I have no idea if this is where I should put this but does anyone know somewhere a guy can talk to someone about having body image issues without being shamed by women for them?

a_weed_wizard · 2012-07-25T14:22:23+00:00

Unfortunately, there is no safe place for men to discuss these issues without being shamed by women. According to feminists, men's safe place is everywhere. This subreddit is even subject to the occasional trolling and shaming. However, the vast majority of people here are helpful and legitimately interested in these issues.

Personally, I don't know much about eating disorders or body image. However, as far as keeping weight in check, get your thyroid checked, eat healthy any time you're hungry, increase your muscle mass, and partake in light cardio. It will take time, but you'll look and feel much better. I hope some of the info below helps with the body image issues. I have slight issues myself, but keep making effort to improve.

evilbrent · 2012-07-25T13:44:14+00:00

My advice, if you don't like what you see in the mirror: don't look in the mirror.

None of us like the dude in the mirror. He's an arsehole who never does anything right.

It was a mirror which was the undoing of Snow White's evil stepmother. Fuck the mirror, it knows nothing about you.

justsomeguyudontknow · 2012-07-25T12:17:01+00:00

Here's actually one of the areas where I think men have it better than women, in a way. Guys have always had image problems, but unlike women we're often told "man up, don't worry about what other people think."

I really think that almost all people worry too much about how they look, but then again, I reject a lot that "society" tries to push onto me. While "be the honeybadger" worked for me, it may not be useful advice for you.

In your case, be careful about eating too little. I'm no nutritionist, but I believe less than 1250 or so kcallories per day and you kill your metabolism. In other words, if you eat too little, it won't help you lose weight and you can get health issues.

Keeping close track of your intake and your exercise can help you get a great body, if that's what you want. It takes forever, though, and I'm lazy.

I wish you the best of luck, and if anyone tells you "you're a man, so you're not allowed to...", ignore 'em. Be the honeybadger.

midnightwalrus · 2012-07-25T14:59:15+00:00

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cthulufunk · 2012-07-25T13:44:31+00:00

Anorexia is becoming more common among males. I'm not surprised you'd get the responses you'd get on your blog, though I'd have to see specific examples. Not eating will indeed mess up your metabolism..a new car will still stall on the road if it has no fuel. It seems you're ignoring your mental health and focusing on your physical health, then get disappointed and frustrated when this doesn't work. 5 days a week working out seems a little excessive. 3 or 4 times a week is quite adequate. Women tend to care more about what you do than how ripped you are. Might not seem that way, but that's how it is. For instance..you look very good in both pictures, but look at the disarray and disorder surrounding you in the second picture. Women notice that more than your abs. I see plenty of guys that can get one-night stands but have never been in a relationship. There's the option of seeing a therapist, but therapy is becoming more and more gynocentric, take a look at the ratio of female psychology grads to male grads sometime. I'm not sure how helpful a therapist would be to you. I think shrink4men.com would have better suggestions for you in that regard. My recommendation would be to branch out and try group activities outside of just working out..i.e. hiking, hashing (Hash House Harriers), discussion groups for men..this would be better IRL, not anon internet forums.

I don't feel qualified to give too much advice, but those things have tended to help me more than anything else.

cthulufunk · 2012-07-25T14:34:29+00:00

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oneiorosgrip · 2012-07-25T16:05:03+00:00

Everything else I would say has all ready been said here, but I have one very important point to express.

I've tried venting about it on my blog, hoping to maybe find someone who can help, only to be told that, as a guy, I'm basically not allowed to have these issues.

People who tell you that are self-absorbed assholes with issues of their own. You don't have to listen to them. It's your right to respond to what you are going through, instead of what other people think. It's not anyone else's prerogative to dictate you how you should think or feel. That belongs solely to you.

rightsbot · 2012-07-25T11:48:18+00:00

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midnightwalrus · 2012-07-25T13:28:23+00:00

This is a good place to ask, but it probably isn't the place you seek itself. Do you mind disclosing your location?

midnightwalrus · 2012-07-25T13:41:35+00:00

Where did you get such a poor self image? What I mean is does someone put you down about it or do you look around at others and feel inadequate? I know that this is a touchy subject for some, but you should consider whether this is a physiological or mental health issue. I guess thats where I would start. There is no shame in seeking understanding. Finding my BMI and BMR was very helpful to me. I've lost 50lbs over the last 2 years by staying between 1300-1800 calories/day. Hipster_Bruinbear nailed it when he said don't go under 1250/day. Your body is of genious construct and designed to survive, you won't outsmart it ever. It sounds painfully slow, but a pound or so a week adds up to 52lbs. a year. I think a 3500 calorie deficit removes 1 pound of fat. I've rambled, but hopefully this is helpful.

Zosimasie · 2012-07-25T14:11:38+00:00

Depending on how severe you consider your body image issues, I would recommend that you check out a book called The Broken Mirror by Katharine Phillips. It's a really good read. Really gets in depth with all the reasons people have body image issues.

midnightwalrus · 2012-07-25T14:13:35+00:00

What do you think of this?

http://ie.reachout.com/inform-yourself/eating-disorders/body-dysmorphic-disorder/?gclid=CKPioJOBtbECFQRO4QodzC0AAA

unassuming_aussie · 2012-07-25T14:14:24+00:00

This is an actual psychological issue. I would suggest seeing professional psychologist/psychiatrist that specializes in eating disorder and body image problems. The hardest part will finding a specialist, but please start looking ASAP. Australian men are the worst at seeking help, which why there is such high suicide rate for young men here.

thrway_1000 · 2012-07-25T14:14:26+00:00

{Link to Info} This is some information I've collected on body image for /r/XYChromosomes.

dermanus · 2012-07-25T14:40:28+00:00

If you're in Ontario York University has a Men's Issues group that meets during the school year. They don't focus just on body dimorphism, but it does come up.

There is also a researcher at I think Western University. She may be at Trent. I tried to track down her information but I couldn't. If you can track her down she can very likely point you towards some good resources.

CharlieTango · 2012-07-25T14:59:39+00:00

R/oney or r/askmen

midnightwalrus · 2012-07-25T15:32:13+00:00

To lose weight I use an app called MynetDiary. You create your own plan and it's easy to stick to. Also losing more than 2-3 lbs a week is very bad. Your body starts eating you muscles which includes tue muscles around your heart. I also have image problems but am starting to control the way I look. For me it was that I gained weight (20 lbs in a weeks time) from hypothyroidism as well as eating contests. I was also lazy. I started on this diet plan and it's working. I started insanity and I am sticking to it the best I can. Your issues may not go away until you are in a supportive and positive environment.

Emile4 · 2012-07-25T17:00:02+00:00

I am not an expert, but eat normally. It is unhealthy to eat irregularly.

midnightwalrus · 2012-07-25T17:31:34+00:00

See a therapist?

midnightwalrus · 2012-07-25T18:03:13+00:00

Afraid i really don't have any advice for you.....After reading through the comments there are clearly better people for dispensing advice than myself. But i do want to offer you support and wish luck and please keep us informed of your progress.

p.s. After looking at your pictures I suddenly feel like a fat ass and i think it is time to go hit the gym.

GammaGrace · 2012-07-25T19:16:43+00:00

I'm a woman. It's alright. It really is. Don't let any woman shut you up, get your voice heard. I'm sure there are a lot that would support you and help you! I don't have a place to recommend, but I just want to say that food is good. It gives you life and makes you beautiful, inside and out. It makes you more beautiful than working out all the time. Is it all right that I called you beautiful? Just insert handsome if you're sexist like that ;)

BaSiiCzxX · 2012-07-25T21:46:56+00:00

I think the best course of action would be to see a psychiatrist about your issues. There is no shame in going to see one and you'll be able to get to the cores of your issues and overcome them a lot easier with professional help.

2012-07-26T07:06:09+00:00

Get some professional help.

midnightwalrus · 2012-07-26T01:27:10+00:00

FOR THOSE INTERESTED: Here's how I look now, without flexing.

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