I went out with a girl yesterday night for drinks. I met her through a sporting event at work and we're on the same team, training to compete in a month from now. I was a little bit nervous since she is this tall (5'8) cute girl that people are apparently into.

Me: 5'5, people said I'm a 6 in the face but I dress well and have a nice haircut. Around 20% body fat but clear definition on my arms.

The text:

Me: Hey, let's go out for drinks tomorrow.

Her: Sure! Who else is coming?

Me: You and me.

Her: Eh, sure!

I believe her text at first kinda put me in the I think you're just a friend sort of place but I shoot my shot either way. If she doesn't at least trusts you, she's gonna say no. Just be okay with rejection.

The drinks:

It went well. I let her take the lead, asking questions along the way while she talk. I'm sitting next to her at the table and not across. It was going well, she was clearly very invested in the conversations, there were slight touches from her here and there, she's playing with her hair and we're just chugging some wine and telling stories. She told me she appreciates that I am so forward with showing interests as other guys beat around the bush too much. We bonded and discovered we kind of have a lot of similarities.

The fuck up:

I had a bit too much to drink, and started overanalyzing black pill stuff and saying them out loud. My insecurities showed and bam, it turned a fun night out into one where she was just existing beside me while I rambled about black pill stuff. I started asking her whether this drink was a date and asked if we're gonna go on a second date to which she replies, we'll see. We got ice cream afterwards to sober up. The drive home felt very awkward but she was being polite, I was spewing black pill nonsense again while she was existing and guiding me to her house. I hope she wasn't sober enough to remember that part of the night.

The aftermath:

We have a plan to go out again after our sporting event but this was before the drive home. I'm gonna meet her again in two weeks time when our training starts again. I have no expectations but I did remember making a bet with her that if we win, I'll stop pursuing her as I believe that were not gonna win (to be fair, I wasn't expecting her to say okay at first as this was still when we're having fun) but a bet is a bet and I'm a man of my words.

Lessons learned:

I was talking to a girl at a bar a few weeks ago as well and although she was showing interest at first, it was the same outcome as this. I clearly still have a lot of mental issues I need to work through before I start dating again. I have therapy scheduled soon and I hope I can work through them. Losing 40+ lbs and currently going on a looksmaxxing journey, I have realized that despite how looks matter, the standard is very very low. Most women are just looking for a good time. Just provide that, look decent (I'm a short dude who looks way too stocky so like I said, the standard is extremely low), smell nice, dress well and you're set. The mindset is where it's at. You won't solve your problems by being in a relationship if you're not happy with yourself. My self esteem is extremely low as I grew up fat and only had one LTR in my 32 years of age. I'm still getting used to getting some female attention and some stares here and there and I'm carrying a lot of mental baggage.