Closure possible?

rhett342 · 2024-05-22T18:46:18+00:00

I'm friends with a woman who said she wanted to get closure with her ex-husband before she married her fiance. The ex was never the kind of guy who would ever sit down and have heart to heart talks with her like she wanted when they were married. Eventually she realized that getting g the sort of closure that she wanted was never going to happen and if she tried, it would just blow up in her face. She had to choose to just reach that point in her head so she could move on and get married again.

From what you've said, it sounds like that's what you'll have to settle for. Another saying I've heard that is incredibly true is that you can't get something out of someone after a divorce that never got from them when you were married.

probebeta · 2024-05-21T16:53:20+00:00

I love and respect women but they're not particularly good at apologizing. Why even bother have that conversation. The best closure is to ignore her and show that you're all cool with everything, and ideally not do that for show only but for yourself too.

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-05-21T09:10:11+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. The best thing to do is to move on. Women have agendas and are often ahead of men in planning for the future. It's possible she had already mentally checked out of the relationship and had plans in place, including legal ones, before actually leaving. It's not worth trying to talk to her if she's not listening and seems content with the situation. You need to stop trying with her and remember that there are many other women worldwide. Please don't waste your time pining for her. Some women may want that, but by not engaging with her, you show that you have moved on and are not playing her games. Stick to discussing the divorce and children, if relevant, with simple yes or no answers. Leave her guessing, not you. Find someone special who deserves your love and respect, not someone who is vindictive and wants you to chase after her. Be the best version of your particular show that special person how you can give them love and affection.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-05-19T12:26:56+00:00

If you’re expecting an apology you won’t get one. Time to move on.

Ok_Perception_1836 · 2024-05-19T04:33:03+00:00

You don't get closure. You just learn to cope with it.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2024-05-18T21:33:19+00:00

Closure would mean she owns up to her shit and that will never happen my parents divorced when I was 7 and now they're seeing my divorce and are friends and bond over my daughter but to this very day my mom did absolutely NOTHING wrong in her divorce despite cheating on my dad it's still all his fault and he just doesn't care

Psydequest · 2024-05-18T19:46:27+00:00

In time the anger fades. It took me 2.5 years and then I was suddenly sad. Still am. We can talk about things now as we have a daughter but anything related to the relationship is just irrelevant and neither of us will ever have any closure about it. It makes it hard but what is closure? It doesn't fix anything. Doesn't change the facts. It's just opinions and opinions concerning each other no longer are important to either of us. You likely will never get the answers or the sentiments you want anyway. I think it's best just to let time carry you through the process, grieve and be done with it.

captainchippsixx · 2024-05-18T15:34:31+00:00

Fuck closure man. You own your shit and move on. You have to embrace indifference to her. Do not contact her at fucking all. If she does do not respond. Ignore her.

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-05-18T14:31:07+00:00

Determine your faults in the marriage. Work on your problems. Fix yourself and fixk what she says. You're just gonna be a villan.

hwiegob · 2024-05-18T11:49:14+00:00

Closure is like forgiveness. It's about you deciding to let things go and move on. Getting the other person to do what you want them to isn't really a part of it.

AdrianInLimbo · 2024-05-18T07:37:32+00:00

Closure is sort of a fantasy. She's not going to sincerely own up to her part of what ended things, even if you do.

If there was cheating on her part, she'll DEFINITELY not come clean.

Like was said above, acceptance of the demise of the marriage is what you need. Accept it, recognize you're better off without her and move on.

Blue_wafflestomp · 2024-05-18T03:14:09+00:00

Closure is a false idol, a myth. You'll go crazy chasing it

Acceptance is the only attainable goal. Accept that some things can make sense, some things will never make sense, and probably most answers will never be had.

foookie · 2024-05-18T02:23:02+00:00

The divorce is the closure. Work on moving forward and leaving the past where it belongs.

SnooSprouts5398 · 2024-05-18T02:15:39+00:00

You dont need closure. The person you met is gone. Focus on bettering yourself and healing from wounds cause by the divorce. Hit the gym, find new hobbies and get your spiritual life in order if you believe in God. God will give you any closure you seek and send you something better down the road.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-05-17T23:56:32+00:00

Write her a letter saying your goodbyes then burn it afterwards

BrandoBLC · 2024-05-17T22:11:09+00:00

Don’t look for closure from your ex. It’s a fact that not everyone who hurts you, gives a fuck that they hurt you. I found it ironic that I got the closure I was looking for once I didn’t care if I had it.

RevolutionaryAge8959 · 2024-05-17T21:46:43+00:00

Hi bro, stick strictly to the legal process, loose some battles if needed to finish ASAP, no emotions, no conversations, don’t talk about anything but the divorce, the sooner you finish and remove her from your life, the better, the best part of your life is yet to come.

Title	Closure possible?
Author	Equivalent_Rabbit_62
Upvotes	10
Comments	19
Date	May 17, 2024 9:29 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cugu6b/closure_possible/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/closure-possible.1518784 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518784

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