. And the humility of it, the fact that I didn't need anyone's approval or praise by yelling out my stories made everyone else far more likely to show me respect than the other douche bag.

I'm not sure who he was trying to impress or if this is a normal thing for him, but after using both of those techniques, he definitely got the hint that he had lost. We were not woo'd by him or his exaggerated stories, and we didn't let it get to us for the rest of the night either.

So, there it is. A little insight on the "One-Upper" and how the situation was averted. Just remember not to play into their hands; don't let them irritate you, don't take them too seriously, and in the end, just show you're the bigger man and keep your cool. Let him scream his story and stomp his feet like a four year old. Because if the people you're with have any sense of class, they'll be just as fed up with him as you, and his time will quickly unwind.

Good luck out there and keep at it.

Shameless plug to my blog.

I'd like to give a shout out to pk_atheist for inspiring me to re-open my blog. He's a regular poster here, and has very insightful, well-written quips on his own blog Dating Americans. He has no idea who I am, but reading his stuff has drawn me to writing more about my own experiences; something I haven't done in a few years. Thanks!