The story of my polygamous relationship and the vitriol and hatred I received from both men and women.

I haven't told anyone this story before.

About 1.5-2 years ago I was dating online and met this really sweet girl. She was 23. I was 32 at the time.

She was amazingly beautiful, very smart, very sweet, and super kind to me.

After about 1.5 month or so of dating she sits me down with one of her best friends and roommates.

The tell me that they are in love. I realize at that point in time I'm about to be dumped.

They then tell me that they love each other but they also love me and that this might be a bit shocking but they want to have a relationship with me and have children with me and raise them with me...

My original GF (let's call her Amber) clicked VERY well and were already talking about long term, having kids, etc.

Her roommate/friend (let's call her Betty), was also super cool and amazingly awesome and we would hang out all the time.

It was an amazing time in my life.

I had always felt constrained with just one girlfriend. It's not my fault... I feel this evolutionary pressure to be with multiple women. If I'm with a brunette I want to be with a blonde. If I'm with a blonde I want to be with a brunette.

I always felt I was trapped having to pick one girl for the rest of my life.

Now ... I can't say that these women didn't partly pick me because I'm wealthy. I'm not insanely wealthy but I have a comfortable life.

The chemistry and feeling were real but the protection I could afford I'm sure was a factor in their decision.

Anyway...

They moved in. I started to brake it to members of my family.

My Dad basically hi-fived me. My mother was really mad at first. She didn't understand. When she met Amber and Betty she started to relax a bit.

My sister was flat out fucking pissed and called me an asshole / perv and wouldn't talk to me for a while.

Keep in mind that we were in LOVE. I didn't think I could be in LOVE with two girls but damn if I wasn't... I couldn't breath unless they were both around.

I refused to live my life differently.

When we were out we would all hold hands, kiss, etc. PDA basically. Nothing insane.

Female waitresses treated us like shit.

Male waiters fucking looked at me with contempt / jealousy.

My ex had a daughter that I was really close to... she refused to let me see her anymore.

Fortunately for me she's an AMAZING girl and talked to her mom that she wasn't going to not see me any more.

My ex flat out called me a perv.

It was hard times.

I can't say that all the vitriol and hatred wasn't a contributing factor in our breaking up.

In the end... things started to get a bit weird. One of them had issues with (I think) bipolar disorder which sort of caused problems and stress and lead to fights. The fights sort of broke up the three of us.

At this point I'm pretty convinced that love in ALL forms should be celebrated. I mean... I was convinced before but I've never been a hated minority like this....

[–]IncrediblyFatMan[🍰] 8 points9 points10 points 14 years ago (33 children) | Copy Link

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[–]foerthan 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

We all know they tie a woman's worth to her virginity

As someone who has lived in Saudi Arabia for several years...

The women there have just about the same chance of being virgins when they marry as they do in the US. It's simply not as open. But when the girl and her friends "go shopping", what they do is write down their numbers on a piece of paper, and then throw them at guys that look attractive in the mall, with times that the guys can call them. If they get a hit, they chat for a while at times when the parents won't find out. Then the next time that the girls "go shopping", the guys meet them there. What happens next should be pretty obvious.

Another thing that they'll do is walk into the single-mens sections (everything like that is divided into single men and women/families) of restaurants and such. Some managers will kick them out, but most don't. When they do this, they're fishing for phone numbers. And then it proceeds exactly like the other scenario.

The men aren't "any better" either. Beyond being involved in the above, going over into Bahrain to hire women is an incredibly common thing for the men there (mostly Saudi's; the Pakistanis/Philipinos/Bangladeshis [basically imported labor] tend to not have enough money to waste on it). It's incredibly common to hear them talk about going to Bahrain on their days off. It's also (one of) the ways they get around the no alcohol laws in Saudi -- just stroll over into Bahrain and get all of it you want. The other way of course is brewing it yourself (they call it Sadiki), but it's risky because the consequences can be pretty severe if you're found out.

Basically, what I'm saying is, it's a lot like Christians in the US. They're all against premarital sex and alcohol, but 99% of the population is doing both of them anyways.

[–]nplant 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

Then the next time that the girls "go shopping", the guys meet them there. What happens next should be pretty obvious.

Basically, what I'm saying is, it's a lot like Christians in the US. They're all against premarital sex and alcohol, but 99% of the population is doing both of them anyways.

Well doesn't that sound innocent. Oh, wait:

http://www.hrw.org/en/news/2007/11/15/saudi-arabia-rape-victim-punished-speaking-out

"During the year there were numerous reports of physical abuse by the police and the CPVPV, as well as judicially sanctioned corporal punishments including harassment of women for being alone in the company of an unrelated male. On March 13, a court sentenced 75-year-old noncitizen Khamisa Mohammad Sawadi to 40 lashes, four months' imprisonment, and deportation for having unrelated men in her house."

"Particularly in the more conservative Nejd region, religious police accosted, abused, arrested, and detained citizens and noncitizens, especially women, for allegedly violating dress and behavior standards."

"the testimony of one man equals that of two women"

"In December 2008 the unlicensed Association for the Protection and Defense of Women's Rights in Saudi Arabia received a warning against mounting any demonstrations, according to HRW. In 2007 the group had transmitted to the king a petition with 1,100 signatures asking for a repeal of the ban on women driving. The government did not reply."

"Women and minors (younger than 21) require a male guardian's consent to have a passport and to travel abroad."

"male family members can "blacklist" women and minor children, prohibiting their travel"

http://www.state.gov/g/drl/rls/hrrpt/2009/nea/136079.htm

[–]foerthan 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]kanuk876[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I agree that having it become more than a few people here and there would be a problem, but the way his friends and family treated him is horrible. If I was his dad, I'd definitely high five him too.

Also, since the women were bisexual rather than two heterosexuals tolerating each other, it doesn't have the same effect on the dating pool. If one person leaves and becomes available to others, there's a 1/3 chance of it being the man and no women becoming available. In a traditional polygamous relationship, a modification would always result in more women than men becoming available.

A situation in which a man essentially buys himself a second heterosexual wife is additionally morally questionable, whereas three people who all want each other is significantly less problematic.

Edit: LOL, I just did the math: If every bisexual woman enters an MFF relationship, it has the exact same effect on societal balance as 50% choosing FF and 50% choosing MF. And overall, it has a positive effect, because all other things equal, three people living together is more efficient.

TL;DR: MFF relationships with bisexuals help society - only heterosexual MFF hurts society.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Actually, my math shows that's not the case as long as the women are bisexual :)

You seem to be making the claim that there are a statistically large enough number of bisexual women willing to enter a 3-way relationship that it would have a noticeable impact on the dating pool by giving single men another option. I would like to see the numbers and calculations you used and where you found them. I'm not trying to be mean, but just claiming you did the math isn't really good support for your theory.

It's one thing to tell him he's an ass for being part of an unsustainable movement. It's completely different to call him a perv and refuse to let him see his daughter.

When someone breaks society's rules, there are repercussions. I'm not endorsing the poor treatment this man received from his ex, but I see the necessity in penalizing polygamy to provide everyone with a reasonable chance for finding a mate.

Everything I'm saying of course assumes a balanced and egalitarian family court system which does not exist. I'm a MGTOW, so my preference is for the status quo of the feminist hypergamous marriage industry to collapse completely. Both sides of mating tendencies - male (poly) and female (hyper) - are bad for society but good for individual genetic success. It's a double standard that we discourage one and promote the other (i.e. no fault divorce, alimony).

You seem to be making the claim that there are a statistically large enough number of bisexual women willing to enter a 3-way relationship that it would have a noticeable impact on the dating pool by giving single men another option.

No, that's not what I'm claiming. Bisexual MFF can't compensate for the losses caused by heterosexual MFF, but bisexual MFF itself is neutral.

Assuming that bisexual means that there's a 50% chance of choosing either a man or woman as a partner, bisexual women b will remove 0.5b hetero men and 0.5b lesbian women from the dating pool. If two bisexual women instead enter an MFF relationship, they still remove only 0.5 hetero men / b from the dating pool. The only thing that shrinks in the latter scenario is the lesbian dating pool, but that's irrelevant, because they're dating internally to their group rather than in a ratio to another group.

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Title	The story of my polygamous relationship and the vitriol and hatred I received from both men and women.
Author	malepolyright
Upvotes	3
Comments	41
Date	September 8, 2011 7:53 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/k8lpq/the_story_of_my_polygamous_relationship_and_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/the-story-of-my-polygamous-relationship-and-the.1034907 https://theredarchive.com/post/1034907

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