What gives MR?

EpicJ · 2012-08-28T16:25:59+00:00

What does it matter if she reads this post or comments? Also people are calling you out because you're not following our advice.

also

Then she asked if I wanted to hate fuck her. I said that I did. Then I did. She said she was going to slap me but she didn't. I did choke her a little bit and stuck my thumb up her ass. She liked it, we both came hard for the first time in a while.

sounds like something a troll would write

truthjusticeca · 2012-08-28T16:26:16+00:00

She's made it abundantly clear she will lie to gain the upper hand in a breakup. She snatched my droid out of my hand while I was lying in bed. I held on and rolled over as she pulled it, my legs made light contact with her back as she was sitting on the edge of the bed. I told her her behavior is inappropriate, irrational and I was considering seeking professional psychiatric care for her. She said she'd tell the police I kicked her in the back. She's smashed one phone and threatened to smash this one. She's thrown knives, shoes and dishes at me. She's slapped me in the face and pushed me. She's also taken to video taping my "verbal abuse" when I bring up psychiatric care after one of her violent outbursts. The first time she did this she'd just finished slapping at me as I drove her and the baby along a mountain road at 60 mph. She has a nice video of me calmly telling her that hitting the driver while he's driving is putting her child in danger, but I'm sure a jury wouldn't see it that way.

But you know what? When she bitches because I didn't do enough yard work for her tastes, she's entitled because I'm a piece-of-shit man. Right? And when I bitch about her psychotic manipulative mind-fuckery, how I am completely trapped and have no possibility of escape; then I'm the worst human being in the world. Right? If I leave or if I don't obey her and she makes me leave I lose my daughter. I'll put up with this for 17 more years if I have to to prevent that. Just really sucks it has to be this way and it couldn't be an equal partnership. Man, if only someone hadn't packed her head full of shit about how inferior men are.

Because if I leave I lose everything and live in poverty, as will my wife and daughter. I don't want to leave, my plight is called being a man. Guess it's just not the privileged boys club you thought it was. It's not so bad, it just would be a whole fuckload easier if I was supported and helped a small fraction of what I put in. I don't need to be scolded like an eight year-old for not getting the vitamins out before we sat down at the table for dinner. I don't need to be told to mow the lawn or take out the garbage. We literally sat down and put it in writing that she would try to "ask nicely" for things and she openly admits she can't do it.

I was up and mowing the lawn today at 7:30, I get up at 5:30 on weekdays. I have chronic back pain and bad knees, but I put up fences and pour concrete and refinish floors and paint and restore furniture. I have done everything she's ever asked me to do and I'm treated like a lower order primate. I do things she is physically capable of doing even when I'm in pain, injured or sick. When I sit down to rest after mowing the lawn for an hour in 95 degree heat she descends on me with a pen and notepad to plan out the next task. Once in a while she says thanks and then gives me a peck.

Today I gave her a 25 minute backrub because she felt crappy, which she responded to and clearly enjoyed. At one point she stopped me and said "that was nice but now it's annoying.," not "thank you." Moments later we got up to make lunch, she began stacking olives, pickles, bread, mayo, mustard, tomatoes and cheese on the counter; I got out the jar of peanut butter and grabbed two slices of bread and she screamed at me for making a peanut butter sandwich with the breadboard she was going to use. She said I was invading her sandwich making space. 25 minute backrub < 15 seconds of breadboard turf impingement.>I do a lot of communicating, which involves her telling me what I need to do to make her happy or listening to her bitch about her job. Of course, I'm literally not allowed to talk about work or what I want. It's so damn awesome to be a remote control home improvement bot for a barely rational bag of hormones and spite.>Oh god, I hear you brother. We're trying a new rule where I get points for "being nice" and she get's points for asking politely and saying "please" and "thank you." I got me about 15 points in two days easy. She was at negative three or something last time I checked. She's incapable of asking me to pass the asparagus without making it sound like I should have known better than not to pass it and also I'm not getting laid tonight.

3legdog · 2012-08-28T19:12:07+00:00

Buddy, you are at the beginning of a long, hard road. Her behavior is following a BPD/NPD script to the letter. (If you aren't wrapping it up during those "makeup sex" sessions, you had better start before she traps you with a pregnancy.)

You will need to start visiting these sites and reading like crazy:

http://www.shrink4men.com/
http://covertabuse.com/2012/06/09/self-trivializing/
http://www.sharischreiber.com/articles.html
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.0
http://gettinbetter.com/fiftyways.html

You have my sympathy. I am going thru a divorce with a BPD myself and it is no picnic. I have been falsely accused of DV and child abuse. All from a woman whom I thought I knew for 20+ years.

I would recommend that you do get her outbursts recorded - video or audio. Save them to the cloud. /DO/ engage a lawyer, if not to just protect yourself.

Good luck, man.

EDIT: formatting

2012-08-28T17:45:25+00:00

Compared to your earlier posts it seems like you're standing up for yourself and being assertive but fair with her. That's huge. As long as you submit to her shit, it will just get worse.

Then I get my post removed as a "troll post."

The problem is that there have been some real trolls in the recent pass that have made up tales of bad female behavior to get /mr all agitated, then gone off to celebrate their success and cherry pick the responses. I suspect your story looked too similar to theirs.

Also keep in mind the average redditor is a 20-something with no life experience to relate to your story.

Despite the fact that 99% of the comments on my thread were variations on "call cops, lawyer up, hit gym, facebook" I decided to try to give my wife one more chance to change.

You know what the risks are with this course, and you know what the price is to leave her. Only you can make that call.

I for one would like to have updates on how this works out for you. I would like to think that marriages can be saved, and that the divorce bomb doesn't have to be dropped every time something goes wrong. Especially when there might be a treatable medical issue as in your case.

Speaking of which, has your wife been evaluated for postpartum depression? When she goes to the doctor for birth control, she should discuss it. Symptoms below:

Postpartum depression symptoms

Postpartum depression may appear to be the baby blues at first — but the signs and symptoms are more intense and longer lasting, eventually interfering with your ability to care for your baby and handle other daily tasks. Postpartum depression symptoms may include:

Loss of appetite
Insomnia
Intense irritability and anger
Overwhelming fatigue
Loss of interest in sex
Lack of joy in life
Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
Severe mood swing
Difficulty bonding with the baby
Withdrawal from family and friends
Thoughts of harming yourself or the baby
Untreated, postpartum depression may last for a year or more.

ssj4kevin · 2012-08-28T17:42:23+00:00

OP, I sympathize with your feelings. However, I feel as though I should point out that as an MRA group, it's difficult for us to recommend that you try to work things out civilly with your wife. You need to look at this from our point of view: how can we really in good conscience recommend that you work things out when you may end up being one of the men who suffer from the sorts of issues we discuss here? It's not that we hate women, it's that we're suspicious of the sorts of situations you're describing. And really, can we be blamed for that? To us, you're an anonymous man and your wife is an anonymous woman. Obviously there's more to you both than that, but we don't have that information. The best advice we can in good conscience give to an anonymous man is 'be very careful and look out for yourself'. It's up to you to apply any advice we offer to your own personal situation and decide what to do.

rightsbot · 2012-08-28T16:16:17+00:00

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ANewAccountCreated · 2012-08-28T19:28:39+00:00

I read your diatribe and one question came to mind. What exactly do you want from this community? You didn't like the feedback, OK fine. Why come back? You are coming off as a indignant attention whore in the whole thing... someone who can't understand that there's something wrong with their own actions so it must be the community that's at fault.

buster2209 · 2012-08-28T17:37:34+00:00

If you insist on staying together, document all this in case you need to fight to see your daughter. Good luck

Flytape · 2012-08-28T17:20:51+00:00

You know OP, i agree with you.

All people, man or woman (reptilian overlord akin) make mistakes. We get in ruts. We get stressed out with workplace issues, we cheat, we lie, we steal.

Sometimes we don't even realize it. We take for granted those we love.

I think men's rights are important but the MRM doesn't need to become the antithesis of the feminist movement. We shouldn't employ their underhanded tactics. We should rise above all that nonsense and become a movement that promotes equality for both sexes. Equality for all.

I surely don't hate women, I know there are some evil people out there who happen to be women and use the feminist BS to their advantage, but I don't hate women.

I love women more than I can describe here.

I'm happy for your wife, that she didn't get slapped with a lawyer and a messy divorce. I hope she does the right thing from here on, and I wish you two many years of unparalleled happiness.

MaunaLoona · 2012-08-28T16:51:19+00:00

Looks like you already made up your mind on what to do. I hope things will get better in your marriage. Though I really really really doubt they will.

Legolihkan · 2012-08-28T18:11:13+00:00

I think personal experience and this subreddit has made most people here pretty cynical about women. I wish you and your wife best of luck sorting out these problems and i sincerely hope you don't have to resort to lawyers and divorce.

Edit: i clicked /r/womenarecunts out of curiosity and it gave me a chuckle =)

truthman2000 · 2012-08-28T22:51:37+00:00

Last night, we had a four hour conversation that was seemingly very productive, and I got her to acknowledge some thing about how she treats me that she never was willing to admit.

You will soon find out that although she seems to have taken this information to heart, she will soon forget you ever had the conversation. I know from experience.

It's going to happen again and again and again until you leave.

blackmanplayt1 · 2012-08-28T23:09:01+00:00

doods falling into a self destructive cycle this will end in jail time most likely

2012-08-28T19:33:05+00:00

You are screwed.

And you don't even know it.

Octagonecologyst · 2012-08-28T16:56:09+00:00

You're an absolute MORON, OP. Your situation wasn't just slightly abnormal that could be resolved with a bit of communication and understanding; it was straight up PSYCHOTIC.

Rafoie · 2012-08-28T22:53:37+00:00

Heres my 2 cents on everything. Lots of us have been dragged through relationship mud time and time again. To someone like me... I don't expect change from an SO... I never demand it. I never seek it. Its something that I can't expect. Why? Change is an internal thing, the person needs to see it and want it. If shit goes sour... then that's that. "Crazy" can onset at any point in anyone's life. Ultimately I will try and work with them... see what happens but I will devise a back up plan to gtfo if need be.

'Call cops lawyer up hit the gym" that's reddit in general. Its not just mensrights. You'll get that in ALL the subreddits. MR isn't anti-woman. Also lots of people on reddit always jump on that gym lawyer cop combo. Always. Doesn't matter if its a guy or a girl that's doing the unsavory act. On the troll post note... lots of people target Mensrights to pull out some kind of negative emotional reaction and then slam MRAs for it. I noticed a lot of people demanding articles and posts be about specific issues in regards to mens rights. I get you wanted support from fellow like minded males. Its just we also need to cover our asses because other people don't want us here. We we're labeled as a hate group because of legitimate troll posts and the like.

I didn't read the original post but... just because she agreed to the problems doesn't mean they will be fixed. I would be leery but that is my nature. Good luck with your marriage in the future. I do hope it all works out for you.

2012-08-29T01:14:39+00:00

I'm not too concerned...

ss_camaro · 2012-08-29T01:23:09+00:00

80% AWALT / 20% NAWALT

2012-08-29T01:33:47+00:00

I suspect the main problem is that this is not a question of mens rights, but one of being in an abusive relationship... you are quite clearly being emotionally abused, and are making up excuses for her doing it (which is typical of abused spouses of any gender). It's entirely possible that with serious long-term help, that she will again be someone you can enjoy spending time with.

If you're looking for help with how to deal with someone who is quite clearly hurting you then there might be more appropriate subreddits to post to. Your primary concern should be the well-being of your daughter, and helping your wife should be secondary... My children were living in an abusive environment with their mother and step-father, with verbal and physical abused being used by both between each other and on the children. When I found out I figured I would have been derelict in my duty as a parent to return them to that situation... Their mother can get the help she needs without inflicting it on my children. This is especially important, in my mind, if she has openly admitted to planning to lie to manipulate the situation - This doesn't appear to be a hormone issue, but a mental health issue... and is one that I've dealt with. I have emails from my ex apologising for her lying and manipulation, but it meant nothing in court... what mattered in court was how well each of us presented. If your wife can hold herself together long enough to look good in court then all the spreadsheets in the world wont help you.

irishsnowday · 2012-08-29T03:04:24+00:00

What I say in this post is not for the sake of argumentation nor insult. I just hope it helps you understand why she might have made up with you so easily, and its all based on science.

Abusive relationships normally have a cycle of abuse. The cycle of abuse consists of three stages:

Tension Building Phase
Violent Episode
Honeymoon Phase

Once a honeymoon stage is reached, tension normally builds again a bit after and the cycle repeats itself. Abusive relationships do not normally have to do with the abuser hating the other person, but normally because of their own psychological problems.

During this honeymoon stage I would advice you to seek help. Do not look at the honeymoon stage as a resolution to the problem.

On a side note, you have to understand that /r/MensRights is a refuge for men to post about other serious situations and injustices which they end up facing in their life, and is a source of help for men who are in these unfair circumstances. It helps men who are innocent, and who have truly not committed any crime in the situations they are faced in defend themselves from legal injustice to manipulate them or use them, much of the time for monetary gain.

Unless we tell them to gather evidence quickly, their chances of getting a fair ruling in court is slim and risky. I wouldn't be angry with them because they cared about your legal justice. They made an effort to make sure you knew how to best protect yourself in a domestic violence situation.

throwaway00101010 · 2012-08-29T06:22:43+00:00

Is it wrong of me that I was half hoping that was an actual subreddit?

Probably :(

AndrewSZ11 · 2012-08-29T08:15:43+00:00

I'm glad you are working it out. Not sure what the original thread was here but proud of you for standing up and asserting yourself.

Dark_Moose · 2012-08-28T17:48:12+00:00

I am glad that your relationship is better with your wife and that you are happy. I do not know who removed your post and I hope that it was a case of button slipping, but I do not know if there is another agenda being played here.

While it is sad that a lot of intolerance on the web and in basic human interaction, I am glad that at least in your relationships, there seems to be happiness and peace.

truthjusticeca · 2012-08-28T16:23:34+00:00

[permanently deleted]

evilive23 · 2012-08-28T19:19:59+00:00

how is your post and your story related to the rights of men? maybe you should post in r/relationship_advice or something.

Blahblahblahinternet · 2012-08-28T20:14:29+00:00

The More time I spend on this subreddit, the more crazy it seems to get. Most of the front page stuff is reasonable, but down there in the cracks, man, it's get's crazy & conspiratorial.

Title	What gives MR?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	52
Comments	84
Date	August 28, 2012 4:14 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/yytx6/what_gives_mr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/what-gives-mr.1014802 https://theredarchive.com/post/1014802

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