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man_in_the_world Archive

View 13 posts and 2,994 comments by man_in_the_world on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Her liberal career frame (which has grown a lot with age) turns me off. Femininity triggers comfort response in me. As I improved, it felt like her LSE made her drag me down, which made me not want to offer comfort. Can you not see from your own comments how all of your feelings and actions are in reaction to her words and behavior? And how this shows that you are completely operating in her frame? It is a problem for me for sure. Probably tied to my dark triad tendencies. You're delusional. The…
/r/askMRP12/05/24 02:16 PM
1

Hats off to you for remaining an active contributor and leader here for these many years!
/r/askMRP12/05/24 03:24 AM
7

For anyone affected by covert contract # 2, how did you go about changing your perception / behavior and what did you change? Never do anything, for anyone, that could make you resent them. Anything "nice" that you do for anyone should be a gift freely given, from your abundance and munificence, because it pleases **you** to bestow it, just as you would give something to a small child whom you love, without expecting a return from them. Before doing anything "nice", always ask yourself whether y…
/r/askMRP09/05/24 01:56 PM
1

I understand that distinction. Good.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/23 01:44 PM
1

Study the linked post more carefully. And try to do so in the context of your own frame, not while operating in the frame of those you're trying to control with fake "boundaries". Your apparent inability to grasp the distinction that "A boundary for what you will accept of someone else's behavior is still a YOU boundary, not a THEM boundary" suggests that you currently lack the capacity to conceptualize from the perspective of your own frame. Put another way, a boundary is primarily defined by t…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/09/23 11:21 PM
9

Platonic male friends are overrated here as threats to your LTR. If she particularly wanted to have sex with her male friends, she would already be having sex with them. Your key questions regarding her should be Does she tenaciously stick to her own boundaries and enforce them with all others, whatever her chosen boundaries may be? Is she promiscuous? Is she prone to impulsive behavior, such as binge drinking or one night stands? If the answer to these questions are "yes", "no", and "no", you h…
/r/askMRP05/09/23 05:58 AM
1

I confessed to her that I cheated during our first years of relationship. my motivation to confess has been to start the marriage clean, but now I recognize that it has been a selfish decision It's good that you recognize this. by looking at this as a huge comfort test, do I simply STFU or do I try to keep her in line by telling her there is no way to get that revenge sex. I can see power in both answers, one is more passive (IDGAF) while a clear no is the active one. You're operating in your wi…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/23 08:04 PM
10

You don't understand boundaries. Your boundaries are rules that you respect, not rules that others necessarily follow. You respect your boundaries by enforcing them. If you can't or don't enforce them, then they aren't boundaries. Study the linked post carefully. It is one of the most insightful ever to appear at MRP.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/23 07:26 PM
1

STFU is not punishment. STFU is not negative-reinforcement operant conditioning. STFU is not intended to be the "silent treatment", which is always highly unattractive passive-aggressive beta behavior for males. You have it backwards. STFU is for and about you, not about her. The purposes of STFU include avoiding DEERing, arguing, attempting to negotiate your covert contracts, and making your butthurt even more apparent. Minimizing your unattractive verbal behaviors, (which is most of them). Sta…
/r/askMRP19/08/23 06:57 AM
7

So my question is outside of kids what would be the reason to stay in an LTR? Isn't that enough? There really is no other sufficient reason. But for many of us, that reason is sufficient in itself. YMMV.
/r/askMRP22/07/23 02:35 PM
8

No, don't let her win. Instead, give yourself a handicap by removing some of your starting pieces or giving her extra, so you each win about half of the games. This will make every game exciting for both of you. You can increase the handicap by a small amount every time you win and vice versa, to always keep in balance.
/r/askMRP08/07/23 08:46 AM
1

The same ones that younger men with some class and game can use. See the sidebar for materials on Game. Learn how to flirt.
/r/askMRP07/07/23 08:20 AM
10

Stop initiating by juvenile groping, and develop some game. You're 46 years old, and behaving like a clumsy teenager is no longer cute. Develop some sophistication to match your age. She's telling you that the way you're initiating is unattractive. She's right, and you're not listening. Not to her, and not to us if you think this is the right way to initiate.
/r/askMRP05/07/23 10:45 PM
4

100%, the West is fucked, my friend. An LTR from a traditional country is much better than a woman from the West. All the heavy lifting is done for you; you just need a dick. Nah. AWALT, my friend. It's all about frame. Western women are more used to operating in their own frame and more likely to challenge yours in the early stages of a relationship, but most will accede to a man with stronger frame. Aspire to be that guy, not just the biggest boy in the kiddie pool.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/07/23 06:27 AM
20

Your wife isn't testing you, she has developed a sexual aversion to you, which she can no longer bring herself to overcome. You need to stop your unattractive behaviors, which very likely include neediness and validation seeking. Your view of STFU as punishment Should I not respond/STFU as sort of punishment just shows how misguided your mentality is and that you are passive-aggressively operating in her frame, which is very unattractive in men.
/r/askMRP05/07/23 05:08 AM
10

Long time lurker. Shit has hit the fan. So you found this place, recognized the truths discussed here, and yet chose to ignore them and continued to act like a bitch... I had resentment from that date and seeing that the efforts have not been reciprocated. I was discontent with the level of effort and it turned into a huge fight. Lifting alone is not enough, especially if your neediness for her validation and your butthurt resentment when you don't get it disgusts your wife, and you compound her…
/r/askMRP03/07/23 06:17 AM
1

The diagnostic scenario in that post asks what I would do if she says she would be okay with starfish sex and for me to use her for my pleasure, but that she was too tired to really participate. The context of this scenario is important "long and difficult day", implying this is a rare event and not her typical response. "You find yourself incredibly horny." She tells you she would enjoy it. Perhaps you're unable to believe her statement that she wants you to? [Attraction validation]
/r/MarriedRedPill21/06/23 09:57 PM
2

whether I react to her lack of enthusiasm because my ego gets bruised or because I'm applying an ill-conceived reactive strategy, from her perspective it's still just punishment for sexing wrong. Yes. Well said. But now it's not only a chore, but one she can't afford to mess up. What's worse than performing a chore for someone else's benefit, then getting criticized for your pains? grudging duty sex is something best not to have, but I've come now to understand that actively trying to avoid it i…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/23 02:56 PM
1

OK, you sound genuine and perhaps open to critique, so I'll take the time to clarify more. I initiated sex after we got home from a long and taxing weekend and she starfished. ... I tried tossing her around a bit to elevate the mood, but I ended up hurting her (pinched muscle she said). ... I walked out As I read your story, you tried to get her more into the sex by "tossing her around," but the method you chose turned her off/injured her instead of turning her on. You got criticism instead of g…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/23 10:09 PM
1

Later in the afternoon everyone went swimming and when we returned my wife asked to speak to me privately, in which she began to insult me and say that I'm crazy and need medication blah blah blah. I didn't respond, just listened to her yammer. She was very mean and said hurtful stuff. Even gave me a death stare at one point in which I almost laughed. I kept my cool and withdrew my attention from her and continued with the trip accordingly, no plans changed and enjoyed the few hours available af…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/23 06:24 PM
2

She chased me as I walked out, and wanted to talk about it, but I said there's nothing to talk about; she's just not into it right now. I spent some time on my phone messaging a friend and trying not to give the outward appearance of being butthurt (not sure if I was feeling butthurt to be honest, but I definitely did not want to come off that way) It definitely came off that way. and then I said I was going to go out and started getting ready. That escalated quickly! What do you do when you som…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/23 05:59 PM
1

.We had an episode where I chose to lean back, instead of having to play bad cop. It took my wife 15 minutes to get my daughter to accept, where I guided her to be firm and direct in her attitude. All the time she tried to push the decision on me, so she could avoid being bad cop. ... After the episode, when my daughter was asleep, I literally snapped for her trying to avoid taking responsibility and putting it on me. Why do you object to taking responsibility and the authoritarian role, cap'n?
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/23 04:54 PM
2

Expressing emotions like a Man. Good sex requires emotion.
/r/askMRP24/05/23 06:05 AM
7

Establishing an “Emotional Connection” With a Woman. Expressing emotions like a Man. Good sex requires emotion.
/r/askMRP24/05/23 05:13 AM
15

Initiate sex when you have real, physical desire ... not from desire for validation. That's the most important rule. Consider initiating at different times of day, not only at bedtime. Many men here have found nonverbal initiation more effective.
/r/askMRP10/05/23 05:33 PM
5

Emotional vulnerability does not mean dependency, it means being emotionally available or exposed enough that the other person could cause you emotional pain (or joy.) If you are strong enough to survive and work through that pain on your own without her help or support, without sacrificing your principles, boundaries, or missions and while retaining your frame, you can be vulnerable without being dependent, which is particularly strong and attractive, and which leaves space for emotional intima…
/r/askMRP04/05/23 04:52 AM
12

Am I even correct about that or am I still not getting it? No. You're still not getting it. Wanting to talk it out with her is a sign that you're still operating in her frame. You can't negotiate or discuss your way to your own frame. Thinking that talking it through will help shows that you still have a beta mentality. STFU, and let your changed actions, over many months, speak for themselves over time.
/r/askMRP24/04/23 06:41 AM
1

Since you're leading and dominating the interaction, the idea may be that your immersion will lead to hers.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/03/23 12:07 PM
3

This entire perspective is external. It's looking to evaluate myself from the eyes of others. The harder I have thought I have gone in the direction of self-validating against it the more I have actually ego invested and set myself back. This is the essence of Nice Guy-ness.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 05:13 PM
1

she has a HUGE amount of resistance for me being dominant. This may be due to a lack of Emotion or Immersion.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 04:07 PM
1

I am reading and re-reading WISNIFG. How about NMMNG?
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 03:46 PM
5

When my time is unstructured, I can end up not knowing what to do. I end up clinging on to other people and doing what they do. ... when I didn't know what to do with myself, or if it was just easier than whatever I was going to do, I would just attach to people around me and do what they do. ... I've been wondering how I ended up as a supporting character in this relationship. I think this is how I got there. I was just aimlessly drifting This is the clearest description of life lived entirely …
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/23 03:37 PM
20

Why did you marry a woman, if you want your spouse to behave like a man? The failure here is yours. Boundaries aren't boundaries unless you enforce them immediately. Instead of stopping your help as soon as she behaved in a manner unacceptable to you, like a beta orbiter you kept on and kept on taking the abuse, all the while storing resentment for her violation of your covert boundaries. If you don't enforce the boundary in the moment, it isn't a boundary. You can't retroactively declare it as …
/r/askMRP26/01/23 01:56 AM
1

You're confusing boundaries and expectations.
/r/askMRP23/01/23 12:07 AM
11

Modern Blue Pill Society has essentially normalized needy, co-dependent behavior as the romantic ideal and expectation in romantic relationships. Constant reassurance of an anxious, codependent lover via text and phone has thus become both an expectation and an entitlement, and the accepted and expected sign of ones commitment to the relationship. Such codependent behavior is distasteful to many of us and is ultimately destructive to relationships, and should be avoided. However, when your frame…
/r/askMRP22/01/23 10:37 PM
14

Taking action with the primary goal to "withhold affection" is the wrong mental model. As others point out, this is passive aggressive and operating in her frame. The correct perspective is that the high value man has has many worthwhile, interesting, and entertaining ways he can spend this time, and many interesting people eager to engage in these rewarding activities with him. If engaging with your wife is not among these, because of her bad or boring behavior, the high value man will naturall…
/r/askMRP17/01/23 09:30 PM
6

w.r.t. is with respect to. Career betas like yourself have no notion of frame, so you can conceive of managing your relationship with your wife only through strict rules of control, whereas alphas more easily and effectively do so via a dominant frame. Career betas so deeply fear upsetting or challenging anyone that the most assertive behavior they ever risk is subtle, deniable passive-aggression. Since their only experience with any form of self-assertive behavior is passive-aggression, after d…
/r/askMRP04/01/23 08:48 AM
10

TL;DR OP has huge insecurities w.r.t. women. He sought out and married a third-world woman because he thought he could culturally dominate and control her. When she showed some independence his insecurities flared up like a bonfire. Because he lacks any semblance of frame or capacity to assert and enforce nuanced boundaries in person (other than "don't ever do anything that might possibly trigger my beta insecurities"), he left her stranded without a visa in another country so that he wouldn't h…
/r/askMRP01/01/23 09:04 AM
3

When disagreements arise from conflict between my values/frame and others, I often seize the opportunity to educate my wife/kids/friends/employees on my values/frame/boundaries, by giving them a very brief, at most one sentence statement of the core value or boundary underlying my action. This is one tool I use to bring others into my frame. With respect to your example, I might say "It was necessary to perform at my best at my job." If that priority were then challenged, I would say "I pride my…
/r/askMRP24/12/22 05:56 AM
1

... but not for her. LOL
/r/askMRP22/12/22 06:42 PM
2

Dear Reddit, My Dancing Monkey attraction improvement programme started working and I got a whole week of great sex, which made me soooo happy! But then it stopped working, which makes me so sad. I think if I can just get her to stop drinking, it will start working again. Right, Reddit?
/r/askMRP22/12/22 06:35 PM
9

Your choice to call out her parenting in public at a restaurant, instead of bringing it up later in private, was a passive-aggressive pussy bitch beta excuse by you to challenge her authority from the safety of public approval and social protection from any overreaction by her in that environment. Your wife tested this by challenging and escalating this later in private and confirmed your lack of frame, authority, and your inability to stand up to her appropriately without public protection. You…
/r/askMRP22/12/22 06:18 PM
5

When your opponent refuses to give up on chasing you through the fog, you eventually have to switch to Broken Record and stand your ground somewhere.
/r/askMRP22/12/22 05:06 PM
3

So try Amplify into (absurd) Outrage.
/r/askMRP05/12/22 11:15 PM
1

Combine it with A&A and you can blow up anything.
/r/askMRP05/12/22 10:39 PM
12

play the short 'n easy game ... last large covert contract ... I think you're right that the second anger phase is about a shortcut to fulfilling that Dancing Monkey covert contract. Good insight.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/22 04:50 AM
10

There is still a part of me that masochistically enjoys playing stoic and then blowing up later over something mostly unrelated. This is classic beta behavior reflecting a deeply beta mindset. Your so-called "stoic" behavior is actually failure to assert your own interests from fear of conflict, and your explosions at safer times are unconscious social signals that you might have a limit beyond which you'll fight back, so people should beware pushing you around too far. But everybody else subcon…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/11/22 06:09 PM
3

You may be wrongly associating your wife's reaction to your travel with your depression. It's not surprising that she was annoyed that you left her to manage the kids alone while you visited your friends, and you should have expected some resentful attitudes and shit tests for you to handle in the ordinary way. You most certainly do not handle them by DEERing to your wife about your depression.
/r/askMRP03/11/22 05:07 AM
5

Forcing yourself to work hard at something you have no passion for can be depressing. Is building your business to an attractive acquisition for a larger firm in a year or two an option in your area?
/r/askMRP02/11/22 02:00 PM
7

Rollo is right. There's a reason he's on the required reading list.
/r/askMRP02/11/22 01:22 PM
7

I was an alpha turned career beta / drunk captain after our kids were born and am now in a dead bedroom. Have been trying to amp up the dread by removing my attention, STFU, consistently lifting and sidebaring a lot. Results were mediocre so far, to say the least. The main focus going forward will be: (1) unfatten myself (2) demonstrate higher value on the merits of my professional function and (3) take over more leadership in the household (say: proactive home improvement, not dishwasher). And …
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/22 11:33 PM
9

STFU, you insecure, foolish boy! You should never be discussing who's in charge. Any such discussions are always implicit attempts to get your wife to agree to your leadership, which you are thereby admitting is up for negotiation. Like the informal leadership of a pirate captain, you simply take charge. The savviest pirate captains even cultivated the illusion of equality under their command. STFU and just lead.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/22 11:16 PM
2

Are you a dancing monkey?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/22 09:39 PM
28

That's really terrible news. I'm so sorry for you. To get the most out of the fully 1/2 or more of your life you have left, own your shit, pursue your missions, and be a pleasant, inspiring, and positive person, not a whiner. Don't become a recluse or embarrassed by your condition. Keep your friends. Be socially active. Volunteer. Find things you can do despite your condition, and get out there. Be as independent as possible, but learn to be gracious and grateful in accepting help when it is off…
/r/askMRP15/09/22 04:33 AM
1

protective of ourself... barrier to serve another in love You approach this with a follower's mentality, a belief that serving another means sacrificing your interest in favor of theirs. What you need instead is the good leader's frame "I take care of my people." This means that you are giving By your own choice In a manner, time, and level of your choosing, not theirs From your abundance without covert contracts or direct expectation of return To people who contribute to your life or mission in…
/r/askMRP07/09/22 07:13 AM
3

With regard to frame, the questions are What do you believe/desire/require? Are you acting in congruence with this personal worldview? I personally always wanted a wife who was primarily a homemaker, because frankly I find my work more interesting than sharing household chores, because I make good money and the time saved is worth more to me than the extra income, and because I thought it would be beneficial for the children I intended to have. So I married a woman who was open to this lifestyle…
/r/askMRP24/08/22 05:45 PM
14

This subreddit, which promotes self realization and enhancement, has itself always sought to improve its methods of doing so. Our rules have been a means of doing so by enforcing best practices, as we knew them at the time. Rules enforcing current best practice, however, can prevent the discovery of even bester practice. So it can sometimes be worthwhile to relax the rules in order to allow explorations that could lead to better practices ... particularly if we have the clarity and fortitude to …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/08/22 01:01 AM
2

Just as with holiday traditions, there can be pleasant and powerful emotions associated with repeating old favorites. Consider creating some sexual traditions. And not every encounter need be a gold medal performance or an astonishing new sexual innovation.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/22 04:07 AM
1

It is just that she did not believe in any of my intentions. It will take a long time to decondition her from her previous expectations based on your past behavior.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/22 03:42 AM
9

MRP teaches mainly two things How to remake yourself into a high-value man, lover, husband, and father How to obtain the sexual and other benefits that a high-value man can enjoy Women will be interested in providing the latter only to the former. But you're trying to get the benefits before becoming a high-value man, and she's rightly resistant to such a bad deal. Focus on the former, not the latter, until you have substantially achieved it. Until then, you're just wasting your time and burning…
/r/askMRP12/08/22 05:57 AM
3

Take your kids away.
/r/askMRP10/08/22 04:29 PM
1

It must be a lot more complicated when you own a business.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/08/22 09:27 PM
23

When sex is boring, it's usually because you or your wife aren't bringing enough emotion to the interaction. Good sex requires emotion, particularly those arising from vulnerability and intimacy, but insecure guys like you try to fill the gap with "safer" (less vulnerable) emotions arising from sexual validation or the often superficial variety of new and different sexual acts. But since these don't get at the heart of the problem, which is your lack of frame, self knowledge, self confidence, an…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/08/22 07:14 PM
6

I’m wondering if I should try to “open” the marriage first, rather than go straight to divorce. My guess is we’ll likely end up divorced, but who knows? An Open marriage would meet my needs, keep me connected to my wife, and preserve our lifestyle. That’d be nice, if it’s possible. I’m going to re-read the open marriage book with a more analytical eye. You seem to be focused on making some grand philosophical decision, and working out all the implications and details before taking any action. If…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/08/22 04:16 PM
3

veering too far from what RP is about - fucking. Or specifically TRP is "Sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men." I view MRP as distinctly different. For me, MRP is "Sexual strategy for men in marriages/LTRs." MRP is not primarily /r/RPover30 or /r/RPrecentlydivorced, though there would be a significant amount of overlap of interests with such subs. It seems to me that MRP has become "Sexual strategy for men who are, or were, in marriages/LTRs." I have no p…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/07/22 12:52 PM
1

Embrace it!
/r/MarriedRedPill07/07/22 05:00 PM
3

Oh yes. "Protect the whamen and children" being front and center and critical to the survival and evolution of our species. IMO this is over-simplistic. In highly social species (like ants, wolves, chimpanzees, humans, ...) individuals can survive only in groups... because groups kill off all lone individuals and weak groups, and take their resources, territories, and women. (Look up chimpanzee war.) The lone, completely self-centered "alpha" super-male does not survive. I suspect that "protect …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/07/22 04:34 PM
3

I gain much of the joy in my life through certain individual projects that use, challenge, or develop certain (mostly professional) skills of mine. But much of my joy results through interactions with other people: collaborative projects with colleagues; mentoring younger staff and raising my children; envisioning and leading much-needed changes in organizations I'm a part of. The joy comes when doing these with/for people I care about, who matter to me. I don't think this is a weakness or being…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/22 10:32 PM
1

Interesting discussion... you're making me examine some of my views more deeply. However, the male protective instinct is hardwired. So some "feeling like an asshole" is just always going to be there, when you live true to your own rational self-interest As inherently social animals, I suspect that in addition to self-interest/desires/selfishness, holding some sense of social/moral/fairness/how-people-should-interact is also hardwired in each of us. Let's call these our "values", until we come u…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/22 07:29 PM
3

Don't beat yourself up too much about it. We all do the best we can with what we know at the time. It can be maddening to think about how much better we could have done then if we knew what we know now, but we know what we do now only from the experience gained by passing through then. having patience to let them play out is important. Yes. Well said. That's another one of those life lessons I slowly learned over the years. There's probably even something in Sun Tzu's Art of War about it!
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/22 04:25 AM
6

Fuck your stupid feelings. ... Start acting as if you didn't have them and eventually you stop having them, or at least have them less. I don't believe that becoming either an emotionless robot or an emotional Alcatraz is the highest form of male human existence. The problem isn't emotions (or at least not all emotions), but it is our response to those emotions. Now, many beginners here react blindly to their emotions, allow others to control their emotions and manipulate them into their frame, …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/07/22 01:01 AM
11

my son here, who on his own accord has expressed how much he needs me now. Your son likely needs your full attention and engagement at certain times when he needs them. And just as importantly, he needs to know that he can get your full engagement whenever he needs them. He likely also needs some concentrated time for memorable life and learning experiences together (like hunting). But at his age, the total time he needs with you shouldn't be that large. If it is, he may be avoiding the social a…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/07/22 09:14 PM
1

This is more of a duty roster for the captain and crew than it is a vision. What are the higher level goals/outcomes or principles that guide and inspire you? Which provide the meaning and satisfaction in your lives? Which informs and prioritizes your choices of the tasks to be done, and who should do them? Which motivate you and your crew to perform often tedious tasks for the greater goal and good?
/r/MarriedRedPill29/06/22 05:00 PM
2

I defined sexual validation in this post.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/06/22 03:51 PM
7

This spun into an idea connecting vulnerability (i.e., comfort seeking) and validation, that for some women leaning into comfort from their man isn’t only about the man being attractive enough and therefore being able to provide validation, but also about the woman being vulnerable enough to ask for the validation. Vulnerability is not the same as comfort seeking. As it's used here, vulnerability in fact means somewhat the opposite of comfort seeking. But I also think there’s an insight about ho…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/06/22 06:11 AM
1

What is your Vision for your family, and for an effective and equitable division of labor consistent with that vision? It all begins with knowing what you're working toward, and why.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/06/22 05:22 AM
3

This is a dancing monkey field report. The sooner you realize that, the sooner your real MRP progress can begin.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/06/22 07:51 AM
1

Dance, monkey, dance!
/r/MarriedRedPill23/06/22 07:38 AM
4

There is one particular shit test that keeps recurring. Basically, i'm being asked to promise (?) I'll love and accept my wife even if she gets fat(ter). The first time I faced this test (before finding MRP), I think I froze and looked at my wife slack-jawed. The next time, I said something like, "what do you think your dad would say if your mom said that?" (response: My dad is an asshole. That's why i didn't marry someone like him). The next time, I tried, "I'd still love you, but I probably wo…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/06/22 06:45 AM
5

My answer to this was “go for it, but I am not waiting around for you to finish or be available anymore”, and hopped onto the spinner to do some HIIT sprints. If I am not prioritized by someone, why would I prioritize them? Afterwards, I had to choose between resetting and initiating again, which seemed like pestering as well as rewarding bad behavior, or pointing out the problem, which is basically DEERing and not STFU. I ended up confronting the behavior by saying that it’s the disrespect that…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/06/22 08:44 PM
1

The sidebar is the usual for a very good reason... it works for most guys. It seems to me that the "LTR at the breaking point"-level problems that bring people here are very likely to be core issues that affect most interactions and behaviors, because most people can find a compromise or work around a specific weakness or quirk without endangering the whole relationship. Unfortunately, there usually isn't one simple trick that can fix these systemic issues that permeate everything. These require…
/r/askMRP19/06/22 06:42 AM
12

Despite all of our warnings and admonitions... Despite all the FR's and the OYS's in which new guys come to grief by failing to STFU... Despite your own recent experience... ... you're still seeking some magic words that will ignite your wife's desire for you STFU, you fool! There are no magic words! You can't negotiate desire.
/r/askMRP19/06/22 05:07 AM
3

Read Horns' reply to my comment. Frame / validation / fragile ego are your biggest problems.
/r/askMRP17/06/22 09:53 PM
2

He's not attractive. We dudes know that internal frame which is congruent is waaay more attractive than a hot external frame only. ... An unattractive man who's good at sex has the same result OPs wife said also. So I'm going to think it has more to do with that rather than how he is initiating and having sex. I agree that this is more likely why a wife would stop having sex altogether. Both/either will lead to a lack of enthusiasm. OP needs to be aware that he has both problems. I think you're …
/r/askMRP17/06/22 09:44 PM
11

The conversation continues and she explains that the first initiation was just boring it felt like I was rubbing her for 20 minutes with no escalation, and then she was annoyed that I’d woke her up. The second time she said it was too full on. Listen to your woman and learn; this honest feedback is pure gold. In my experience, it's the same with most women. Women may tolerate sucky initiations from attractive guys for a while, but who wants to be that good-looking guy who sucks at sex? Turns out…
/r/askMRP17/06/22 12:17 PM
2

SAHDs get, and deserve, no respect unless they keep themselves highly attractive by being fit, ripped, dressing well, and attracting attention from other women. You must be the man the neighborhood wives gaze after, flirt with, and fantasize about. show high social value through charismatic leadership such as PTA President, head coach of kids' sport teams, organizing and leading activities or home-schooling groups with other parents and kids, and leadership in community volunteer groups. totally…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/06/22 09:34 PM
2

"psycho autist that gives zero fucks about what others think and pursues his mission with single-minded determination" as if that's a bad thing. Isn't that basically the what MRP aims to help us become? No. That's merely a Nice Guy's uncomprehending mental projection of what it means to be assertive, self-actualized, and operating in your own frame. They are so deeply immersed in their Nice Guy mentality that they perceive any assertiveness, self-validation, or even frame as psychopathology. As …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/06/22 08:18 PM
1

A deeper part of me though also says that I want to give great sex My concern is that this is simply a new way to operate in your wife's frame, a covert contract, and a "Dancing Monkey" Attraction Improvement Programme. Where I also think this goal is coming from is that I want to get better at sex, and after reading SGM + heard that author suggested and explained how and why stamina could be first focus, it made a lot of sense to me. My take is that Emotion is the key element of SGM, which is a…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/22 10:00 PM
1

(stamina is my focus right now) Why? What are you trying to prove, and to whom?
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/22 04:47 AM
5

OP seems to me like a guy you rightly pegged who can't. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. I suspect that, like many newbies here, he covertly hopes that he can pony up a little low-hanging alpha and improvement, and dread his way to the power position at the negotiation table with his wife. These LARPers are always surprised that their wives would rather walk than deal with their now slightly-less-fat but oh-so-much-more entitled and resentful husbands. Those whose egos won't let them step back, STFU, and fo…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/22 04:09 AM
2

Why are you here? For real, not the ego-safe version...
/r/MarriedRedPill08/06/22 02:18 AM
9

Just two weeks ago you posted I’ve done some really stupid shit to try and shortcut the hard work. I am no longer looking for shortcuts, STFU and positive action only. and yet here you are again "communicating clearly" about your needs, her performance, and divorce. STFU already, and stop trying to covertly negotiate the relationship you want with her by playing the relationship chicken game to see who will blink first. Put your wife's shit, and your own resentments and needs, entirely to the si…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/06/22 11:13 PM
1

I'm happy to hear that it helped.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/06/22 04:53 AM
17

You will make no real progress until you stop seeking validation through sex and stop making winning her back your only goal. Read Timeline of Escaping Sex for Validation
/r/askMRP01/05/22 03:47 PM
5

Sounds like your wife may be one of the many women who respond more to verbal/psychological than to physical foreplay... Work on your game and flirting.
/r/askMRP29/04/22 10:57 PM
3

I signed up for a work volleyball league for 6 weeks without telling my wife, which would make me absent when we pick up our kids in the evening for about 2 hours on Wednesdays for 6 weeks in early summer. ... I told her about it and now realized I likely DEER-ed a lot instead of handling it differently. You are a father, and supposedly the captain of your family ship. A competent captain... a captain who owns his shit... as his first act, before assuming command, forms his vision, mission, and …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/22 05:23 PM
5

Your frame is your worldview. In that sense, what you think about these matters is your truth about them; they mean whatever you think they imply. I might feel differently, and yet we would both be right, for ourselves. It's not a question anyone else can answer for you. To a much greater extent than most people realize, those with very strong frame create their own social reality (hence Steve Jobs' famous "reality distortion field").
/r/askMRP27/04/22 06:57 AM
5

This is just the verbal banter equivalent of friends batting a ping-pong ball back and forth trying to keep the rally going. Don't overthink shit, nor psychoanalyze every word that comes out of your woman's mouth, as dancing monkeys and pedestalizing betas do. Most of the noise that most people make is throwaway bullshit meant simply to keep the conversation or the connection going.
/r/askMRP27/04/22 06:01 AM
10

it's the idea that she probably shouldn't be saying them. Wherever did you get this bright idea? Just as many women like to feel a strong man's muscles, many people like to feel a man's strong frame. It may be that she teases you about it because she thinks you're a self-confident man enough to handle it and admires the way you do so. A&A in interesting new ways and enjoy the banter.
/r/askMRP27/04/22 05:11 AM
1

Likewise.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/04/22 05:53 PM
1

I am having a bit of trouble pinpointing what is causing my anger. Maybe this?
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/22 04:00 PM
1

I mean, is the pleasure of the act enough? I suspect that it is enough for most people some of the time (people masturbate, after all), and for a few people most of the time. I doubt that sexual pleasure alone is enough to sustain a LTR for most people, though, which is why intimacy-lacking sex with their validation-obsessed husbands eventually becomes unbearable for so many wives.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/22 01:01 AM
2

I just tickled her at random or stared into her eyes without breaking eye contact for no reason until she says "what" and "why are you staring at me" "Gaming" her with irritating pubescent pre-teen "notice me" behavior sounds par for your course and no doubt stays within your comfort zone... too much so. Try something a bit more adult and overtly sexual, and risk the rejection.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/22 07:39 PM
3

I need to get out of my head, stop counting the days, stop obsessing over her orgasms, and let my gut drive. Read an interesting bit in “Come as you are” which said that sex needs an emotional relationship story arc for women. You need to recognize that this is also true for you, as you unintentionally admitted in I need to get out of my head, stop counting the days, stop obsessing over her orgasms, and let my gut drive. But the emotions for you center around validating your own ego, not about a…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/22 05:15 PM
4

With regard to sexual "dirty talk", the sexual "talk" is more important than the "dirty" for most people. "I think deep down, there’s a dirty little girl in there that wants to come out, but is being repressed for some reason. Let her out to play.” Sexual/dirty talk can be a great tool for increasing the emotion and intimacy during sex, but it won't work on its own as a covert tool for negotiating hotter sex. Ask yourself, honestly, whether you're really attempting to increase your own DEVI with…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/22 04:38 PM
6

As 3KoL suggests, anger is often a mechanism for resisting personal change. I think this is your situation right now.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/04/22 03:24 PM
5

After hitting a big milestone earlier this year, it feels like I've lost my drive, my vigilance, and my confidence. Being an achievement oriented person, this has been consistent all my life. I work really hard to get something, feel momentarily good, and then feel nothing afterwards. It seems like you look to external things you acquire, or deference you get from your wife or others, for your happiness, self-confidence, validation, and meaning in your life. As you have found, no amount of exter…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/03/22 03:22 AM
3

Stop tolerating bullshit. Start showing controlled anger. Anger, like all emotions, should be expressed as a man does.
/r/askMRP03/03/22 11:28 PM
1

Continue to read his book, but be alert to, and avoid in yourself, the covert contracts and anger-phase mentality that emerges in places. IMO, the ideas are good; the attitude is not.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/02/22 07:57 AM
1

underwater welding Dangerous work
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/22 05:35 AM
1

Sound like shitty comfort tests to me. The shit-comfort continuum
/r/askMRP03/02/22 07:47 PM
9

If you would stop behaving like a defective girlfriend, maybe she would stop treating you like one. Hit the MRP sidebar and learn how an attractive man behaves. It's going to be a long haul for you, grrl, so you'd better get started today.
/r/askMRP01/02/22 08:24 PM
9

It might very well be a compliance test (power play), but have you considered that it might also be a context to her for flirting? Treat any such hints or promises as flirting, not as an overt or covert contract for future sex. Try flirting back. Maybe then it won't take such long massages to turn her on for sex.
/r/askMRP01/02/22 07:36 PM
6

Yes. This.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/02/22 07:09 PM
27

It usually ends with me saying “I don’t want to talk to you about this right now.” I say this in a calm, stoic voice but it’s clear to us both I am very pissed off. Sometimes, when I’m playing with my children without her, she will try to involve herself in the game, resulting in me separating myself from the game. Did I just find a more elaborate way to stonewall like a bitch? Yes, you did. Your frame on the withdrawal of time and attention is still all wrong. You're viewing this as applying a …
/r/askMRP31/01/22 10:50 PM
7

Known consequences are an intrinsic part of a boundary. If you don't know, beforehand, what consequences you will enforce when someone breaks your boundary, then you don't have a boundary. You may have a preference or an expectation, but not a boundary. Because you have had here only an expectation, not a boundary with intrinsic, known consequences, you're seeking an appropriate arbitrary punishment for her, hence your butthurt-like withdrawal of time and attention. Punishment is generally not t…
/r/askMRP31/01/22 05:26 AM
14

What's the point in any of this or anything? Your Mission is the point ... your source of meaning in life, which displaces nihilism. Find something bigger than you, beyond you, that you feel passionate about and which matters to you and some community of which you're a part ... and get out there and move it forward. Real meaning in life comes from this, not from being sexually validated by your wife a few more times a week.
/r/askMRP23/01/22 06:28 AM
3

Last week we had sex and then the following day I directly stated I wanted a BJ. I have done this a couple times and always get a no, or a ‘I’ll do it a little and then sex’. This time, when sex was offered, I just said no and walked away. Wife gets pissed at me and tells me (as she has stated multiple times now in past) that she does like my forward/aggressive passes at her and that I treat her like a piece of meat. Reading MRP makes that seem like a good thing but my wife isn’t liking it. Appr…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/01/22 12:55 AM
2

I just started reading the "multi-orgasmic man". Ever since starting this RP journey I have put so much emphasis on sex that I started to last wayyy shorter than I ever have before in my life. I got in my own head. I am hoping this book will help me navigate out of it. So you're going to deal with an overemphasis on sex by ... obsessing about your "performance" and reading a book on how to "improve" it??? Why not instead try having frame and confidence with your body's sexual response, whatever …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/01/22 08:26 PM
3

Sex is rare and boring because I'm a bored and boring lover, date nights are non-existent because I never take her out, I rarely show her affection is rare. FTFY. I built this mess, and I need to lead myself out of it. Just quit whining and do it, already! Good on you for getting back to your music. I am tired of living this mediocre life. What am I going to do? If the past three years are an indication, you'll do nothing.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/01/22 08:00 PM
2

and what I authentically want might not be pure hedonistic selfishness, it might be to help others. Yes. These tend to be ego- and CC-infested waters so examine your motives carefully, but few humans are authentically entirely hedonistic, and there is no reason we should aspire to attain this unnatural state.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/01/22 05:14 PM
1

Don't demand something of another person, demand it of/for yourself, and allow those around you to choose for themselves. It may seem like a small distinction, but to me, it is very important. Yes, this an excellent and important distinction. In doing so, it is sometimes necessary to convey that a choice must be made, and the consequences of not doing so.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/01/22 04:59 PM
2

It's the final release of that ego into vulnerability. Yes! Very well said.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/01/22 04:47 PM
5

It's an ultimatum; not negotiable. (spoken in complete love, peace, and congruence) The point is, with outcome independence, and completely beyond anger phase resentment. And with love, of course... because without it why would you offer one final chance? You can not negotiate desire. This is true. Too often, though, this is used here at MRP (not necessarily by you) to excuse validation seeking: A woman with genuine desire (TM) for you will crawl through broken glass to XY your Z. So if you have…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/12/21 07:57 AM
2

But what you describe is far from a FMOFY speech. To my mind, they are functionally the same... a nonnegotiable ultimatum of what is required to remain married. Perhaps it's the nomenclature that is the culprit. But yes, even the FMoFY name reflects unresolved anger phase and revenge fantasies, which you very rightly emphasize is precisely the wrong frame for such a step. I tend to ignore the flawed parts of a message and focus on the bits which may have merit, but perhaps you're right that You …
/r/MarriedRedPill21/12/21 08:47 PM
1

It is abundantly clear that BPP's RP development has long been arrested deep in the anger phase / mourning for the BP fantasy / covert contracts, and this makes him a poor (even embarrassing) example to be acknowledged as a thought leader. And yes, his descriptions of Dread levels 8 through 10 are cast in terms of covert contracts and revenge fantasy, which is exactly the wrong frame, and which is particularly inappropriate at advanced levels. I think that we're in full agreement here. We might …
/r/MarriedRedPill21/12/21 07:37 AM
3

do people stop being retarded ... ? Yes, immediately after you lose the insecure ego
/r/askMRP21/12/21 12:27 AM
5

But not selfishness of the individual, selfishness of the genome. Yes... It looks to me like RP focuses on optimizing the life of the individual, all else be damned. Build my power to do what I want, maximize my happiness, DNGAF about what everyone else needs/wants, except in the context of how meeting those needs might further my own. If you believe in the principles of evopsych (as I do), then you should expect that your so-called "selfish" desires, needs and wants, and the things that make yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/21 10:45 PM
1

I'm happy to hear that you found them helpful.
/r/askMRP20/12/21 08:20 PM
2

And that's what you dudes have the choice to do when you get to this point in your journey with a woman you like. You can choose her, but you're going to need to have her take her own redpill. She's going to need to anyways, she's not in the drivers seat anymore. You are. And you'll need to have patience to lead her through that if you want to. This is the purpose of /u/BluepillProfessor's slowly escalating stages 7-10 of active Dread, up to and including FMoFU for the very stubborn or egotistic…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/12/21 08:14 PM
8

I want a woman that has genuine desire for me. I want a woman that kisses me back. These things are not negotiable for me. The validation of your wife's genuine desireTM is so important to you that you're willing to leave your marriage to seek it elsewhere if necessary. You haven't yet recognized that your wife has a very similar need for something (probably a real emotional connection with a worthy man), and (also like you) she'd prefer to get that from you, but she's ultimately willing to end …
/r/MarriedRedPill10/11/21 10:55 PM
1

the MRP mindset You don't have a MRP mindset. You have a dancing monkey mindset. Chasing better sex for her for the wrong reasons will benefit neither her nor you. Giving a fuck or two about her pleasure is good (because why are you even with her if you don't care about her?), but deeply compromising your own sexual pleasure to do so poisons her sexual desire. She will subconsciously notice, and (unless she's a narcissistic taker unworthy of your investment in her) she'll feel obliged to recipro…
/r/askMRP10/11/21 07:02 PM
1

I had a realisation at some point this week that withdrawing my attention will only be effective if my attention has value. Being around me should correlate with fun, excitement, feelz, etc. as much as possible, so I’m now trying to embody that part of my personality more when I’m with my SO. I think I’ve been becoming too much of an emotionless robot, which has just made me boring. TL;DR: "Sometimes I'm an emotionless robot; sometimes I'm not ... but I'm always a dancing monkey."
/r/MarriedRedPill10/11/21 06:10 PM
2

You have absolutely no vision, leadership, or consistency for your own life, or for your family, so of course both you and your wife are floundering and thrashing about. You're still looking to her to lead and to fix things, while you react and decide whether you like the direction she chooses. You've been here a year, but seem to have learned nothing of real importance beyond feeling entitled.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/21 10:47 PM
1

I’m going back and forth like a pinball of emotions that I need to get to the root of, including: Low libido/lack of desire – not sure if it’s due to my work stress or diet, but I just generally don’t feel as horny lately. More likely it's because you have always sought sex for validation, and you haven't yet learned to connect it to true physical desire or intimacy. Instead of seeing this as a challenge and grabbing the bull by the horns I am playing the victim and need to stop as it gets me no…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/21 10:15 PM
1

There is an element of my being a dancing monkey, afraid that if I don't always show her that she is loved, she will assume that I don't care, thereby reinforcing her feelings of not being loveable and resulting in her retreating further from me. Kids aren't stupid; she knows whether you love her or not, and whether and when she can rely on you.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/21 06:41 PM
2

But it is just a show. On the inside, my blood is boiling. I am already more attractive than her – she could be very attractive but does not put in any effort. So, what do I do about this? You can quit being a dancing monkey. make sure that your work and plan is building toward a "go" option as much as the "stay" option.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/10/21 02:23 AM
1

5’11” 239.9 lbs. (+2.1) 18.84% (scale) Scale BF% measurements are garbage. Your BMI of 33.5 places you well in the "Obese" range, with BF% of likely 35%. Stop deluding yourself. I would pop by her desk sometimes on the way to piss or whatever.I feel like I’m getting an opposite reaction to the changes I’ve been making. I’ve been grinding on this stuff for awhile and feel I’m a whole lot better than when I started, with much more still to go. I’ve heard the relationship can get worse before it ge…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/21 05:57 PM
1

You're hung up on getting sexual validation from your wife. Your need for this slowly poisons her desire for you, as well as your own enjoyment and mutual intimacy. YOU must get over your neediness for sexual validation to fix this.
/r/RPChristians11/10/21 07:58 PM
2

Blarg says is her way to exercise her agency of not buying into my vision. Maybe, but I always try to remember Hanlon's razor "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/21 11:42 PM
3

I am still very much in the “do not care” state. Bullshit. You're in resentful anger phase. You're not in your own frame; you're in not-her-frame.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/21 07:57 PM
1

It seems I get silence or shit back about two thirds of the times I do or say something nice. Many people don't know how to gracefully acknowledge a compliment or kindness... so they don't. That's their problem, not yours.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/21 03:36 PM
7

You're the kid at the end of the high dive who wants to jump but is paralyzed by fear. You think your mental agony is about your oneitis for her, but it's not. It's mostly about your lack of courage to ask her out and risk embarrassment and rejection, and to make the transition from dwelling in boyhood masturbatory fantasy to a manhood of testing reality and responding to it. You get beyond this to manhood only by asking her out. For whatever reason, this is the rite of passage to courage, self-…
/r/askMRP06/10/21 01:22 PM
1

I wish so, too, but D/s was a phase of Horns' own MRP journey at the time, so he can be forgiven for his inexperience in thinking that he had found the holy grail. At least Horns wasn't seeking it as an antidote to his own insecurity and lack of dominance. Open user communities like MRP always face the challenges Most users are relative beginners Beginners have misconceptions They express those misconceptions to the community Other beginners have similar mindsets and are attracted to these misco…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/21 09:09 PM
1

What exactly does "do it for yourself" mean for you? Or is it just some bullshit phrase of unclear or no meaning to you that you're parroting back because you know it's an "approved" answer? I can't give you more meaningful input until I know where you're coming from...
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/21 06:12 AM
2

You're a dancing monkey.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/21 04:23 AM
2

Even though I’m getting laid, it’s still a dynamic where I’m the one who’s always horny and hard to satiate. This likely reflects your insecurity about your desirability, and lack of abundance. In effect, it's permanent hysterical bonding. I’ve got very little prize mentality This.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/21 04:15 AM
3

I want some level of D/s dynamic but I’m not 100% what this looks like and there is some resistance from her. Why do you want this dynamic? If it's for your ego or validation, it will ultimately poison her sexual desire. If (as seems likely) it's to increase your confidence in getting more adventurous sexual acts or to reduce your insecurity about rejection for the type of sex you want, then you're inauthentically negotiating compliance to cover for your own lack of dominance, and it likely won'…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/21 10:44 PM
5

Thanks for the kind words. I comment when I think I have some insight to add to the discussion. I do hope that other readers might benefit, even if the OP does not.
/r/askMRP27/09/21 11:27 PM
12

If your description is accurate, your wife is acting, and living, like a child. (Perhaps this is the only behavior pattern she knows, learned, prefers, or was rewarded for in her family, or the behavior she reverts to under stress.) Whatever the reason, she may desire, respond best to, or at least deserve to be treated like one... so treat her as a strong, caring Father does a beloved, wilful teenage daughter. You treat your wife as if she's a capricious princess and you are a harassed courtier …
/r/askMRP26/09/21 07:40 AM
2

Abundance.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/21 03:39 AM
3

To be an amazing husband and father. This may be validation focused instead of outcome focused. Who cares, and who decides, if you're an amazing father? What matters is raising your children to be strong, successful, independent adults. Let that be your goal, instead of making it about how you or others feel about you or your effort. Focusing on outcomes is a red pill mindset; qualifying, validating, or excusing yourself with your qualities, credentials, or effort reflects a beta mentality.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/09/21 05:49 PM
3

Stop being a dancing monkey and work on changes for the right reasons. Yep. At least you recognize the problem ...
/r/MarriedRedPill14/09/21 03:27 PM
1

Main issue is wife doesn't initiate sex nor show affection. Despite our "yearly talk" where I've told her she needs to be more affectionate and initiate more, nothing has changed. I've told her it feels like we're just friends at this point and I will not live my life like this. If I initiate, 9/10 we'll have sex but then I get some PA for feeling the need to really blow her mind to want her to have more sex despite getting her off 1-2x before sex and during sex. You want your wife to initiate s…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/21 09:29 AM
3

/u/jacktenofhearts wrote about handling shitty comfort tests here here here here
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/21 05:30 PM
2

there was a few shit tests thrown at me, including how I "never listen," "don't respect her," and I was even told not to slap her butt anymore. I actually found this hilarious since I've been smacking that butt for around a decade and a half with no comment on it. Friday night I went to scoop her off the couch again to go upstairs again, like last week, and that's when the resistance and the "you never listen" shit test were thrown, after attempting to push through the resistance. These might ha…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/21 09:12 AM
2

I know several people with great frame who are misguided or mostly delusional. Frame provides no assurance of correctness. But as you say, the world will talk back to you, if you listen.
/r/askMRP07/09/21 09:20 PM
2

Fixating on a single dominant act isn't the SGM, nor is asserting D at the expense of E, V, or I. You would benefit from reading SGM again, now that you have some experience to add context.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/21 09:09 PM
2

For example when I do the magic-thumb-in-ass trick, I usually get a "Ouch, that does NOT turn me on". To which I ... keep doing my thing. Just as you should never argue with your wife, you should never engage in petty, symbolic power struggles with her. It just undermines your authority. It's also unattractive. The best you'll get is sullen acquiescence, not the enthusiastic engagement you want. To which I nowadays reply "You think I'm doing this to turn YOU on?" and keep doing my thing. Unless …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/09/21 06:55 PM
13

The purpose is to drive away those who don't have the grit to succeed here, so as not to waste our time and effort (or theirs).
/r/askMRP07/09/21 10:07 AM
2

Frame is complete consistency, integrity, honesty, and coherence between your values, your beliefs, your desires, your words, and your actions. Put another way, frame is living fully and openly "in character" with your authentic self.
/r/askMRP06/09/21 08:59 PM
1

You should work on not DEERing as well.
/r/askMRP05/09/21 05:05 PM
3

Met wife in college, was friend zoned for a long time. Eventually fumbled my way into bed with her a bit later and started dating. Incorrectly thought my work was done. Got engaged and married. Had a kiddo a few years back. I'd say I’m closest to The Captain and the Constantly Complaining Passenger. /u/resolutions316's post history might be informative to you.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/21 12:10 AM
4

my retarded brain decides to tease vaguely about how she only has this much sex now because I want it, beginning to overtly name ASD. She didn't get the 'joke' at all Despite our constant warnings, it seems that every beta brain compulsively seeks magic words that will covertly manipulate her into wanting or having more sex. No. It doesn't work. It never works. Resist this beta compulsion, guys.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/08/21 03:45 PM
4

I didn’t even want to have sex with this woman at that point. You are still so deeply in your wife's frame that you have to convince yourself you don't even like her at the moment in order to gain even a bit of separation. This is pathetic. Focus on finding your frame.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/08/21 03:24 PM
1

This past weekend the wife volunteered that she can’t have sex with someone that she doesn’t feel an emotional connection to. I assumed that this was her way to telling me that she finds me unattractive. She went on over time to make a number of comments about emotional connection, feelings, emotional vulnerability, intimacy, etc. I was unsure of what to make of this. Sounds like you're doing the autistic "silent treatment", instead of proper STFU.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/21 11:38 PM
6

Even your usage of "the wife" (instead of "my wife") reveals that you regard her as a superior force you must accept and adjust around, like the weather, or the police, or the government. No! She's your wife, by your past and continued choice, and the my in my wife should weigh at least as heavily for you as the wife.
/r/askMRP08/08/21 08:18 PM
3

Am I onto something here when I catch myself being empathic to those around me. Isn’t that like an immediate loss of Frame? Not necessarily. Fogging from WISNIFG, for example, expresses empathy while still asserting your desire from your frame. You can understand someone else's viewpoint while still retaining your own. One key element of frame is being comfortable agreeing to disagree, and for that matter remaining comfortable in your own viewpoint even when others disagree to disagree.
/r/askMRP08/08/21 08:11 AM
2

Why do i feel so empty inside? Because you lack a Mission: something larger than yourself that you truly care about, believe in, and are actively and regularly working towards making some smaller or larger part of the world a better place.
/r/askMRP06/08/21 07:09 PM
1

You're not addicted to women; you're addicted to the validation you seek from them. This is a pathetic and empty way to live, because you're placing their valuation of you above your own. Doubting your own value, you constantly seek assurance from women, but no amount of reassurance from others can compensate for your own lack of self worth. It's no wonder you're sick of it, and of yourself.
/r/askMRP06/08/21 05:15 PM
25

maintain frame You have no frame to "maintain" at this point. You already gave up your frame the evening before when you deceived her about the reason for the change of plan in order to avoid upsetting her, thus placing her frame above your own. Game already over, lost to an own goal you scored against yourself in the first minute of play.
/r/askMRP25/07/21 08:07 PM
8

But how do I handle these times of disrespect? You start by respecting yourself. If her ridiculous, illogical accusations make you angry with her instead of making you laugh at her, then in your own mind you place more value on her silly opinion of your actions than you do of your own evaluation of them. How pathetic is that, when you know her opinions are bullshit ... and yet you give them more weight than your own in your own mind? Find your frame, man, and get the fuck out of hers, and this "…
/r/askMRP19/07/21 05:58 AM
3

My wife has honestly been treating me like shit and I’ve had enough of it. For example, she comes home from work and gets directly on her phone. Most people don't consider being ignored being "treated like shit." This shows that you're both needy and entitled, which is a very unattractive combination. It's no wonder then that your wife find your attentions tiresome, especially since your attention seems to consist mainly in her being "playfully" groped I tried messing around with her ... I playf…
/r/askMRP17/07/21 06:25 AM
3

I've booked a couple concerts coming up presented by my podcast and she's going to go to them and see the people hugging me happy to see me. Since I started doing this we have honestly had more sex than I thought we would have. When I started doing this 6 weeks ago. I know my wife sees the assertiveness You are a Dancing Monkey. I still get upset in my head about sex and she sniffs it out when I'm rejected but I A&A it and I can usually turn it around but still hurt. ... We had crazy hot sex the…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/07/21 06:29 AM
3

things like explaining my take on male/female polarity and other shit I just read in the books Your beta subconscious is attempting to covertly negotiate a red pill relationship. It won't work; tell your subconscious to piss off and STFU.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/21 08:34 AM
2

I told her I want to fuck and if she doesn’t then don’t just move on to talking about rubbish. Why are you telling her how you want her to manage your interaction? Lead it yourself.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/21 08:19 AM
3

an adjustable 6 and thus it's a baseline You seem more interested in validating your ego by keeping some bullshit personal score of your "conquests" and "progress" than in actually engaging with others. In what way is this RP mentality or progress? Connect with people because they truly interest you, be it sexually, emotionally, or otherwise, not to validate your beta ego. This isn't RP; it's covert beta faggotry.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/21 07:45 AM
4

Noting that the feminine grows with praise Ive been making sure to compliment her when I feel it and more kino to disassociate affection from sex. Initiated a few times and got hard no’s but I’m ok with it. Things are more relaxed with less head stress between us. Mission - keep grinding to be attractive. Focus on diet. Dance your tubby little heart out, Monkey.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/06/21 04:05 AM
12

A RP man don't need the permission or support of others to construct for himself the type of lifestyle and relationship he prefers. So don't ask me to affirm your vision, even if I largely share it. Choose your own MRP endgame. Just make sure your choice is consistent with the true nature of the world, and the real women and men who inhabit it.
/r/askMRP30/06/21 03:48 AM
18

Through all of this my main thing is when she came out of the gym with the statement when you do/dont do X it makes me feel disrespected... I just didnt have a response. This is just a standard "best practice" communication technique from "nonviolent communication" (NVC) and other similar modern communication advice (to make "I" statements ("I feel bad when you...") instead of accusatory "you" statements ("You fucked up when you...")). In general, you should welcome the fact that your wife chose…
/r/askMRP26/06/21 12:16 AM
3

You can't expect to behave inauthentically and gain meaningful, authentic feelings from those interactions. You need to identify that portion of RP thought, or your lens through which you view it, that's true for you, and by which you can authentically and congruently live and act and feel.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/21 06:48 PM
1

Frame and congruency are your primary source of respect, and need not fail you even if your body does. Look to your frame.
/r/askMRP24/06/21 07:30 PM
5

Particular types ... Career betas; codependent types; Nice Guys. Those totally without frame; frame chameleons who fall into the frame of whomever they're with. Those who are beta from neediness, fear, and/or scarcity mentality, instead of from BP moral or philosophical conviction.
/r/askMRP22/06/21 02:51 AM
19

The recurring theme here is sometimes I feel seriously disrespected by her... As you should be ... your hardcore beta/womanish behavior would make it difficult for any adult to respect you as a man. Read on. It makes me so furious and hurt I don't know what to do with myself. A man with frame or self-confidence is his own judge of himself, and DNGAF about others' bullshit judgments of him. In the past I would bottle it up until it eventually erupted into some kind of act of anger, breaking somet…
/r/askMRP21/06/21 10:20 PM
12

Read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, then get out there and initiate conversations with everyone you meet... conversations in which you identify peoples' interests and encourage them to share those with you using the techniques in HTWFAIP, and then mostly listen and ask interested questions. Most people love to share their stories, interests, and opinions, and you can quickly gain both social skills and knowledge by "talking" (mostly listening) to people with genuine in…
/r/askMRP21/06/21 07:06 AM
5

Unwavering, boringly consistent response and behavior, which removes any reward or hope associated with drama. A consistent narrative that conveys your frame on the matter. Always living and behaving congruently within your frame.
/r/askMRP20/06/21 04:36 AM
3

These insights by /u/jacktenofhearts might be helpful. Type 3 "captain" here here here
/r/askMRP18/06/21 02:58 AM
1

begin seducing her. also do not feel like investing energy in gaming. These contradict.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/21 02:47 AM
6

Giving duty sex is much more gratifying for her when it's clear that at least ONE person is enjoying it, without requiring of her the "emotional labor" to monitor and validate your fragile ego. No doubt it was a refreshing change for her.
/r/askMRP16/06/21 01:07 AM
1

Statistically dubious methodologies and you
/r/MarriedRedPill15/06/21 08:51 PM
31

Your lack of congruence and your sexual diffidence achieved the worst outcome here, and ongoing butthurt that's poison to her desire for you. Your wife was sexually honest and open with you: She then said, "It's just late and I'm really tired and we have work tomorrow, but we can make love if you want to." but instead of owning your desire and taking the sex you wanted when she offered, or honestly turning down mediocre sex without butthurt, you chose to send her a covert signal of your disappoi…
/r/askMRP11/06/21 08:14 PM
4

I am still too available to her, and I am not punishing bad behavior (denials) with the removal of my time and attention. Punishment is a poor mental model; truly having better things to do than hovering around an unresponsive wife, and going and doing them, brings more joy to you and Dread for her. I've got other fun shit to do too, but it's still not going to be ok with me long term to get it once a week. Thus also reflects a fundamentally beta mindset based on scoring and negotiation. The hea…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/21 07:19 PM
7

Normal morning, we are three feet apart, standing, I prepare us two coffees, great mood. I tell her, ok come give me a kiss, I need to start working. Fully playful and ironic in my mind: being three feet apart and telling her to come was clearly amusing. She refuses and says, no you come. I insist, JFC. You turned fun flirting into compliance-testing your wife, you fucking autist. When she refused to comply, the insecure beta in you (confident men don't shit test their wives) got butthurt and do…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/06/21 04:20 PM
3

You said this She does not have a container to fill. I noticed this when I was working through my convert contracts - I have doubled down on myself and my own happiness, but have no real direction for these areas. She cannot follow if I do not give her a clear direction. in your April 6 OYS. Have you made any progress in your family leadership capability? Or are you ignoring the hard-for-you areas and focusing only on the easier-for-you stuff?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/06/21 02:50 PM
5

I have my priorities and goals, and raising my children is one of the top ones. But then, I believe that MRP tells us that such priorities are bad, right? Not at all. This was a high priority for me during those years. An independent man chooses his own priorities. A red pill man chooses goals consistent with the reality of the world, men, and women, but that still leaves a lot of room for personal choice, especially for a high value man. If a man is not willing to sacrifice relation with their …
/r/MarriedRedPill09/06/21 08:54 AM
5

I fully take ownership of the fact ... I was a captain that was high as fuck and checked the fuck out. I was a beta and let her steamroll all over me when what she obviously needed was leadership. I handed over the keys to our finances and let her take care of what I should have taken care of (chores, yard work, etc.). Good ... owning your failures is the first step toward overcoming them. Except that you don't fully own them ... I wasn't a drunk captain LOL! It's hilarious how you betas hamster…
/r/askMRP07/06/21 10:42 PM
1

I don't feel like I'm seeking validation. I can't know for sure what's inside your head, unconscious, or ego. All I can say is that your words seem to me to reflect sublimated motivations for validation. I passed that observation on for your consideration; YMMV.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/21 02:40 PM
3

Your feelings of hopelessness and helplessness may contribute to your "addiction." Start working through the MRP sidebar and following the MRP program, and you may find new hope and direction to replace porn with more productive action.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/21 05:33 AM
1

I wasn't questioning the authenticity of your assertiveness so much as the use to which you were putting it. You seemed to be more assertively applying the BP tactic of badgering your wife into having sex with you by hovering about constantly initiating.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/06/21 05:32 PM
2

:-)
/r/askMRP03/06/21 04:47 PM
1

I'm aware I like the ego validation, I don't believe anybody here legitimately doesn't care about that but maybe it's me. But I can see it for what it is and draw my self worth from myself in spite of that validation feeling good. Again, this could just be a level I haven't seen yet. There's lots of things you career betas can't really grasp here for quite some time. Why are you so committed to validating your hunger for validation?
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/21 04:42 PM
4

I don't think that is the issue You might want to think again.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/21 04:25 PM
5

Part of me wonders how much of the "authenticity" stuff we're selling ourselves is just as blue pill/delusional as dancing monkey behaviors. Like I said above - we've just interchanged "dancing monkey for sex" with "dancing monkey for 'authentic' sex." Yep. So it's not surprising that it's mostly the newer guys who obsess over this, while the long-term veterans here like Blarg are mostly past it. what most guys mean when they say "authentic desire" is they want her to feel some kind of dread or …
/r/MarriedRedPill01/06/21 07:23 PM
2

I start to get bored with girls, when I see random girls I want them, but with my LTR I don’t want her the same way. There isn’t the ‘hunger’. LTR is quite passive with sex, not starfish, she is engaged and into it but I have to REALLY lead anything new. She has said she just wants to serve me but I want more of her own desire to come through. I suspect that you hunger for attraction validation more than for sex.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/06/21 06:29 PM
7

You must express your emotions like a man.
/r/askMRP01/06/21 02:59 AM
7

This week, I couldn't keep my shit together when it finally became clear that my wife doesn't want to fuck me, and hasn't for a long time. We had a FMOFY (fuck-me-or-fuck-you) conversation the day after. No, you didn't have a FMOFY conversation... you had The Talk right out of /r/DeadBedrooms because you can't make yourself STFU. If you're going to follow their playbook instead of MRP's, why not post your bullshit over there where it belongs?
/r/MarriedRedPill27/05/21 06:50 PM
3

I think what's going on here is a covert contract, upheld by both of us for the majority of our marriage. Put from her perspective, the contract says, "I'll give you sex that as long as I can tell myself that I am meeting your sexual needs." Like a total doofus, I fell into this trap many times in the past. It's a trap not only because she doesn't mean what she says, but also because my participation in fulfilling the terms of her contract makes me believe more strongly that she will fulfill the…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/05/21 11:57 PM
7

I've had to stop "gaming" her during the day as with the slightest interaction she'll want to fuck right then, regardless of time of day, logistics, location or how little time its been since last time. Sounds like your wife is bored and it doesn't know what else to do with her time ... or with you ... other than sex. Is this the way you prefer her to be? Or if not, can you lead her to a more desirable state?
/r/MarriedRedPill25/05/21 08:23 PM
2

But I have seen that rejection several days in a row got me to stop initiate for one or a few days to “give her some space” or gather confidence to initiate again. I spotted a covert contract here; “If I give her some space before initiating again she will be more in to it”. The reality is quite the opposite. I need to be honest to myself about my needs and also show this openly to my woman. ... there´s no logic to stop initiating. I'm not convinced by your reasoning here. A man should have many…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/05/21 07:54 PM
5

It is difficult for me to get a clear understanding of the situation. To understand where I really want to go. Ending this relationship (5y) seems like a very huge decision. And I am afraid of making the wrong one. This is because you operate in other people's frame, instead of your own. You lack your own vision for what the life you desire looks like, because you're too busy trying to adapt yourself to the views of others. Work on operating from your own frame in accordance with your own narrat…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/05/21 07:00 PM
2

This is truly profound. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/05/21 11:28 PM
12

You likely don't enjoy your time with your kids because you're babysitting them, from someone else's frame as to how one should interact with and parent children, instead of engaging yourself and them, from your frame, in interactions and activities that both you and they enjoy. Don't be limited by laziness or convention; make up wild and crazy games to play with them; take them to places or activities that interest you, too; make movies or youtube videos; make up an adventure and lead them on i…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/21 07:29 PM
3

Yes, the original is certainly a comfort test as well. It feels like a shit test to you because you're so deeply in her frame that you can't conceive of any response originating from your own frame that offers comfort or guidance without sacrificing your boundaries. Provide comfort, but make it comfort that you desire to give because you value her, and which is congruent with your boundaries and expectations, not necessarily the comfort that you think she wants to hear.
/r/askMRP07/05/21 09:20 PM
4

It's a comfort test, not a shit test, dumbass. You comfort her not with some bullshit declaration of unconditional loyalty and affection, but by reminding her of what she does of particular value to you that keeps her ahead of the competition ... or of what she can do to stay ahead.
/r/askMRP06/05/21 09:06 PM
4

That experience reminded me of the concept of women acting as the oldest teenager in the house. Keep in mind that for your entire marriage up until perhaps now, YOU have been acting as the oldest teenager in the house.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/05/21 08:46 PM
5

She has initiated twice in the last month, but its starfish/appeasement sex so I politely turned it down and went to work. ... I suffer from ED about 70% of the time we do it this way ... I am going to continue to turn her down in the mornings and keep my initiations to a minimum for now. ... I will beat my own limp dick into submission just for a release of endorphins. By what crazy career beta mental gymnastics do you conclude that passive-aggressive rejection of your wife because she doesn't …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/05/21 03:11 AM
10

Why are you asking us, instead of her, what she means by reassurance? This is a rhetorical question when asked of you, because I already know the answer... you dare not ask her, because you have no frame and thus no ability to respond congruently, nor to give comfort while preserving your own interests and boundaries. You likely don't even know for sure what yours are. She insists on answers; you're dodging her questions because you have none, so around and around you go like a boy determined to…
/r/askMRP04/05/21 09:37 PM
2

since I’m not attractive to her right now, I’m not about to get shit tests anytime soon. This is a naive oversimplification of a rule of thumb; you could very well get shit-tested. So what I face is an endless sequence of comfort tests, and I’m failing them because I can only handle that much. But you're mostly getting shitty comfort tests.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/05/21 09:28 AM
2

Every human interaction is a test of sorts; if your wife simply informs you she has a 4 PM meeting and won't be home until 6 and you whine like a bitch about your own job, you made it into a test and failed. A witty flirtatious repartee to a flirty comment is a win; an angry emotional outburst to a snarky tone is a loss. Tests don't always or even usually come in a separate, pure, 100% test interaction, but are often intermingled with other interactions, such as a snarky aside along with other i…
/r/askMRP03/05/21 06:39 AM
5

I'm currently being accused of emotional abuse. When I kiss her, I like to put my hand on her neck. Nothing forceful or physically hurting. She doesn't like that (with me). So because I keep doing it and she's said no, I'm abusive emotionally. You're autistic as well. Locking yourself in a stalemated battle with your wife over her boundaries is passive-aggressive beta behavior, not alpha dominance as you autistically seem to imagine. The path to shifting her sexual response is through attraction…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/21 08:43 PM
18

I'm worried about what I have to give up Make your own fucking choice. I've done many interesting things in my life, but raising my kids has certainly been the most interesting, for me. YMMV. mainly in terms of sex. ... dead bedroom This depends on you, not on kids. In this deeply insightful post, u/weakandsensitive calls marriage "hard mode" because a desirable man must remain an attractive boyfriend while simultaneously being an effective husband. With children one must also be a good father t…
/r/askMRP21/04/21 05:35 AM
3

After sex I still kind of felt disappointed, not much difference from being rejected altogether Sex is not much different from validation to you.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/21 04:51 PM
14

TL;DR: "From before I married until now, I've forced my wife to assume the leadership role in our marriage, but still resented her for it like a typical beta bitch. MRP has inspired me to change myself and lead, but I'm not entirely sure that I can or even want to. So instead of STFU and just doing it, I told her I'm going start doing it, and that she needs to go fix herself for me. She cried instead of pushing back, so I feel good about this and me." Me being open and honest with the world is m…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/21 10:54 PM
2

after you challenged me to build my own frame rather than denying my wife’s. ... Thank you for showing me what looks like my single biggest weakness. You're not alone; this is probably true of the majority of newcomers here.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/04/21 05:51 AM
2

The freedom to indulge a few of our personal idiosyncrasies can be a perk of alpha autonomy (and one I sometimes enjoy myself). Just be aware of the social, monetary, or other cost of each indulgence, and don't blame or resent others for the penalty that comes with your choice.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/21 06:54 PM
2

Very controlling parents may have left you room to learn only how to react, resist, and resent the will and desire of others, and not how to discern and develop your own. But while the former skills have helped you gain autonomy as an adult, they are poorly suited to guide you in using that autonomy toward your own fulfillment. If every important woman in your life is cunty, and everything you acquire or do for happiness turns out hollow, Occam's Razor suggests that you are the source of the pro…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/21 06:25 PM
1

needy ... anger, control and validation Even if you're physically attractive, if she feels she must "walk on eggshells" around sex to avoid triggering negative emotions from you, everything sexual becomes anxiety-fraught "emotional labor" for her. Your woman should never have to manage your emotions; a man manages his own. This also helps keep you out of her head, since you don't need to monitor her internal state in order to manipulate her into fulfilling your covert contracts or needs.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/21 05:28 PM
2

Actual sex is still a once a month event with an over anxious partner. How have your behavior or actions made her so anxious or averse to sex with you?
/r/MarriedRedPill05/04/21 02:36 AM
3

We have a D/s dynamic. I questioned your motivation, not the D/s dynamic. The way you wrote about it gave me the impression it's motivated by your insecurities. You say it's not; I hope for your own sake you're not hamstering yourself. I will never allow anyone to do that to me. From a friend or wife, by your description I would interpret this as playful kino and enjoy it, so your reaction strikes me as socially autistic and insecure. FWIW, it makes me suspect that you lacked positive masculine …
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/21 07:15 AM
1

I believe taking the RP is a long process... Lastly I took three shots at attractive women at my school. If you're doing this as part of the long process of developing game, great. If it's to restore access to a woman's validation or to prove to yourself that you're not a loser, you're going backwards.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/04/21 06:31 AM
6

JFC... Your sense of your own self-worth is so entirely dependent on a woman's validation that, as soon as you left your mother's comforting arms for college, you cast about for a new mommy girlfriend to reaffirm the worth of your existence. You latched onto the first similarly needy soul who would do so, and proposed an early marriage to lock in your lifetime of female validation and reassurance. This is very needy and BP, but at least it's internally consistent with some coherent worldview. Bu…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/21 07:36 AM
2

You sound insecure in your leadership: my wife kneeling to me every night before bed is now the norm which is a good display polarity and reset our connection I said something to my wife, jokingly teasing her. She reacted by pushing my temple with her three fingers. It looked and felt emasculating. Your method of managing your insecurities is to seek and require reassurance from your wife by a daily ritual of submission, and by avoiding any of your hypersensitive triggers that activate your inse…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/21 04:34 AM
4

However, she does like sex when it is fast and hard which is great, but I just cant seem to last very long that way. Are you a gigolo? How much is she paying you to perform to her satisfaction instead of your own? In whose frame are you operating here? I told her I didn't appreciate her attitude toward me that evening and that I thought I was uncalled for, true to form she didn't disagree but didn't own it either. You can't negotiate respect; STFU. Notice that your wife STFU; take a lesson from …
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/21 12:07 AM
2

Yes, that's it. Here, and here are different takes on the stages of doing so.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/03/21 03:43 AM
2

I feel like it might be time to be a little more explicit. Like "how are things with the IUD?" Or, "lets figure out how to work on this." So you consider this "explicit"? If your initiations are as weak and indirect, I can understand why your wife would find them, and you, unappealing and easy to reject.
/r/askMRP29/03/21 02:25 AM
3

The only way to stop myself from falling like this again is to learn how to deal with these tests. You will be much better off for now by worrying less about passing or failing these tests, and focusing instead when they arise on expressing and asserting your authentic views or desires effectively by mastering the techniques from WISNIFG. Shit tests are fundamentally frame tests, which set a no-win trap if you accept the premise of her worldview/frame. You beat the test not by learning or findin…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/03/21 03:46 AM
2

I have seen a lot of advice around the web indicating that once women lose respect, it's almost impossible to get back. Perhaps ... but is this because regaining respect is difficult? Or is it because fundamentally changing yourself into a man actually worthy of respect is very difficult for those who aren't? I suspect the latter much more than the former. Here's how to express your emotions like a man.
/r/askMRP16/03/21 05:13 AM
11

You likely don't know that you're a Dancing Monkey. You likely don't understand that "the Stay plan must also be the Go plan." But if you're not ready to OYS, you're likely not ready to accept these truths either.
/r/askMRP14/03/21 02:34 PM
3

I might have screwed up Ya think? You don't become captain by negotiating permission from her to let you lead. Proper interpretation of the Captain/First-Officer model
/r/askMRP14/03/21 08:00 AM
2

this makes me think about something. I need help on this one. Why does it bother me if she isn’t happy with me? Because you operate in her frame in her presence. I don’t care if the whole relationships ends but I am in her frame if she gets upset or is disapproving of my actions. Not exactly. You're always in her frame when you're with her; it's so natural and habitual to you that you don't even realize it except when there's a conflict, which causes you great anxiety because you operate in her …
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/21 06:27 PM
1

Wow, you poked a shovel down through the manure and hit some solid ground! Very insightful comment here. Too bad OP is seeking a sweet-smelling patch of the validation shitpile instead of clearing it out.
/r/askMRP10/03/21 05:43 PM
15

For over a week I have been doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, feeling like I am single again. This is on top of my usual 8-5 job and kitchen/bathroom renovations I am doing at the moment after work. Wow, for an entire week! Surely my wife should be dripping with gratitude, affection, and desire for me already. She responded to my changes by not lifting a finger even more than usual. Quite the Covert Contract you have going here. Yesterday she wanted me to take her to a restaurant for dinner, I c…
/r/askMRP07/03/21 04:48 PM
4

“on a scale of 1-10 how would you like to have out of the box sex tonight?” “0-1 lol” was the response. ... That night when I get home I see that she got her vibrator out (it’s very sad that I would even know when this device gets used/moved) and I saw she read some fucking awesome bondage literature on her phone like 40 minutes after I texted. This tells you that the idea of it really turned her on, but that the emotional labor of dealing with your validation bullshit and fragile ego was too mu…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/03/21 06:19 AM
2

I introduced the concepts to my family holding our first monthly family meeting. Lead by example more, and talk less.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/03/21 01:40 AM
1

You're not the only man who feels that way about jackten's posts. For those inspired by /u/jacktenofhearts, here's an index to all of his comments and posts.
/r/askMRP02/03/21 07:34 PM
3

Those posts remain as relevant today as when they were written.
/r/askMRP02/03/21 06:34 AM
12

MRP posts about frame I like: Thoughts on frame Here are several from /u/weakandsensitive Men with no frame and the things they do The discussion threads following Quick FR - Shutting down bad behavior Talking ... STFU and you From /u/jacktenofhearts here here here here Frame and narrative here here
/r/askMRP01/03/21 10:38 PM
1

If you're as active about overcoming challenges for these other things as you are about finding a home based alternative to the gym, I doubt anyone other than your ego even notices any "progress" you imagine you're making.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/02/21 09:46 AM
3

I have been trying hard, but I’m a fucking joke and I know it. This is going to set me back even further. All the RP work I have done is now reset to zero, not due to the injury, but the fucking blow to my ego and game. I did basically say this to her. She said it didn’t matter, she didn’t care, she just hoped I was okay, she said “we can even have sex tonight”. I told her I didn’t want her pity sex. She tried to assure my that this didn’t hurt her opinion of me, but I just assumed this was her …
/r/askMRP25/02/21 08:22 AM
3

I don’t know why I would be nice Do you like your wife? Moat people are nice to people they like, just because they like them.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/02/21 06:27 PM
5

Wife says that, since starting MRP, it’s the worst it’s ever been (although she also says it’s always been bad) and that I am harsh and unkind eg when she complained about not enjoying sex and I said that she needs to take some responsibility for ensuring that she enjoys it Sounds like your wife is right. As far as I can tell, you have done absolutely nothing to make yourself more attractive or of higher value. Instead you have taken certain convenient MRP concepts out of context as entitlement …
/r/MarriedRedPill23/02/21 06:01 PM
5

I want real deep relationships with women, not ones where I am manipulating them with fear and dread. Public Service Announcement: You completely misunderstand Dread. Dread done right creates fear of missing out (FOMO), not fear in the conventional sense. Your view reflects your Nice Guy mentality, which still seeks covert control as the goal, but through manipulation rather than covert contract. You wrongly think of Dread as a dark mirror of the dancing monkey strategy, in which you immerse you…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/02/21 08:16 AM
3

I care so much what others think that I try to manipulate the short-term results so I look better. I masturbated several times this week in an effort to prepare myself from a stamina standpoint. This portion was successful and stamina was good. Do you see the connection here? Have you ever had sex in which you focused more on actually enjoying it, than on how are your performance appeared? I suspect not.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/02/21 06:22 PM
2

But I have seen that I'm still using it as a measuring stick, validation of my progress here. Bingo!
/r/MarriedRedPill07/02/21 11:07 PM
1

After several re-reads I still can't identify what I said that clued you in on this aspect. What good would it do you or anyone else here to know? Your egos would just use the knowledge to try to bury the lede even deeper, making it still harder for us to help you.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/21 09:22 PM
1

You're lost in her frame. Not in the weeds. You're reverse engineering; not chasing. It's not that you're going too far; it's that you're going in the wrong direction.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/21 09:10 PM
1

My libido has also tanked, after man in the worlds post on validation in sex. It was mostly lib-ego, not libido. It will take time to learn to separate them, and to kill the first and openly feel the latter. shitty comfort tests whatever these actually are. I feel like I have to use WISNIFG skills instead of AM and A&A This is perfectly fine. What matters is always responding from within your frame, not exactly how you respond.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/21 01:57 AM
1

Right now my activity related to my mission is 80% focused on being a good rolemodel for my kids. This is circular and nonsensical. You're role modeling being a role model, not role modeling a man with a personal mission. But no worries, you plan on finding a real mission after you retire!
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/21 12:38 AM
2

My wife yells out "if you do this xyz thing, I'll give you head". Perhaps it was transactional... Or perhaps it was an ASD justification for herself to mask her discomfort or shame with the currently countercultural desire to service her man without return. Stay out of her head! You're not capable of understanding what's going on in there, and you don't want to, because getting in her head is getting in her frame. It's not your job to figure her out so that you can get sex; banish this BP mental…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/21 11:15 PM
3

With the sex picking up, I’m not at a place mentally where I thought I’d be. I’m getting the sexual frequency (at least for the past week and half) on a level that I would have only dreamed about before coming to MRP. Was I time I would have been overcome with joy (validation). Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the sex, but something else just feels a bit lackluster. The quality needs to improve (that’s on me), but there’s something else. The something else is that you're still keeping score, because …
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/21 10:14 PM
1

Anyway I only wanted to add my opinion because I read most of your OYS’s and you have really put in the time, effort, and dedication which is more than most people end up doing. Except for changing his mindset ... he's a dancing monkey, and only now realized this week that he's a Nice Guy. Mentally, he's still at Week 1.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/21 09:38 PM
3

You don't sound like much fun to have sex with. For her, sex is just tiptoeing through a minefield of your ego, need for validation, and butthurt. Can you blame her for her lack of enthusiasm? Sure you can! You are still a Nice Guy, and that's what Nice Guys do.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/21 09:06 PM
5

end of the road problem. Great sex, with one or many, is part of a great life, but a life with sex as the focal point is unlikely to be satisfying. Perhaps this is because sex is best fully immersed and enjoyed in the moment, leaving the many other moments of life empty if that is the main goal. My "missions" provide most of the meaning and fulfillment in my life, as I suspect they do for /u/RocknRollChuck and /u/Blarg_Risen. Most career betas have always lived in others' frames and have absolut…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/21 11:06 AM
3

My wife ... complaining about being sick. I walk away. For what it’s worth I’m pretty sure she’s actually quite sick What I’ve been doing about it is I’ve been hardening myself and closing myself off to her. ... I can listen to someone I love crying in pain and feel almost nothing. My goal is to get to a place where I am truly apathetic to my wife’s moods and actions I have trouble with moderation. Yes, you certainly do! Your goal should not be to turn yourself into an emotionless robot without …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/01/21 07:05 PM
2

Do I just go ahead with it and smash? Yes ... if you desire both the drinks and the sex.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/01/21 02:09 PM
1

At least once a day I get called out for being “attracted’ to her. I’ll go in for a kiss, hug, ass grab, or kino and it’s guaranteed to get a comment like that. I treat these like shit tests More likely comfort tests or shitty comfort tests.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/01/21 10:16 AM
2

limiting belief that I'll never have the kind of sex I see on screen. I personally want sex much better than the fake, emotionless, faster/harder/longer sexual olympics shown in porn. Interesting that you would limit yourself by making that phony bullshit your goal...
/r/MarriedRedPill13/01/21 02:47 AM
5

I know there was a good post about expressing emotions from a masculine frame on MRP, I will look for it and re-read it. Here's mine. I realize that I have some weaknesses in immersion where it's hard for me to stay in the present. ... I am trying to figure out what is causing this: Often it's a lack of confidence, or lack of authenticity; you try to play (LARP) the desired behavior, instead of letting it flow congruently from your masculine frame.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/01/21 02:22 AM
3

FFS all I'm asking for is some efforts to be fun and to show some interest … which of course this means that she isn't attracted enough to me.. Much more importantly, it means that you're very invested in getting a validating response from her, so you're butthurt every fucking time you don't. FFS, why do you care so damn much exactly what her response is? Get out of her head and her frame, and Stop making such a big deal of her tests and responses. Sometimes we test each other just to see how th…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/01/21 02:09 AM
3

I just always thought I was supposed to care about her, ya know? Sounds to me like you do care about her ... but that you're learning not to care more about her problems than she does herself.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/01/21 01:11 AM
8

The mouth words from earlier didn’t translate into action or further mouth words so it was just met by the familiar submissive, quiet and very wet starfish. Should've gotten up then too. Your mentality is womanish. You're expecting your wife to lead in the bedroom, and passive-aggressively getting up if she doesn't. A dominant man would just tell her what he wants her to do.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/01/21 05:32 PM
2

Your sex life most likely sucks because you bring no emotion to sex other than desire for validation, both of which make for bad sex. So you insist on totemic special sex acts for validation and an inferior substitute for authentic emotion. You won't find good sex down this path.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/01/21 03:35 AM
7

I want to be a leader of the house so conflicts can be resolved in a calm reasonable manner. I don’t need can't handle family members threatening violence. ... Yelling ensued, so ... I ask everyone to stop shouting I surrender my captain's hat and wring my hands until calm is restored and it's safe to pretend to be the "leader" again. FTFY. ... have them calmly work out the differences Daddy hugs all around [which in your BP fantasy world you imagine is calming and reassuring, instead of a tell …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/21 02:17 AM
7

Career beta My attempts at AA and STFU are basically just shitty sarcasm and sulking. Checks out. But recognizing this shit for what it is, rather than believing yourself to be witty or clever, puts you ahead of 98% of the career beta newbies here (such as /u/Thorn_berry).
/r/MarriedRedPill05/01/21 07:07 PM
1

I want to fuck wife so much. I want to fuck her when wake up, in middle of day and when go to sleep. When I am in wife I think "this is the best thing in my life". You either seek sex for validation from your wife, or you've made your life so uninspiring and lazy that you bore the hell out of even yourself. Probably it's both... so fix both of these things.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/21 10:14 PM
2

Passive Dread (Levels 1-5) is always good. Active Dread (Levels 6-12) often heightens during pregnancy.
/r/askMRP31/12/20 07:37 AM
3

Have I got the wrong end of the stick? Very likely. Like DEERing and passive-aggression, sarcasm is by nature defensive and negative, whereas A&A takes a criticism and reframes it as a much greater positive, often to an absurd degree. Watch some Russell Brand interviews on youtube to get the idea. Good A&A requires strong frame, so you'll find it alien and difficult at first.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/12/20 07:27 AM
3

I was really jacked and went to town “caveman” style. Good news: ED non existent, great for me. Bad news: she was bleeding afterwards. Less vanilla sex such as "cavemanning" or spanking have both a psychological and physical element, and many different degrees of both. Spanking can bring feelings of dominance and power for you, and of submission, uncertainty or fear for her, that enhance the emotional experience of sex. The physical effect can range from an essentially painless jolt that still h…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/12/20 06:52 AM
5

A&A (seems to translate to just being very sarcastic?) Wrong. Sarcasm is the beta faggot's verbal weapon of choice, because it's passive-aggressive and safely noncommittal and deniable if challenged. Nothing signals "I'm a beta male" more than snarky sarcasm; apparently your wife picked up on it immediately.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/12/20 10:08 AM
2

I have always had a quick trigger in bed. Tried many things over the years, but nothing has really helped. I just got prescribed something for pe yesterday and began taking it today. Going to see if it helps over the next few weeks, and if so, it will definitely improve my sex life. I think 50% of the poor quality of sex is my fault with the pe Physical performance is rarely the main problem in unappealing sex. Changing your mentality (read SGM) and the emotion you bring to the bedroom are much …
/r/MarriedRedPill30/12/20 09:48 AM
2

Last week goal: Get a Blow job outside of the bedroom (FAIL) This was a bad goal, because it was based on results rather than action. I achieved every boys dream, I got a hand job while watching High School Musical: Sex for you is mostly about external validation instead of authentic desire. This almost always leads to bad sex or no sex in LTRs. I achieved goal of smacking her butt so hard that leaves a hand print. Sunday, I was in an insecure/depressed mood. After lunch, wife was horny and all …
/r/MarriedRedPill29/12/20 09:02 PM
5

I lost my erection last time I initiated and this was a knock to my confidence. I know I need to work on this as my current plan is not to separate in the short term. If we are to stay together this is a big part of the shit I need to sort. I think its a mix of sidechick already being kinky in the way I want to play, and LTR being way more vanilla. It's more likely that I'm scared of doing what I want to do with her. this is why you lost your erection.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/12/20 06:41 PM
2

I kept EVERYTHING bottled up. Eventually, like a pressure cooker I would explode in anger, usually after getting shit/comfort tested This beta rage cycle is a standard beta male behavior pattern often reported here. Ultimately, it's a beta defense mechanism to make life tolerable while continuing to live as a beta male in everyone else's frames. As you have found, it's not a very satisfying way to live; good on you for seeking a different way. Finding and living in your own frame is the key to b…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/20 07:50 PM
10

You need a positive vision, for your life and for your for your family, that you can articulate in a compelling and appealing manner, which provides coherent direction and meaning for your actions and lives. What long-term goals are you saving money for now? What larger purpose gives motivation, meaning, and satisfaction to your daily grind, and hers? A large part of leadership is creating this vision, embodying it yourself, and articulating and selling it to your people. This is just as true in…
/r/askMRP13/12/20 08:09 PM
12

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
/r/askMRP05/12/20 02:15 AM
3

Conditioning me also gets the desired result from her (or any other woman) and the nice side effect is putting me on the path to life abundance. You've got the main and side effects switched. I had assumed that everyone has to be a dancing monkey for at least a small window of time. You seem committed to a dancing monkey phase. I think it's an unnecessary waste of time, but it's your zoo, not mine!
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/20 05:37 AM
7

One drawcard that I haven't used before is conditioning my time and attention. I'm not leaving the house at 11pm to go to the gym yet but will still use operant conditioning to get what I want. "Operant conditioning my wife" is a misguided mental model that flirts with a Dancing Monkey mentality. A much better goal is to operant-condition yourself to value your own time and attention. The key idea behind Dread Level 4 is "life abundance" (or "activity abundance"), not punishing or conditioning y…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/12/20 11:59 PM
5

Keep in perspective that the new you has only been visible for a few weeks, and that (however glorious) you're still a fat walrus... don't let your early successes make you expect everything to go as quickly and easily. Have some short-term patience, while working steadfastly toward your long-term goals.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/12/20 10:40 PM
8

Yes. I've had many interesting adventures, missions, and activities in my life, but (to my surprise) none has been more interesting than engaging with and raising my children well. If I had a do-over, I'd have kids a year or two earlier, not later; the cool stuff I did with my empty-nest freedom in my 50s was better than the seemed-so-cool-at-the-time stuff I was doing in my late 20s. YMMV.
/r/askMRP01/12/20 06:45 PM
1

All thinking and talking but no doing. You even posted at the end of the week to get catharsis while avoiding being held accountable. Fuck off until you stop playing mind games with yourself and actually do something.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/12/20 12:48 AM
3

After the wedding night, it was like a switch was turned off. She finally saw you and your disgusting rolls of fat in the nude; that would turn off anyone. meanwhile I was climbing the ranks and making better money each year. Good for you, but it has nothing to do with sexual attraction. The main problem in marriage was the sex. She never said no, but she never initiated. The always horny girl I knew was NEVER horny, we of course had many talks about this. Your neediness for sexual validation po…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/11/20 10:32 AM
6

I need to be so self-assured that I am able to choose to dismiss and ignore disrespect if I want. If you in reality deserve respect because of your high quality, capability, and execution, then disrespect from another merely displays their naivety, stupidity, enmity, or ego, rather than anything about you. And everyone else with any discernment recognizes this already, so long as you don't justify the disrespect with an unworthy reaction that lends it credence. Amusement, indifference, or sympat…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/11/20 09:39 PM
3

If they want and care enough to bring value, would they find a way to do that. Why does it and should it even matter to me? Careful ... most paths from here lead to ego and neediness for validation.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/11/20 06:39 PM
3

I started asking myself why it hurts so much to get turned down. The easy and clinical answer is because I have no OI nor abundance mindset. The deeper answer is that deep down I'm still the shy, wimpy kid who didn't think he would ever be good enough to get laid, much less get a wife, and all the self doubt and insecurities come roaring back when I get 'rejected'. In other words, external validation. I'm sure I could either go to his house for a beer, or have him at mine, but I'd rather go to h…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/11/20 06:27 PM
2

Would it be considered the anger stage? Yes, it's the first anger phase, which is the last beta line of defense from the need for personal change.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/11/20 11:07 AM
3

Awww, shucks, turning 60 was easy ... just kind of happened one day! I well remember many years ago being unable to imagine being 64 (silly Beatles song); it seemed inconceivably far in the future ... and yet here we almost are.
/r/askMRP18/11/20 06:42 AM
6

Married 12 years OYS# 3 sexless marriage. ... Yeah, I hear the "don't talk" just flirt, escalate, and initiate. That hasn't worked, I'm sure it will, but I'm going to go NMMNG BFE route for this one. "Gee, fellas, it's already my third OYS and my wife's still not fucking me, so I'm gonna bypass the MRP program and try a shortcut. I've been "RP aware" and lurking here for years, after all, so it feels like it should've worked already."
/r/MarriedRedPill17/11/20 09:17 PM
3

Anything that is slightly wrong or not to his standard he bitches about. You burnt this because the temperature was too hot. The banana's are gone because you ate them all. I was angry at school because you didn't give me enough lunch, etc, etc. ... I hold frame and ignore it for the most part but I would like your opinions on best way to deal with this. A&A?? If anyone complains about how I do something for them, I immediately pass the task back to them. If he doesn't like your sandwiches, let …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/11/20 08:27 PM
31

My wife and I married well over 30 years ago and are now over 60, many years beyond the menopausal hormonal drop in raw libido. We've never had a dead bedroom; here's my experience, as written for a not-redpill audience. Women may choose to have sex with a desirable man, including her husband, for some personal combination of one or more reasons, including hormone driven libido validation mate retention mate competition emotional intimacy with a partner to make a baby Even with some attractions …
/r/askMRP17/11/20 07:51 PM
15

Abundance is having more (desirable) options readily available than you have capacity or time to take advantage of: an overflowing buffet at a restaurant a long list of movies you want to watch on Netflix standing invitations from five beloved friends in exotic locations across the world to stay with them for your next vacation ten different hobbies you wish you had more time for. If you refuse to allow yourself sexual abundance, "activity abundance:" is still available to you. Sex is a fun and …
/r/askMRP14/11/20 07:27 PM
1

So our weekend fuck fest that we had been building up for weeks was mediocre at best Covert contract in there somewhere...
/r/MarriedRedPill11/11/20 08:45 AM
40

Are you in love with your wife? I've been married to my wife for more than 30 years. Yes, I love my wife, from the beginning and still today. I also like my wife. I remain happy to be married with her, and have no desire to replace her with a younger model. However... My wife is not my "soulmate;" I'm confident that there are many other women in the world I could have been similarly happy with. My wife was not my best friend when we married, or for many years afterward; in many ways she is today…
/r/askMRP09/11/20 03:56 AM
3

Even after her affairs, you're still just a Dancing Monkey. Whatever you choose to do, at least serve your own best interests first, not hers.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/11/20 11:42 PM
2

TL:DR: Got fucked, so I'm great; MRP works. Be like me, boys. Validation's one hell of a drug.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/20 04:50 PM
1

Yes I am the main male figure in his life. If bio-dad is in the picture at all, likely best for your stepson that you not compete with or detract from that; perhaps the "mentor" frame lets you differentiate from bio-dad a bit and offer stepson a richer palette of male support to draw from. Yes I did sign up to raise him I think more than we realize, children raise themselves within the space created by our protection, support, boundaries, and occasional intervention. At some point, more parentin…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/20 10:27 PM
3

At least you know what you need to work on!
/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/20 07:13 AM
2

So I allow him to fail, he doesn’t give a fuck- Then what? Isn't that HIS problem? Yours is to set and hold your boundaries (such as "Young men not in school hold a job and pay rent to continue living in my household.") while providing a fair yet supportive environment in which he can develop himself... not to choose a future for him and force it down his unwilling throat while enabling his ownership avoidance and passive-aggressive resistance. You've made your family a beta-male factory! I’m ou…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/20 11:43 PM
1

Thanks, both these things where deployed humorously in my OYS though. LOL! Although When being funny, witty, especially with sexual innuendo, I use silliness to shield me from consequence. Your words, not mine; only you know if they apply here as well.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/20 04:57 PM
3

I have looked at my marriage as something that is over and that we are roommates. These are fine words, but they don't match the butthurt tone of your post. I don't want to spend time with my roommate In accord with Dread level 4, and I start flirting with other female acquaintances that have/had shown interest. but an attractive man would casually game and flirt with roommate as well when they happen to interact, because that's just who he is. An attractive man wouldn't let her negative frame d…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/20 04:49 PM
3

I wait until 15 minutes before we're supposed to leave and shoot her another text to see if she's alive and she goes yeah. I'm angry at the violation, normally I'd just let it slide, cool off, rationalize the situation. She's busy, she's tired, she's sad. Not anymore. I pressed it, let her know that No or Fuck off are acceptable options when someone asks you a question. You're a fucking beta text validation whore. Your "boundary" is a covert contract about being validated by prompt replies to Mr…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/20 01:08 AM
3

“Lol, we can talk about it when you get home”. Don't blindly use MRP memes as magic scripts to try to dodge tests. This was a retarded reply, because "Schedules didn't work" is shorter, and more importantly, it doesn't invite discussion of a decision of yours that needs no discussion. She soon called and said why is this funny to you I want to talk about it now. By being vague and dodgy about it, and offering to discuss it, you got the opportunity to argue and DEER and reaffirm your beta status …
/r/MarriedRedPill04/11/20 12:34 AM
3

wife blow you 24/7 Step 4: ANAL Have you ever gone to a restaurant with a date and found it closed? Ever knocked on a friend's door and invited him to play one-on-one basketball only to be told he broke a toe yesterday? And if so, did you go home and pout, or did you mentally shrug and think of something else enjoyable to eat/do with your date/bro ... and then go enjoy it? And if you did the latter, why not sometime try doing the same with sex with your wife, instead of pouting resentfully throu…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/20 08:47 PM
2

Has anyone ever done any counseling with their step child? I feel like I’ve exhausted all my efforts and I’m just pushing him further and further away. Try more of a mentor, or caring uncle/teacher/coach, approach? Do stuff with him; invite him along to the gym. Allow him the autonomy to choose his own path and own his own shit ... including failing grades on homework.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/20 07:07 PM
3

I have tried more to enjoy my family, friends, and work by having a better perspective. One thing not going well can quickly feel like everything sucks and what's the point. I am working on challenging my negative thoughts. Try mentally living according to a different model lacking the unfulfilled expectations and covert contracts that fuel your negative thoughts. Imagine that you're a single guy currently rooming with your female distant cousin, because you both agreed to serve as foster parent…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/11/20 06:34 PM
1

Ha ha, yes; well said!
/r/askMRP01/11/20 03:28 AM
4

Unsure whether to disclose my nofap pact to the wife. No. But disclosing the pact might generate good feelz. No. Any other upside? No. goal: I want to get her to eventually take the birth control in front of me, at my request in the bedroom as a sex act. BC doesn't work that way, idiot!
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/20 12:21 PM
2

What is left if you remove validation, submission, reprocity and special sex acts? You say intimacy but to me all these are important components in a couples sex life and part of their intimacy. I never said to remove submission, reciprocity and special sex acts ... I said not to use them for validation. The fact that you can't even conceive of these things separately from validation, or of drawing much pleasure from sex without validation, is telling, and seems characteristic of Nice Guy career…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/20 04:32 AM
1

I suspect you're deluding yourself ... but not your wife. You're not making any authentic emotional connection with her; you have had to disconnect in order to maintain even a precarious grip on your own frame. But you may need quite some time of faking it before you make it. The question is whether you bring enough value for her to hold on until you do.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/20 03:33 AM
2

I don’t seek validation with my friends, social circles or the corporate world. I meant that you're seeking it with MRP.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/20 02:41 AM
9

Get out of your wife's head! Whatever you think you find there more likely reflects your own insecurities and ego than her reality! And get out of your own head. Sex isn't an olympic sport; stop rating and ranking each experience, and focus on immersing yourself and connecting emotionally and authentically with your wife. Stop judging your sex, and just experience it as an authentic interaction with your wife. Relish the rough edges and awkward moments too; that's how you know it's raw and real!…
/r/askMRP30/10/20 01:07 AM
3

Sat at the head of the table, Mentioned the burger ( best burger I have had locally). Everyone ordered the burger. I received lots of attention from the staff. My buddy even commented, “she touches your shoulder everytime she checks on us” and later “ they really like you here”. This is just a product of lifting, having style, and having just a little game. Abundance. How very validating.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/10/20 10:30 PM
6

Yeah, /u/Over60_FireTempered3 and I weigh in on the far right side of the demographic here, between episodes of dementia. Looks like /u/DirtyNuke may finally be joining the "better red than dead" woke as well. Congrats, not on the length of the marriage, but finding and sculpting a woman worthwhile of it. All in all, the red way is actually the easy path for all concerned, especially if you start and stay that way from the beginning.
/r/askMRP28/10/20 02:37 PM
1

She did not get wet from it but seemed to enjoy it. When I fucked her really hard later I could see in her eyes that she gets horny from it so it’s not a completely lost case. Sadly I cant keep up such hard fucking long enough before getting tired and needing a break so it lead nowhere. Talking more in bed did not seem to do a lot but I will continue it anyway. Do you even enjoy the sex itself, or is it all just about the attraction validation for you? You make sex sound like some awful extreme …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/10/20 02:07 PM
3

Somewhere along the way of concerted efforts to unfuck myself the ego dwindled and I have been initiating with OI and been resetting to chirpy guy every day despite almost constant shit tests. No anger, no resentment no frustration. Everything is turned to shit test. Wife have continued to try starting fights, "I cant have sex if I dont feel charished" "If its only sex you want we might as well call it quits" "I dont like your new 'you'" etc etc. Passing with ease using STFU with increasing AM a…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/10/20 05:35 AM
45

Me: reddish since my teenage years, long before The Matrix movie and the World Wide Web... I married because I wanted to raise a family, and I was fine with the idea of partnering for life with a good woman and mother of my children whom I also liked and loved. I dated with that in mind, found one, married her, and raised the family of kids that I wanted. I remain pleasantly married to her 35+ years later. Marry only if raising a family is one of your personal life missions and goal. If it is, s…
/r/askMRP28/10/20 02:34 AM
1

Your girlfriend didn't make you beta; YOU did.
/r/askMRP27/10/20 09:34 PM
2

is OUR version of plausible deniability? Yes, I think it often is. A covert initiation, allowing a less painful covert denial.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/10/20 01:32 PM
2

You will have to decide if you can accept that and be happy. MITW did, probably because he was highly fulfilled by his mission and genuinely enjoyed his wife's company. Sex was present, but not an idol. Yes, exactly. My missions and my people are the most important things to me in my life. I want sex in my life and will make it happen one way or another, but it's not the most important thing. In particular, my sense of self worth is not based on sex. I love, and like, my wife, and she adds a lot…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/20 07:05 PM
2

From now on, if I wanted sex, I was supposed to expressly ask for it out loud so I could receive a verbal yes or no. Due to your butthurt from your neediness for validation, you are greatly misinterpreting your wife's intent. Your wife always feels pressure/coercion surrounding sex with you for two reasons: Your neediness for sexual validation means that you punish her with a butthurt reaction and passive-aggressive behavior any time she turns you down. Your initiations are weak, tentative "atte…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/20 05:35 PM
4

I laid awake thinking that I had, by consciously deciding to do something I knew would be less attractive Authenticity and vulnerability are attractive.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/20 02:31 PM
2

This is not initiating. I disagree. There are many different ways of initiating, and this is one of them. I'm a fan of mixing it up and initiating in a variety of different ways.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/10/20 03:49 AM
2

The wife is no longer an angry, controlling and bitchy. She's polite and just goes along with any of my leadership. The relationship with my kids is turning stronger. ... I now go fishing with other men and take my kids away on fishing day trips one on one with the kids. This has been excellent and I find I have made many new friends This is all brilliant progress from where you began; your frame, ownership, and leadership are vastly changed for the better. Acknowledge these successes, even if t…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/20 09:18 PM
2

Things don't go my way at work -> I daydream of how my workplace/boss will suffer when I leave. I guess the good part is that I finally have begun to recognize this a terrible habit and infinite loop (as you mentioned) I oftentimes put myself in. I don't know if "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" was part of the standard school curriculum for your generation, as it was for mine... but you're a Walter Mitty. Don't be.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/20 06:39 PM
1

I asked her if she would do it again knowing she'd get in trouble, she said yes. And I was left questioning why I was even punishing her - especially with her knowing the punishment, and choosing that it's acceptable. I think the lesson is still valuable here: actions have consequences; sometimes those consequences are known and negative; and sometimes the action is rewarding enough to accept those consequences. This is a very important life lesson in raising people to be both autonomous and res…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/10/20 05:30 PM
2

Very sorry regarding your wife's turn for the worse. That sucks for you as well as for her. Kudos to you for owning all the shit you can ... and also for not trying to own that which you can't. Every now and again, do something fun with/for your wife. An easy overnight somewhere nearby ... wheelchair to a comedy show or movie, or gardens ... take-out food and a new word or board game. It'll remind both her and you that she's still human.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/10/20 03:47 AM
1

This is about me finally coming to terms with my history and admitting to myself that none of this is normal or healthy and I alone fucked up our sex life. OR...do I own it to myself and just STFU and stick to the plan? Need input here. Would speaking to her really be about your emotional needs or catharsis (reducing your own feelings of guilt or inadequacy; part of a covert contract; ego), or truly about comfort for her? You should STFU until you can understand the difference, and know it's the…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/20 08:20 PM
16

One evening last week she came to bed wearing only a thong (this never happens – it’s always t shirt and shorts to bed). She laid in bed and cuddled up to me. I was expecting her to initiate at this point but she did not. The only thing I can figure is she believed all she had to was be available and I would initiate. I did not. Don't play stupid validation games with your wife. If sex is on offer and you want it, take it and make it good enough for yourself. (Caveman a starfish, for example.) T…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/20 07:09 PM
4

I don't like my wife. We have very little in common. She bores the hell out of me, lacks social skills, and is a constant worrier. Her anxiety and stress bleeds into the children. Life is easier when it's just me. Single parenting is actually easier for me. The house is cleaner. The kids are better behaved. They eat their dinner. They play without acting like chaotic crazy people. They go to bed on time. Sounds like your wife's frame takes over whenever she's with you or the kids. Maybe your fam…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/20 06:34 PM
5

The standard beta approach to conflict is to avoid it by DEERing, lying, hiding, surrendering, and sacrificing boundaries, respond with passive-aggressiveness and resentment, which builds up until he reaches a breaking point, giving him the momentary courage to explode with an emotionally uncontrolled, excessive retaliatory response intended as a "Back off!" warning rather than a permanent change, and then subside back into beta behavior to repeat the cycle. Wife may or may not respect boundary …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/20 05:20 PM
1

Told LTR that I feel like she is pressuring me to buy a house that she can move into. Translation from Beta-ese: "Stop pressuring me, Mommy! It that makes me feel so anxious to tell you 'no' that I need for you to never challenge me to do so." Glad that is off my chest. "I feel so much better now that Mommy's been put in charge of not hurting me! Hey Mommy, would you like to have sex with your big, brave boy?"
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/20 05:16 PM
5

Now she wrote me she'll pick him up from school at which point I just stated I don't trust her she'll do that and I want car returned before I need to go. Stop playing passive-aggressive games with your wife. This is very unmanly, unattractive behavior. You're not a weak child or captive woman who can dare only covert expression of displeasure; stop acting like one.
/r/askMRP08/10/20 04:49 PM
1

Right now I feel like my mission is to grow myself. Get to the point that I'm the person I want to be. Fair enough. My only caveat is that this is the mission of every obedient child, and every good beta, diligently working with society's full approval and validation, at making themselves more powerful tools to be used by the real alphas and authorities for their own missions and ends. Make sure you're not just hamstering an excuse to remain in your lifelong beta comfort zone, or to avoid addres…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/20 12:58 AM
1

Worrying about my mark or legacy or life’s work at this point seems to be very cart-before-the-horse. Maybe ... for some people, the passion to successfully accomplish their mission motivates their personal growth. Bill Gates didn't wait to finish his BS and MBA degrees before launching his mission. Raising my children well Probably helping others grow. I love when I give feedback and it’s well received and helpful. I love giving earned promotions. I love letting someone rise to a new challenge.…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/10/20 03:18 AM
5

Trying to create a scorecard to calibrate your wife's Genuine DesireTM for you by which you can measure your Attractiveness QuotientTM is a pointless exercise in ego-stroking, validation seeking, and insecurity that reinforces your beta tendencies instead of advancing an alpha mindset. Stop this fundamentally beta behavior of seeking validation from sex or her desire, and discover how to take pleasure from the sex and the emotional interactions themselves, rather than from beta feelings of valid…
/r/askMRP06/10/20 04:27 PM
2

but the day after on demand sex and BJs, I was feeling unfulfilled and drained. I believe this is another layer of bullshit being shed, I got what I thought I wanted... then it wasn't a big deal. You thought that sexual validation was what you wanted, but you found it unsatisfying. Ending the quest for bullshit that can never fully satisfy you is a good start; now replace it with something positive, meaningful, and lasting to you.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/20 01:44 PM
3

I just don't like pushing her away, trying to be cold, and being apathetic to her emotions Whatever gave you the mistaken notion that these dumbass behaviors are recommended here? MRP isn't Nice Guy Opposite Day, and nobody with any credibility here has recommended that anyone behave like a sitcom redpilled George Constanza-like character. If that's your interpretation of what you've read here, it comes from superficially speed-reading the material here from a deeply blue pill, Nice Guy mindset.…
/r/askMRP01/10/20 06:08 AM
1

First you need to identify your interests and passions. What do you care about? What do you believe in? What do you do just for fun? What's the best part of your job, or the most personally rewarding thing you do while at work? What's your dream job, and why? What would you do if you didn't have to work for money? Who do you admire? What about who they are or what they do causes your admiration?
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/20 05:46 PM
2

If you're reactively waiting for your partner to 'show' you desire or to 'give' you good sex, then you're almost certainly after validation more than for intimacy or the sex itself. Lead her, emotionally as much or more as physically, to the great, intimate sex you both want.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/20 03:31 PM
2

Went out the next day with my LTR and a woman bought me a drink when LTR went to the bathroom, that didn't end well. Then your frame must suck.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/20 03:27 PM
2

Sounds like you lack a compelling Mission.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/20 03:21 PM
2

However the way I felt in that moment, it was a reoccurring feeling I felt throughout my life. It was that red hot feeling of panic in the moment that I was going to look like a fool in front of others. This is fear of failing to operate in somebody else's frame. This is an extreme version of lacking frame; not only do you lack your own frame, you literally panic if you fail to fully subsume yourself into someone else's frame. I don’t know how to work on this problem Develop your own frame.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/20 05:49 AM
3

I find my wife unattractive because I don’t see any genuine desire on her part she doesn't sexually validate me FTFY
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/20 03:58 PM
3

worst sex that I can remember in years. I had been kino and suggesting for later during the day, but she worked late and was tired and before heading to bed even said no worries for another night and she said it’s fine and I know you’d like it. Your wife was tired yet willing to do it for you; in this situation it's on you to decisively take charge and make it short and sweet or to caveman, or to decisively postpone. While rubbing her back she even started talking about contractor bids! But inst…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/20 12:27 AM
1

From your OYS 1: We haven’t seen [my family] in years because my wife got fed up with dealing with my temper prone mother and family’s toxic behavior (being controlling, treating us like kids, boundary issues). She also got fed up with me not doing enough about it. She now hates my family and thinks they are horrendous people. After their last visit a few years back my wife gave me an ultimatum: support her position that she and the kids will never see my family again, or we get divorced. I begg…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/20 09:14 AM
2

Was that your main takeaway from this comment? Men with no frame and the things they do. A focus on more Emotion is more likely to improve your sex life than just increasing Variety.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/20 12:33 AM
1

My wife is boring in bed and it's my fault. ... It is incongruent for me to lead my wife in every other area of our life and not lead her in bed. I want to make my wife my slut and I'd like advice on this. Good sex is about Emotion. Guys who are insecure, or who lack their own frame and therefore hide or repress their own emotions in order to respond appropriately in the frame of others, usually focus on improving sex by increasing Variety through new positions or sex acts. They unconsciously ch…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/09/20 07:53 PM
6

Will be reviewing how to project OI during rejection. Why is it about showing her, instead of becoming OI for yourself? Dance, Monkey!
/r/MarriedRedPill08/09/20 06:47 PM
3

When she apologized for hurting my feelings I tried to reframe my not wanting to hear about her past as not jealousy or hurt feelings, but as her crossing a boundary that is disrespectful to me. If you must talk, always speak congruently. Your body language and behaviors will betray you when you spout bullshit that isn't consistent with your own truth, so don't do it. WISNIFG gives you tools for managing how much you say or don't say, and how to express it effectively in different situations, bu…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/09/20 05:09 PM
5

A huge boundary broken for me. It clearly isn't, Mamma's Boy, since I completely choded out of this, but I have fucking raged in the past and it achieves enforced nothing. FTFY.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/09/20 06:09 PM
5

Because you're a dancing monkey who seeks sex for validation.
/r/askMRP26/08/20 05:56 AM
3

I felt unsatisfied. Likely because you felt unvalidated.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/20 05:10 PM
3

Sex became permitted again on Saturday night but was very unsatisfying (my initiating felt forced and I don’t think she was really into it), so I tried to initiate yesterday morning. Feeling compelled to perform a "do over" after mediocre sex is a sign of insecurity or validation seeking. It's the sexual equivalent of DEERing.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/20 12:58 PM
11

Even though the relationship seems to be doing better than it ever did for years and years prior to discovering MRP, I still have no trust and no faith that it will work. ... I think I want the security of knowing my wife is in it for the long haul Your faith needs to be in yourself, not in her or other people. When it is, you will find yourself a lot less worried about trusting them, and more able to enjoy your relationships in the moment as they are.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/08/20 12:17 PM
2

Thank you. You encourage me to continue trying.
/r/RPChristians20/08/20 09:15 PM
1

The only thing I have to say is don't let your children sleep with you or anyone else. EVER! Talk about drying up a vagina and creating a dead bedroom. WTF. You want to live the next 10 years with a child throwing a tantrum because they can't sleep with you? This causes problems only for guys with weak frame, or who lack leadership or authority in their family. (OP is clearly such a guy ... but a man with strong frame and authority can choose whatever suits his preference or vision, and enforce …
/r/askMRP20/08/20 09:07 PM
2

/u/rocknrollchuck is spot on; pay attention to his comments. To amplify them a bit... you're still somewhere between phase 1 (stop operating in her frame) and phase 2 (build your own frame) which necessarily begins with pulling away and distancing yourself to gain the space to build your own frame. But phase 2 is only completed with a frame strong enough that it no longer requires distancing yourself to maintain it, allowing you to begin to move into phase 3 where you start to draw others into y…
/r/RPChristians19/08/20 08:35 PM
2

Most often it’s the fear that I will not last long. So what if you don't? This fear is all about your need for sexual validation, which is much more unacttractive than cumming too quickly.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 09:11 PM
2

I keep thinking my dad would never have done this shit. So what? He was a different man in a different time. Why am I doing this? To sum up I have an internal conflict about what a man should or should not do. Your great-great-...-great-grandfather would have eaten beetles and shat in the public path ... decide for yourself what values and behavior are proper for a Man in modern society today, and have the frame to own and maintain your values and to always act in congruence with them. She prais…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 08:40 PM
3

You're a dancing monkey who sought sex mostly for emotions related to validation. I feel I’m getting away sex for emotional validation. The thirst and anticipation is almost gone. But that has removed a lot of excitement and while I don’t think the focus/obsession was healthy, it’s different now. As you have become aware of your beta validation-seeking behavior your pleasure and excitement from it has decreased. But you have failed to replace it with more appropriate emotions, leaving sex emotio…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/20 04:42 PM
2

It's very hard to remain cautious with the high explosives when they usually work so easily and well.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/08/20 09:17 PM
3

leave X better than I found it I like to express this as "add value."
/r/MarriedRedPill12/08/20 04:28 AM
3

Good insights on when and how the anger strategy can be used effectively. I use it very occasionally myself in business, and with misbehaving children when time didn't permit a more instructive approach. It can be very effective when used strategically under your control, but it's dangerous and usually leads to failure eventually when it controls you.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/08/20 12:44 AM
2

makes me partially liable for her Covert Contract. No. It may be true that Sadly, I've probably given her good reason to believe she's struck a deal. but you have the right to change your behavior; her assumption that you won't is entirely on her absent an overt agreement ... and your sense of liability is a different covert contract of your own.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/08/20 12:27 AM
1

Why do you fear or become distracted by her questions or interruptions?
/r/MarriedRedPill12/08/20 12:09 AM
2

At my weekend away with friends, the guys all mentioned how fit I am. The women couldn’t have cared less. All the men there had beer guts, yet most of those guys get more sex and better sex than I do, and their wives were clearly attracted to them. You give me the impression that sex is still about validation for you. This really kills the interest and desire of women, even if you're otherwise attractive. Sex with you really doesn't sound like fun. Try for some emotion other than resentment that…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/08/20 06:53 PM
4

wasn’t setting out to make any deals, but she may have gotten that impression. Her impressions are her own covert contract, not yours. Worry about avoiding your own CC's and enforcing your own boundaries; hers are her own problem, not yours.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/08/20 06:38 PM
3

I don't want to be in a relationship where I can control the other person. Agreed. Influence or be heard, yes; otherwise it's a superficial relationship. But control, no; this is a relationship with someone unworthy.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/08/20 11:35 PM
5

This morning my wife is out and having the time to properly write my OYS, groom, sort out my clothing some more, take progress selfies, calculate my body fat and other things I need to do without fear of questions or interruptions has been great. Beginning to wonder for first time in a long time if my wife is a hindrance to my journey. So much verbal chatter. So much distraction. So many manufactured problems. It's not your wife holding you back; it's your lack of frame. You're so deeply in her …
/r/MarriedRedPill08/08/20 06:03 PM
5

I heard it more in the context of killing the beta. I agree that the anger phase (not necessarily the anger) is largely a beta defense response. Anger is better used as a diagnostic tool to figure out the personal failing or weakness that underlies it. I assume it's not all linear, and guys may regress from one stage to another - I think several here have hit the anger stage at different times. Many men need several difficult changes, and I suspect another anger phase could emerge each time a ne…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/20 11:38 PM
3

Building the strength and the will to just smash through the brick wall, and rebuild later if needed, is a "crude but effective" (as my father would have put it) approach. Smash on.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/20 11:01 PM
3

This is truly excellent insight! Thank you for contributing this. Emotions are like dogs. It's the out of control owner (read Ego here) who's the real problem. Great analogy!
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/20 10:43 PM
3

He's good at using anger to get others to back down without actually doing anything This is a powerful tool for those few who can use it with discretion and control, and for efficiency not ego or laziness. I know only a very few people like this, but they're quite effective.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/20 10:27 PM
12

I think you could learn to use and manage (not bottle) your anger as it arises, to get what you want more quickly and with less pain and collateral damage to yourself and others. There's only 24 hours per day, and you have to choose how best to spend them for your own benefit. Maybe this doesn't make the cut. But might you want to consider how much time, trouble, and unhappiness your bottle/live-with-resentment/explode pattern may have cost you?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/20 06:18 PM
14

Suppressing anger is quintessential beta behavior that locks one into forever repeating the beta rage cycle. Instead of suppressing anger, one should express his emotions like a man, and should use anger as a diagnostic tool to figure out the personal failing or weakness that underlies it. Losing sight of my anger is what caused me to fuck my shit up just recently in fact. This is a perfect example of the paralysis and cost of suppressing and sitting on your anger instead of facing and dealing w…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/20 04:26 PM
3

Here's a post explaining more fully.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/20 02:03 PM
4

I mean speak directly to this middle-aged father of a 15 year old boy and the boy's grandmother about his rule that his own children are not allowed to use firearms until they have completed a formal safety training course. Nothing passive there, though it need not be an accusatory or disrespectful discussion. And their response should help him decide whether to allow unsupervised visits there by his kids in the future.
/r/askMRP05/08/20 07:59 AM
3

she mentioned that she resents my father for not being here to help her and she may be too mad to see him at the airport in a few weeks. My grandfather then drops a cruel RP joke about him bringing his new girlfriend home with him. FTFY. Cruel joke? Obtuse? More likely, it was a subtextual reminder to his daughter that there are possible consequences to behaving like a bitch to her husband. At least there's one RP man in the family... too bad it's not you.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/08/20 07:41 AM
8

how she probably constantly compares me to her ex, how this is duty sex, how none of this is what I wanted at all, how pathetic I've allowed myself to become... and went limp. Couldn't get it back up. This went right into another anger cycle the next day, I ended up saying some stuff to her because I wanted to hurt her instead of keeping my mouth shut. ... This was all about your failures, and made up stuff in your own mind about what you think she thinks about you I think that this problem was …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/08/20 07:19 AM
13

Something doesn't feel right. A strong, confident man would also discuss his concerns directly with the family friends, not just hide behind his wife to enforce his own boundaries.
/r/askMRP04/08/20 06:59 AM
1

I will continue talking to her and she will just sob and sob and sob. Womanese will get very thick, and my normally rational wife will become completely irrational. She doesn’t use it as a defense mechanism (at least not consciously) LOL. Most effective defense mechanisms are unconscious. But by all means continue to delude yourself and DEER to your heart's content. You're obviously very good at it and after all, it's gotten you to where you are today.
/r/askMRP01/08/20 05:58 PM
2

It's almost inconceivable to me that a women in LTR with me would jeopardise my well-being for the sake of testing me as a natural behaviour. Because I think of her as family. ... I thought that when I game a girl, things are RP, and then when you enter love, things are different. More genuine and free from power dynamics. I start to view the girl as family. I treat her like I would my family and friends, so if I'm mistreated by a loved one, I assume love = desire to treat person well, therefore…
/r/askMRP01/08/20 05:37 PM
1

Is the abusive pattern just normal in women + beta, something I should take responsibility for allowing and encouraging? Yes. There are two main patterns. Some become dismissive and avoidant. Others become contemptuous and abusive. By my observation, I would say more than 90% become one or the other. How extreme the behavior depends on the personality of the wife and the guy's behavior. In a very few percent of cases (say well less than 5%) the woman has a personality disorder that can't be full…
/r/askMRP01/08/20 04:39 PM
3

I wanted her to do this stuff and change because she cared
/r/askMRP01/08/20 09:19 AM
3

I have focused on myself enough some months ago, STFU, boundaries and focusing on me basically turned her around for a while, it was peaceful. So redpill insights and methods brought you success, Then I had this thought (unaware of the Covert Narcissist dynamic) that I wanted her to do this stuff and change because she cared, not because I changed how I was and she had to adapt. and then you reverted to BP ideas, and things got worse again. Why does this surprise you? covert narcissism You're gi…
/r/askMRP31/07/20 11:24 PM
1

So what if she cries? You can choose to ignore or fog the crying and carry on with the discussion. Why do you allow this as an automatic get-out-of-jail-free tactic? Because you operate in her frame, that's why.
/r/askMRP30/07/20 08:57 PM
2

At least, if I needed proof that I am unattractive, the experiences were ample evidence. It isn’t a case of me not leading to what I want. It is a case of a good catholic girl having done her marital duties diligently, thus hiding how we have effectively been in a dead bedroom for our entire marriage, just concealed by duty sex. You think you're reading your wife's mind, but this is really just projection of your own insecurity, ego, and need for validation. You will have no true idea of what yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/07/20 09:53 PM
12

Your belief that additional sexual partners might help overcome your insecurities reveals your need for validation from sex. It also shows that you expect your women to lead you in the bedroom to good sex, instead of you taking the dominant role to lead them to the sex you want. Both of these things are toxic to your sex life.
/r/askMRP29/07/20 05:52 PM
2

I'm going to attribute this to building actual attraction. She might have also just been horny. Why bother attributing it to this or that? Stay out of her head, and out of her frame!
/r/MarriedRedPill28/07/20 04:24 PM
4

Should I intervene when my wife yells at the kids? You don't yet have the frame or leadership in your marriage to take this on at this time. Your perception of conflict may also be warped by your BP mindset.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/07/20 06:09 PM
1

I find nonverbal communication more effective. "Stop, I will not be treated this way" and then remove myself if the person continues, then I'm setting a precedence for how I expect people to treat me. What's the point of the verbal warning and second chance? I don't put up with that shit in the first place.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/20 07:04 AM
1

I'm happy to hear you found it worthwhile.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/20 06:54 AM
1

best friends moved to other places. Having contented myself with calling the wife 'best friend' I made no real efforts to make new ones. So, ive been looking for things to join. Book clubs, an MMA class. Anything. Currently out on a solo camp LOL. All talk; no action. Come back when you're ready to OYS and actually DO something.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/07/20 05:11 PM
3

I fucked up and COMMUNICATED through text that I prefer to only text about logistics. You tried to negotiate with her to self-enforce your own boundary, because you find it difficult to enforce it yourself. This is really weak. BTW, this is also why you resent comfort tests so much. You feel unable to refuse to give comfort or guilty for not giving it, and then feel resentment at being "forced" to give it. It's really just anger at your own Nice Guy weaknesses that you're projecting onto her ins…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/07/20 04:43 PM
1

That's a real moment of clarity, isn't it!?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/20 07:04 PM
7

Is this just a matter of accepting Red Pill life You have zero idea of what this is or could be in a marriage, and whatever you think now is surely wrong. Start here if you're willing to work and to change yourself in order to make your dreams come true. if you're just looking for a way to convince your wife to take responsibility for a better sex life for you (just like everything else you've deferred to her leadership), you'll be more at home at r/DeadBedrooms, where your relationship is heade…
/r/askMRP09/07/20 06:49 PM
2

I don't know how to fix it so that the desire comes from inside my core. It just isn't there right now for anything other than a select few specific goals. (My career and being a better father) Why should you "fix it"? Nobody can achieve and maintain superior excellence at everything all the time; there simply aren't enough hours in the day, even if you had the desire and will. Once you have achieved basic life proficiency as a man, you must choose where you wish to excel, and what you will mere…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/20 06:21 PM
1

I can't control the behavior of others towards me, but I can control who is allowed in the inner circle. If you are a man of value then naturally those who wish to be within that inner circle will pay the price of admission. If not, fuck'em. Yes. I can't control others' behavior or response to me, but I can certainly avoid giving my time, effort, attention, and affection to those who don't appreciate my gifts and act appropriately. I generally open with a nice card, but move on quickly if it's n…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/20 05:28 PM
2

Public disrespect from your wife is a sign that something's not right in your marriage, but it's best to identify the underlying cause and address that appropriately, instead of attacking the symptom via a faggoty beta response. Sometimes the cause is that we're not owning our shit and don't deserve respect; other times the wife might be taking our value and effort for granted; sometimes she's just being a nasty bitch. Correct responses may be very different in each of these cases.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/20 05:10 PM
1

... the immersion it created would lead to sex. It did lead to sex... There have been times where I have declined her offers for transactional sex acts Are you sure it's transactional? Or is it the only kind of foreplay she finds halfway stimulating that she can get from your lame, gameless ass?
/r/MarriedRedPill08/07/20 04:45 AM
1

Whenever I have that feeling of disrespect, I need express that and set the boundary and correct it. Just as you can't negotiate attraction, you also can't negotiate true respect. Respect is earned through frame and OYS. Faggy feelingz of butthurt about disrespect may be a poor guide for setting boundaries; check your ego, and think through your goals, motivations, performance, and boundaries very carefully before implementing.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/07/20 04:29 AM
2

to stew on it awhile. On returning I told her I was disappointed in her, that it was disrespectful and she cannot sleep with me. I now realise the "go plan" has to incorporate the "going" part Butthurt much? And what's better than a passive-aggressive response to social media passive-aggression? I mean, which girl wouldn't?
/r/MarriedRedPill07/07/20 11:24 PM
1

Reader, I resisted. Good job, Jane.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/07/20 11:13 PM
3

Trying to rationalize whether I should withhold sexual activity if it isn’t up to my standards or even just to hit the reset button on the currently lackluster sex. This is a move for a man with rock-solid frame, high value, and obvious options standing by, not for newbies. It's Dread Level 9, not Level 1-3 where you're at. Stop fantasizing about a Rambo shortcut, and do the work.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/07/20 08:37 PM
1

Pathetic I know. Stop putting yourself down based on the responses of others. You took action and approached; good on you! Everything else is not under your control, so don't judge yourself by it.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/07/20 08:09 PM
2

Where I suck, and suck royally, is I have no talent for pulling her out of her "home" mode while she is at home. She reacts really negatively to overt sexual attention from me while home - but, if we're out/on a date, she's much, much more receptive. This has been true for most of my marriage. Scenario One: We're at the house, she's wearing tight short purple running shorts, and working in the garden, when she gets back in, I tell her: "damn, your ass looks hot as hell in those shorts" Her: "I d…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/07/20 06:52 PM
2

I don’t intend to cheat on my wife. If it comes down to it, I’ll file for divorce instead of sneaking around. But I absolutely intend to game other women to build a sense of abundance and generate dread. When I got home, I mentioned to my wife that my new mom friend gave me her number so I could set up a playdate for our kids. My wife said, “Yeah, I’m sure that’s what she wanted,” which was exactly the reaction I was looking for. My wife is finally realizing that other women find me attractive, …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/07/20 05:56 PM
1

Wear your boy out with energetic, rambunctious, roughhousing play. His instincts are driving him to seek out the activity and stimulation he needs to avoid growing up into a fat feminized faggot; this is a feature, not a bug.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/20 03:31 PM
1

Quite possibly a subliminal memory!
/r/askMRP01/07/20 05:05 AM
26

If you had married a plain-looking Amish girl who cut her own hair around a bowl on her head, wore plain Amish clothing, and radiated respectability and repression, because you liked her and thought she would be a great mother of your offspring ... and then 5 years later she left the religion and started dressing well, getting her hair styled, and became seductive and flirting with you ... in short became hot as hell ... would your attraction to her still never change because of your prior knowl…
/r/askMRP30/06/20 06:47 PM
1

There is a way to reassert my stance for our family or provide information rather than going full autist and just STFU, fog or broken record. I can also reassert my stance and provide comfort without falling into her frame. Yes. This post by u/weakandsensitive gives part of the story. The other aspect is effective leadership, by sharing through narrative a compelling vision that guides and inspires your people.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/20 03:07 AM
1

What’s the difference between narrative and DEER? Narrative is proactive and from your frame; DEERing is reactive and in her frame. If you can't sense the difference, you're likely not ready for narrative; WISNIFG and STFU for now.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/20 02:55 PM
2

I notice how I react when my wife tries to give me compliance tests on baby safety. I assume a lot of this stuff isn’t about me, and that she’s on a hormone tear. I don’t know if some of it is about me. Does she think I am reckless or that I would hurt our kids with my incompetence or obliviousness? Overprotective mothers are not uncommon. But you're a parent too, and motherhood doesn't grant her special license to deny your own rights, responsibilities, and judgment as a parent, nor to overstep…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/06/20 12:57 PM
2

Passive-aggressive acts are always chosen to avoid ownership while expressing unhappiness, resistance, or disapproval. Snarky comments express disapproval or envy, or covertly attack someone behind the plausible deniability of "it's just a joke." Stalling, avoiding, or the silent treatment are covert punishments of someone for not meeting your covert contract, when you are unwilling to make either your contract or expectations overt. Passive-aggressive expressions of anger may register disagreem…
/r/RPChristians21/06/20 02:06 PM
1

At the moment the first officer takes direct orders and is helpful in supporting me but complains about her health issues non stop (I fog). Does she have anything else to talk with you about? Perhaps she's just trying to connect with you, but can't think of what else to say, or perhaps in your BP past this was a reliable conversation thread so it became habit. Try starting the conversation yourself and leading it somewhere more interesting.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/20 02:24 PM
1

Seduction, persuasion, or Dread, as always. The form most likely to be effective with your wife depends on both her and you.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/06/20 03:57 PM
3

Desire is the main one and that one can't be negotiated Getting external validation from sex is a beta goal doomed to eventual failure after the audition phase of a relationship. Seek sex for your desire, not to be validated by her desire... and this will likely awaken hers if you do so attractively.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 06:17 PM
2

And just how do you think you could enforce this boundary if you were divorced with joint custody? Some "boundaries" aren't defensible; this is one. Reframe it into one that is.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 05:44 PM
4

I was hoping for sex. I am still not initiating at all for a number of reasons One reason: because you're being a passive-aggressive faggot.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 05:30 PM
3

So you're too much of a bitch to ask for what you want or openly express your expectations, yet you're so resentful about not getting what you feel entitled to as a HVM that you want to leave. Such a Nice GuyTM .
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 04:33 PM
1

You are still in your wife's frame, if you let her bullshit get to you like that.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 04:15 PM
1

What exactly are you not getting from sex that you want? The sweet, sweet validation of "100% Genuine Desire"?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 03:56 PM
1

About boundaries.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 03:43 PM
2

main event LOL One fight where you stuck to your boundaries and one make up sex session, is likely not a main event. The work really is just getting started for me.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/20 03:38 PM
2

Thank you for sharing your experience. It's interesting that the alternate life vision has helped. Along with your mission, perhaps it provides a form of abundance, in knowing you have multiple options beyond your wife and marriage for a fulfilling life. Were there any breakthrough readings or moments for you, or has progress always come as a slower accumulation over time?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/06/20 08:10 PM
2

I suggest AAT to guys like u/RaymondCortazar and u/FoxShitNasty83 when they seem to be misapplying the MRP toolkit to chase even harder after their withdrawing wives...that is, to guys who fail to get the basic ideas of Dread Levels 3 ("get busy") and 4 ("withdraw after rejection"), in the hope that the different wording or framing might give them that "ah-ha" moment of understanding. I'd be curious to hear from them as to whether this has actually worked as intended.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/06/20 07:06 AM
1

I care less what you think. Bravo! +1
/r/MarriedRedPill11/06/20 07:01 AM
2

I am hamstering and I cannot control myself, therefore I decide to go for some chores outside the house (I just said "I have things to do" and she wanted to know exactly what things they were). I get a shower to leave the house. I cannot leave the house because she hid my car and house keys. Tried for 30 minutes to get them back (but I did not want to talk about what were my chores -mundane stuff at the mall-, just said again and again that I had things to do, so I did not get the keys). ... I w…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/20 08:42 AM
1

Are your actions consistent with your goals?
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/20 01:38 AM
1

I started seeing a therapist in January and have continued to do so without my wife's knowledge. Still operating in your wife's frame. He told me last week that I need to divorce her. Why do you need somebody else's permission, or a recommendation from an authority?
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/20 01:35 AM
7

Has anybody dealt with this before? Most newcomers here face a well deserved lack of respect from their wives. Your situation is as ordinary as mud, snowflake. She is pregnant, but the level of abuse and disrespect is nothing short of the product of a diseased mind. LOL. No, it's a product of your complete lack of frame. Just as ignoring or backing away from someone is insufficient, if they're determined to fight you, STFU is neither a complete winning strategy nor a substitute for frame. The pr…
/r/askMRP04/06/20 06:38 PM
1

it looks like the wife's attachment style would be cleanly classified as "dismissive avoidant" Clearly ... and you are anxious-preoccupied. Is there an MRP guide on this I'm not aware of one. It's a different framework, but very often has similar suggestions, such as AAT's backing off from the chase when avoidants withdraw matching MRP's withdrawing attention after rejection.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/20 06:11 PM
2

You're pandering to the weaknesses of your "inner child", instead of playing to his strengths. Instead of moping and crying and comforting, instead play as a child does, with glee, total in-the-moment abandon, and authenticity with your young children, thus learning to integrate these powerful child-like traits into your adult life. Don't go alone into the wilderness to dwell on your sorrows like Young faggot Werther. Gather a group of guys, and hike and drink and talk trash and do slightly stup…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/20 07:49 AM
1

What are your goals here? What outcomes would be acceptable to you?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/20 03:34 AM
3

I have found that any of my attempts at AM/A&A/Sarcasm in general get me eyerolls, and her telling me that I'm arrogant and rude, and have hurt her feelings (and then she goes back to the bedroom). Sarcasm is verbal passive/aggressiveness. Betas love it, because it's a "safe" way to register disapproval without being assertive. Nothing screams "unattractive" and "beta" like sarcasm; if your idea of AM/A&A is sarcasm, you're doing it all wrong. Her: "Stop it, you're just trying to kiss me, and I …
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/20 02:46 PM
3

Ah, the Dancing Monkey non-plan, which feels like one while avoiding any hard challenges or decisions. Dance on!
/r/MarriedRedPill29/05/20 04:25 PM
2

Where are you going with this? What is the end goal of Plan A? What is the end goal of Plan B?
/r/MarriedRedPill29/05/20 08:10 AM
2

A mission is something you do, not something you be. What you wrote is more of a vague vision than a mission.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/05/20 09:07 PM
2

A mission is something you do, not something you be.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/05/20 02:14 AM
1

As for the Dancing Monkey Syndrome, what am I missing? It's in the post; I don't know how to say it more clearly. Mental point of origin, perhaps?
/r/MarriedRedPill27/05/20 01:59 AM
1

Am I off track there? Yes. I can't tell which weighs more heavily at this point You turned down sex instead of cavemanning, so clearly validation does.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/20 11:01 PM
1

If I want sex, I'm going to basically have to work around my wife's wiring, which is "anti-fun" and "anti-spontaneity". In her frame much? her pattern is: "hide in the bedroom with her tablet and read books/watch TV/talk with her girlfriends" Consider that you might be enervating, instead of energizing, before assuming that it's all her.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/20 10:52 PM
1

Sex/Relationship: Zero. Like most this is the reason I’m here. I feel like I’m making zero progress. I know I’ve made some solid improvements. I’m in better shape, dressing better, and most importantly corrected some behavioral issues that I didn’t realize I had. All this has had essentially zero effect on my wife. You're a dancing monkey Initiation: ... This has been extremely painful. The negative reactions I receive are really awful. One in particular really bothered me ... She came a little …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/20 08:21 PM
7

Lucky you ... u/weakandsensitive already has a great post about this. Stop tolerating bullshit. Start showing controlled anger.
/r/askMRP23/05/20 01:19 PM
3

My best friend recently told me his wife was pregnant and I could tell he was hurt when I wasn’t more excited for him. Your friend wants you to be excited with him, not for him... an empathetic friend, not a robot, to share meaningful things with. Your wife likely wants this too, Mr. Roboto. Divert more power to your emotion emulation circuits and to your penis.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/20 07:35 AM
2

Root around for the covert contract I might be carrying about her improvement. You're working a "dancing monkey" attraction improvement program.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/20 07:15 AM
2

Knowing that she was ovulating, I feel like it should have been me who initiated. Any forceful or dominant move and she would have lapped it up. I also should have gamed her more throughout the day to set the stage for the evening. I did schedule an appointment with a men’s sexual health clinic for premature ejaculation. ... I’m willing to try just about anything aside from taking SSRI medication everyday. Stop worrying so much about your performance, and focus on enjoying sex, and enjoying your…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/20 05:35 PM
1

This is a start, but it needs sharpening to be effective. The goal of a narrative to persuade ... first and foremost yourself (so that your narrative is authentic) ... then others to adopt a new perspective or vision that both stimulates and guides their actions. An effective narrative must appeal to some strong motivation within the audience that compels them to change. Motivations might include principles (religious, ethical, moral), reason or logic, ego and validation, fear of loss (divorce, …
/r/MarriedRedPill18/05/20 05:23 PM
2

It sounds like your goal is to make yourself better husband material, for your current or next wife. Don't be a Dancing Monkey.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/05/20 03:43 AM
2

He's decided to focus his effort on just no thing... and he's making great progress on that!
/r/MarriedRedPill15/05/20 08:11 PM
3

I haven’t had sex with my wife in four fucking years. No initiations. No respect. Where are you going with this? What's your goal here? What's your plan? Your MAP?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/20 11:18 PM
1

I can't know for sure from this anonymous distance. IME it's usually some problem with the guy, but maybe your wife is sort of autistic or has learned shit communication or social skills and needs some open coaching. I've known a few like that. Now you know the general principles. Figure out which ones you think might best apply to your situation, try some shit, see what happens, and correct course as needed. You don't need my approval or reassurance to do what you obviously think is right for y…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/20 05:18 PM
1

A narrative flows from and expresses some part of your vision, in context. I don't see any connection between your first narrative attempt and your vision. Your vision is about mostly about sex in marriage, so make your example some situation when your wife rejects sex with you.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/20 08:06 AM
1

If your wife disrespected you, would you respond only by withdrawing your attention? This is a rare event from my wife, but when she or others disrespect me in a social setting, I almost always A&A, then turn my social attention to someone else. If you have frame and known value, disrespect under the guise of humor just makes the attacker look gauche and foolish, and you look confident, cool, and gracious. The only time you might need to defend yourself or demand acknowledgement is when someone …
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/20 07:04 AM
2

As do you, my friend; as do you.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/20 05:58 AM
1

NO! Why must you make it all about your butthurt beta fee-fees? "this isn't working for me, it's not helping me." If she is belittling or criticizing you, she obviously doesn't care, so there's no point in saying it ... or she believes from your actions that you will orbit her regardless of the abuse, so your words also mean nothing. STFU and disengage. Only when she's actively seeking out your help or presence can you usefully narrate what you expect in return and your rules of engagement. "I d…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/20 05:33 AM
2

You're concerned about surface appearances and validation ... about not having her disrespect thrown in your face so as to protect your delicate ego and reputation, even as she blatantly informed you in Babytalk that her politeness masked internal contempt. It may salve your ego, but it won't make you appreciably more attractive beyond taking one unattractive characteristic to neutral. I parse these things in terms of value, not ego or reputation. My time, my thoughts, my attention are valuable …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/20 06:00 PM
2

Yes. Either.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/20 05:05 PM
1

I guess I need to talk Yes, you do. If you don't speak up, it's very convenient for others to pretend to be unaware of your expectations. And it's very unlikely that you would be assertive enough to act on them. You best communicate elements of your vision through short, contextually relevant narratives, in context as issues arise. Setpiece speeches are rarely effective. While my underlying vision remains the same, I generally tailor my narratives to the person and context to maximize persuasion…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/20 04:47 PM
2

These are only "bad actions" in your own mind because they attack a weakness of your ego. I never set boundaries to protect my weaknesses from challenge so that I can continue comfortably being weak; call me out and bring it on, so that I'm forced to improve. Boundaries are for things that cause legitimate harm or attack worthy things. Passive-aggressive behavior like that of your wife may primarily reflect some internal issues or covert contracts of hers, or mostly be a manipulation tactic. Eit…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/20 04:25 PM
1

How would you apply it if you were single?
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/20 03:23 PM
2

I made a comment about inspecting her work on their smoothness. I got an "ugh" sound from her. I said in a sarcastic manner, "Wow, that was a great reaction". That reaction got to me. ... really fucked with my head. Sex with your wife is about validation for you, which destroys her attraction to you, and makes sex with you stressful emotional labor for her. This is why she locked the bedroom door for "privacy" from you. I've limited my interactions with her today Still butthurt days later ... th…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/20 02:38 PM
2

You can set some boundaries with your father, such as not discussing your mother's health before a diagnosis, short of cutting him off completely. You're not responsible for supporting or enabling his codependency.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/20 01:57 PM
5

I want to travel the world, meet people of all different walks of life, succeed in exiting the startup I'm in with a nice payday, get my next BJJ belt and - a new one I feel strongly about - build a pool house for year round parties. Much of what you want (including your plates and your perpetual pool parties) seems to involve expecting other people to figure out how to entertain you to earn and keep your attention. Most people find this reactive, passive, consumption-oriented existence rather e…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/20 06:44 PM
1

when she will finish her part Arrange a free evening, get some good wine and take-out from your favorite nice restaurant, put on some pleasant music, and tell her you will keep her company while she does the tedious work required. If she can't be persuaded to follow this plan, then acknowledge to both you and her that she has no intention of ever doing so, and proceed accordingly with your Plan B, for example by her getting a job to help with the finances.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/20 06:10 PM
1

Your recent OYS presented coherent visions for a better life and of a desirable marriage. What actions did you take this week to move toward those visions, however long term their realization may be? Your OYS dwells on tactical, monkey dancing, or "rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic" activities. I need to remain focused. The purpose of a vision is to provide that focus. You have a vision now; start applying it.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/20 05:49 PM
1

Just as you can't negotiate attraction, you can't negotiate respect. You may get "duty deference" through negotiation, but you have to earn or command real respect.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/20 04:29 PM
2

my wife asked if I wanted duty sex Surprisingly, was also offered duty sex the night after. Why do you assume only duty sex was on offer? Stay out of your wife's head! I'm sure that if you brought your SGM A-game to the bed, that would change in a hurry. Your modest, self-deprecating assumptions from operating in her imagined frame are limiting you. This was probably another frame check to make sure that I was still within hers. More likely it was an attempt to emotionally connect. It sounds lik…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/05/20 04:13 PM
1

I want to move away, out of the country and pursue life somewhere else. ... I want to see the fucking world and experience societies other than our own. I was pretty stressed about mothers day I don't want to fuck my wife. She's fat and disgusting. I already told her I don't find her attractive anymore. ... I've also gotten lots of threats of divorce during quarantine, and I said "well let's not be brash" It's clear that your entire approach to life is passive and reactive. Like a bored loser fl…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/20 07:08 PM
16

Establishing an emotional connection with a woman Expressing emotions like a man Good sex requires emotion
/r/askMRP11/05/20 07:35 AM
2

Why the negativity? I don't know her and you, so I don't know why... but keep in mind that it may very well be more about something going on with her than something about you. Keep on doing your thing, and don't let her issues with it become your issues.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/20 05:04 PM
2

I find it nearly impossible to make myself meet other people's standards when they differ from my own. I also get resentful about expectations that I should. So I try hard to avoid putting myself, or people I want to like, into such a situation.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/05/20 07:06 AM
1

Think about what you have the power to change, and what you don't. Then think about why you're spending any mental or emotional energy on those you don't. You probably won't like the answer, but it will be helpful to you to uncover what it is.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/20 01:08 AM
2

Is your issue with her competency, or with her effort for you? That is, are you getting her best but that's not good enough, or do not get her best (comparing what you get to the quality of her actual output for herself or anyone else?) These are different issues, and confusing them may lead to the wrong approach for addressing them. Does your wife know exactly what you want and why it's important (such as spotless shirts in your business)? Or are you expecting her to figure it out from your cov…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/05/20 12:38 AM
4

It's more about the social respect, status, and Dread accompanying your career than the cash. But neither status nor money will replace attraction lost due to physical weakness, dadbod, or poor grooming or hygiene, or lack of frame or game, or other Nice Guy behaviors. This is not the explanation nor panecea that you're looking for.
/r/askMRP08/05/20 07:19 PM
1

fat, bald ... If that were true and he's having such success as claimed in his personal life, it would merely demonstrate the spectacular power of his methods. Is that your point? If not, your comment only demonstrates your spectacular lack of logic; you're too dumb to effectively troll rational adults who can think with their brains, not just their feelings.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/05/20 05:13 AM
2

Last few times I've tried to flirt with her or show affection, I get rolled eyes and totally ignored. My plan here is to go cold with the affections, which are clearly unappreciated. Honestly really frustrated here because you still hold a covert contract that your effort will receive appreciation and reward ... just like building the swingset. Stop looking to mommy for approval. Your assessment should be what matters to you; WTF does your wife know about building swingsets, so why should you gi…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/05/20 11:44 PM
6

You're too weak to handle your wife's emotions, which overwhelm and upset you, so you react with hostility and anger in order to make her hide them from you so as to protect you from them. Your weakness has caused her to lose respect for you. She also knows she can't count on you to be her Oak, hence her disappointment and behavior. Before sleeping, we talk about expectations going forward. I tell her ‘I love a wife who is calm and is okay with being second to me because she knows I’ll always ma…
/r/askMRP05/05/20 04:10 AM
3

My wife is quite highly strung. She’s bossy. Her mates joke about it and will laugh about how I must be a saint to put up with it. Her parents are nice but her dad will frequently bow to her mum, which I think she has seen a lot of in childhood and it’s influenced her on how she thinks a relationship should be. Any thoughts on this? It doesn't matter. She'll defer to someone with sufficient frame and competence. (Such as her mother?) Hamstering about your hard mode being 3% harder than average i…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/05/20 05:29 PM
7

What do you think is special about your situation that's not covered exactly in the MRP sidebar or overview post?
/r/askMRP30/04/20 01:04 PM
1

Even with the most attractive man in the universe, many women's ASD will hold them back from sexual abandon unless he leads her to it, and shows her wanton sexuality full acceptance and encouragement, and that she won't be slut-shamed for it.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/04/20 10:40 PM
1

I just said I wasn't putting the machine on because every time I do she criticises something about what i have done. This is so bad beta and unattractive it hurts to read. Please tell us that you at least understand why it's so bad.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/04/20 09:50 PM
1

Practice more than read.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/04/20 08:43 AM
1

Do you fuck your wife with reckless abandon? Is sex with you fun? My own answer to both questions is "considerably improved, but still not especially so." But since my wife has matched or exceeded my improvements with my every step forward, when I'm honest with myself I admit that I'm still the limiting factor.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/04/20 08:41 AM
2

Lo and behold I got a boner. ...why I am starved: I cannot degrade myself any more by offering duty sex ... There is an element of self-punishment I think But here you DEER, Easy for you to say, on the sex thing, you don't have to watch a huge belly flapping on you. change your excuse, and in so doing deny the truth in the moment of your boner, all to justify yourself to an anonymous internet faggot. I simply point this out for your reflection.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/04/20 08:36 AM
3

Now I know that it was a cue, but at the same time I would appreciate if she just initiated without this whole dancing around, which I told her. Autism alert!
/r/MarriedRedPill29/04/20 07:51 AM
3

I was just using game to manipulate a girl with the mental capabilities of a teenager. This is a great example of the difference between TRP and MRP, and why MRP is "hard mode." LARPing alpha gets exposed eventually; it has to be authentic in LTRs.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/04/20 07:33 AM
1

And then she drops "I don't know if it's part of my past or what but it's triggering to me and you need to stop it" Shit test right? I handled as such. Maybe. Or it might be a shitty comfort test. The best response differs.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/04/20 07:20 AM
1

There is still an underlying dynamic that sex is done for me/my enjoyment. It’s more subtle than before but it’s this subtext that I need sex and she gives it to me. That she doesn’t really need sex. I want to get to a place eventually where I completely 100% crush this. Why the fuck do you care whether she "needs" sex, or mostly just enjoys your enjoyment of her? This is all imaginary crap in your own head about sexual validation. Stay out of her head, and yours!
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/20 05:39 PM
3

Gaming the wife seems pointless, no interest. It's not pointless. It's the way of life of an attractive man. It models positive sexual attitudes and openness to both your wife and your kids. It's a reminder to yourself and to her of your expectations.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/20 05:12 PM
2

I heard her moaning and struggling at high resistance. Lo and behold I got a boner. Cool; authentic desire! Pull her off the bike and fuck her right then and there. Hot! But then I reminded myself why I am starved: I cannot degrade myself any more by offering duty sex ... There is an element of self-punishment I think: ... I deserve the shit I have earned. Just some thoughts about taking ownership NOT Get out of your own head! Your Beta Billy thoughts, resentment, and ego blocked an authentic se…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/20 04:50 PM
4

Establishing an emotional connection with a woman Good sex requires emotion
/r/askMRP26/04/20 07:03 AM
2

Do the "Breaking Free" exercises thoughtfully and seriously.
/r/askMRP24/04/20 01:29 PM
1

Looking forward to reading it!
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/20 05:30 AM
1

FWIW, my life feels meaningful to me mostly when pursuing my missions, and the joy comes primarily through close human interactions with the people in my "teams." Only you can answer whether your wife is a hindrance to your mission... but don't expect her or anybody else, or even new experiences or adventure, to long overcome the dissatisfaction or ennui of a missionless life. That has been my experience in life, anyway; YMMV.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/20 09:28 PM
7

the evidence that men have a dual mating strategy (like women) is overwhelmingly evident and universal. Yes, it clearly is. But in a subreddit devoted to applied sexual strategy in marriage/LTRs, how does this knowledge improve our sex lives? while some women in relationships will still fuck the Alphas, many of them won’t, and will stay faithful to their Beta. AF/BB is not a black and white line, it’s just an evolved tendency in women, just like the Madonna/Whore complex is an evolved tendency i…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/20 06:28 PM
1

Our missions inform these choices for many of us.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/20 05:04 PM
3

This weekend I took my son on a camping trip by ourselves and didn't invite her. She was mad and said it made her feel like not part of the family, but I've been doing stuff like that for a long time, and she always doesn't come... Then not inviting her was every bit as much an empty symbolic gesture as inviting her ... most likely a passive-aggressive one at that. You're not sending the message that you think you are.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/20 08:18 AM
2

Complete independence and freedom gives you maximum flexibility to pursue your own personal experience and genius. But it also limits you to only those things which can be achieved alone. You'll never conquer a world without an army, nor climb Mount Everest without an expedition, nor win a football championship without a team, nor raise a family without children, nor make a billion dollars without a company. Yet organizing, leading, and maintaining the group necessary to accomplish something big…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/20 07:55 AM
5

Do active stuff with your son. Wrestle. Roughhouse. Chase. He's a boy, and so are you; act like it.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/20 07:20 AM
2

Why not write a post giving us your perspective on your journey to date, and the utility of the tools and memes? Be the voice of nuance and realism that you find lacking here. You've earned the credibility to be heard IMHO. I agree that some nuance has not been and should be addressed; for example, I suspect that the financial consequences of divorce on small business owners may often be greater than on salaried employees, yet this is never considered here.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/04/20 02:04 AM
2

If you are a sufficient prize, you/your time/attention/support may be sufficient.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/04/20 08:43 PM
2

Why do you have to prove anything to her? Show it by living it, not in the beta way through long winded explanations or grand artificial gestures. Skip your orgasm for you (as when you need to leave for a meeting, or you're just not feeling it), not to show her; that's just another way of prioritizing her above you in sex.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/04/20 08:00 PM
1

Good work on uncovering your worldview and vision. Now you need to act and speak authentically in congruence with that worldview. Eventually you will want to construct narratives that instruct and inspire others to join in your vision.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/04/20 07:00 PM
6

couple of friends working as medical assistants there (both went on to become surgeons, today very respected in their areas). Ask yourself why you felt the need to tell us you have friends who don't suck.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/04/20 01:43 PM
3

The next time it comes I am going to make her cum either manually or orally and then turn down sex. I don’t think I have ever rejected it and think it is time to take that power. She won’t know what to do with a raging cock that decides to call it a night before getting off. This doesn't sound authentic and likely won't appear so either. Playing stupid mind games doesn't seem like confident, masculine behavior to me, nor is it operating in your own frame.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/04/20 01:09 PM
18

There's nothing wrong with expressing emotions; nobody loves a robot. But you must express your emotions like a man.
/r/askMRP21/04/20 03:00 AM
3

SAHDs get, and deserve, no respect unless they keep themselves highly attractive by being fit, ripped, dressing well, and attracting attention from other women. You must be the man the neighborhood wives gaze after, flirt with, and fantasize about. show high social value through charismatic leadership such as PTA President, head coach of kids' sport teams, organizing and leading activities or home-schooling groups with other parents and kids, and leadership in community volunteer groups. totally…
/r/askMRP21/04/20 02:24 AM
1

If I asked this question of someone at r/RPChristians, he would likely reply that God commands that spouses "do not deprive" each other of sex in a godly marriage. If I asked a Victorian or a marriage traditionalist, he would likely reply that marriage is a secular contract trading sexual access for fidelity, so sex is his contractual right in marriage. Still others at r/deadbedrooms argue that their wives' sexual behavior with them before marriage established an implicit expectation or contract…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/20 03:30 PM
1

Then make that a main part of your answer, since it seems to be of overriding importance to your behavior. Why do you hold that expectation? Should your wife hold it as well, and if so, why? And does that have any effect on your intention, expectation, or desire for sex with other women? It's time to make your beliefs, values, and expectations overt instead of covert ... at least to yourself! You can't have frame and act congruently with it when your behavior is driven by covert values or expect…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/04/20 10:47 AM
1

I find her attractive. That's a good thing. But does the fact that she's your lawfully wedded wife have anything at all to do with your desire for, or expectation of, sex with her, or your lack of pursuit of other women? Or is marriage or a long-term relationship with someone totally meaningless to you with regard to sex? Your statement says it means nothing to you, but your behavior implies otherwise. Which is it, for you? I can't explain it. I feel driven to have sex with her. You can't explai…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/20 09:50 PM
1

LOL Trying to extract an in authentic view or frame from a frameless beta is like chasing a squirrel around and around a tree; you just skitter about hiding behind superficial expressions of different frames, without ever approaching your own. I want sex because I am a sexual man. From you, these are just meaningless words you picked up here at MRP to mimic a frame. Once again, you simply said "I want sex" using someone else's words, while entirely dodging the question of why you value sex with …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/20 04:30 PM
2

Why do I want/need / require sex? With my wife? Sex feels good and I enjoy having sex. My preference is that I have sex with my wife. Your vague, disconnected answers reflect your lack of frame and vision. Your answer amounts to "Sex feels good and I like it, so I prefer to have it with a grumpy middle aged fatty with health problems." That makes no sense! Either you're lying like a Nice Guy, or there are more important considerations that you're not mentioning, or aren't even consciously aware …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/04/20 08:53 AM
9

Entitlement and neediness for validation ooze from your post like acid from a cracked battery, and are just as corrosive. They burn away any respect or appreciation your wife might otherwise have for your modest accomplishments. The only thing more toxic to her respect and desire than the constant emotional labor of catering to your weak, endless need for external validation is your sense of entitlement for it, and your resentment when you don't get praised to the skies for any modest accomplish…
/r/askMRP17/04/20 07:23 AM
1

You realize no truly confident man would be posting on a "nutty" Internet forum to put down "wanna be sociopaths and nerds" right? You're either trying to reassure yourself that you're not something that you fear you are ... or that you need not do something that you suspect you should.
/r/askMRP13/04/20 09:26 AM
2

He's looking for ways he can vet a red pill woman. Why would it be different from vetting any other woman?
/r/askMRP13/04/20 05:42 AM
3

Riiiiight
/r/askMRP12/04/20 07:14 AM
28

how did you meet a red pill women? Your question reveals your reactive bluepill mentality. You ask how to find a redpill woman (in whose frame you can operate). RP men operate in their own redpill frame and lead their women to do the same. RP women are made and maintained, not found.
/r/askMRP12/04/20 07:07 AM
2

I'm hoping that by making my kids well being a mission will help me stay the course until I find another thing to also focus my energies on. This sounds to me as much like a hamstered excuse to put off finding your own mission as a first step toward finding one ... it's on you to make it the latter.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/04/20 03:01 AM
7

This is how we know you're not RP; you think her harpiness depends on her, not on you. Your thinking on the question of marriage with her is similarly reactive and BP; you think passively in terms of what you might get from and with her by acceding to her choice of you, not in terms of the wife and life you could/would make of and with her. I don't know what the right choice is for you here, but any choice you make in your current mentality will be for the wrong reasons.
/r/RPChristians08/04/20 11:26 PM
2

I cannot bring myself to only focus on my wants and I feel like I need to strive for something more. This is exactly what we're talking about when we talk about "mission." For good or for bad, I have now made my mission to make sure my daughters come from a stable household that provides them the foundation they need to thrive in the future. In my view, if you choose to have children, this should certainly be A mission of a parent; to make such a costly and time consuming investment and then neg…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/04/20 10:56 PM
12

My family has a house .7 miles from my in-laws. I’m there with all my shit. This is passive-aggressive beta behavior. I’m not contacting her first. More frameless passive-aggression. I don’t feel like she respects me. Trust me, no man here respects you either. Stop acting like a bitch and become a man worthy of respect.
/r/askMRP08/04/20 03:59 PM
2

I said nothing for two reasons. One, I was absolutely floored. I literally said nothing and she lost it. The second reason I didn’t say anything is because of the STFU mantra. Did I manage to maintain Frame? No. You can't maintain what you never had. You're only at the beginning of Phase 1: "Stop operating in her frame." But that is where this very long journey for you must start. Carry on! Here are some more thoughts on frame.
/r/askMRP08/04/20 07:23 AM
3

She also agreed to keep paying for the credit cards that she personally ran up. Since they are in my name, she will pay me and I'll make sure they are paid on time. LOL if you believe she'll follow through on this "promise."
/r/MarriedRedPill08/04/20 03:04 AM
2

I'm not reliably giving my wife orgasms during sex. I last decently long so I don't think it is a mechanical issue (or at least not entirely). My dick isn't anything special but I am dead on average so that isn't the issue either. The majority of women require direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Getting hung up on getting her off with your dick alone is just more external sexual validation bullshit. Bring Emotion to mentally stimulate her, and get her off physically when you choose by whateve…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/04/20 09:03 PM
3

If you spent half as much time DOING as you do DEERing and musing, you might actually progress. I hope you don't talk like this with your wife.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/04/20 04:06 AM
2

It's been - really fucking nice. To be honest, I'm going to miss this like all hell. if you enjoy your current lifestyle, make changes to your normal lifestyle to make it closer to this. Whose frame is controlling your normal lifestyle?
/r/MarriedRedPill31/03/20 05:15 PM
3

Sounds like you seek validation from sex with your wife.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/03/20 05:46 PM
1

I have no clue how she did this judo thing, where she treats me like utter shit, and then - when confronted with her own selfishness - turns it into an attack on me. I realize she set a trap It's simple; she thinks and does whatever she wants, and you accept her premise however inconsistent or absurd, and you even throw yourself to the ground and pin yourself because you're entirely in her frame. It's entirely in your head, or that is, you're entirely in her head; you trap yourself. How did I cr…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/20 05:34 AM
3

The interaction kept being twisted around to me being expected to define a broad problems in our relationship and ideas for fixing them. She's looking for vision and leadership from you I didn't engage much and tried to STFU. which you are unable to provide, because you operate in her frame and have none.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/20 06:01 PM
1

A mission is something to do, not something to be. You have framed it as something to be, which is symptomatic of a person without frame. Your mission statement essentially boils down to "live according to my own frame." This is of course essential, but it's where your journey as a man truly begins... it's really just the starting line, not the race itself.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/03/20 03:09 AM
9

i would love nothing more than for them to break it off, she gets much closer to me and then I blow her off. Stop wasting your mental energy on beta revenge fantasies. Put your effort into your own benefit, not into getting back at her.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/03/20 08:12 PM
31

It is showing your feelings and that's always a no no. Robots aren't sexy. The key is to express your emotions like a man. But this will be very difficult until you have developed strong frame, so the rule here is "texting is for logistics only" until you're no longer a faggot.
/r/askMRP17/03/20 05:46 AM
1

I don't feel guilty reminding you that there is an entire book on the sidebar devoted to this. There also comes a point when you should stop tolerating bullshit, and start showing controlled anger.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/20 05:34 PM
2

She fights and creates drama over simple shit like cleaning and cooking dinner if I ask her to help me when im cooking. Then divvy up all household tasks and each own and do separately. She doesn't get to enjoy your company while doing chores if she can't be pleasant. Stfu Leave the house if the wife gives me attitude Running away is weak. It's a place to begin for newbies who have no frame and crater under attack, and a precursor to FMOFY for attractive men at advanced levels of Dread, but it c…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/03/20 06:23 PM
1

Well said!
/r/MarriedRedPill08/03/20 05:13 PM
2

It's about voicing and releasing a natural emotional response ... I'm still working through that so back the fuck off. Taking all the time you need to work through your Feelingz before moving on, I see ... The Matrix approves. Take a loooong time. Take forever. And some here claim that the human male is the naturally rational gender! LOL Anger phase is a necessary precursor to meaningful change No, it's actually not. It's the final barrier a man's ego throws up in resisting the need for change. …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/03/20 07:53 PM
1

You're one of them. No. But to call you a hypocrite I must compare you to your own standard, not to mine. That would be hypocritical of me. I am a whiny, self-victimized, inwardly insecure, outwardly cocky fucktard lacking any sense of cohesive identity because I've spent my life waiting for someone to tell me who I'm supposed to be ... Oh I'm also lazy. ... I don't want to believe I can make something better out of my life because that would require hard work and facing the shame of being so wr…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/03/20 07:47 AM
5

Nice DEER about why absolutely none of this is your fault. The bit I cut out, "which you chose for your convenience to believe" is bullshit. I didn't have a choice, not in the real sense of the word, until I saw the glitch in the matrix and started unplugging a fucking month ago. LOL. So in your first 30 years of life, you never saw something really bad happen to someone good? Never knew of a good man who got cheated on or divorced by his wife? Never saw an atheist asshole pull the women or beco…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/03/20 05:17 AM
4

Fuck YOU for blaming them, instead of yourself. You CHOSE to "believe" them because it was easier than thinking for yourself. Because it comforted your uncertainty. Because it was easier and expedient in the moment to do so. And most of all, to place the responsibility on someone else whom you could blame in case of your own failure... As you're doing now. You're not here for your uncompromising commitment to the truth, you hypocrite. You're here because the old set of stories, which you chose f…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/03/20 05:03 PM
1

I want to say that submission is ALSO an independent frame congruent and polarized by my own independent Dominant frame. I can see that submission could take this form and work well (although it's not a frame or dynamic that I would find appealing in a wife.) In my view, the point most relevant to /u/Blarg_Risen's OP is your use of narrative to guide your wife to a frame compatible with your vision that works well for her: In our early months of formal D/s she would often discuss openly how hard…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/03/20 06:25 PM
5

Live in your truth, and communicate that without fear. That nicely summarizes the key message of this post in one sentence! But "Live in your truth" encompasses usually years of well-directed effort to develop the requisite frame, abundance, and strategic vision before a man can communicate productively, and is ready for insight beyond We must tell faggots here that open and honest communication IS a problem because they're doing it wrong from a place of neediness rather than abundance. No doubt…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/03/20 09:25 AM
6

Comfort & Shit testing are just two sides of the Hypergamy coin. You're either high value, creating dread, and getting comfort tested, or you're not and getting shit tested. It's not completely polarized (higher value men still get subtle shit tests that probe for their boundaries), but this is great insight. It's all just information. Which is why men shouldn't take these tests personally and get butthurt, upset, or flustered by them!
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/20 11:01 PM
21

I fucking suck at and hate comfort tests. This is because you still feel some responsibility for fixing her feelingz, in the wrong sort of way; you haven't fully separated having and expressing sympathy with these feelings of hers from your own feeling of responsibility for them. Yes, your existence and importance in her life and your natural qualities happen to interact with her own somewhat flawed personality to induce untoward dread manifested in unattractive, irritating behavior, but this do…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/02/20 08:46 PM
2

so I’ll explore a large European by myself Sounds like fun ... but won't she be there too, in all of her chubby glory?
/r/MarriedRedPill26/02/20 05:49 PM
1

It started with me copying some of the mannerisms of a buddy This isn't true frame; it's a facade or mask that hides rather than reveals your authentic self. This in fact goes in precisely the wrong direction; developing true frame ultimately requires stripping away the masks and filters to uncover and express the authentic you.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/02/20 05:36 PM
1

It’s a random rule that isn’t super important but within my frame to try and hold. You understand neither boundaries nor frame, and you completely failed at both. Read those links.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/02/20 12:01 AM
1

Inform, don't explain. She can always ask if she wants to know more. There is no need for you to explain or justify it up front. Nor later, if you choose not to; remember your assertive rights from WISNIFG.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/02/20 11:44 PM
2

I wouldn't be surprised if you're autistically failing to calibrate your dirty talk to the emotional context and dynamic. Some women respond well to being called a dirty slut or whore, whereas others might shut down from this but respond positively to being called a naughty, naughty girl. It also matters when you use which words. Failing to respond to the emotional dynamic of the interaction will kill her emotional immersion.
/r/askMRP24/02/20 05:38 AM
2

You're very likely short on emotion during sex as well.
/r/askMRP22/02/20 05:23 AM
3

In your "fake it 'til you make it" stage, she senses your inconsistencies and inauthenticity and finds them confusing and unsettling. Be consistent, and systematically change your outward behavior as you master a few new skills at a time, instead of your scattershot approach of trying to sprinkle all types of alpha all at once. And act congruently and authentically with your developing self and frame; don't just perform MRP "scripts" that aren't congruent.
/r/askMRP18/02/20 06:34 PM
1

As I've suspected, she's not going to follow 'the script' at this point But she is. The standard wife script starts with the 1000' rope; don't expect change from her until long after you genuinely change.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/20 07:29 PM
1

This She just set up kindergarten registration —filling out the application,Signed them up for camp, gymnastics, ect. contradicts this: I take very seriously what I do ... and work hard at it. If you're not leading, driving, managing, and in charge of the things you do, you're not owning them.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/02/20 09:10 PM
2

So it’s clear why I’m not getting laid haha ... Don’t do everything around the house and don’t make loads of cash ... You're just not getting it, beta boy. It's not about how much you do or make, it's about how you own what you choose to do.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/02/20 04:12 PM
2

Now we know why she wants to divorce your worthless ass. Babysitters and maids are cheap, and don't expect sex for minimum wage quality labor.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/02/20 06:19 AM
1

Do you OWN and LEAD the care-giving and other things you're "primary" on, or is she still the boss and you the babysitter and maid?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/02/20 10:02 PM
1

I guess the happily married men here have already caught the last few unicorns on earth; too bad there's none left for OP.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/02/20 03:06 AM
1

Does your wife know your vision and regularly hear it expressed through your narratives ... or do you have a covert contract that she should read your mind, or somehow infer it from your complete withdrawal of the very "loving and support" and "meaningful deep conversations" featured in your vision?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/20 06:47 PM
1

There are other women in the world.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/20 05:56 PM
3

I didn’t even give her the time of day, no kiss goodbye and told her I’d tell her why later. Passive-aggressive bitch behavior. She came back from work and took her fat ass straight to the gym...interesting. Your irregular bitch behavior made her suspect that you're on your way out, so she acted on her own exit (contingency?) plan.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/20 04:55 PM
2

If I were a younger man I would espouse game etc and play the field. But now I feel like sex just isn't worth it. Maybe you authentically feel this way, but it sure sounds like sour grapes and convenient excuses to avoid difficult personal growth to me.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/20 03:37 PM
4

I plan to lead her into something low key, get some food, maybe a movie so we don't feel pressure to talk, take a walk, get dessert. I'm looking to just pass some time without drama. "My word, Mabel, doesn't this old gentleman sound like a barrel of fun! Where's my cane?" "Indeed. Pass me the smelling salts; I'm feeling faint!"
/r/MarriedRedPill31/01/20 02:07 AM
1

Well I would clump Pros, Affairs, and Seperation in place together with Blow the whole thing up Which is a reason that you're just a Dancing Monkey. You can't force change while being unwilling to ever risk upsetting her.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/01/20 12:06 AM
1

I'm angry that I was fed a lie my entire life. Once again, this is a lie you tell yourself to protect your ego or to reduce your insecurity. Surely, before marrying you had heard the statistic that almost half of marriages end in divorce. But you chose to ignore the hard evidence and "believe" the obvious but convenient lie that soothed your insecurity... and also provided a convenient scapegoat on which to blame your failure, as you continue to do here. And so long as you continue to project th…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/20 11:52 PM
5

This truth about women is what I'm angry about Bullshit. That's not what you're angry about. You're insecure, and you doubt your ability to command the love, respect, validation, and fidelity of a desirable woman. You're angry that a marriage commitment isn't an unconditional lifetime guarantee of unlimited support, affection, sex, and fidelity regardless of how much you may later fail. That is, you're angry that marriage doesn't overcome your insecurities. But the real problem is your insecurit…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/20 06:16 AM
1

I'm stuck seeing 3 options: You're rather unimaginative for someone who claims to be a successful entrepreneur: Prostitutes. Affairs. Separation in place. Curtail her budget of your time, money, travel, or etc. until she engages with you to your liking. You misunderstand Dread Level 3. The point is that your time, attention, and presence has value (first and foremost to you). It's not an unlimited resource unconditionally available to her; she has to compete for it by providing value in return. …
/r/MarriedRedPill30/01/20 05:03 AM
1

Still looking to find a post talking about the biggest covert contract of all, improvement for sex. Having no clue as to what "frame" is, no goals or missions in life beyond pleasing their boss, society, etc. to receive their validations and making their wives happy to fulfill their covert contract for sex in return, these guys latch onto "Become Attractive" and make a new covert contract: "All I have to do is become attractive, and my wife will want to fuck me again!"
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/20 06:40 PM
1

God save the Queen.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/20 07:19 AM
2

HMS Fucktard, that is, for soon-not-European Foxy ...
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/20 03:17 AM
5

What consequence does your wife experience for separating from you? Cruises, parties, meals ... sounds like she's getting more benefit from you than ever before. Where do I sign up!?
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/20 02:53 AM
2

Haha it's easily C LOL, that's because you are lost in your own hamster maze, and you don't even know at which exit you want to meet her. You need your own frame and a congruent, coherent vision for a good marriage before you can guide her.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/20 12:38 AM
1

It's amazing once I become focused on something my wife kicks off... well you cant do that today because of x. You need to help me do y. What's with all the distractions from my mission. It's basic Attachment Theory with insecure codependents; when you get project-focussed, you stop pursuing her, so she stops distancing and chases you.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/01/20 12:28 AM
1

It feels almost like she is actively looking for things to ask me to do at any given moment. How else will she get any work out of her lazy, initiativeless crew? I have begun to mess with her from time to time to let her know I'm not pleased with the constant favors. Things like replying "Yes your prettyprincessness" and "Get you water? Sure, while you do what exactly?". Could misfire and be interpreted as butthurt passive-aggressiveness, I suppose. And this is the correct interpretation. Most o…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/20 08:24 PM
1

I told her I didn’t like being compared. Most losers don't. She told me she wants a guy to be able to fix things and buy stuff, so she can have her bakery job lifestyle. She wants a basic Man and a BetaBucks ... and she's not willing to compromise on the BetaBux without getting any Man in return.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/20 07:22 PM
2

Nothing has changed really. My lifts are getting better, but nothing else about my situation has really changed You're not initiating or being assertive about anything, so why would anything change? I’m a prisoner by my own design, so I’ll just keep grinding away and hope something clicks. ... - Keep Lifting - Purge wardrobe Your entire strategy is to make yourself prettier and hope she notices and responds. That's a shy woman's sexual strategy; are you a shy woman? Is your wife a lesbian?
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/20 06:58 PM
2

my wife said she wanted to fool around after work, but I was cold to her when the time came because she didn't seem enthusiastic about it. Her lack of interest in me sexually bothers me - it makes me feel unattractive You seek external validation from sex with your wife. It's unattractive, and over time destroys her desire for sex with you.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/20 06:41 PM
1

I know a lot of guys at MRP enjoy having wives that stay home, but this is a more comfortable situation for me. Then why are you DEERing to us about it? We're not your mommy.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/20 05:56 PM
6

Thanks for the context. It's helpful.
/r/askMRP25/01/20 07:53 PM
14

Who are you, and why should we care?
/r/askMRP25/01/20 05:33 PM
1

I dont see where I want her to have low self esteem? Why else would you be disappointed that she sees herself as sexually desirable to you? Not a response I liked hearing, because what I heard is that she is still the prize in her mind.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/20 04:30 PM
6

She said back, “you can enjoy me any time you want.” Hmmmm. Not a response I liked hearing, because what I heard is that she is still the prize in her mind. If you heard anything other than "My pussy is yours" from a woman confident in her own sexuality, you are really insecure. You are really insecure. You're wanting her to have low self esteem and to doubt her own SMV to compensate for your low self esteem and fears about your own SMV. That's weak and pathetic; build yourself up, don't tear he…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/01/20 12:08 AM
7

Didn't help that all of my and her relatives did their very best to emotionally manipulate me into committing ... I was properly conned by her entire circle ... I was all alone and clueless and my own family ... This and all the BP logic we're fed has made sure we're out of touch with our guts ... Still DEERing and playing the hapless beta victim? Take some ownership, SK! This is why, despite being an Endorsed RedPill Theorist, you still don't fuck.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/20 05:21 AM
1

I realized that I don't desire for her to drop down on her knees and swallow my cock, I don't desire her to bury her face in a pillow and beg for me to blow a load inside of her - those are illusions. I desire for her to desire me above all else, an insatiable desire where she can become primal in my presence and shirk off all the pretense, full submission You seek external validation from your wife's sexual desire for you. not to fulfill my fragile ego or temporary pleasure - but to deepen our …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/01/20 04:07 AM
3

Another part is me wondering if her respect for me is low for not really pressing her to get things done to my level of satisfaction. Covert contract. my level of satisfaction. For example, the kitchen is clean!! though there are still 5 dishes out, a laptop on the counter, crumbs in the stove, and mail on the counter. Also, there is food growing old in the fridge. Careful here; avoid being OCD. I sense that tendency in you. She needs this time to feel ownership over the home You have to give pe…
/r/RPChristians23/01/20 08:01 PM
2

Not sure if I should ignore and do my own thing tonight and let her come to me or come at her hard and fuck her silly without asking... ?? Stop strategizing and playing mind games, get out of her head (and yours), and assertively chase your DESIRE in the moment.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/01/20 06:25 PM
1

Eventually I want to be able to call her out on this shit Why? Calling her out is reacting to and operating in her frame, not in yours. Just assert your own frame; there is no need to acknowledge hers. Even when she asks me about it I don’t like talking about it because I feel like shes going to try to start taking control of her beta through feigned interest. Translation: I have absolutely zero frame, so in any conversation I fall into the other person's frame, so I dare not talk at all. STFU a…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/01/20 05:48 AM
1

Your goals and efforts are mostly spent trying to make other people change to improve your life. You're trying to make others change your manager's decisions and style. your wife's cleaning standards and habits, via a covert contract. your wife's sexual responsiveness to you. your wife's respect for you. your son's behavior. You have little control over others' behavior, yet most of your energy is spent trying to change that instead of improving your own value, over which you have control. You'r…
/r/RPChristians19/01/20 07:59 AM
2

I read the posts about how the snot bubble conversation changes things to the point where they never go back. I find this intriguing, because I still desire real lasting change. I also read about people writing they have sex whenever they want. You have simply replaced the standard bluepill fantasy Win the girl and marry her = Relax! You're guaranteed unlimited free sex with your wife forever! with a red-coated bluepill fantasy Follow the MRP training regimen to become an Attractive Alpha Man, p…
/r/RPChristians18/01/20 08:48 AM
2

Negotiations are usually done beforehand; directions are usually given during...
/r/askMRP17/01/20 08:12 AM
4

What are you expecting to accomplish here? Took Red Pill june 2018 and yet you DEER like a beta faggot about how longwinded citizens, a dumpy old lady, and vehicle noise cast you into others' frames and subvert your mostly beta plans. The extent of your lazy man's redpill MAP for the past year and a half has been to "act more alpha" so that your wife will fuck and respect you more, and pick up some side pussy. You're a dancing monkey who's too lazy to take time from his meaningless metaphysical …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/01/20 07:01 PM
1

/u/jacktenofhearts wrote about handling shitty comfort tests here here here here
/r/MarriedRedPill15/01/20 07:45 PM
1

If your wife is never spontaneous in any aspect of life, sexual spontaneity will likely lag as well. Try taking advantage of her personal inclinations, instead of working against them. My wife is also a creature of schedule, structure, and habit. I make use of it. For example, I may tell her we're having sex when I return from the gym. Sometimes I text her additional instructions beforehand. Quite often, she's already aroused when it's time to start ... presumably because that's part of the sche…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/01/20 04:02 AM
2

Frame. Leading. Boundaries.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/01/20 11:22 PM
3

Yet, she literally couldn't see that her being upset at me removing my time and attention was directly related to (one part of) the value I add to the relationship. Good point! But logic is lost on some people all of the time, and on all people some of the time.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/01/20 10:14 PM
4

What value do I add to her life as a man who ignores her all the time and does whatever I want now, can’t I see that’s worse than it was a year ago(I don’t ignore her - I just do things for myself now- but it's her feelz). – and these sort of things went on for a few days – no anger - a few tears – but mainly just bombs and questions lobbed from time to time as we were going about our day with the family. You may be failing to provide comfort and emotional connection. I handled them well. I susp…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/01/20 08:22 PM
1

Spontaneous sex, on the other hand, is a no-go - and I have no fucking clue what I'm doing there. Is your wife spontaneous in other aspects of life, or is she always scheduled and structured?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/01/20 06:59 PM
1

How do your interactions, demeanor, and behavior with your "plates" differ from that with your wife? Might this explain the different receptions you're getting?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/01/20 06:24 PM
1

If reaching and maintaining the peak of desire/dread fueled sex is unrealistic, has too many downsides, or isn't worth the effort for you, why not aim for the pinnacle of a different style of sex? There is tantric sex, emotionally intimate sex, role-playing sex ... why should the sex of anxious teenagers desperate to find a mate be our sole, lifelong model of what great sex looks like? Are we trying to relive the glory days of high school instead of exploring new dimensions? Personally, I've rec…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/20 07:37 PM
1

No matter how I try to bury it part of me says I'm doing these things for myself but you're reaping the rewards of being under my umbrella. I don't speak up about it to my wife because "actions not words". Well that is nice guy 101 to sit in this mentality and not speak my actual expectations. Anyone in a relationship expects some benefit. (For example, you married your wife expecting sex.) The key differences are whether the benefits are material (such as BetaBux financial support of a SAHW) or…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/01/20 01:51 AM
2

Maybe you're a fountain of inspiration, passion for life and love, and your wife is a cold, dead fish. But I do what I want; hiking, sports, relaxing, new restaurants, lifting, hunting trips, manage the finances, keep things in order, pay the bills, but it's not enough. It's all too safe. It's all predictable. but that's part of what I want. I function better on routine. ... safety in a good credit score ... hikes are generic ... safe ... another investment property so my resources are carefully…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/20 02:19 AM
1

Detailed weekly self-scoring systems usually become an exercise in self-validation, ego gratification, self-soothing reassurance, or a surrogate target that overshadows the original goal, rather than useful self-assessment.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/01/20 12:51 AM
2

I can't peer inside your mind to tell whether you're seeking validation, compensation for deficiency of Emotion, or simply a healthy variety... which is why I put these to you as questions. In my experience, when people are hung up on one specific thing (like CIM) instead of options from a range of similar choices, it's usually about validation and ego. It can be hard to peer honestly into your own mind without the ego and hamster deluding you, and there was something in your words that made me …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/20 08:02 PM
2

I crave the creativity and passion that a feminine woman brings. Women I have experienced in the past. The ones that know what they want and recognize with passion a man that provides it. The ones that think on their own about what pleases me, and therefore pleases her. The sexual tension, creativity, and confidence. The inquiring mind the emotional. Expecting or depending on others to fill up the gaps in your own soul usually fails; people tend to mirror and amplify what you bring to the table,…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/20 07:07 PM
3

Overcoming hard no’s on bondage. CIM. Real, honest, conversations about what we (I) need, physically, for the first time in our relationship. Are you seeking validation from her sexual submission? Are you seeking ever more physical variety in sex to make up for a lack of emotion and intimacy? If so, you will likely find the sex you want unsustainable in any LTR with any woman after the initial NRE or qualifying period.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/20 04:42 PM
2

Are you saying that you expect your wife to never leave you alone with your kids, because you can't handle them on your own?
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/20 02:52 PM
2

how would you address the above through actions, instead of words? When my wife fails to inform me well in advance of her plans that conflict with mine, I simply tell her "Sorry, I made other plans already," then (action) do mine instead of hers. She quickly learned she must coordinate well in advance with me to ensure my participation. Most of us at MRP advise against the sex moratorium. Why, exactly? Rejecting your wife tends to make her less sexually open and confident with you, making it har…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/01/20 03:40 AM
10

Women may choose to have sex with a desirable man for some personal combination of one or more reasons, including hormone driven libido validation mate retention mate competition emotional intimacy with a partner to make a baby Even with some attractions in play, most women will not voluntarily have sex with someone who displays unattractive characteristics; even a horny woman will choose to go home alone rather than fuck an undesirable man. Menopause doesn't change these redpill truths about a …
/r/askMRP06/01/20 06:39 PM
1

Good; I had written you off.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/20 05:14 AM
1

and later told her to wash the dishes as she gets finished baking her cakes or whatever. ... I stated calmly that she often will do some chore, only to half ass it i.e. bring in the laundry, only to leave it there for an hour or so, or until she can get to it. I understand she is busy and there’s a bunch of shit going on, but I despise this kind of half-assed-ness. Kid shit his diaper while I was bringing in laundry? Change his diaper and go back to completing what I was working on. I asked her …
/r/MarriedRedPill06/01/20 05:07 AM
10

The difference between a tyrant and a leader is that a leader has an attractive vision and mission, and compelling narratives articulating that vision that bring acceptance and motivated buy-in from his people. Tyrants just use their power to arbitrarily enforce their will. Be a leader, not a tyrant, if you want your people to love and support you instead of seeking to thwart and overthrow you.
/r/askMRP05/01/20 05:04 PM
10

I'm always happy to give my woman an orgasm or two ... when she wants one. I enjoy doing it, and so does she ... when she wants one. But sometimes she doesn't want one, and when you pressure her to have an orgasm for your sexual validation instead of for her sexual satisfaction (to make yourself feel virile or that you're a good lover), you make sex with you a performance for her in which she has to focus on the emotional labor of making you feel good about yourself instead of her own pleasure. …
/r/askMRP05/01/20 04:44 PM
1

piss taking sarcasm It's the go-to of betas everywhere, but it doesn't work ... it's usually just passive-aggressive and unattractive.
/r/askMRP04/01/20 06:44 PM
1

You failed this shit test because of your fragile ego, just like OP. You could have A&Aed, as OP should have, but instead you DEERed about your precious "holding".
/r/askMRP04/01/20 06:36 AM
1

Maybe you're more endearing to your wife than you realize... certainly many guys here are less so than they think.
/r/askMRP04/01/20 03:06 AM
2

I figured here is my chance to speak up and start implementing some of the things I've learned and let her know the screaming is not an acceptable reaction to the kids. I agreed they needed to help but then she started escalating, and getting mad. Fix your own interactions with her (stop operating in her frame; then develop your own frame) before trying to fix how she interacts with your kids and others. You don't yet have the frame to succeed; you can't even avoid DEERing. In the meantime, tool…
/r/askMRP03/01/20 09:56 PM
7

Establishing an “Emotional Connection” With a Woman http://marriedmansexlife.com/2014/07/why-being-asshole-alpha-works-for-about-six-months/ You're likely missing the Emotion in DEVI.
/r/askMRP03/01/20 06:48 PM
1

What have you actually owned here? You've gotten a new job, which is needed, but that merely restores some beta; it doesn't move you forward. Ask proper questions after I’ve put forth the effort to figure out the low hanging fruit in here. Not only have you done nothing, you have set yourself the fool's goal of cherry-picking a few of the easiest "alpha" things to "sprinkle" on your relationship in hopes of extinguishing the raging firestorm that's destroying it ... and you apparently can't be b…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/01/20 06:54 PM
1

over last two years since finding these concepts, have lost 20 pounds from 195 to 175, from 34-36 waist to 30-32, gained a blue belt in bjj and have competed half dozen times, went from enlisted to officer in military. I recently have begun revamping my wardrobe. I look great. I feel great. Testosterone high. Status high. You're a Dancing Monkey still operating entirely in your wife's frame. You appear to have mastered, or even just understood, exactly zero of the mental transformations required…
/r/askMRP02/01/20 05:18 PM
2

We fight the kids into bed 1) Make bedtime smooth and easy. I’m going to start a star system for getting to bed smoothly at night and see if I can drive a better experience with that. This is a faggot solution to a faggot problem. At ages 5 and 3, an hour of highly energetic and stimulating play with Daddy will exhaust them and they'll go to sleep easily. I’ve been pushing her for explicit admission of her submission to me (“who do you belong to?”, etc.) ... While I’d wanted to start to formaliz…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/01/20 01:57 AM
3

By repeatedly dodging your encouragement for her to step up and lead the remodel, while continuing to nag you to lead it, your wife has more than amptly informed you that she has no intention of leading this ... yet you continue to allow her to nag you about it with the covert hope that she will agree to lead it. The only possible outcome other than the current stalemate is that she "agrees" and gets it started then leaves it to you to take over management and salvage it after she neglects her d…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/01/20 01:02 AM
2

I also told her I need her to lead the remodel. You're crazy if you think your wife will actually follow through on this, even if she swears up and down that she will. Quit being a waffling beta faggot with her, and just say "No."
/r/MarriedRedPill31/12/19 06:26 PM
6

Doing this secretly or without first inviting her to join you is a near Main Event level statement of intention to divorce or cheat. Is that your intention? It had better be. This sounds like a misguided attempt to Dread your wife, based on a n00b misunderstanding of dread that will only generate negative "beta dread," which harms your RMV without increasing your SMV. You shouldn't DEER about your location and activities, but neither should you be secretive nor deliberately cut your wife out of …
/r/askMRP31/12/19 06:15 PM
7

Caveat emptor. These are symptoms of your extreme Nice Guy nature: You're very hesitant to discuss any issues that might cause hurt feelings or upset her, such as her finances or when to have children, which is why you're only learning these things now. Her reluctance to bring things up until shit hits the fan is a sign that she feels she must tread carefully to avoid triggering your butthurt over your nice guy hidden expectations and covert contracts. You're teeming with covert contracts about …
/r/askMRP31/12/19 05:25 PM
42

So you used alcohol to excuse yourself to sneakily sexually flirt with a neighbor without being prepared to own it, like a beta faggot; failed to speak and act congruently and own your desires and expectations when caught, DEERed, apologized, and crumbled into her frame like a bluepill beta, come here begging like a faggot for a bluepill solution to a problem resulting from your bluepill behavior. Supposedly you've been MRPing and OYSing for a month, but apparently all you have done is add a blu…
/r/askMRP31/12/19 12:09 AM
1

I have plenty of times wanted to get divorced, move to southeast Asia, and get a submissive little rice-country wife who would treat me like a god. My wife is not yet the submissive kitten that I would like. So far, I’ve been focusing almost entirely on improving my value, having an independent social life away from her, and lifting inappropriate operational burdens off her. She is very happy and contented, and approves enthusiastically of the new and improved me. At some point, I will need to b…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/12/19 01:06 PM
3

I want to master and have my wife submit to me again as I know I can go out and fuck a random bitch to sleep and sell her the dream of me being alpha. It's my wife who is now the challenge. You sound like a Dancing Monkey who is seeking validation from his wife. Neither is attractive or conducive to MRP success.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/12/19 12:50 PM
1

Hah. Bye. I said nothing. Giving your wife the passive-aggressive silent treatment isn't STFU. What does 'STFU appropriately' mean? Lets start with what it doesn't mean. It doesn't mean not talking and trying to silent treatment your wife like a retarded 5 year old.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/12/19 02:25 PM
2

Don't overthink it. Pick a program and stick with it for awhile. Don't worry; whether you choose to optimize for muscle or strength won't affect the outcome of your monkey dance.
/r/askMRP20/12/19 06:37 PM
7

Got married and gained 50lbs, got heavy into video games and drinking. Sex slowly declined, shes sweet but can't get physically wet for me, probably because of my massive gut and stretch marks on my thighs. You have an obvious explanation for why Even when I get laid it is low quality sex with an unresponsive pussy that need to be lubed up and feels wierd. yet you think this is a medical problem? HER medical problem? I hate the fact that she won’t go to the doctor and fix herself but it is out o…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/12/19 07:02 AM
6

Why are you continuing this relationship?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/19 06:00 PM
3

You claim that you're comforting your wife, but I suspect that it's mostly about comforting yourself. Stop providing massages, cuddles, and comfort unless she asks for it. Find a different way to deal with your anxiety without flooding her with your supposed "comfort."
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/19 02:34 PM
1

What did you actually do this week?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/12/19 01:46 PM
1

Point taken. must should consider mate guarding only
/r/askMRP16/12/19 12:52 PM
3

extreme scenario ... What is your risk/reward? ... Understand the rules of the playing field, then play your game. "The general who advances without coveting fame and retreats without fearing disgrace, whose only thought is to protect his country and do good service for his sovereign, is the jewel of the kingdom." as silly as a "public disrespect" In more genteel circles where faggots are unlikely to escalate to actual violence, this is a shit test of your status, frame, or social skills, in whi…
/r/askMRP16/12/19 05:52 AM
42

You must should consider mate guarding only when there is a public challenge to your Alpha or AMOG status... when you are being publicly disrespected or challenged by someone messing with your girl... just as you would to their messing with any other possession of yours, like your phone or your drink or your clothes. It's about guarding your status, not about guarding her. You can choose to extend your protection to others even when your own status is not challenged by the threat to them, but it…
/r/askMRP15/12/19 06:57 PM
11

Establishing an “Emotional Connection” With a Woman http://marriedmansexlife.com/2014/07/why-being-asshole-alpha-works-for-about-six-months/
/r/askMRP14/12/19 12:01 AM
1

Thanks for humoring my curiosity!
/r/MarriedRedPill13/12/19 02:01 AM
1

What bothered you more: the initial rejection itself, or that "but soon" turned into much later? Would you have been less upset if you had gotten a straight "not tonight, honey?" Would it bother you less if she had said "it'll be at least an hour"?
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/19 02:27 AM
3

The good news is there are guys posting to AskMRP that seem to be worse off than I am. How is this good news? This is just ego-protecting faggotry making you more complacent about your own lack of progress. This is your own personal journey. Quit comparing yourself to others and focus on maximizing your own progress.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/19 02:12 AM
2

until I apologized. ... I'm only slightly marginally sorry and feel like she over-reacted. Don't apologize if you don't mean it; that's the broad path to beta faggotry. If you must speak, always say something congruent with your own truth and frame. In this case you might say that "My intention was entirely humorous, and it's unfortunate that it came across as offensive." If that's not enough for her, let her be upset now and respect you later, instead of the converse. I just struggle with these…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/19 01:59 AM
1

When you know what is the immediate next action to take; you've done enough thinking. Act on it before allowing yourself to mentally masturbate cogitate any more.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/19 04:35 PM
2

Still blaming your troubles on her?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/19 05:51 AM
1

Your mind and mouth are whirring, but your body is not. Too much cathartic hamstering. Acta, non cogita.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/12/19 05:20 AM
4

It's all about your frame. You decide what you think is reasonable and right and expedient according to your worldview, OYS on the tasks you've assigned to yourself, and lead your family to do their parts while giving them ownership, which includes the freedom to suffer the mess or consequences if they fail.
/r/askMRP11/12/19 12:58 AM
2

You deserved this for not being forthright and dominant. If you really want sex now, tell her to come to bed now or pick her up and carry her right then and there. Being subtle and then resenting that she didn't choose to pick up on it is validation or beta territory.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/19 10:17 PM
3

Isn't it more likely that exposing her to redpill examples will highlight the contrast between them and your faggot beta self and amplify her contempt and resentment, instead of subliminally conditioning her to submit to a faggot as this post naively suggests?
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/19 09:11 PM
1

Good luck with that.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/12/19 05:25 PM
5

It's amazing what you can think of when you kill your ego and stop getting butthurt about supposed slights and power games. Just DGAF and have fun with these. They're all just bullshit, if you let them be.
/r/askMRP08/12/19 03:12 AM
10

Could you be any more lame or boring if you tried, OP? A&A this forever: What did you steal? "The Hope diamond. I was getting a ring made for you, but now you've spoiled the surprise." "JFK's secret sex diary. Can you believe that he fucked ... on the White House lawn?"
/r/askMRP08/12/19 02:47 AM
4

Women may choose to have sex with a desirable man for some personal combination of one or more reasons, including hormone driven libido validation mate retention mate competition emotional intimacy with a partner to make a baby Even with some attractions in play, most women will not voluntarily have sex with someone who displays unattractive characteristics; even a horny woman will choose to go home alone rather than fuck an undesirable man. Menopause doesn't change these redpill truths about a …
/r/askMRP07/12/19 09:36 AM
1

You're confusing different meanings of the term `validation'. In science, validation means quantitative evidence, but in the casual psychological sense as used here, it means emotional support or affirmation. And often these two senses conflict, as when a woman fakes an orgasm, and in most pornography's portrayal of pleasurable sex. /u/itiswr1tten's post points out the importance of evidence feedback to evaluate your progress (although you shouldn't rely mostly on your wife's response, since a s…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/19 06:00 PM
1

Relationship is primarily a roommate/parenting relationship. I have the clothes and grooming in place and social aspects are good. You're just Dancing, lazy Monkey style.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/19 04:40 AM
1

Are you enervating instead of energizing? I plan dates for us every Tuesday and Friday, I buy her gifts every week, take her shopping and out to lunch, and we spend most afternoons talking so she can express her thoughts to me and feel emotionally connected. I asked her to give up most of her freelance clients so that she would have more time to spend with family and on more important projects because we dont need the money she makes. At first she was livid but now she is extremely thankful for …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/12/19 04:20 AM
5

Not hitting the gym with regular frequency. Hit me hard guys. We're neither your cheerleader nor your mother, faggot. And when you marry your new LTR unicorn and expect her to be your new mother, you'll be deadbedroomed or divorced yet again.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/19 06:08 AM
1

Truthfully the reason I brought it up is because I'm getting irritated from waking up at 4am, driving the kids to school, running my business, coming home to a wife laid on the couch that doesn't barely move or speak, so I then entertain the kids, feed the kids, bathe the kids, and put the kids to bed. Are you owning her shit as well as your own? If so, stop doing it; it might be contributing to her problems, and it's certainly contributing to yours. Many passive people will allow others to take…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/19 05:53 AM
1

My wife hates me touching her arse or her tits (unless they are in her terms ‘warmed up’) so I really struggle with escalation. Maybe I am trying to move too fast, but I spend a lot of time getting slapped away! Is this how you would game a woman you were trying to pick up in a bar? If not, why would you expect it to work with your wife? AWALT.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/19 11:36 PM
2

Validation-wise - I had sex without ejaculating. Felt good. Sounds like a different type of validation, or passive-aggression.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/19 10:15 PM
2

I like that you've gotten past your ego enough to recognize some real weaknesses to address.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/19 10:09 PM
1

things can be more nuanced than that. "Needing" your wife to display genuine desire is different from preferring a wife who exhibits genuine desire. No doubt it can be, although I suspect that for most guys here, including OP, it's much more about validation then they care to admit to themselves, triggering all the DEERing about "preferences." Can I fuck a starfish? Probably, but I'd rather not. I only enjoy fucking a woman who has temporarily lost her mind and will do anything to provide as muc…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/12/19 05:25 AM
1

Being aware isn't the same as having objectives and a plan.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/11/19 08:00 AM
1

Do you have a "go" plan?
/r/MarriedRedPill27/11/19 08:49 AM
3

Needing your wife to display "genuine desire" is usually about your own neediness for sexual validation. Rian Stone has a good video on YouTube about this that I recommend you watch.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/19 06:58 PM
3

If a secretary or receptionist at your workplace doesn't like you, do you let it make you uncomfortable, anxious, and unproductive? No, you don't (unless you're a Nice Guy faggot); you mentally shrug your shoulders, act distantly polite with that person, and get on with accomplishing your objectives without any expectation of support from them. If your family takes in a stray cat into your home that seems to hate you but loves and is loved by your kids, do you get bent out of shape or angry abou…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/19 06:47 PM
2

I told her again that I don’t want negative baggage and covert contracts in our sexual interactions. Genuine desire to please each other, not negotiations. Don't replace negotiated sex with validation sex. Both are toxic to a long term sex life.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/19 05:02 PM
1

I told her matter-of-factly this weekend: "At this point in time I do not feel comfortable in my home..." You're telling your wife that you're dependent on her changing her behavior to fix your own emotional state. This is weak and admits beta emotional subservience, and you're entirely in her frame. It's not surprising that she has no respect for you.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/19 04:54 PM
2

Don't confine yourself to solitary activities; add some social to the mix at least every week.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/11/19 04:15 PM
2

I feel I missed an opportunity here to pull her to one side and tell her to "cheer the fuck up you miserable cunt or fuck off home" (perhaps with better-chosen words). Breaking her negativity with even stronger negativity doesn't sound like a winning strategy. Something like "you can choose to be more positive, for the kids' sakes as well as your own" or "is this negative approach to life best for the kids?" might have more effect. Or perhaps you're still taking her moods a bit too much to (beta…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/11/19 06:02 PM
6

I almost never see someone in an RP forum who is actually happy. In my observation, the unhappy majority are mostly relative newcomers, or guys stuck at some point of incomplete development, who cognitively recognize redpill truth but remain mostly bluepill emotionally, egoistically, and behaviorally. The dissonance causes stress and unhappiness. A christian analogy might be a man who has come to believe in God's existence, but has not yet been able to commit himself to Christ, or give up some m…
/r/RPChristians24/11/19 02:35 AM
3

Didn't say sorry, but overall apologetic tone. Not for the previous night, but for the calling her shitty part. I felt bad about it. If you're going to be apologetic, just apologize briefly and be done with it. When you must speak, always speak authentically! It's the lack of congruence and authenticity that marks the beta, much more than whatever words you say.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/19 08:51 AM
1

But what is the end goal here? Proper interpretation of the Captain/First-Officer model
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/19 08:31 AM
2

Us hand in hand against the world and everything it throws at us. ... This is the paradigm I had and felt. Nice narrative, bro. Too bad it's all convenient bullshit you concocted to convince your ego that your lifelong faggotry and failure is a positive character trait, so you didn't need to deal with it. Here's the real truth. You're such a deeply introverted loser that, at 47 years of age, your only "friends" in the world are your mother, who you may be about to lose, and your wife, who is by …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/19 07:32 AM
3

I've spent the last 18 years pursuing my wife for shitty starfish sex. Since taking the pill I have stopped initiating completely. I will no longer settle for that. ... I'm just not attracted to her anymore. So you stumbled across a subreddit where former faggots claim that they no longer have to settle for starfish sex, which immediately made you feel entitled to better sex and resentful that your wife isn't validating you by giving it to you. So you passive-aggressively stopped initiating, and…
/r/askMRP20/11/19 06:29 AM
2

You're a passive (and passive-aggressive) bitch, stuck in your wife's frame, waiting reactively for her to lead in the bedroom by figuring out and initiating sex that you might enjoy. Find your own frame, stop being a passive faggot, figure out what kind of sex with her would interest you (surely you must have some kink), and lead her to it.
/r/askMRP19/11/19 09:54 PM
2

Or, then again, maybe fighting back is still too much in her frame and therefore the wrong move. I've deluded myself into thinking that by standing up to her I’m holding some sort of newly found iron frame of my own, but in reality it’s still hers. You finally got it in three. By engaging a shit test on her terms, you have already lost as soon as you begin.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/11/19 05:46 PM
4

Your endless need for external sexual validation has destroyed both her pleasure and desire for sex with you, and yours.
/r/askMRP14/11/19 05:31 PM
8

Can you achieve scorched earth, say mentally / emotionally, while keeping the estranged wife (whom I don’t really want around) and my daughters (whom I really want around), and my plates on the side for my other needs? Has anyone ever done that? Or is that just delusional mental acrobatics? Who would want to live like this, in a permanent passive-aggressive standoff with a (not-quite)wife? This is just a beta revenge-fantasy. Let go of this shit; it's cathartic fantasizing you're substituting fo…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/19 04:19 PM
3

just calm ego-puncturing surgical strikes, usually delivered with a smirk. This is so fucking beta that it hurts to read it... and it hurts even more that you're proud of it. Faggot.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/19 02:53 PM
1

I want more than just a reasonably high frequency of reasonably good sex. I want raw desire and a little slut who will do any nasty thing I want just to keep me happy. Beware of seeking external validation from sex.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/19 08:35 PM
9

Discovering your mission will require all your strength. No. This is just like "a good marriage requires hard work" or "success is 99% perspiration" ... either a covert contract that hard work and suffering promise an eventual payoff, or an implicit humblebrag that you fully earned and deserve your success. On the contrary your mission, like your marriage, should be easy most of the time. Your thoughts should turn to an authentic mission unbidden in idle moments, because this is where your true …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/19 08:19 PM
2

so conditioned to her cycle that I enter my own Proxy PMS unconsciously. I know, who gives a fuck. But I do, because I had palpitations and shit. I could see how i was trying to control other people's behaviour and trying to predict interim behaviours and final outcomes. This amplifies the anxiety I referred to. I am so busy guessing other people plays that I'm not making enough of my own. I am not taking care of myself properly. It is an exhausting way to live. It's the beta way to live. But pr…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/19 04:07 AM
2

I want to be desired. This is usually about your neediness for sexual validation, which kills her desire. I want intimacy. Using sex for validation precludes authentic emotional intimacy. Pick one.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/11/19 03:25 AM
1

My main three areas of focus right now are health/fitness, career and guitar. I will still work on seeing friends at least once a week, but it is not my main focus at the moment. Beware of prioritizing what's easy for you (solitary activities) over what's important. I want to enjoy the fruits of my labor for being an attractive male in the ever declining sexual marketplace. The life of the top .01%. Introverted loners aren't attractive, however ripped and rich.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/19 05:46 PM
1

The little one was exhausted and stuck in a noisy room so they had a massive breakdown that I could not do anything about. we failed to plan around the little ones schedule so they had a MASSIVE breakdown at the end of the day. We eventually got the kid to calm down If a young child doesn't collapse into much-needed sleep within a few minutes after meltdown, their faggot father hasn't given them enough physical exertion to match their mental strain. Wear your kid out, every day, with roughhousin…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/11/19 03:07 PM
1

Hinted to my self-improvement while trying to avoid what specifically was in store. Lazy children and faggots always want to talk about what they intend to do or about how they're trying, because it's cathartic and makes them feel better without actually accomplishing anything, and because Nice People make positive mouth noises in response. This words instead of actions shit is what got you into this mess, and will keep you there. Your words don't mean shit to anyone at this point. STFU and just…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/11/19 02:31 PM
2

I should have STFU but I just kept DEERing. I wanted her to understand that I had problems and that I was trying to work on them. Lazy children and faggots always want to talk about what they intend to do or about how they're trying, because it's cathartic and makes them feel better without actually accomplishing anything, and because Nice People make positive mouth noises in response. This words instead of actions shit is what got you into this mess, and will keep you there. Your words don't me…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/11/19 02:24 PM
5

Now 5 minutes later she invites me to the bedroom as she changed her mind. This likely reflects her "responsive desire" being activated by your initiation and the drama. Learn Game to activate it deliberately.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/19 05:08 PM
1

High value displays Safe driver Good at math LOL if you think these are sexually attractive. The Beta is strong in you.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/19 05:00 PM
1

Beta me repeated in my head "if she really wanted me, she would initiate and/or take some control." Seeking validation through sex is a huge turn-off for your wife. Good sex requires Emotion, which you have to bring and inspire.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/19 04:49 PM
2

I'm rejecting sex I don't want trying to come from my own frame of not doing what I don't want to do. Or not having sex with a person I don't find attractive. I suspect that your "own frame" about not wanting sex with her is a reactive, resentful, ego-protecting. passive-aggressive beta "frame", and you're using the self-empowerment concept to justify doubling down on unattractive, beta P/A behaviors instead of changing them.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/19 04:24 PM
6

I am not physically or emotionally attracted to my wife. We are roommates and co-parents right now. This is my choice. I don’t want sex and am not attracted to her. This is not new, has been going on for a year or so. For the majority (not all) of new guys here, this lack of attraction is due to subconscious fear of rejection and bruised ego from rejection, or from your own resentment of her contempt and lack of deference coming from your low value and being in her frame. It's likely that you're…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/19 04:55 PM
1

I am able to self validate Your stripper episode says otherwise to me. Have some patience with yourself! Reprogramming your core personality is a long, slow process; it will take at least a year or two to internalize these changes. Your need to fix everything immediately is your anxiety talking; don't listen!
/r/MarriedRedPill17/10/19 01:42 AM
1

Rian Stone has a good youtube video about (my words) the validation-seeking self-delusion of chasing "genuine desire." Your attitude should be (his words) "Don't care; got laid." He has many more words on the subject which are well worth hearing if this is a concern of yours.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/10/19 01:19 AM
1

The problem comes when the object by which you are measuring your progress is external (i.e. other people). Celestial objects are for the most part consistent, however, most people are not. Yes. I try to regard human feedback, including negative emotional responses, as additional information to consider; I note their negative feelings, but only I decide for myself how I feel about it. Sometimes a negative response might even make me feel good ("You're an asshole!")
/r/MarriedRedPill17/10/19 01:00 AM
1

Thanks!
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/19 05:25 PM
2

It is pretty clear she doesn’t want to fuck. We're here to talk about what you want, not about what you think she wants and how you should react to that. Rule 9. I’m just no longer interested in negotiating duty sex once every six months. It's curious that you equate "initiate strongly once per week" with "negotiating duty sex every 6 months", since "initiate strongly" and "negotiate sex" are opposites to my mind. Initiating strongly (and unambiguously) is picking her up and carrying her toward …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/19 02:41 PM
3

It’s entirely possible that I have devalued my relationship entirely to zero as a protection mechanism and as such no matter what she does I see little to no value in it. It's a stage almost everyone here seems to need to kill their oneitis and beta... But it should be a stage, not the endpoint of your journey. Look at it positively; you have more room to grow!
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/19 01:11 PM
1

I want to be the leader, the provider, and the protector of my home and family, who cultivates authority with a strong, yet inviting frame. Lead them where? Provide them what? Protect them how, from whom or what? I guarantee that you have no idea, which makes this "mission" vacuous manfeelz. By listening to what I want, I put my priorities FIRST to achieve my goals in a decisive, focused, and well-determined manner. Your mission should be about those goals, not about the qualities you imagine yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/19 06:29 AM
2

This is such an important point. BPP built it into his deliberately deliberate program of slowly escalating Dread, but everybody seems to want to skip ahead.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/19 01:12 AM
4

what am I missing? Have I given so much comfort, that it has overwhelmed the effects of my own dread? I'm convinced I'm missing something, because if she's a reflection of me Maybe I'm still in dancing monkey mode, and don't realize it Your presumption that if your wife isn't responding, it must necessarily be you and not her, betrays a reactive, chase-her-response approach that is characteristic of a dancing monkey, even if your motives are larger. Don't get me wrong, it very likely is you! But…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/19 12:53 AM
11

"Valuable" and "replaceable" are different concepts, which u/Daddy_ThunderCock is somewhat confusing. An ugly painting by a long-dead great-aunt I never met is irreplaceable, but may have no value, sentimental or otherwise, to me. A thousand shares of Apple stock has large monetary value but is completely replaceable with another thousand shares of Apple. Because every human is unique and has a unique history, they (and meaningful relationships with them) are not interchangeably replaceable, unl…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/19 11:05 PM
4

The question for other men is: what am I missing? Have I given so much comfort, that it has overwhelmed the effects of my own dread? I'm convinced I'm missing something, because if she's a reflection of me, then I need to get my shit together. You're missing that you're a dancing monkey.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/19 05:13 PM
5

Because he's probably afraid of rejection, and just hamstering that he doesn't want to fuck her to protect his faggot ego.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/19 03:48 PM
1

I tried talking dirty a couple of times and my LTR said "quit it you sound like a cheap porn movie." Hilarious afterwards of course, but I still just don't get it and how to do it right without being a robot or dork. The replies to this comment have some good suggestions.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/19 03:34 PM
1

Well, what's interesting about being with you that would keep her interested? Money is boring, and your looks, however good, become routine over time. What value and interest are you bringing as a boyfriend, husband, and father that would continue to command her interest and attraction? There is nothing in your post suggesting that you're anything other than boring and worthless to a wife other than your beta bucks, which aren't sexually attractive.
/r/askMRP15/10/19 09:34 AM
2

This comment is majestic!
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/19 04:44 PM
1

We can't answer that for you. AMOG Yes. Current realities eventually override past memories, and the stronger they are, the quicker they do.
/r/askMRP13/10/19 04:05 AM
5

The time to ask these questions is before you commit to doing something, not after ... and the fact that you're asking them now means that these tasks are part of a covert contract. Follow through on your current commitments, and then reread NMMNG.
/r/askMRP12/10/19 08:17 PM
3

This is some of the most delusional shit I've ever read here; you're so hungry for validation, you're deluding yourself that stripper whores trying to turn a trick are really into you, and you're talking about bringing down a marriage with a woman who actually seems to care for you to chase this delusion. Your insecurity and anxiety are out of control, causing you to seek validation in hurtful ways, and to view everything negatively, which just feeds your anxiety and insecurity further. You must…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/10/19 06:46 PM
1

That's my "stop letting wife sit around playing video games while I do what she should have already done before I got home after a 14 hour day" strategy. The gratitude expectation was a covert contract part of that, but the premise of her needing to contribute more was there with or without it. You're a classic Type 2 Dysfunctional Captain. That post by u/jacktenofhearts gives you a high level road map to follow. OYS is a way for me to find my blind spots and learn more quickly. You might learn …
/r/MarriedRedPill11/10/19 04:53 AM
3

Isn't the mission a vision statement of what we want and strive to be? No. Vision and mission statements are very different. In any event, the point is not to have a mission or vision statement; the point to have a mission. Your better personal attributes vision simply makes you a better beta tool to be used by some alpha leader to serve his own mission and goals. Which is why most guys here write similar ones; for their entire beta lives they have learned to adopt their mothers', teachers', bos…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/10/19 03:06 AM
1

I'm saying I want her to remember/realize all the value I already bring to the table that she has stopped being appreciative of The BP Disney dream of every BetaBux ... Hey dude, let's have a conversation about a little something called the Red Pill. Aaannnddd I just read that and realized I'm expecting her to be grateful for Man101 basics... Not even that ... for Beta basics. The most basic RP premise is that beta providing behaviors don't create sexual attraction... and yet that's your strateg…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/10/19 11:11 PM
3

Just as you can't negotiate attraction, you also can't negotiate respect. Attempting to do so by calling it out and demanding something you can't enforce just shows that you're not worthy of respect... particularly when you're demanding a courteous response to irritating beta behavior. You earn respect by being a valuable man who provides value to people and missions he cares about, who knows his worth and doesn't give his time and energy when and where it's not valued, and whose value is made a…
/r/askMRP10/10/19 10:40 PM
3

This may also wake her up to how fucked she is without me out here, no way she can make it on her own no matter how many hours she works, and then who cares for the kids? Dance monkey, dance, and may all your covert contracts be honored.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/10/19 08:14 PM
2

A list of personal attributes is not a mission. It's what people who have always operated on other peoples' frames come up with, because they have no idea of what they want, and no goals that don't involve getting the approval and validation of others by helping them accomplish their missions.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/10/19 07:58 PM
2

STFUing a shit test isn't frame.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/10/19 07:42 PM
1

I'm saying make enough money to reliably provide for yourself and your family, by whatever means.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/10/19 06:40 PM
7

She then went on getting upset about how she's been exercising and eating right and that no matter what she tries she hasn't been able to beat her current state of mind and that she stays up until 4am unable to sleep from the anxiety/depression. I responded by saying that if she's having a hard time, she's welcome to wake me up and that I'm there for her if she needs to talk. She then began saying she won't do that, and how "everyone says they're there for me and it doesn't make one bit of diffe…
/r/askMRP10/10/19 06:27 PM
2

It’s all about them, they have no idea what men go through on a day to day basis. Poor beta baby boy, life is so haaaard, and the meany womenz only whine about how haaaard their own lives are instead of comforting betabois like me. Why, these ungrateful whiny bitches remind me of ... whiny betaboi bitches like ... OP. Your wife didn't make you beta; YOU did.
/r/askMRP08/10/19 08:06 PM
4

Read a bunch of posts in r/DeadBedrooms to find out why; their sexless unhappiness is your likely future, if you don't learn through dating how to generate and sustain sexual interest with your partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/19 05:16 PM
1

Sounds like you're the cuddling/comfort equivalent of a compulsive talker who constantly DEERs; you likely need a period of STFC (stop the fuck comforting) to get awareness and control of yourself until you learn to comfort judiciously and appropriately instead of indiscriminately. You should probably continue to cuddle with her in the morning once a week for the time being, so as not to remove all comfort, but otherwise get a grip. Why would a man expect or need others to comfort him? You're th…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/19 04:06 AM
2

"Withdrawing with love" means backing off when your wife doesn't respond positively to your attention or comfort, while still maintaining a benign, sympathetic, or positive outlook toward her ... Instead of being butthurt, offended, frightened, or intimidated by her negative or indifferent response. When my wife has had a tiring, difficult, or frustrating day, often she doesn't want my comfort, attention, or initiation; sometimes she prefers to work through it on her own, or use some other distr…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/10/19 05:40 AM
1

The tea / withdraw with love was a suggestion from man in the world. Withdraw with love, without butthurt. I never suggested tea! Withdraw with love, but not comfort, for sexual denial. In that moment, you're offering comfort through sex; she chose not to accept it, which is her right, but then why are you giving her a reward? Being loving doesn't mean being an unconditionally comforting faggot. Comfort can't be unconditional! Ever heard of "tough-love"? A man has to be capable of it. “I don’t f…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/19 04:15 AM
1

Only a few years behind you, most likely. Fortunately for me, you seem to have kept the devil so busy that he mostly neglected me!
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/19 02:05 AM
2

507 days here and finally some clarity from you... You girlfriended a hot-looking entitled princess cunt for the external validation, got her pregnant about the time even filling your faggot neediness for validation wasn't worth the cuntiness, compromised your life to "do the right thing," then doubled, tripled, and quadrupled down on that compromise ... and you feel trapped in this compromise you've come to hate, and you hate yourself for continuing to actively build yourself a stronger cage. T…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/10/19 05:34 PM
1

The impression I get when reading your posts is that your only pleasure is in working at improvement, as if you always feel inadequate and unworthy regardless of your achievements... or that you're uncomfortable inhabiting yourself, so to speak, and that this is your way of avoiding being alone with the self that you despise. I may very well be wrong, and you may just feel trapped between conflicting responsibilities and affections. Has there ever been an extended time in your life when you've b…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/10/19 04:21 AM
2

Somehow I’m failing to paint the picture compellingly. My goal is to do a better job of consistently sharing my positive vision of our sex life together. Every Beta thinks that if they could just explaaain it better and get her to reeeeally understaaaaand, she'll enthusiastically agree and become their sex kitten. It doesn't work that way. Stop telling her and STFU; instead show her with the SGM.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/19 08:05 PM
1

Do you like yourself?
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/19 04:38 PM
1

Ahhhh... Thank you for clarifying that for me; I just couldn't see it! The intent was that each of those phrases continued the first half of the sentence, which preceded the bullet list, as in I have punished my children [for the violation of rules, bearing specific punishments, both of which they were well aware, and for which they had been punished before, and for which they received the exact same penalty this time], while [I happened to be] irritated ... At the time a known rules violation r…
/r/askMRP30/09/19 05:49 AM
2

Yes, our love for our children is unique. The wife is very replaceable. Isn't yours? Not fully, no. She's the only mother of my children. And just as with still-close friends from my "youth", the 30+ years of close relationship, intimate knowledge of each other, and shared history can't be replaced; I don't have that many years left! Of course, I'm also missing out on new experiences with other women; there are plusses and minuses to everything. I don't need to discount the unique value-add my w…
/r/askMRP30/09/19 01:09 AM
2

I just don't think I could ever love a woman. My children are the only humans I love at this point in my life. Everyone else is cannon fodder. I'm truly sorry for you. I love my wife. I love my children. I love many other people, too, and it makes my life much richer.
/r/askMRP29/09/19 04:26 PM
0

This begs the obvious question -- why should your emotions trump theirs? They don't. That's precisely my point; they are allowed their emotions, as I am mine. Neither affects the rules nor the punishment in the moment. In each of these cases, it's clear that their punishment is in response to your emotional state, not because of anything specifically they did. Absolutely not. These were neither new types of crimes nor of punishments, but ones for which the rules had been clarified, and the punis…
/r/askMRP29/09/19 04:09 PM
7

"being loved". Its not fucking real. This is bullshit. Love is real. It just isn't what you thought it was... or more accurately, what, in your insecurity and weakness, you so desperately wanted it to be that you deluded yourself it was. Love isn't an unlimited insurance policy against failure as a man. Get over it.
/r/askMRP29/09/19 05:56 AM
1

One should always punish behavior, and never feelings. We feel what we feel, and it is what it is. Your child should be allowed to be extremely angry with little Johnny, and even to hate little Johnny, without being condemned for those feelings. Some behaviors are allowed in response to those feelings (she can choose not to play with little Johnny), but other behaviors are not allowed (she can't hit him in the head with a hammer, or call him a "poopy fuckwad" in polite company) despite those fee…
/r/askMRP29/09/19 05:39 AM
16

Only betas are hung up on being loved, because of your insecurities, lack of abundance, ego, neediness for validation, and/or covert contracts. This is a reactive mentality, and you are operating in her frame. An alpha is focused on loving. Operating from his own frame, he loves and gives as he feels like loving and giving from his abundance without keeping score. He isn't concerned about how women love; what matters to him is how he loves. He's not particularly concerned about being exploited, …
/r/askMRP29/09/19 01:56 AM
1

at which time she will be calmer, happier, Second half is a covert contract. Coming from me or anybody other than OP, it's a prediction, not a CC; it's a CC only if OP adopts it as the motive and expectation driving his behavior. "keep my emotions in check and not damage the psyche of a 3 year old who made some mistakes." is Explaining and Defending his parenting behavior as response to a shit test. “well I’ll tell you what, it feels good at 35 to be able to ... As opposed to you, who can’t keep…
/r/askMRP28/09/19 08:24 PM
0

Dispassionate, yes. Both the choice of punishment and its execution uninfluenced by the parent's emotion, absolutely yes. Actual punishment must be entirely for the good of the child, not about parents' feelings or frustrations. But complete lack of emotion while punishing, like a robot cop, or fake emotions like a Nice Parent, also seems vaguely wrong somehow, like one would be failing to convey important feedback, or soul crushing like a wireframe mother. (I'm not implying that you were advoca…
/r/askMRP28/09/19 12:04 PM
3

It's also possible that he is greatly exaggerating his wife's emotional outbursts, because he is hypersensitive to, and frightened of, his wife's emotions. Maybe he needs to "call a mobile mental health crisis line" as one of our panicked n00bs did years ago; his wife seemed to "miraculously recover" once he quit being such a frightened little faggot.
/r/askMRP28/09/19 03:58 AM
1

The standard advice here is "lift heavy weights" or "pushups" until the anger subsides, but yes, it's hard; there's no easy tool to reprogram your brain and emotions. Work at becoming aware of these dysfunctional emotions, and at choosing appropriate actions and behaviors despite these feelings. Many betas struggle with frame because they have deeply trained themselves to repress their true emotions in order to feel fake, "approved" emotions aligning with others' frames. Don't continue this beta…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/19 03:35 AM
8

The simple truth is that you cannot directly control your wife's parenting style. You can't force her to comply with your preferred approach, and even if you divorce she would get to parent your daughter her way, on her own, at least 50% of the time. And you're one angry lie away from seeing your daughter only occasionally during supervised visits. This is simply a boundary you cannot enforce, so don't try. You fix this by becoming the admired leader of your family, at which time she will be cal…
/r/askMRP28/09/19 02:27 AM
1

Dominance without Emotion often isn't effective.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/09/19 06:20 AM
1

The strong emotions associated with the reward or denial of external validation or covert contracts have often displaced the more authentic emotions of beta males, leaving an emotional vacuum as they begin to unplug.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/09/19 03:48 AM
1

I completely agree, as do many other redpillers.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/19 06:25 PM
1

As with dancing, you have to be a strong lead in all aspects of the dance; you don't "share" responsibility for bringing and steering the Emotional flow, for example. With good DEVI, the elements are inseparable. Dominance without Emotion, for example, quickly becomes boring, irritating, or painful once the emotional stimulus of the novelty passes, which is why so many newbies here report that their wives don't respond well to Dominant behavior.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/19 03:20 PM
1

I know the answer is that it all depends on your internal motivation, but it's easy to deceive yourself. What's the external marker? If you're inside her head, thinking or worrying about what she's thinking or what and how much she's desiring (and particularly if you're thinking about what she's thinking about you), it's about validation. If you're inside your own head, evaluating or worrying about how you're doing, it's about validation. Is the sex is all or only about her, or you, it's likely …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/19 06:53 AM
1

Stop using sex as the primary motivator. I think sex is a fine motivator, actually. But not validation-from-sex (which is what most new guys here are actually seeking at first), or how-many-times-I-had-sex-with-my-wife-this-week (the Dancing Monkey metric), or some other misguided goal that sex symbolizes for them. Sex in a LTR can be a "canary in the coal mine" for your performance as a man and boyfriend/husband/father, but focusing on resuscitating the canary instead of finding and fixing what…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/09/19 12:34 AM
1

Do you start incorporating it slower? Yes. I gradually added new, more dominant things; no need for an obvious or awkward "D-day."
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/19 05:17 PM
1

if I look down and she looks bored... that's just a mood killer. If she's bored during sex, that's all on you for being a boring lover, in my view. A failure to bring Emotion to sex. Desire might get her in bed with you, and start her off aroused, but it won't compensate for a lame lover for more than a few sessions. Consider that you're probably a bad lover; looking for her desire rather than your DEVI to overcome that is doomed to failure.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/19 04:26 PM
1

Your question about WHY I want more desire was unexpected. My first reaction was... isn't that what everyone here wants? Yes it is, but almost everyone who shows up here is a hard core Nice Guy who wants their codependent covert contracts fulfilled. So we can't simply assume without question that just because everyone here wants it, that it's the best or the right goal. Lots of great sex? If a completely inexperienced virgin had great desire for you, would the sex automatically be great? Would s…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/19 05:55 AM
1

It will take quite some time for that perception to change. 1000' rope.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 10:24 PM
2

Even though i’ve stopped my self from seeing her as a collection of orifices, the PE has not improved. Next step: stop viewing sex as a performance, for which you're judging both hers and yours. I need to lead in the bedroom, not as an excuse to fuck, but as an actual pre-requisite to get our relationship back on track. No wonder you're stressed about your "performance." Fuck that noise, and fuck her (figuratively) judging your performance in bed. And fuck your "beta shit goblins" judging your p…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 09:42 PM
1

Sounds like you've been running a "Dancing Monkey" Attraction Improvement Programme. And yet… there’s still very little desire from her. There’s certainly not the desire at the level we had when we were dating, and while she never turns me down, there’s just no animal hunger there. Sex is often good, but it’s never all out. Why, exactly, do you want more "desire" from her? Validation? (I suspect.) Intimacy? Confidence? More Emotional sex? What hole in your life or psyche are you trying to fill w…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 09:02 PM
1

why she feels she has to lie to me. Why does she? There is often some kind of truth behind that perception.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 07:38 PM
2

I love them. They love me. I play with my kids. Wife doesn't. She seems to hate them. I feel like I am always protecting my kids against her anger. You're a codependent enabler of your wife's bad behavior. No wonder she has contempt and anger for you, and keeps on yelling at them. You're also teaching your kids to be codependent enabling faggots, like you.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 07:25 PM
1

Your "Vision" is vacuous pabulum; what the fuck does it really mean, or do to guide you?
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 07:18 PM
1

Tried the Glover healthy masturbastion thing 2x. Didn’t work for me. Not sure how you do it with zero fantasy. That's precisely the point. If you can't do it without fantasy, then you're doing it for escape or validation, not for physical release. She was just finding life shit to talk about, like family logistics, and questioning me about things. It is extremely common for her to interrupt foreplay with dumb shit and normal conversation. And it really does turn me off because to me it demonstra…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 07:01 PM
2

she said I’m shifty she doesn’t know anything about who I am or what I do anymore, who I speak to, work or even what I’m thinking. I’m not sure how to handle that, I didn’t DEER I mainly just STFU as I dont really know how to respond. She's right, you know ... and you're right too; you really don't know how to respond, because you have no personal vision, frame, or narrative guiding your actions that you can express either to her or to yourself. You're just an unhaaaapy, negative guy aimlessly t…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 06:19 PM
1

She wanted me to communicate more overtly about it if this bothered me versus joking about it being a date and “being mad” about it, but that seemed like mate guarding and blocking branch swinging type activity. My OI attitude showed. No, it didn't. You came across as a wounded faggot who's too weak to overtly state and enforce his boundary, so who responded passive-aggressively by "joking" about it. When someone overtly asks whether you have boundaries regarding something, you have to give them…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 05:49 PM
2

The other 50% of the time she hates me and wants to see me fail because I am so arrogant. She "said" She wants to be her own captain one day. I laughed at her and said she was so cute. I asked her what she would do if she had such an insubordinate first officer? Would she keep such a person around who wished their downfall and sabotaged them 50% of the time? She didn't have a good answer. This is why you should never negotiate or seek formal agreement for your leadership. Now she thinks it's neg…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 05:30 PM
1

Still in monk mode on sex. I have not initiated and neither has the wife. This is okay for me as I no I am still unattractive Faggot excuse to cover up your lack of self-confidence and fear of rejection. and do not want to push for sex that does not interest either one of us. This is on you; make it interesting with the SGM and DEVI.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 02:30 PM
3

Had a blow-out with my oldest daughter, she was very cruel to one of her step-sisters, and the step-sister didn't do anything to deserve it. Oldest is undoubtedly my favorite and I had to severely punish her. Felt like I was choosing stepkid over my biological child, which I suppose I was. But isn't this best for your child as well? Surely your goal isn't to raise a narcissistic, entitled princess.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 02:02 PM
2

This falls in the "adulting" rather than "manning" list for me, but I agree that every adult should be able to prepare a good meal.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 01:53 AM
2

A top 10% guy, but not necessarily a top 10% "Alpha" (sexual attractiveness). Perhaps most of these "Manning" behaviors fall in the "don't be unattractive" category, not the "be attractive" list. The BP BB covert contract is that "adulting" really well should be hot. Some men replace this with a male self-improvement fantasy is that "manning" really well is hot.
/r/MarriedRedPill22/09/19 10:04 PM
3

I'm looking forward to seeing in which directions you take it from here!
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/19 02:59 AM
3

It's a wet and wonderful world! "Don't be unattractive." I'm sorry your now-ex-wife lost confidence in you and has put you through hell, and I'm glad you have built a new life for yourself largely on your own terms.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/19 07:20 PM
3

It's highly unattractive to me too, so I care. More than I do about 2 plates A2G, to be frank. But the fact that you choose differently from me makes my world a more interesting place!
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/19 03:15 PM
3

This man gets it! The list of things that make you attractive, and the list of things that make you unattractive if you can't or won't do them, are not the same. And it's much harder to hide from the latter list in an LTR.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/19 02:58 PM
1

It's "don't be unattractive."
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/19 02:48 PM
2

It's intended as a representative, not an exhaustive list, but yes, I agree with your additions!
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/19 02:46 PM
4

Could, not should. I've hired out my lawn mowing during several periods in my life when it made more sense. But when the guy was unavailable for a few weeks, I was able to do it myself, without spending hours searching for an alternate contractor. Manual labor isn't especially attractive to my wife ... but male incompetence is highly unattractive to her.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/19 02:36 PM
1

It's not intended to be an exhaustive checklist (there would likely be hundreds of specific items), but a representative sample that illustrates the general scope.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/19 03:44 AM
4

A great many did not have a father in the home. For many others, their mother dominated the family.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/19 03:30 AM
1

Agreed!
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/19 03:17 AM
2

Throwing a football and shooting a gun helps nobody (I fucking love shooting guns, but I doubt I'll ever, ever use that skill) These help me succeed in my male social matrix, so they're actually useful even though they're not functionally "useful." As social animals, we have to succeed with men as well as with women. Just moved 10 minutes away from him and it's special to see him. Then it's not too late; let remedial school be in session!
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/19 02:17 AM
2

Men have to survive and succeed in the male social matrix (MSM), as well as with women. I suspect that many typically masculine behaviors contribute to the former, but not particularly to the latter... and because we're men, we tend to admire and celebrate the former. Believing that these MSM-specific traits are also attractive to women is another wishful male projection/fantasy analogous to the BP BetaBux=attraction fantasy... just a different kind of blue pill. Edit: To refine that thought... …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/19 01:42 AM
1

To amplify on u/RStonePT's cautionary words, this is not a list of "alpha" (sexual attraction enhancing) behaviors, but of actions and capabilities that are, shall we say, "testosterone enhanced" (strength) or "encouraged" (assertiveness; boldness; male-typical interests) supporting both beta and alpha behaviors. The traits you list may similarly have masculine elements, but are not particularly Alpha. Don't confuse "masculine" with "alpha"; there is some overlap, but they're not the same.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/19 11:29 PM
5

These are largely "don't be unattractive" traits. They should earn you respect, but on their own not necessarily attraction. Don't think like a beta; you've still got to become attractive, in ways that appeal to her or other women. That said, I tend not to give value to those who don't appreciate it.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/19 08:05 PM
3

We've got Canadians, Brits, Aussies, Turks, Israelis, Indians, several flavors of continental Europeans ... and those are just the ones I recall.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/19 07:52 PM
1

Do you think my urge to fuck other girls is because of seeking validation? Likely not all of it, but if you're fucking your wife daily and you're still obsessed about it, most of it is.
/r/askMRP19/09/19 07:27 PM
7

I would hate to see a dude think this is his sexy checklist This is a "don't be unattractive" list. I hope nobody thinks that's sufficient. In other words, this list doesn't promise you shit; it just gets you to the starting line. Now go figure out how you're going to particularly be attractive.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/19 06:34 PM
6

Do you know how to do it yourself if necessary?
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/19 06:20 PM
2

We have sex every day of the week, sometimes 2-3 times in a day. However, I still want to fuck other girls. It makes me feel strong, happy when I got attention from them. You should work on killing your neediness for external validation.
/r/askMRP19/09/19 06:18 PM
1

I just posted a sort of response to this.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/19 05:44 PM
1

Dance, monkey. Dance! it is hilarious how my wife dread me /u/RStonePT has already said many times that the MRP program of dread is the male equivalent of a wife's branch swing; nothing new here.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/19 05:09 PM
1

Do you realize I'm one of the examples you used in your Emotion post? And you've linked that post to me in OYS comments multiple times now. I don't keep track, but it seems like a consistent challenge for you ... as it is for me. It's a bit of a moving target, which makes it even harder. I've read SGM 3x now and each time it makes me want to get 3 girlfriends and rotate constantly replace them as they quickly lose interest. FTFY. The problem is with you, not with your wife. (Ask me how I know...…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/09/19 05:26 PM
1

She likes the gaming, but it doesn't arouse her ... She still won't take orders and nearly kills the mood entirely when I give her any ... my inability to create sufficient immersion. It's very likely you're bringing little Emotion to sex for her, so it's not engaging. Emotion is most important; read SGM. with a tone of cuntyness behind it, which I handled by telling her what I really think then leaving I'm no longer invested in her feelings but I get annoyed very easily with her. I can go from …
/r/MarriedRedPill18/09/19 06:15 AM
1

NMMNG – Fogging. Wrong book, faggot. Sadly, NMMNG is likely the book you most need to comprehend.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/09/19 06:00 AM
1

I've been having trouble mentally getting in a place to initiate sex. Between her lack of cleaning, lack of self-care, lack of self-confidence, and general attitude towards life, I have not been turned on by her much over the last few weeks. I call bullshit. You're afraid of her emotions and of being rejected, so you don't initiate. And you hamster some excuse putting the blame on her, as you do with most things in your life that you don't own, which is most things.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/09/19 05:07 AM
1

I saw she had gotten into her frumpy pyjamas. I was butthurt. ... No swallowing, which makes me feel like a not so special snowflake. Boohoo. Your neediness for sexual validation from your wife is obvious, and unattractive. She likes me to be dominant, which I like too. Spanking, tying her up, light whipping, blindfolding. I’m into all that but after I get to certain point. I want to sit back and watch the show. Cowgirl, me with me relaxing and telling her what to do. ... Any insights on dominan…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/09/19 04:52 AM
4

It was a rhetorical question, and you still got it wrong!
/r/askMRP17/09/19 03:29 AM
11

"Authentic" doesn't mean "feral." You can talk with a woman without trying to fuck her immediately. Are Catholic priests who truly choose to be celibate in service to their own higher calling "inauthentic?" We all must regularly make choices between conflicting desires in light of our missions, values, and priorities; sex need not always be your highest priority. Authenticity rests in whether it's truly your choice, not somebody else's choice for you. Which case applies here is a question that o…
/r/askMRP17/09/19 02:14 AM
43

I’d love some personal stories that I could absorb. What happened when you transitioned from anger to whatever came next? What keeps you motivated? What was your journey like? I discovered this place looking for ideas to spice up my boring, slowly deteriorating sex life. This was never at the point of emergency nor my main priority in life, but having found some promising insights in SGM, Pook, and posts on game, I made it a personal improvement project to adapt them to my situation, and put at …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/19 01:37 AM
29

How do you find the balance between driving a nail into a board with a hammer, without leaving a dent in the wood? How do you learn how to tie your shoes just right so that they stay firmly on your feet, but remain comfortable and don't cut off the circulation? You experiment, intelligently assess the results, and adapt your technique until you get the result you want, with your wife. Or, you ask silly questions on the Internet because you lack confidence in your own frame or judgment.
/r/askMRP16/09/19 04:02 PM
2

cathartic Good call; he is likely gaining partial cathartic relief through his r/DeadBedrooms-esque whining and venting instead of doing anything useful.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/19 09:21 PM
1

At some point you have to seriously evaluate this option. (Perhaps a lower cost of living might balance the extra expenses?) But I can see that you'd want to try more before giving up. Once you can very reliably stay in your own positive frame, eliminate your own bullshit negative sniping, and remain unperturbed by hers, you might effectively employ overt narrative and apply consequences for her offensive behavior. I don't think you're quite there yet, but let's talk when you think you are.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/19 04:23 PM
2

There's something slightly off in the way he writes that makes me think he's somehow special... Edit: Maybe he's drunk when he writes these.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/19 03:42 PM
1

Good on you for still trying! Has she been a bit less rude or disrespectful to you? I hope you're also laying the groundwork for the "go" option; have you consulted an attorney to know better the financial implications?
/r/MarriedRedPill12/09/19 03:29 PM
3

I actually doubt that you will ... at least not with openness to anything you don't want to hear. I expect that you'll post next week the same incredulous BP whining about how unfair it is that she doesn't give you the sex to which you feel entitled, because marriage and covert contracts, that you've been posting for months, without any action or even any mental shift from your BP perspective. There's no RP Dancing Monkey or parlor trick that will make your wife honor your BP marriage covert con…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/19 05:48 PM
2

You can read my posts for my relevant backstory. Unlike you, I've actually accepted and applied, however haltingly, some of the ideas here that were new and surprising to me, and I'm having the best sex of my life these days, but there's still a lot of room for improvement in my DEVI and game.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/19 05:15 PM
3

Why would you ask me that? Because you find it so hard to get your head around it and cycle back to the same retarded shit that isn't working every week despite all the useful comments and discussion. Your brain appears unable to process or retain anything. treat people the way you want to be treated. She DOES. She wants a cordial relationship without sex, which is exactly what she gives, and gets. you get more bees with honey This is untrue for her; she's getting exactly what she wants from you…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/19 05:05 PM
1

Leave off the "I still want you..." qualifier; it weakens your initiation.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/19 04:43 PM
4

you would think most wives would GET IT Everything is amazing, great communication, family talks, trips, new exploring, laughing, talking of future plans (Just no sex, do not talk about or attempt it) Your wife DOES get it; she gets everything she wants from your relationship, including no sex with you. It's YOU who doesn't get it. Are you autistic? (Serious question.)
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/19 03:58 PM
1

First, congratulations on developing the strength to carry your wife up the stairs! It's fair to say she didnt like being picked up! Good on you, mate, for the boldness and courage to try it. You're giving your wife many chances to enjoy a rich married life with you, while sparring with a difficult partner to develop into a man who will attract some women. Keep working on your frame, and eventually you will know whether it's her or you. Experiencing your strength and boldness might affect her re…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/09/19 03:35 PM
1

If you're OYS, her attitude with you is really about her projecting her own mental bullshit onto you. Don't be a codependent, enabling faggot by accepting her bullshit frame, but do have enough sympathy to respond from your frame to her root emotions and pain with positive empathy when warranted, or with indulgence from your abundance of positive confidence, capability, and energy. AM is underrated at MRP, because faggots don't have the frame for it. But it's my main response when people are act…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/19 07:53 PM
2

I've seen people around here refer to a second anger phase. I'm guessing that this currently applies to me. The anger/resentment has proven to be much stickier than I'd imagined. It seems to just stick to my soul. This is your Dancing Monkey Covert Contract that if you make an effort to improve, you're entitled to the sex you want with her.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/19 07:09 PM
5

Later that day she was trying to be playful and a bit more loving. Sorry bitch, no. Stop being a passive-aggressive bitch, faggot. Alphas don't offer fake options (dropping her off at the condo) as covert loyalty shit tests that will be held against them; this is a bitch move.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/19 06:28 PM
1

Why do you respond differently with your wife?
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/19 02:30 PM
1

How would you respond to one of your kids freaking out about their missing flask before school?
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/19 01:13 PM
1

Your root problem is frame; you immediately fall into your wife's frame and become reactive to it rather than leading with your own in any interaction with her. Your wife's frame here is that she is stressed and anxious about getting the kids off to school, and any disruption to the process overwhelms her with anxiety, which she then projects outwardly into criticism and blame of others. This is really about her difficulty in handling her own stress and anxiety, but her frame projects the proble…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/19 05:52 AM
3

Amused Mastery with a relaxed "father knows best" feel is my go-to in these situations. I don't let the insecurity, anxiety, and emotions of my wife or anyone else affect my frame or my confidence in the shit that I own.
/r/askMRP09/09/19 02:50 AM
1

I responded with... "hahaha fuck off... you sound like my mum! STFU" And thereby demonstrating your beta butthurt that mommy/wife didn't recognize and appreciate your work. Get out of her frame! Respond with positive A&A "Before or after I saved the world?" "I taught our youngest child integral calculus/to read sanskrit; he's ready for college, once he's potty trained!" "Yes, I set a new world record in the deadlift, so I'm a bit peckish." "I brewed some aphrodisiac tea for you and me. Have a cu…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/09/19 09:53 PM
9

The thought of lying on my deathbed only having fucked a couple of women despite being at the absolute top of my game and getting daily IOIs is eating me up inside. My wife doesn't respect me TL;DR: I'm a Career Beta who desperately wants external validation from other women that I'm not getting from my wife ... surely in part because of my codependent neediness for validation from her. I have no real male friends to provide meaningful validation: I have a few friends but ... Most are dads who l…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/09/19 04:21 PM
1

"Don't talk about fight club" doesn't mean you can't sometimes talk about fighting.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/19 04:11 PM
2

she muttered something about lack of remorse yesterday. Flip the narrative, as u/weakandsensitive or my other comment suggest. In your frame, she should be showing remorse if she doesn't like the current situation, not you.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/19 04:01 PM
2

if I am giving an honest assessment. I spent this entire time mentally prepping for an exit. I don't think I ever wanted to save my marriage, sure I told myself I did but in reality I just wanted to break the codependency and oneitis. This was necessary, as it was always a possible outcome of your changes. Maybe you weren't strong enough then to simultaneously be vulnerable to renewing your marriage with your wife on new terms. But perhaps you are strong enough now? One of the things she said wa…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/19 03:49 PM
1

I only put this out there because its hard to tell if I'm making decisions from an anger phase I'd say that you're still in a BP "dancing monkey" phase, not really RP at all. Swallow the pill.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/19 02:59 PM
6

Truthfully I am giving her her space and staying busy away from her. How about assertively spinning some vision and narrative about what your relationship could and should be going forward, instead of sitting back like a big beta waiting for her to leave or lead? This is the "teachable moment" when you finally have her attention; don't waste it. Coach your quarterback, Coach!
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/19 05:43 AM
1

This whiny, "she... she... she..." post could come straight out of r/deadbedrooms. Dance, monkey; dance.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/19 05:29 AM
1

But I worked out it was expectation and entitlement that she performs a certain role for me This is a covert contract. Is it time to reread NMMNG?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/19 05:19 AM
1

One positive is I’ve genuinely stopped seeking sex for validation. I’m not as interested in sex These usually go together for a time, because much of your prior "libido" was desire for validation rather than sex.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/19 04:29 AM
4

it's amazing how well women work at getting you to submit to them. This is a beta excuse that falsely projects the blame for your own faggotry onto your women. Stop DEERing about why you're still a beta faggot.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/19 02:20 AM
2

I was trying to avoid the subject and was deflecting, “I know, crazy huh?” “Some guys…” “Look at the blah, blah, blah over there…” She wouldn’t let it go though and said, “I know you have an opinion on this and I really want to know.” I was cornered and couldn’t think of a way to deflect Why are you afraid to speak your mind from your frame to your wife? Probably because you have no frame... That is when she said to me “I am completely replaceable to you, aren’t I?" She told me my theory on rela…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/09/19 12:30 AM
11

Hello, Walter Mitty! This is the standard beta turn-the-tables revenge fantasy, with the standard beta goal of finally getting the glut of external validation you crave. Don't learn and apply redpill techniques merely to achieve better beta goals; this will doom you to dissatisfaction, as you are finally beginning to realize. You must learn to self-validate and get past your need for external validation to find reliable happiness, in both your life and your relationships.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/19 07:55 PM
4

I got a shit test on Thursday night about being “shady”; not telling her about everything I did during the day or everywhere I went. Was it a shit test, or a shitty comfort test? Sounds more like the latter to me. Edit: I suspect you're playing Mr. Mysterio Confusitus about your whereabouts in an attempt to generate some retarded beta dread. This is a misguided n00b misunderstanding of dread that harms your RMV without increasing your SMV. You shouldn't DEER about your location and activities, b…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/19 07:17 PM
1

Most of the ball-breaking types I know play at being fun and edgy and tough, but snipe only with poisoned barbs from behind dark protective walls of cynicism, sneering and negativity. Over time it becomes tiresome and unattractive; it chases away the pleasant people, and trains those who remain to put up their own walls of negativity, distance, and indifference. Congratulations; now they've taught their wives to fear being vulnerable and open with them, and have a dead or dying bedroom. But hey,…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/19 06:26 PM
1

Yes, keep initiating while decreasing attention. From the Doctor of Dread, u/BluepillProfessor, on this. Finally, STFU is also confused with Dread Level 4: BEGIN conditioning your: --TIME --ATTENTION --AFFECTION --PRESENCE to your wife with her sexual availability to you. These are in ascending order of severity and you need to do this VERY SLOWLY. ONE AT A TIME OVER WEEKS AND MONTHS, NOT DAYS. I have an entire Chapter on this in My Book but here is the summary: First, in response to a sexual de…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/19 05:34 PM
1

Good on you, Foxy! Try different ways, for fun and practice; it'll help with the affair or go option as well. Don't forget that your eyes and body language are more powerful than words. Once you're strong enough to pick her up, try using that.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/19 04:43 PM
1

You have to act in your own interest How do you define "your own interest"? Your income? N-count? Number of hours spent playing video games? Souls saved for Christ? Time/effort/success of your missions? Value given, or received? You need to know what that even means, for you; most guys don't.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/08/19 02:36 AM
3

Flirt, Foxy; always flirt! Negative though she may be, she's still reaching out to you for connection, even at 4 AM; there is a desire for a relationship that you can build on. This is much better than apathy. You "simply" need to Learn and display attractive, positive masculine behavior, Lead her to behave in a positive manner that's pleasing to you, and then Enforce some boundaries and expectations regarding giving your now valuable attention and comfort. Comfort can't be unconditional.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/08/19 02:04 PM
1

"If only I had known that my Sleeping Beauty wasn't sleeping ... I would have kept you awake!" "... 'rose' and shown!"
/r/MarriedRedPill28/08/19 08:02 AM
6

The wife has had a difficult day at work she is tired and in pain, I owned the shit and did everything in terms of owning the house and taking care of the kids. The following day I get up early, I have energy in abundance and own my shit. I play with the kids and clean the house so she can rest, shes been up a lot in the night in pain Keep a careful balance here. It's important that you can and do cover for her when she's incapacitated, and that she knows she can count on her Oak. But it's also …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/08/19 06:15 AM
3

"... I'm eating." is DEERing. Simply say "Go for it." or "You have my permission" without explaining or justifying your reason for not doing it yourself.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/08/19 07:43 PM
1

After one rejection, I went and jerked off, and my wife asked if that's what I was doing. I responded yes, and she seemed pretty upset. Her problem, not yours; don't make it yours. She is responsible for both the consequences of her decisions, and her feelings about those. It's not your job to mitigate them.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/08/19 07:23 PM
2

stopped giving a shit so much about sex. Haven’t really initiated much lately, although I’ve been continuously gaming and kino, but recently stopped shy of fully initiating. Just haven’t felt like it much. She said “really, we just did it a couple days ago, I could go FOREVER without sex”. She’s said this in the past before MRP, and likely meant it. Something different about this time. 1. I didn’t give a shit, and wasn’t phased by that Good on you for getting past your sexual validation issues!
/r/MarriedRedPill27/08/19 03:58 PM
2

Sex - inadequate - duty on demand, but not fulfilling. She doesn't really want to be doing it, she does it to stay in my picture. Consider whether she lacks desire because sex with you is bad and boring for her, likely because your DEVI is unbalanced, focusing only on D and the physical, with little Emotion, and sex is still partly about validation for you, which is a huge turnoff for her. It's convenient and easy to blame her, but my guess is that it's as much or more that you're a bad, boring …
/r/MarriedRedPill23/08/19 10:53 PM
2

Am I close? Yes. belittling towards me When I'm generally owning my shit and I know it (which is much of the time!), I'm self-validating about it, and the praise or criticism of others has no effect on me. I tend to feel more pity for whatever ego or psychological issue is causing them to belittle me, rather than anger on my behalf. Always remember that if you're OYS, their bullshit is really about their issues, not about you. When you're truly past your need for external validation, you can eve…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/08/19 04:21 PM
2

as for the ace/gray article, my wife pretty much checks all those boxes. i have made great strides in coming to terms with the fact that no matter what i do, i will never be able to change this It's a really convenient excuse, isn't it? Because it both salves your ego by blaming her nature, and excuses you from doing anything difficult to fix it. There are more than 150,000 "HL"s over at r/DeadBedrooms who are clinging to the same excuse to justify their destructive, unattractive behaviors. Vali…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/08/19 03:44 PM
1

What action can I take? Perhaps you can't help her. You certainly can't until you get your frame right, and it sets the tone for the household. But if and when it does... Perhaps if you stop your pursuit to "connect or open her" but with love, she'll start crawling out of her wounded, negative frame to bask in the sunlight of yours/the family's. Perhaps you'll be able to gently call out her negativity with sympathy and OI instead of butthurt, and help her realize that she will be happier by adop…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/08/19 02:46 PM
7

me seeing her fully naked for the first time in 5 years ... I have not felt at all aroused since, desire for my wife died that day and I can't get past it right now. You can fuck a body, or fuck a person. They're not separate, but neither are they the same. Only the latter leads to intimacy. Which you seek likely says more about you than the body/person of desire. Surely attractive older guys with options who still desire and fuck their wives remain attracted to and engage the whole person, not …
/r/MarriedRedPill21/08/19 10:15 PM
3

So many special people with their special labels. Labels can bring clarity that spurs action, or provide an excuse to defer action. Guess which applies here ...
/r/MarriedRedPill21/08/19 02:21 PM
2

We're all autistic or idiots in one way or another; glad I could help a fellow retard!
/r/MarriedRedPill21/08/19 06:33 AM
1

Yes. I'm getting better at it, but still, yes. Well, no wonder then! Fix that. You picked up on that rather easily considering I'd not really noticed it. It's not that hard to see ... if you're not an autistic engineer! :-)
/r/MarriedRedPill21/08/19 06:24 AM
1

My problem is that I will say what I really think, but then in the next sentence try to mitigate it with over comfort Is this because your first "what I really think" is an autistic-engineer-honest statement devoid of any "on your side" element, so then you have to overcompensate to bring that in? They have to be blended together, not delivered separately, like egg and flour instead of a cake.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/08/19 06:11 AM
3

short fight on Saturday with her exclaiming “I’m tired of you”, after I said I was tired of something else. OMG, did she hurt your widdle fee-fees with this infantile remark, after you hurt hers with a similarly infantile statement? I'd just laugh with a 5 year old, let alone an adult, who made such a lame comeback. Wait ... are you 5 years old? Aren't you a bit young for MRP? 47 years old. JFC... This is perhaps the hardest part of the relationship. This is your biggest problem? What are you, 5…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/08/19 05:45 AM
1

If I try and set a boundary (to the best of my ability) or politely ask her to stop belittling me in front of the kids You clearly don't understand boundaries. STFU often does not work. She just keeps pushing and pushing until I engage or leave. This is what WISNIFG is for, you faggot. I fully took the red pill 12-14 months ago and I’ve not gotten very far. Maybe it's because you haven't done any of the hard-for-you work that's needed for your situation: I’m still afraid of confrontation somewha…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/08/19 05:19 AM
4

She also thinks shes pre-menopausal and its all hormone related. At 36? Very unlikely, although she may believe it. my wife is something of a unicorn. LOL; every newcomer here thinks this! she claims she's 'asexual/demisexual'. Also unlikely, although she may feel and think so. More than likely your disgusting neediness for sexual validation has made sex with you unpleasant and stressful emotional labor for her, which has made her sexually averse with you. The odds are that she's not asexual but…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/08/19 04:47 AM
2

It got brought up time and time again as an example of how I wasn’t ‘supportive’ although it was the honest truth. Congruence with reality as I perceive it is a core value for me, so I would push back on something like this with either negative inquiry, or with a one sentence narrative like "In my view, truly 'supportive' requires being both on your side, and honest with you." My core values are boundaries that are always enforced and verbally clarified as needed, not subjects to be negotiated.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/08/19 04:12 AM
4

Knowing only the experience of adopting others' frames as a mask to hide their true selves, career betas assume that frame is yet another mask or false persona to adopt in order to display alpha behavior, and to hide or shield their natural reactions and emotions. Often this mask is an extreme form of STFU, or they fake stoicism or outcome independence by behaving like an emotionless robot. This in fact goes in precisely the wrong direction; developing true frame ultimately requires stripping aw…
/r/askMRP21/08/19 02:27 AM
3

Many times I sense a little J10 in your posts - they aren’t quite as verbose but they hit at the heart of the matter and are able to deconstruct things to their rawest form. That's high praise - Thank you! You and I don’t always see eye to eye as I tend to the more hardcore red spectrum Having never had a utopian BP worldview, or a dead-bedroom/affair-discovery or other come-to-Jesus moment of crisis as have so many "hardcore reds", sometimes I wonder whether only those who have experienced rock…
/r/askMRP21/08/19 02:19 AM
9

... her ... her ... she ... her ... she ... her ... The focus is on my wife It certainly is. This is OYS.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/08/19 01:41 PM
26

If I allowed her to become so bored, that is on me. This does not excuse your wife's emotional affair, but ... Yes, life and sex with you is BORING, because Good sex requires Emotion, and you suck at it. You're a typical imbalanced lover as discussed in SGM with lots of D but little E, which is likely the most important. You're a tough-talking, insecure faggot who masks and represses his emotions behind an inauthentic "alpha frame" but who comes across to others as an emotionally stunted robot i…
/r/askMRP19/08/19 08:03 PM
3

Here's the link for /u/threekindsoflucky.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/08/19 04:13 PM
1

As always, your comments are elegantly succinct as well as insightful.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/19 10:12 PM
2

looking to get a job as a web developer. Doesn't pay very well and often unstable employment. Consider a trade.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/08/19 09:57 PM
3

How do you keep the intimacy and love connection without turning into a faggot? What's really going on is that you're incidentally getting some of the following right in your study sessions. Establishing an “Emotional Connection” With a Woman Expressing Emotions Like A Man How do you maintain the balance between dread and comfort? The right balance depends on your own personality and characteristics, your wife's, and your preferred tradeoffs between sexual and other relationship tensions, comfor…
/r/askMRP18/08/19 07:37 PM
2

Sometimes I imagine that others will read and benefit from a particular comment, even if the OP won't. Occasionally I feel generous. And in this case, OP was directed here from a "nice" sub (ah, the irony, /r/NMMNG!) and blindly posted here expecting a similar "supportive" culture, and got a culture shock. Now he should have read some here before posting, but in my fleeting generous mood, I had a hunch that maybe his error was due to excessive plugged-in trust in the benevolence and "niceness" i…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/08/19 03:13 AM
5

Your wife manipulates, diverts, and controls you by triggering your insecurities and emotions just as I did using only 38 printed words. My negative tone induced a reflexive defensive emotional response that totally distracted you from the same good advice you got on the NMMNG sub, just as your wife's bullshit is used to distract you from whatever she's trying to avoid with you. Edit: Is this really how you want to live your her life? Is a "warm welcome and support" really what you need right no…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/19 05:07 PM
8

Yes, both HSE and LSE women exist, as do both HSE and LSE males. (You are clearly LSE.) IME, PFP accurately describes HSE women; read the book. Now that you have my validation of the HSE concept, feel free to go hamster away whatever red flags are bothering you, or to validate your LSE ego with whatever delusion you're too ashamed to share with us overtly, as a HSE man would.
/r/askMRP16/08/19 03:26 AM
1

I don't know how to navigate this. I can't seem to tell what I should do. STFU, you codependent faggot. Own your shit, and let her own hers. If she really wanted your help, she would work around your schedule; this is just shit-testing, and you're failing. Actually read NMMNG; it's all there.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/08/19 04:18 PM
3

Some people can't see the rodent for the fur.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/19 03:58 AM
1

I'll be posting my lifts and my weight here weekly since that is the main thing I need to work on. LOL
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/19 01:00 AM
6

Not sure whether to praise you for asserting your desires, or condemn you for your beta neediness for sexual validation I needed a woman who wanted and needed to suck my dick. Regularly and for her happiness. and for negotiating attraction. Both, I think. I hope your wife is a good actress; enjoy her moaning blowjobs and fake orgasms to salve your faggot ego.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/08/19 12:37 AM
3

LOL if you expect anyone (other than yourself) to believe that this My motivation is to lay out a clear framework of what I want. rather than this having something like this would take away all power struggles and head games. is your main motivation. /u/hack3ge saw it immediately. Run hamster; run!
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/19 08:40 PM
2

I get on here and see a bunch of assholes banging their wives daily and think I need to do that. I've initiated sex lately just to see if I can get it, which is dumb. You're a sexual validation whore.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/19 07:26 PM
8

Whatever you do, don't drop your outside social life and activities to cocoon with your wife in your private fantasy D/s paradise. Dread and abundance will evaporate, oneitis will return, and your little sexual paradise may turn into a hell.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/19 07:21 PM
3

I have a tendency to equate being very "Alpha" and leadership oriented with being an emotionless robot incapable of intimacy. Highly attractive men don't hide or suppress their emotions; they express their emotions like a Man.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/19 06:46 PM
3

I want to STFU, but if she's legitimately asking what she needs to change, I owe it to tell her. Does saying nothing still apply here? The issue here is that right now, you likely know neither what not-a-faggot you will want, nor how she will naturally behave with a better you. STFU for now.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/19 05:36 PM
3

I have nearly finished the contract for an L/s relationship. ... I can also see how having something like this would take away all power struggles and head games. Trying to use this contract to negotiate away challenges to your weakness as a leader will be a disaster. Your motivations are entirely backwards from where they should be for this.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/19 04:54 PM
3

If I were to leave the company would die. I'm effectively supporting two households. I feel trapped and frustrated. It sucks. I'm trying to find where I fucked up here but it seems difficult. Maybe an outside perspective can tell me what I'm doing wrong? Read and apply WISNIFG.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/19 04:29 PM
2

that my wife shares ownership of our sexual relationship. For me, right now, I’m tired of trying to “do it right” to get a reaction from her. ... The emotional stuff is there and important, but my highest priority now is becoming a man she actually gives a shit about keeping. Fair enough. This raises questions that haven't been fully answered in the RP LTR context. With its roots in PUA, and the belief of many redpillers that LTRs aren't RP, RP theory focuses on attraction and dread for getting …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/08/19 05:39 AM
2

Did you do a post on this? Yes, thanks to you. Good sex requires Emotion. This is hard for most of us ... which is surely why so many aids or crutches creating a context to make this easier are popular. The primary purpose of roleplay, cosplay, games like strip poker, spin the bottle, sexual card or board games, perhaps even D/s, is to provide a context for emotion-laden sex talk and behavior that makes it easier to get it started and to keep it going. Try some of these. I've enjoyed a variation…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/08/19 09:16 PM
2

Something noncommittal and not very interested like "Interesting." or "Weird." or "Are you planning on dying anytime soon?" or "You never told me you had cancer." or "Then I'm lucky she's attractive." or "Better her than [ugly or old or difficult friend of wife]." Don't play or encourage these types of silly mind games. They put you in her frame.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/19 11:58 AM
1

If only I knew what I know now 25 year ago. Yeah, don't we all. Cry me a fucking river. my wife Sounds like she's given you more than you deserve. Deserve more.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/19 05:02 AM
2

no gym within an hour of here. No lifting, middle of nowhere shit. A beginner can make great initial gains with a well-planned bodyweight program. Fuck you and your lame excuses. Rational Male started (never finished - only had the print copy and travelled away from it). This is all online at his website. Fuck you and your excuses.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/19 04:43 AM
5

But it eats away. If pressed she still claims how noble and pure he was, how he loved her for herself "without wanting sex" (though all they did together was fuck). How he selflessly gave up his true love for her so as to not break up her marriage. You (should) know that this narrative is about her salving her rejected ego, not about him, or you. You can see I'm in a bad place about this, reliving all the pain I had when I first found out, plus anger at 36 years of being lied to, etc. ... I'm th…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/08/19 04:22 AM
3

How would you interpret this? Stay out of your wife's head.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 08:16 PM
2

So now my plan is to initiate a ridiculous amount. This is kind of stupid, too.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 06:44 PM
1

This is more a proof of her being a bitch. She is using every situation to bitch. What else is she going to talk about with enervating, boring you? Maybe if you flirted with her, or were at least somewhat interesting to talk with, she'd find something more entertaining to say.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 06:37 PM
3

I need something about getting her out of the mommy persona. There is a concept for that called being “touched out”. Take your kid away, every day. Of course she's going to be "touched out" if she never gets a break from Mommy Mode. She may also develop a Mommy Hero/Martyr complex and stop feeling she needs to be a wife. She will also lose respect for you if you act like a weak faggot who can't care for his kids, as she easily does.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 06:25 PM
3

still struggling with being in love with my wife. You sound a bit too entitled and resentful for a guy who's been here a year and yet has only finished three books, is just learning to say "no", and has yet to develop a social life. Are you just "sprinkling alpha" and expecting miracles in return?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 05:28 PM
2

She's very resistant to anything different. Anything? Or just the purely mechanical physical "variety" of positions, holes, speeds, and cumshots seen in porn in tedious compensation for the lack of any intimacy, and any emotion other than the thrill of the slightly taboo or degrading? I suspect that you're selling your wife, and yourself, short because you're afraid of the vulnerability required to bring Emotion to the bedroom.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 05:13 PM
3

keeping the older two children out of my wife's hair while she focuses on baby. Make damn sure you take some ownership of your infant as well. Take it away for at least 30 minutes after it nurses (say for a walk outside) to give your wife a break from the constant oxytocin drip and to remember that she's a woman as well as a mom, and that it's your child too and you're fully capable of taking care of it.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 04:51 PM
7

If it's any comfort, you're not alone in this. Keep shoveling!
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 04:34 PM
6

Wife is still sleeping in other room. ... Has told me she has zero spark left for our relationship. She started therapy. ... when I got back she was there waiting for me with bags saying she had to go stay at a hotel, having a massive panic attack. ... She told me she would be willing to consider couples therapy for the kids sake, and we are going to talk more tonight. You're in this current mess because two weeks ago you ran your faggot Rambo mouth and spewed hurt, resentful BP vomit instead of…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 04:26 PM
3

And I'm still upset--not about her response, but about our relationship where it is now and all the years I've wasted on her for this result. My resentment has grown, and it makes it harder every time to reset, game, and initiate. Beta guys show up here when searching the Internet for answers as to why they're not getting the sex and respect to which they feel entitled. They read words on glowing screens about guys making themselves more attractive and getting the sex they want, so they start th…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 03:57 PM
9

There are still covert contracts in me, and I get pissed when they’re not fulfilled. ... The biggest revelation in all this – is that I’ve been a real dick to my wife when she has been trying. Things were in a better place than at any other time in our relationship, and I got angry because it wasn't good enough (because of ego and validation). I’ve been downright cruel to her. This isn’t alpha – this is just being a dick. ... where you are constantly belittling her, telling her she’s not good en…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 03:06 PM
1

My parents homeschooled us and kept us fed but didn’t do a lot of real parenting. My dad is a very reliable guy, but not ambitious and has his balls owned by my mom. I never had a lot of real conversations with my parents. They relied upon our Baptist church to teach us our morals and guide us through life. Most people would regard home schooling as a serious commitment to parenting. Stop blaming your failures on others My solution to all this was to breakup with my girlfriend, quit my good job,…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/08/19 02:07 AM
1

I feel like i am now though, because i have more confidence in the bedroom and can handle rejection or anything else that comes my way in the bedroom "Not following" is the first step, but it isn't "leading." You're right. 100%. Are you reading all this directly from the tone of my posts, This. or is this common at this stage of RP progress(or both)? And here you are again seeking validating reassurance about your progress in comparison with others, like an unsure schoolboy. This is your journey…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/08/19 04:21 PM
1

It didn't mean anything practically when I read it the first time because I didnt have the confidence and frame to implement that in the bedroom. Because you're not up to leading the engagement and enthusiasm in sex ... I simply want to fuck a women who desires and wants to please me. That’s what I want. ... I just enjoy fucking a women who is engaged and enthusiastic. you're expecting your wife to make up your deficit, and excusing yourself by blaming her for your failure. Can't the improvement…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/19 06:41 PM
1

In my own experience when I began trying to increase the variety and quality of sex with and for my wife: Like most guys, I'm most comfortable with the physical aspects of sex, and purely physical sex is at least momentarily satisfying, so in the past I focused primarily on physical acts and stimulation. Reading SGM convinced me to immediately add more Dominance and Variety to sex with my wife (as well as Emotion, which was less clear to me), but it was mostly physical Dominance without much emo…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/19 05:08 PM
1

Most people are awkward and uncomfortable when first trying new things. Get over it and get on with practicing until you feel comfortable with it.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/19 08:14 AM
2

I suspect that you're trying to batter down her walls more than your hamster will admit to yourself, and that she feels very much under siege from your constant probing of her defenses. Maybe let up on the siege and instead invite her out to play. I have tried to lead on the sex stuff; maybe I’m a shitty leader? I do not know how else to lead other than to be fully open and refusing to be ashamed of my desires. There are different types of leadership, which are appropriate, or not, for different…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/08/19 07:45 AM
3

I guess what they actually mean is "I cannot feel bonded through a woman other than through sex, so whether she is bonded to me through other things is immaterial." This. And for good Darwinian reasons; men who limit some or all of their reproductive potential to one woman must gain greater reproductive odds with that woman for pair bonding to evolve. His reproduction with her can only occur through sex with her, so sexual access is the only honest signal indicating her commitment to the pair bo…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/19 12:49 AM
1

I've called her out saying her numbness / shutting down creates a toxic home environment. We still need to be there for the kids, get along together to figure this out. I told her this morning "I feel good when you fuck the shit out of me. I am still attracted to you and want to fuck the shit out of you, and I am not changing that". STFU. Stop trying to negotiate sexual cooperation. I am not going to verbally spar, I am not going to be needy LOL.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/07/19 11:02 AM
2

anytime I try to be more dominant (even in the bedroom) she immediately shuts it all down. Try "confident" and "assertive" instead, for now.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/07/19 04:46 AM
1

As we've told you 100 times already, go fuck someone other than your wife, since she won't fuck you. Any other advice to you is pointless right now.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/07/19 04:41 AM
1

baby duty. You're a father, not a fucking babysitter or assistant mom. This is what I most need advice on: how to lead with a new child instead of taking orders from mommy. So take your kids away and be an active, proactive father. Infants love being carried so that they can see the action up close and personal as you chase the other kids around.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/07/19 04:22 AM
1

I want to talk a bit about excuses SGM - It wasn’t really relevant until you start having a wife want to fuck you. Speaking of excuses ... SGM should help make your wife want to fuck you. She came while looking me in the eye this week, which I don’t think has ever happened before ... I imagine that’s a big attraction indicator in a woman. She still has no default affection in her yet ... I assume I haven’t met an attractiveness threshold. ... but I am seeing the early signs that is going to chan…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/07/19 02:36 AM
1

I told her to something one night and she hesitated and said "If I do, you'll only focus on that and not being together." Good sex requires Emotion.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/07/19 02:18 AM
6

Stay the course. Stay in the house. Don't go Rambo. Don't panic. Don't try to accelerate the program to save things; you'll just Rambo and muck it up. Stay the course.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/07/19 07:55 PM
2

Since she feeds you, shelters you, finds employment for you and otherwise takes care of you like a helpless child, I can understand why she would both lack respect for you and feel entitled to a certain amount of work from you. Insisting on basic courtesy from her may earn you a certain type of respect at least to your face, but I wouldn't say that feral man-child status should be your goal. You can try the Feral Alpha path of demanding value from women without giving any in return, but few men …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/07/19 05:12 PM
3

The Captain/FO dynamic is best left implicit, not negotiated. This is all about your faggot insecurities and fragile ego. That's what you should be trying to kill.
/r/askMRP22/07/19 11:23 AM
1

The request itself was reasonable. It’s not so much that she asked me to do it, it was the attitude with which it was said. I had no problem helping but I’m not going to if someone is rude about it. The please itself wasn’t necessary but a better attitude was. Perhaps it was a justified assertion of a boundary in this case. Why would she feel entitled to be rude to you, or for unconditonal help from you? Are you living in her house rent-free for the summer? Is she feeding you regularly?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 06:39 PM
1

the wife frequently berates me for not performing requested tasks up to her expectations Since you haven't taken ownership of any tasks, you have placed her in the quality and goal assessment role, which makes you a contemptible, failing underling. forgetting to do things You've left all the decision labor (pop commentary calls it "emotional labor"), which is generally the hardest part, for managing the household and your life, to your wife. This demonstrates that you're weaker than her, and you…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 06:09 PM
2

Was it a warranted request for help? Then you shouldn't need or expect a special acknowledgment for doing so, and demanding one before acting is P/A validation-seeking behavior. Was it an unreasonable request for help? Then you should assert your independence and self-respect by forthrightly declining to help, instead of passive-aggressively demanding some acknowledgment before bowing to it as a subservient beta. And now it's time for you to answer my question (for your own discernment and MAP, …
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 05:27 PM
3

When I was a kid, girls swallowed. My wife is one of the few I can remember that spit. I think it's just a kink developed from getting girls drinking me when I was young. Cute DEER. Or, it's all ego. Yep.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 04:50 PM
1

Perhaps she needs more psychological or verbal Dominance. These behaviors also sound consistent with her having sexual aversion with you. Now that I think of it, this seems the most likely explanation. You might look into the methods for treating this, and put your own RP spin on it. It took a long time for things to get bad before you found MRP, and it may take awhile to fix it.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 04:44 PM
1

She does stuff specifically to break immersion. On purpose. She likely needs or wants more Dominance.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 08:11 AM
2

Wow, good on you! And on her! Remember to seize all opportunities to make this positive for her. Make her want to do it because it's fun and hot and emotionally connecting, when she does it with you.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 06:48 AM
5

This sounds good in theory, but realistically, the most likely outcome is that he will Monkey Dance just well enough, or induce just enough Dread, so that she returns to providing just enough sex to keep him. He'll have misgivings, but having sunk even more investment and ego into this relationship he'll be even more reluctant to end it, so he'll marry her, and end up back in r/deadbedrooms after the birth of his first child.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 06:25 AM
3

Now that I feel I have a plan, I want to see it through. The most likely outcome is that you will Monkey Dance just well enough, or induce just enough Dread, so that she returns to just enough sex to keep you. You'll have misgivings, but having invested even more in this relationship you'll be reluctant to end it, so you'll marry her, and end up back in r/deadbedrooms after the birth of your first child in about five years from now. Don't risk it.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 06:19 AM
3

Which ones were passive aggressive? Both, despite your bullshit DEERing in response to /u/rotkohlblaukraut. I've noticed two common types of guys with whom passive-aggressive behavior is so ingrained in their personality types that they can't even recognize it as such: socially awkward, unpopular, overly sensitive guys who protect their fragile egos by surrounding them with a sarcastic, sour, negative frame as a defensive shell. They typically hang out with a small circle of similarly awkward ma…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 06:01 AM
3

Why in the world would you possibly care about whether she spits or swallows after she has already taken your cum in her mouth, except for validation?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 05:24 AM
2

FYI, if your wife ever develops an interest in working with you instead of blaming you, and you develop a frame that shrugs off or rejects others' shaming manipulation tactics. Having great sex when your man has ED
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 05:14 AM
2

She did a great job except she gagged on the cum and spit it on the floor 100% out of defiance because I told her to swallow. You are still such an insecure validation whore. Any danger here or things to look out for? You will have trouble maintaining such a relationship with your insecurity and your neediness for validation, as they make it easy to break your dominant frame. Fix yourself first before committing to this path.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 12:55 AM
3

Our 6 yo has been going nuts lately at bedtime, I'm seeing a correlation between his behavior and sugar intake, so we're trying no sweets this week. Why not just wear him out before bedtime, instead of seeking faggot answers for faggot problems?
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/19 12:25 AM
3

The Mother of My Children (MoMC) made at least four direct challenges to my authority, with me capitulating on at least one. The third challenge, our first major fight in fucking eight months, caused me to be butt hurt all of Saturday. I haven't had to reset on that level of butt hurt in so long I couldn't remember what to do. The details are boring. The facts are simple. I don’t like MoMC Why? Because she challenged you? Because you fought or failed with her? Because she hurt your fee-fees? Is …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/19 09:59 PM
4

girlfriend ... Sex is basically nonexistent. Dump her and GTFO, you BP faggot! Don't be a Dancing Monkey trying to salvage your BP dreams and relationship by LARPing alpha or MRP.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/19 09:48 PM
1

However, I think I've been doing better with it lately. LOL. Two examples come to mind. The first is she told me to help with something and said it with an attitude. I calmly said "a please would be nice." and then she stopped for a second and said in a much better tone of voice "please come help me with this." So I complied. The other happened last night. I didn't let the dog in (not my dog, her husband's dog) while they were at a friend's house. I simply didn't want to deal with the dog and wa…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/19 09:37 PM
8

My wife is a virgin and have bunch of health issues which i didn't know before. We do cuddles/kisses but no PIV and i am only allowed to explore upper body and she never allowed me down. Since you haven't even consummated your marriage, get it annulled and GTFO, you fool.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/19 08:40 PM
2

What the fuck do you want? What would your best life with your wife look like? What would your ideal life without her be?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/19 08:33 PM
1

I ask you people with experience: is it BP to think that I do not need to win all fights? It's BP to treat them as "fights."
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/19 08:10 PM
3

I look for a complement to me in my relationship someone who supports helping to achive my goals. Someone who is able to laugh and have fun, someone who is equally happy going out to dinner as staying in and watching a movie. Someone who is open to listening to what i have to say, someone whos actions meet their words and is open to saying whats on their mind. Someone who is comfortable with physical intimacy and isnt afraid to be pushed out of their boundries sexually. This person should not be…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/19 04:24 PM
2

1) she doesn’t want to be away from the kids "Mommy martyr" isn't uncommon, and isn't good for your kids, either. That was part of my narrative for leading my wife away from that tendency. But taking my kids away was most important.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/07/19 04:00 PM
1

It's funny that I have never applied this same drive to my personal life. I need to write off the past No. Your past got you your good career, three kids with a good mother, and a wife you consider of good quality. You (and possibly your wife) need to let go of the idea that your signatures on a piece of paper, or your high salary, entitle you to the respect, support, and sexual responsiveness of your wife even if you slack or suck as a man, husband, lover or father. There's really nothing stopp…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/19 01:05 AM
1

I suspect that this was part of his original frame in choosing early marriage and starting a family; I'm almost certain that it reflects his wife's frame. The point of MRP is not to exchange his wife's or his own frame for some generic MRP-approved frame, but to update or form his own frame that represents his own authentic goals and narrative for his life, including the changes in his own behaviors needed for a realistic expectation of achieving his goals. Suggesting a reframing largely in acco…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/07/19 11:09 PM
3

I feel regretful of my choices between puberty and finding MRP. I could have been absolutely slaying pussy in my 20s before settling down if I knew half of what I do now. Instead, I settled down at twenty-freaking-two with the first woman that gave me a second glance. I know that it does absolutely no good to beat myself up over it, but that isn't stopping me from doing it. There's no easy way for me to make up for this lost time now that I'm married with children. I have had a similar life time…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/07/19 06:43 PM
2

OI = Outcome Independence
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/19 01:19 AM
2

It seems impossible to be self-validating. I don't even know that I can wrap my head around the concept of not looking for validation from somewhere. I'm largely mission-driven. My missions are important to me. I perhaps delude myself that they make a difference in the lives of many other people as well. I care about my missions. I find my validation in being a man who dedicates himself to such missions, whether they succeed or fail. I don't much care what people think of me except insofar as it…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 08:16 PM
2

My wife is a wizard at getting all this done, and I saw an opportunity to lead by letting her lead the cleaning, and get them out and give her space, and let her do her thing. Curious what people think of this. A good leader deploys his people on the tasks where they will be most effective, removes their obstacles, and empowers them to take ownership and perform at their best. Were you truly leading here? If so, stop asking for approval, either from wife/mommy or MRP.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 07:03 PM
1

frame is simply how I view the world, or my worldview ... Put another way, frame is living fully and openly "in character" with my authentic self. Misconceptions about frame: Knowing only the experience of adopting others' frames as a mask to hide their true selves, career betas assume that frame is yet another mask or false persona to adopt in order to display alpha behavior, and to hide or shield their natural reactions and emotions. ... This in fact goes in precisely the wrong direction; deve…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 06:38 PM
3

When I can sense that she is just checking boxes by having sex with me it makes me angry still. I can’t believe I still get this frustrated. This is because you're seeking external validation from sex with her. This is a sticking point for me, it’s really hard for me to conceptualize how not to be emotional labor for my wife. I’ve gotten better but so far away from all the way there. Your neediness for sexual validation makes sex with you emotional labor for her, and it will remain so until you …
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 05:51 PM
3

Here's my biggest issue this week though, my libido has taken a nose dive. I don't know wtf happened. Many betas seek sex more for external validation than for desire. A common stage in their MRP progression is a decrease in their neediness for sex for validation before they learn to recognize and express genuine physical desire, which they experience is a (usually temporary) loss of libido.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 04:14 PM
2

And as I've said many times Dual Mating Strategy's theory that women change preferences with their menstrual cycle is a Good Genes hypothesis. I don't think you clearly said that before in our discussion; I read you as arguing the opposite: Good Genes is very different from Dual Mating Strategy. Dual Mating Strategy was proposed to explain the surprising Ovulatory Shift results. Ovulatory Shift (that a woman's preference in males changes during her cycle) is an evopsych finding that widely infor…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/19 03:17 PM
2

Your first citation does adopt your unusual definition; thank you for providing some independent support for your atypical view. Your second citation, on the other hand, follows Buss and me in the conventional usage that the "good genes hypothesis" and "dual mating strategy" are one and the same: Definition The dual-mating hypothesis is an important guiding perspective in evolutionary psychology that posits how women may have evolved to develop two overlapping strategies when choosing mates: (A)…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/19 01:06 PM
2

Do you have a vision for your life, and your marriage? Does she know what it is? Does she have a meaningful place in it?
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/19 05:50 AM
2

This suggests that the attractiveness is there. I see no sign of your own frame or vision, just "building a better beta." That's OK; this always takes a looong time for you career betas. But likely you should hold off on your sexual vision talk until you do.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/19 05:38 AM
4

Nothing is more stressful and demotivating than being left in a vacuum in which you know you're not meeting expectations, but nobody will tell you what the rules and expectations are. When you ask you only get polite but empty reassurance and "Participation Trophies," but no specific information or feedback. When you try to push boundaries the walls are padded and rubbery; your whole life is wandering through the fog waiting for the axe to fall. Try giving your wife very clear and important task…
/r/askMRP03/07/19 04:56 AM
2

Good Genes Hypothesis is general (even applies to birds) whereas Dual Mating Strategies specifically ties Good Genes to details of the human menstrual cycle. You can claim this as many times as you like, but it doesn't change the fact that Buss, whom you introduced to this discussion as the authority, states otherwise. The burden of producing citations to support your irregular definition, and prove Buss wrong, now falls firmly upon your well-read shoulders, IMHO.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/19 04:13 AM
2

I want her to be my whore. You do you, I guess. As for me ... slut yes; whore, hell no. And are you saying she may not want to be submissive in the relationship outside the bedroom? I don't know your wife, and I don't know what you want either. I do know that I wouldn't want a wife who was submissive in all aspects of our relationship, or who lacked her own strong frame... too boring; too much work to manage. But who gives a fuck what I want, besides me; what do you want?
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/19 10:56 PM
3

It’s been difficult for me to find ways of expressing my emotions that don’t betray loss of frame. Maybe it's time for you to revisit building an authentic frame so that you can live fully and openly "in character" with your authentic self, instead of hiding behind some fake alpha persona. Maybe you're finally ready to stop faking it and start making it. Leave the now comfortable and comforting mask behind, and start the painful work to take yourself to the next level. The alpha mask was never t…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/19 10:40 PM
2

You seem to be conflating two things here. Buss's Mate-Switching Hypothesis's assault on both Dual Mating Strategy and Good Genes Hypotheses ("AF/BB") But Buss clearly says that the Dual Mating Strategy and Good Genes Hypotheses are the exact same thing. "The current leading hypothesis for why women have affairs posits that women have adaptations for securing investment from one man while cuckolding him in order to obtain good genes from an affair partner—the dual mating strategy hypothesis" Bus…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/19 10:07 PM
1

DNGAF isn't about not caring about your wife. It's about separating your care for your wife from your care for yourself. They are not mutually exclusive if you remove the "need" to be with her. You can divorce / leave her and still care about her. You are NGAFing about the false pretenses you've created for yourself about your life. Stay plan same as go plan isn't a threat to anyone. It's having clarity on your needs and making sure you get them met. Frame isn't about controlling anyone, it's ab…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/19 07:44 PM
1

I can’t go out with friends, I can’t do man shit in the garage, can’t hang with family. What exactly do you mean by "can't"?
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/19 07:36 PM
2

Good Genes is very different from Dual Mating Strategy. Dual Mating Strategy was proposed to explain the surprising Ovulatory Shift results. Ovulatory Shift (that a woman's preference in males changes during her cycle) is an evopsych finding that widely informed the manosphere (in particular TRP and incels). I disagree, so much of our discussion has apparently been at cross purposes based on different interpretations. Perhaps a scientist or pedant with a vested personal interest in this distinct…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/19 07:25 PM
4

I'm an emotional guy. This is simply reality. I need to work much more diligently on managing those emotions. Then why not try expressing your emotions more freely, instead of repressing them until you explode?
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/19 06:23 PM
3

A couple days later she thanked me. She had just gave me a blowjob the day before so I smiled and said "thanks for the blowjob". Your wife is not a whore. Don't encourage her to view sex like one. I truly believe my wife is naturally submissive and will be happier when I am the clear dominant one. Some women may be submissive in the bedroom but dominant in some other contexts; pick your battles wisely.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/19 05:53 PM
3

The bigger issue is that explosion is exactly what my dad would do. Inside I have all this turmoil boiling inside me. FWIW, this is standard beta behavior. The growing turmoil eventually gives you the courage to explode, and the explosion sends a back-off/don't take me for granted signal that maintains your Beta (above Omega) status. It's a feature of being a beta, not a flaw. Seek to treat the disease, not just the symptoms. The wife doesn’t know my stance on sex in a relationship. I’ve read ho…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/07/19 05:38 PM
4

ME: "Hey honey, this Friday, if your schedule allows and if you could make the time, could you please please please join me for a movie? Please???" I actually sort of like your AA here... HER: "I'll check my availability" But hers is ten times better; she "wins" this round of flirting! But if it's flirting in your frame, everybody wins, as long as you LOL and stay in your frame. Enjoy the lighthearted repartee with your clever wife! I feel like I have failed a major test and walked right into he…
/r/askMRP02/07/19 04:48 PM
2

But even in birds you don't see what's claimed about AF/BB as a female strategy. In birds, female brood parasitism is sneaking their eggs into another female's brood so that they don't have to raise them. The literature contradicts you. While some female birds have an extra pathway to brood parasitism not available to humans, the analogous pathway of cuckolding their mate still exists as well, and is considered the primary one in the review paper I linked. AF/BB predominates, but intriguingly, t…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/19 08:12 AM
2

Yeah, birds are pretty far removed in evopsych terms. Actually ... no. In evolutionary terms perhaps "yes", depending on your anchor (lemurs, lice, or lilies?), but in evopsych terms perhaps "no", since the resource and social pressures may be similar enough to result in the independent evolution of similar solutions.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/19 09:59 PM
1

This is very interesting ... but likely a distinction without a practical difference to hapless betas.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/19 08:56 PM
1

Many bird species; see data charts in linked scientific article.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/19 08:16 PM
2

Many bird species; see data charts in linked scientific article.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/19 08:10 PM
15

You decide, in your frame, on consistent rules for what you find reasonable (which will presumably include assistance truly facilitated by your manly strength and size), and respond consistently in congruence with your frame. Always keep in mind that "yes, but only after I have completed my current task/next week/month/year" is a response option. Edit: Your post makes it clear that you have no frame of your own, of course ... but perhaps this indicates that you should also seek strategic insight…
/r/askMRP01/07/19 06:42 PM
10

Your inconsistent overreact/underreact behavior projects frustrated beta (unattractive; no leadership; worthy of caution but not of respect), not the attractive alpha frame that you imagine. The standard beta approach to conflict is to avoid it by DEERing, lying, hiding, surrendering, and sacrificing boundaries, respond with passive-aggressiveness and resentment, which builds up until he reaches a breaking point, giving him the momentary courage to explode with an emotionally uncontrolled, exces…
/r/askMRP01/07/19 05:41 PM
3

Spend some serious time and effort fixing yourself before making any major decisions such as divorce or career change. The man you aspire to be will think and desire very differently than you do today, and others will respond differently to him as well.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/19 11:44 AM
9

You completely misunderstand Dread, as this term is defined and used here. At MRP, Dread simply refers to a process for increasing your quality and attractiveness as a husband and a lover, and for making sure your wife is aware of that higher quality. You should also read What we talk about, when we talk about Dread.
/r/askMRP26/06/19 04:42 AM
8

I've read a lot about not initiating at night because you should have somewhere to go outside the house if she declines. This is a retarded n00b misinterpretation that projects butthurt and "beta dread", not OI and alpha dread; you keep reading it here because most commenters are also n00bs. When rejected, do what you would have done if you had chosen not to initiate (true OI, not butthurt fake OI/dread). That might very well be simply going to sleep. Wife says no frequently. I usually just leav…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/19 03:33 AM
3

Texting non-stop all day long about how many girls did you see, who did you talk to, where are you, how come I haven't heard from you. I realize she is going through something difficult in all of this but I feel that she is using me to get quick reassurances for her anxiety to benefit her at my expense. I have ready up on anxiety but no idea what to do. Arguing is a choice. Responding to unreasonable texts is a choice. Choose to do neither. Set your boundaries for what you consider reasonable, t…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/19 03:14 AM
4

Having shifted your marriage from hard to nightmare mode by having an affair in the beta way, you have lost the luxury of hiding behind STFU while working through the phases of developing your frame. To handle this you need an authentic vision and narrative for your post-affair marriage and changes that provoke her insecurities, and the frame to construct and congruently convey it. You have to construct this for yourself, because it must convey your personal motivation and mission for your caree…
/r/askMRP26/06/19 12:43 AM
3

I don’t nuke anything ... At some point, I did have to lean into this - “I understand that you feel you are not enough, and that must be difficult. But it doesn’t change the situation.” Fogging then nuking a comfort test; nicely done. Once I did this, my wife became intent on changing. I gave her the respect of expecting better of her. An entire narrative in a single sentence; bravo!
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/19 12:04 AM
1

Game—I still fucking SUCK at this; I’ve never been a “flirt” and got married at 19 so never really played the dating market; I’ve read tons of flirting/game/pickup books and I’m getting a little better at flirting and being playful with my wife (with varying levels of success), but this is definitely an area where I’m still putting on an act and not being genuine or natural about it. while I have definitely improved myself and my life over the past 16 months, ... I haven't seen any tangible evid…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/06/19 05:20 AM
15

Recently, I found myself reflecting on how much my wife has changed since I began this journey nearly a year ago. The only thing my wife did a year ago was take care of the kids (badly) and clean. She was a horrible cunt to be around. Now one of my greatest creations – a reflection of myself Perhaps in some obscure subreddit frequented mostly by women frustrated with their husbands, a wife (let's call her UnihornOfApathy) has proudly posted about how she harpied and sexually managed her angry, a…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/06/19 12:30 AM
2

Since physical attractiveness is paramount for a woman to win her man, joining a gym and getting in shape is the signature first step for a wife considering a branch-swing, or who fears her husband is about to leave her. When a husband whom she knows to be unsatisfied with her makes this move, she immediately suspects the same motive (which in your case is entirely accurate). The other thing she would always do is covertly communicate her dissatisfaction. She would thus interpret your sending a …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/19 07:10 PM
8

Dread Level 3 Supplement: Take Your Kids Away
/r/askMRP19/06/19 05:41 PM
1

I was able to earn 5x her salary, which was a huge wake up call for her. ... Wife was reminded why she married me. Hurrah, her BetaBucks is back! I bet that wet her panties. She shared with me that she didn't trust me and couldn't bring herself to be vulnerable physically and sexual She's smart enough to know how to earn my attention but it seems like her attraction level is still not that high. Apparently not. Inconceivable! goals are as follows: I want her to start wanting to please me. I want…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/19 05:22 PM
1

none of it is really new. Yes, but sometimes people say it in a slightly different way that gets through for someone else, or they say it again at the right time when somebody is ready to hear it.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/19 04:10 PM
3

I understand the MRP ideas and I’m doing what I can to implement them, but much of it doesn’t feel “natural” to me; it still feels like I’m acting. I’ve read all the books and I see much of what’s talked about here, and I know that it has changed my actions and my attitudes (about pretty much everything), but I still have not internalized it all because it’s not just “happening”; I still need to think about it and intentionally do the “RP Thing” in a given situation most of the time. Fundamental…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/19 03:50 PM
1

Do you treat everything as a potential shit test, looking for A and A hooks? Or am I finally understanding what the often used quote means: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets? No, Neo. I’m trying to tell you that when you’re ready, you won’t have to. More the latter, Neo. FYI: There are also "shitty comfort tests."
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/19 02:45 PM
2

I always say that if she wants me to help her with something, I specifically need to know what she wants, rather than her just expecting me to guess. Also, she never initiates. Honestly, this has been 95% of the frustration of our relationship. We are seeing a naturopath to see if the naturopath can unfuck her energy and hormones. I know that alone isn’t enough to fix my sex life, but that might be a small part of it. I generally don’t want to hangout with people. I find almost everyone boring L…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/19 01:53 PM
1

So had you already adopted these behaviours before discovering this sub? The large majority, yes. You can find the exceptions in my posts, if you care to know the details. Have you used it as prevention rather than fixing? Yes, implicitly. But I didn't think about it in your reactive, fear-driven way; I was just leading my life and missions in accordance with my personal vision for my life and my family, wholly in my what-would-now-be-called-mostly-redpill frame. I didn't do it as a defensive me…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/19 07:12 AM
2

So my question is, can your principles be applied not as a corrective measure but instead as a preventative measure to ensure everything stays sweet? 30+ years of my marriage experience so far suggests a resounding YES.* Feel free to check back in 5 or 10 years for an update. * Not a statistically significant sample.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/19 06:30 AM
1

So my self worth and happiness doesn't take a hit when these excuses are found. I'm not giving it much more thought than an update in my OYS. I think you're saying that your "I'm just not attractive enough yet" bit was just a casual RP truism included without thought, like saying "Happy wife, happy life" in BP circles, or "Have a nice day" as automatic conversational filler. If so, I believe you (now, whereas I wouldn't have even weeks ago.) So pardon my pedantry, but I suspect that you are attr…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/19 06:18 AM
12

But don't just assume that self-improvement by itself is going to get her on the self-improvement track too. It might give her the energy to change, but you've still got to make clear that you expect her to change. If you all have any more tips, feel free to share. I'm far from an expert on the how of this, but given how little conversation I see on the subject (other than "improve yourself and see what happens"), I bet there are some good answers to go around. Several of our most celebrated pos…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/19 05:11 AM
3

Don't execute dragon-like behaviors; be the dragon.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/19 08:17 PM
1

No, you're failing comfort tests.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/19 08:12 PM
1

She then took her clothes off for a cuddle and spooned into me, and then positioned my hand against her and writhed around until she came. She then reached to get me off but I denied and rolled over. What is with this passive-aggressive faggotry? You're unattractive in both mind and body, and you seem intent on remaining so.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/19 07:16 PM
1

I'm just not attractive enough yet. Always more work to do. Fuck, dude, you were attractive enough last week. Stop judging your progress by your wife's daily response, Monkey.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/19 06:59 PM
2

Can I not have gone through something? I didn't exactly ask for it and I was trying my best. In real life, as an adult you don't get extra points for turning your life around, or participation trophies for trying hard. Sorry. Now get over it, and get on with it.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/19 06:49 PM
1

Reread my relationship section. I got a long ways to go. Yeah, you're passively waiting for her to fix yourself for you, instead of focusing on yourself.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/19 06:33 PM
3

Still, the many reports on here about caveman sex, blowjobs in the car and all that seem impossible at this point. As one somewhat older old man to another, make your goal better, more intimate sex, and not more sexual validation. The latter is a black hole that you can only temporarily fill, and your OYS makes me suspect that validation is your current goal.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/19 06:27 PM
3

Previously I had her take the attachment test and it registered secure. After her dread hamster went nuts, she took it again and messaged me the screenshot… full FA. Finally, we talked and she sobbed a bunch WTF?? By making her take relationship-related personality tests and having discussions about it, you're applying full-on r/relationships or r/deadbedrooms style BP "beta dread", in addition to MRP Dread. No wonder she's freaking out with this double-barreled dread aimed directly at her! Pick…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/19 06:06 PM
1

especially outside of a structured program (school or work). I work a lot better when I have specific responsibilities or tasks to perform. In other words, "I need to borrow somebody else's frame to take any action or know what to do." Creating something from scratch or envisioning something new are undeveloped talents of mine. And leading those tasks becomes mentally and socially exhausting. In other words, "having and operating in my own frame is exhausting, so I never do." Things have improve…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/19 05:34 PM
6

I’m still struggling to fully understand what this looks like when executed on perfectly. You're still thinking of frame as "yet another mask or false persona to adopt in order to display alpha behavior, and to hide or shield your natural reactions and emotions. ... This in fact goes in precisely the wrong direction; developing true frame ultimately requires stripping away the masks and filters to uncover and express the authentic you." But I’m confused about how compromises would be handled wit…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/19 04:53 PM
3

Enroll in the language course I have talked about - this will help me become trilingual and reinforced in her eyes that I am going places. Wouldn't want to waste time doing something for yourself rather than to impress your wife, after all. Dance, Monkey; dance.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/19 03:16 PM
6

the longer I walk this road using the techniques I’ve learnt, the more I see her exploding like this. I hope you're not insinuating that you learnt them here, because you're not following any teachings found here at MRP. Any tips on answering and not DEERing to fabricated indignation, especially when dealing with covert contracts? Yes; stop treating comfort tests ("feel my muscle growth from going to the gym like you wanted me to") like shit tests, and escalating them by shit-testing your wife i…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/19 02:51 PM
1

This is all written from the context of your wife's reactions; you're a Dancing Monkey entirely in her frame. It disgusts me how entitled and un-appreciative she is. I literally provide every basic need for her and made her life so easy and she treats me like shit It disgusts me how entitled and un-appreciative she is. I literally provide every basic need for her and made her life so easy and she treats me like shit. Massive Covert Contract here. Time to reread NMMNG and take it seriously, and y…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/06/19 02:25 PM
5

On reflection, I do believe you're right. Might be all of those life coaches and consultants... Memory is a funny thing; "I've called in the mobile mental health crisis unit" in response to garden-variety drama is still burned into my brain two years on. Each of us are faggots in our own special way. Edit: But I always thought r316 would make it, and somehow I think OP will, too.
/r/askMRP17/06/19 05:41 AM
3

our genes suck but one hell of a strong "heart" ...
/r/askMRP17/06/19 03:33 AM
8

Your advice feels right emotionally, but is rationally inconsistent with the standard MRP 12-step OYS/Dread program. he kowtows to his whore wife, he lets another boundary be broken, he lives under a different roof, he moves to a town she wants, he takes a pay-cut to please her, he buys her a horse not his tesla, christ... the list goes on. OP started here exactly 2 months ago today, as a career beta atypical only in having more resources enabling a higher level of faggotry before reaching his l…
/r/askMRP16/06/19 11:43 PM
1

You can place a credit freeze for free with the three major credit reporting agencies, which should prevent your wife from opening any new accounts. It will likely also prevent her from extending her credit limit on the current account. You had best register with these agencies before she does.
/r/askMRP16/06/19 03:50 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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