~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2 | Are there women that are devastated by divorce like we are?I wasn’t trying to blame all women. I was genuinely inquiring as to whether or not that was the case. I only know what I read here and am experiencing in my situation. my soon to be ex-wife treats, everything like we should be perfectly normal friends after she left and devastated our family and abandoned me. With her, there are some legitimate mental illness considerations, but my situation seems to dovetail with many of the stories that I’ve read on here, which was why I asked. For her, it was… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/06/24 01:59 PM |
| 2 | About to make my retainer deposit. In the case it’s speedy, can anyone tell me if they’ve ever had trouble getting the unused funds back from the attorney?The money is gone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/06/24 05:14 PM |
| 1 | Please tell me it gets better. I’m super low right now.Even doing the movements at low weight at first is something. I have a 12 week full body workout spreadsheet (twice a week until week 10 then 3 days a week) if you want a copy of it DM me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/06/24 08:27 PM |
| 5 | Please tell me it gets better. I’m super low right now.Here’s the thing. You have to make yourself do things even when you don’t feel like it. You absolutely must go to the gym. Even if it is just two times a week to start. Obviously, the drinking has to stop immediately as well. If you can’t drink in moderation, then shit can all of it. I know what it’s like to have to be “on” when the kids are around. I love my kids too and I’ll fight for every minute I have with them. It’s because they need you that you’re going to be strong enough to get through… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/06/24 08:08 PM |
| 3 | Panic attack on way back from veterinarianThanks brother for your kind words. Same here if you need to vent. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/06/24 05:37 PM |
| 19 | Were signs there before your divorce? Pre-marriage specifically?We were roommates for years and years before the divorce. Everything that was wrong in the marriage was always my fault. She had absolutely no ability or desire to self reflect. Even when we went to marriage counseling, I got the distinct feeling we were only there so they could fix me. To this day, she believes that the demise of the marriage was totally my fault. | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/06/24 11:22 AM |
| 4 | Everyone Else Seems. . .You are still here for a reason. Don’t give up. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/06/24 06:20 PM |
| 4 | She wants to separate but still live togetherNo. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/06/24 01:18 PM |
| 3 | Something occurred to me todayYou are correct about that. I don’t believe that my stbxw thinks that she did anything wrong…. And unless she would fully turned to God, I don’t believe she ever will. It’s taking me a long time to get where I am and I still have a lot of grief that I’m working through through. But you will get there eventually. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/06/24 08:30 PM |
| 8 | The loneliest Father’s DayI have a 14 and 10-year-old. I was talking to my 14-year-old while driving during the pain of this divorce … I started asking him about things, and he just kind of stopped me and said “ I had a good childhood”. Obviously, with the feeling of failure, and all the grief that came with it, this busted me up inside. My kids were older than yours when this happened . But I firmly believe that you can still give your child a good childhood by just being there and loving him as much as you possibly can… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/06/24 08:27 PM |
| 3 | Something occurred to me todayAt the end of this month, it will be one year since she left. I went through an incredible amount of grief. But it’s something you have to do. I’m not even saying I don’t get sad anymore when I think about the tragedy of what could’ve been if she would also have turned to God and we reconciled. But you absolutely cannot control how another person feels or behaves. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/06/24 06:56 PM |
| 4 | Publishing a multi part tell all. I’m tired of the lies.What is the silver bullet? I keep seeing mentioned. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/06/24 01:47 AM |
| 1 | The Scripture 'She' Never ReadThe Message? Sounds like a loosely translated scripture where Jesus was talking about following him. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/06/24 07:39 PM |
| 1 | My spouse had a mental breakdown. Contemplated suicide yesterday morning. She asked for separation a few weeks ago, and I agreed. We are still living together and will be for at least the next year... had anyone else had similar situation?Yeah, when my stbxw had her mental break. She agreed to get a psychological evaluation only if I did as well. Mine came back what was expected, OCD. She never gave me the details of her diagnosis, but through a cousin that she confided into I found out that it was almost same as schizophrenia…. Schizophrenic tendencies. She became heavily medicated for it. I made the mistake of thinking that the medicine made her normal when actually it just made her somewhat less crazy. This isn’t to take away … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/24 05:32 PM |
| 5 | Really happy after divorceAt some point, you’re gonna have to let go of any possibility of reconciliation. Especially if she’s made it very clear that that’s never going to happen. All it does is make you second-guess everything you do instead of being yourself. When my stbxw left , at first, all I did was beg God for reconciliation. I now know that if I were to take her back, she would be exactly the same even though I’m different. God does not want us to live miserable lives. The only person that you can change is you … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/24 04:37 PM |
| 5 | How many of you gave up the fight only to regret it later?Don’t settle for less. I agree with the comments here that say she is likely stringing you along until she can discard you afterwards. I really hate that for you, brother. But sometimes you have to accept reality for how it is instead of how you would like it to be. Remember, you cannot control how an another person feels or behaves. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/06/24 03:27 PM |
| 3 | My spouse had a mental breakdown. Contemplated suicide yesterday morning. She asked for separation a few weeks ago, and I agreed. We are still living together and will be for at least the next year... had anyone else had similar situation?My soon to be ex-wife had a mental breakdown 10 years into the marriage. We stayed together for another eight for a total of 18 years. Dealing with mental illness and any relationship is a hell of a thing. I’m not really sure what you should do. Maybe it’s best to do what the therapist is saying for now to see how it goes. Prayers. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/06/24 03:14 PM |
| 2 | Really struggling post-divorceJust remember, there are guys that get divorced in their 60s. They would probably love to be our age. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/06/24 09:13 PM |
| 3 | Advice pleaseIf he was hurt deeply (as most divorced men are) he is probably scared of further commitment, and rightfully so. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/06/24 03:40 PM |
| 1 | Exhausting friends/familyThanks. You are not alone. Your feelings are real and you have my prayers and support. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/06/24 01:11 PM |
| 1 | I’m trying so hardI understand the feeling of being cut off from communication. It’s honestly a cruel thing to do to a person to abandon them and then refused to talk about the situation. I still don’t understand why things had to be this way. I’m not even sure they had to be this way as much as that’s the choice that she made and what she continues to do. But I truly believe that God has a plan for each one of our lives. We can’t control how another person feels or behaves. But we can do our best in our own live… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/06/24 06:45 PM |
| 4 | What do I do?You’ve been gaslit for years. That’s why you feel guilty. Just a guess. Not saying you did nothing wrong, but she may be a narcissist and you are a codependent. Sorry you are going through this. STOP LETTING HER GUILT YOU. Marriage takes TWO people to make it work. It’s not solely your fault. She is just as responsible. Not to mention that, biblically, if she was unfaithful you are in the clear. Don’t leave your home. She mentioned it several times for a reason and it’s not for your benefit. You… | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/06/24 07:28 PM |
| 1 | I Can’t Stop Crying TodayPlease hang in there. I’m about 11 months after the separation. I still have grief somewhat, but I don’t feel like it’s near the intensity as it used to be. Now I’m just mostly dealing with anxiety. But I can tell you that you are tough enough to get through this even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. Do not focus on anything about her or what’s going on with her end. You cannot control another person’s behavior or feelings. You need to focus on taking care of yourself and the kids when you … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/24 01:07 PM |
| 2 | It WILL get better gentleman. I was where you are now…I’m not saying it’s not possible to find someone stable… But for goodness sakes do not ever again ignore the red flags. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/24 01:05 PM |
| 3 | I'll just leave this here.... XPost - " Am I the as*hole for getting an abortion and then filing for divorce"We live in a f*cked up world. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/06/24 11:49 AM |
| 11 | How much involvement is too much?Yeah, I got nothing. After seeing all the dudes that got wrecked from their wife cheating on here I can’t really give advice to a person that did the cheating, had a spouse willing to reconcile and still chose to blow up the family out of selfishness. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/06/24 06:21 PM |
| 23 | The idea of dating again disgusts me… 2 yrs post/divorceI’m pretty sure I’ll never be in a serious relationship again. After the grief that I’ve gone through, I can’t imagine ever putting myself in a position like that again. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/06/24 03:14 PM |
| 3 | Spouse that is divorcing me still going to the same churchShe met with the pastor when she left…it didn’t affect her decision. I asked her if it would change anything to meet with the new pastor. She said no. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/06/24 07:56 PM |
| 4 | Spouse that is divorcing me still going to the same churchThe issue is that I play worship music sometimes in the only contemporary service. This is the same service that she chooses to go to. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/06/24 05:43 PM |
| 2 | 354 text messages over 10 days w/ some guy and she still denied cheatingBe merciful with yourself. You are going to make mistakes. You are human. Nobody deserves to be treated the way you have been. But you will get through this eventually. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/24 03:30 PM |
| 7 | Just seperatedIt’s going to suck. I’m still going through the court process. But like my cousin told me “ you don’t want anything to do with someone that wants nothing to do with you” | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/05/24 02:38 PM |
| 14 | Its never enough.I honestly think they spend months or years working up in their head a scenario that makes them feel OK to leave. I’m sure for a good long time now she has been piling up every infraction that you’ve ever done and snowballing them. At least that’s the way it was with mine. The process is complete. Nothing was ever good and everything was always bad. This is not to say that you did nothing wrong in the marriage. I did plenty of wrong in the marriage. I think the difference is that I thought thing… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/05/24 05:10 PM |
| 5 | The narcissist has brought me to the end of my life.You may not want to hear this but it is true. You are incredibly valuable to God. Use the rest of the life he has given you to fulfill his purpose. You will only really find yourself in the center of his will. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/05/24 11:45 AM |
| 3 | Missing my childrenYou have no choice. I struggled with it at the beginning too. I felt like I failed my family. But you have to realize that you were only half of the equation. She is just as responsible, possibly more if there was cheating or she blew up the family for her “happiness”. Use the time you don’t have your kids to recharge and become the best version of you possible for them when they are there. But don’t do anything foolhardy like jump into another relationship too soon. There are stable women out t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/05/24 11:36 AM |
| 1 | Feeling bad about feeling goodWas the ED porn related? | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/05/24 05:41 PM |
| 5 | Funny MomentYeah. I got the “you’re emotionally abusive” and up to that point she had been going around telling everybody how great of a dad I was. When she first left, I asked on what biblical grounds are you leaving? At first, she said “ abuse”, when I pointed out that I’ve never hit her or laid a finger on her she changed it to “ verbal abuse”…. When I said, I don’t call you names or anything like that….. she thought for a minute and then “emotional abuse”. I had to look it up. Not really a whole lot the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/05/24 01:54 PM |
| 4 | Modification / wish me luckOh man. A narcissist uses kids as a reflection on themselves. Losing the kids will send her into a free fall. But if she hasn’t been there for them that’s her fault. My stbxw has a textbook narcissist father and she picked up a lot of his traits. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/05/24 06:54 PM |
| 10 | I just can't seem to get over herI get it. I still struggle with it too sometimes the completely inexplicable way she ended our family and cut me out without allowing any kind of discussion. But you have to find a way to move on. You can’t control how somebody else feels or behaves. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/05/24 11:08 AM |
| 1 | I need helpWe had our last family vacation last summer. My wife was acting just peachy. Great car ride down, excellent time….Come to find out the whole time she was lining up things for the divorce and hit me with it after we got back. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/05/24 12:14 PM |
| 1 | Vacation conflictI’m not sure what the laws are in Canada but from my perspective, I don’t think you can be put on the spot when there’s no parenting plan in place. But other commenters here probably have a much better idea than me . | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/05/24 03:45 PM |
| 2 | Feeling TrappedOnce her light switch is flipped to ‘off’ nothing was ever good and everything was always bad. You are fighting against a delusion she has built in her head. It’s impossible to defeat so don’t play a rigged game. It’s different if there is a person willing to work things out and actually be able to SELF REFLECT on their own wrongdoing. Unfortunately, from what I have gathered on here and in my life in general , that almost never happens. Take care of your kids and yourself. Let her live out her … | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/05/24 03:33 PM |
| 13 | Beware the new cupcakeI can tell you that there is a very slim chance I will ever get married again and absolutely no chance in hell I would move away from my children. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/24 10:32 PM |
| 9 | Anyone else feel like this?Yeah. It’s tough. But I lost weight too and really….even though this process sucks…..I’m much better off without her when looking at the facts. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/24 08:00 PM |
| 4 | I existI do believe that God allowed it to happen. But it still hurts like hell. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/24 07:41 PM |
| 4 | FriendsBlame is also on the wife not just the AP. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/24 07:39 PM |
| 2 | Nothing leftThat’s probably what it is. But for me, I think it was more of the destruction of the family unit. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/24 07:17 PM |
| -1 | Nothing leftIt may not directly fix the physical issues, but it gives hope which is something that somebody going through this desperately needs. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/24 07:16 PM |
| 12 | Nothing leftMaybe you are struggling with depression like me. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/24 04:45 PM |
| 3 | Why do they watch your stories?Change your privacy settings. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/05/24 02:58 PM |
| 6 | There's nothing I can do.Shortly before she left, we had an argument about disciplining one of our children to the point where she started crying and called my cousin to come over. I remember thinking how disproportionate her reaction was to the situation… Thinking about it, I absolutely believe she intentionally overreacted to it to make me look like the bad guy to my family. Unfortunately, for her, since she has left, most of my family has seen through her and can perceive who she really is. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/24 10:49 PM |
| 7 | There's nothing I can do.You must near be near the beginning of this. Right now you’re thinking everything was your fault. I can assure you that is not the case. I’m sure, just like in my marriage, you did your fair share of stupid shit . But the failure of a marriage is never the fault of one person. Do not let the blame for the destruction of the marriage be laid solely at your feet. She had a part in it too. The further I get away from my stbx the more I realize just how much she gaslight me for years and years about… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/05/24 10:46 PM |
| 6 | The Pain of Hearing Your ChildrenI was absolutely miserable in my marriage, but willing to stay for the sake of the kids. She pulled the trigger on leaving and while I’m still heartbroken over the situation for the kids ….. I’m glad I’m not with her anymore. The further I got away from that relationship, I just realized how terrible of the person she is, and that she was never capable of being in a romantic relationship. Don’t get me wrong. I was a jerk too, but at least I own up to my mistakes. She’s always lived in a world of… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/24 06:16 PM |
| 8 | Why are there no consequences for them?Yep. My stbxw is in no hurry either even though she’s the one that left. I’m pretty sure it’s a control thing. The court system is slow anyway, so mine isn’t finalized either. I’m still hurt during the process, but I have no desire to be in a relationship with her ever again. My stbxw had a mental breakdown about 10 years into the marriage (8 years ago) and, while I don’t know the specific diagnosis, a person in my family who shared it with has told me it was somewhere close to schizophrenia. Sh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/05/24 03:44 PM |
| 3 | Seeking advice on ammicable divorce onlineYou need to assume that anything she has told you up to this point is a lie. Trust me. She will get whatever she can and screw you over however she can. Even if she had intentions of being amicable the lawyer will easily convince her it’s her right to shaft you. But at the end of the day, it’s not even the lawyer that’s really at fault it’s her own evil desires. Lawyers just tell people what they know they want to hear. Keep your kids out of it as much as possible. Don’t get screwed over. Good l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 02:36 PM |
| 2 | Dating…Yeah, I’ve noticed a lot of that too. Looking on a lot of the profiles they all want kids. I’ve also seen a lot of them that are older than that that want kids. It seems kind of crazy to me. My divorce still isn’t final, but I’m starting to get to a point where I think I’m just gonna have to learn how to be happy as a single man. For me that’s even tougher because I don’t believe in sex outside of marriage. Good luck to you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/24 01:53 PM |
| 10 | Could she have done anything?Absolutely. But that’s kind of difficult to do when you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. My stbxw I always blamed every problem in the marriage on me. Even when we went to marriage counseling, I got the distinct feeling that she was only there so that the marriage counselor could fix me. Sorry if I sound bitter.. I think I still am somewhat. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/05/24 06:22 AM |
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