I need some advice r/mensrights, what should I be on the lookout for in relationships with women?

PublicStranger · 2011-07-03T16:05:38+00:00

I'm female, so I'm not sure how much my opinion counts (I don't date other women and am not familiar with their dating ways), but there is a certain kind of girlfriend I try to be and a certain type of boyfriend I look for (genders reversed):

She should legitimately like you as you are, not as who you could be. If she tries to change you (unless you yourself have expressed a desire to change and she's trying to help), leave immediately. Likewise, you should legitimately like her just as she is right now.
Relatedly, if she has demands you can't or don't want to live up to, leave. If you have demands she can't or doesn't want to live up to, leave.
The two of you should be able to disagree on matters that don't directly affect your relationship (politics, etc.) without it turning into a fight. If you're fighting about things like that, you either think too differently to be in a relationship with each other, or you're just not that attached to each other.
Similarly, if you're fighting a lot about things that do directly affect your relationship (e.g., one of you isn't showing enough affection), rethink things. You should both be practicing fair argument techniques and good communication, and a routine failure of that on either end is a mark of severe incompatibility issues.
She should want to do as much for you as you do for her. And, similarly, she should allow you to do as much for her as she does for you (some "giving" types prefer to force a one-sided reliance, rather than an equal relationship—beware). This means she should be up for paying for dates, she should return affection, she should return sexual favors, etc., and she should allow you to do all of these things for her.
She should have a sex drive that approximately equals your own, and she should have compatible tastes. If one or both of you have a serious fetish, it should be a fetish the other is comfortable accommodating.
She should have future plans that are compatible with yours, and she should be actively working toward those plans (e.g., career and savings).
You must agree on marriage, kids, where to live, etc. Even if the relationship is fantastic in every other way, disagreement on an issue like this means one or both of you will ultimately be miserable, and it would be better to just be friends.
If she has a history of tumultuous relationships and/or if she doesn't get along with her family and/or her parents are divorced and/or she had a difficult childhood, please don't consider marriage until you've lived with her at least a couple years. Likewise, if any of those apply to you, hold off marriage until you've lived with her long enough to be certain this is a workable relationship and that you can truly commit to her. Remember that the honeymoon period must be good and dead before you can think clearly.
Don't marry her if money is very important to either of you or if either of you can't handle some instability. Even if you're quite financially comfortable now, you never know where you could be in 15 years, and money problems are the #1 marriage stressors. Relatedly, don't get married if either of you have trouble saving money (impulsive spending, etc.).
She should be consistent. Everyone goes through periods of being more or less affectionate with their partner (that doesn't mean the love isn't there!), but some people will go all out hot/cold on you and sometimes make you wonder if they hate you. Avoid these latter people; don't just avoid marrying them, but cut them out of your life entirely because they will drain you. Unfortunately, there's not really a good warning sign for abusive behavior—it generally doesn't appear until later, when you're already attached—but just be prepared to walk away from someone who changes on you.
If she comes between you and your friends or you and your family, walk away and never look back. Now, asking for a certain amount of alone-together time is fine—but if you find you're drifting away from your loved ones as a result of her demands, you're walking right into a trap. She may not even realize what she's doing to you.
She should never, ever behave violently toward you, however sweet and wonderful she normally is. If she slaps you, throws things around you, or threatens you, get the hell out of there and call the police. Even if her action cause you no physical harm whatsoever and you had no reason to fear her, remember that all it takes is access to a weapon while she's angry...
She should treat animals and the people around her kindly and respectfully. If she does not, be aware that her kindness and respect toward you are likely a farce.

rantgrrl · 2011-07-03T16:11:31+00:00

I mentioned this simple test elsewhere.

If she hurts your feelings or upsets you (because it will happen, even if she's a great person) be sure to tell her.

If she deflects blame or tries to make you take responsibility for having been hurt rather then apologizing, having a reasonable emotional reaction (also look out for the ones who go into a depressive funk with every criticism, they're still deflecting, making it about their emotions and reprogramming you not to tell them), and not doing it again she's bad news.

edit I accidentally a phrase.

AFuddyDuddy · 2011-07-03T22:43:53+00:00

"The Crazy"

2011-07-03T15:01:14+00:00

watch out for scorekeepers, women that seem to remember every real or imagined slight against them from you and keep a running tally to use as a weapon whenever there is a discussion or argument.

girlwriteswhat · 2011-07-03T15:15:59+00:00

If her father has a pet name for her (Muffin, Pumpkin, whatever), and if she still calls him "Daddy" all the time (she's been pampered and spoiled and still wants someone to take care of her/expects to be the center of everyone's universe).

If she has "upkeep" expenses her income can't possibly cover (professionally manicured nails, Brazilian blow-outs twice weekly, expensive make-up, designer clothes, etc), since if someone else is paying for that, or subsidizing her rent so she can afford it, she's got a sense of entitlement the size of an elephant seal.

Constantly complaining about people at work making her life difficult, or being out to get her (blames others for her problems and has trouble getting along with people).

Calls in sick when she isn't sick (no sense of obligation or responsibility).

If her friend is getting married, she spends more time talking about the ring and the dress than how great a guy her friend's fiance is.

Is she okay with you looking at other women (whether it's porn or a pretty waitress)? That is, is she secure enough in herself to realize men do and will look, even if they have no intention of touching.

Does she follow through on her promises to others?

2011-07-03T15:14:21+00:00

Does she use sex as a weapon, or as a reward for behavior she deems desirable? If so, tell her to fuck off.

2011-07-03T17:09:00+00:00

Be aware of the medications she takes: for depression, anxiety, compulsions, stress, not to mention anti-psychotics.

Talking about her ex's and how bad they treated her is a red flag. A year from now she'll be telling some other guy about how you beat her black and blue every day.

ThisIsYourPenis · 2011-07-03T14:43:02+00:00

lying

2011-07-03T14:55:54+00:00

Affection games; you don't love me enough, some days in love some days not. Makes her happiness a constant quest, doesn't take responsibility for her own emotions.

Basically if her emotions seem incredibly complicated, she's going to be abusive.

It helps if she hasn't had a lot of partners.

Sohck · 2011-07-03T19:22:26+00:00

Avoiding the Fate of the Average Frustrated Chump
Interviewing a Prospective Wife, Part I, Part II

thingsarebad · 2011-07-04T00:07:08+00:00

http://thingsarebad.blogspot.com/2011/07/relationship-advice-for-men-or-how-to.html

2011-07-03T15:06:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

EvilPundit · 2011-07-03T15:20:41+00:00

What are some tings I should watch out for?

Everything you need to know can be found here. Also, read this

What about marriage?

Don't. Just don't.

TheRealPariah · 2011-07-05T09:01:09+00:00

Don't marry and do not have children and you should be fine! It's all a trap to turn you into a bank account number.

If she intentionally hurts you in order to see if you care or not, get the fuck out.

YankeeRose · 2011-07-03T16:40:38+00:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vwNcNOTVzY Gold digger.

I married someone that was nothing like me. I'm a computer systems engineer and shes in real estate. Run your marriage like a business that you want to succeed. If it starts to fail in areas then you need to attend to it. If the business/relationship/marriage is going to fail then close the business.

Here are some of my personal rules.

Don't date any persons men and women with mental problems this includes medication bi-polar/abused mentally/physically/sexually. Sorry but this long term agreement and this will only make things more complex in the future. This includes being a member of AA. 2.No women with kids, you will never be their dad and the kid will never be yours and you will always have to answer to the other dad. Just don't do it.
No bible pounders, leaving everything to god is not a good idea ever!
Weak women, the ones that are wallflowers and could not would not save their own life if action was needed.
If your dating someone and your fighting all the time, end that relationship and tell her, I'm not going to fight with someone all the time. Their are too many women on this planet to live my life with you. You are putting your foot down and letting them know I can do better and you can always do better.
Understand this almost all family laws are weighted in favor of women. Be very mindful of that I suggest a prenuptial agreement it will save both of you a ton of time in the future.
Men can be accused of rape and even if they didn't do it their life can be ruined forever. I suggest getting a MP3 recorder that records on voice. So if your having sex with someone and two days later they scream rape you can clear your name. Who cares if its illegal, it will save your life.
Don't give girls your real phone number get a google voice number that forwards to your number.
Don't tell them how much you make.
Let them know if they start to talk about ex-boyfriends to call them and they can get their freak on. Don't live in the shadow of another man not ever. (See woman with kids above)
Don't ever text or email anything you don't want to come to the light of a courtroom.
Don't post anything to facebook if your in a relationship with someone "DON'T BE THAT GUY" Pussy whipped.
Your family always come first, if they don't like her then get rid of her, often family sees what you can't believe and understand what they say.
Ask your friends what they really think of her.
Make sure you have personal time don't get so attached that you lose yourself. I have play hockey, it helps because any man that plays hockey also fights. Anything that helps you/makes you feel like a man is very very good for you.
Mean bitches just stay away from them. Sleep with them sure but don't marry them.
Look at the health of the family-if they are fat lazy people with a ton of health problems they will be your problems if you marry that woman. Why marry problems!???
Education, make sure they have been to college or are in college and they have a career in mind.
Oh and if they have had sex with 30 guys count yourself lucky. This is a woman whom is secure with who she is and what she wants. Sex toys are a plus and godsend. Advice from a married man.
Last, be brave enough to know when the relationship is going to be a failure. I don't care how great the pussy is or how great of a body she has if they plane is going down then you need to jump out of that plane. So many of my friends have stuck it out when they were dating just to have a shitty,terrible,marriage.

I'm a very type A personality I don't wear my emotions on my shirt. I stick to what i say and I rarely go back.

Good Luck

http://www.leykis101.com/

Oh, and NICE GUYS ALWAYS ALWAYS LOSE. REMEMBER THAT!

Title	I need some advice r/mensrights, what should I be on the lookout for in relationships with women?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	39
Date	July 3, 2011 2:26 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/ifnlv/i_need_some_advice_rmensrights_what_should_i_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-need-some-advice-rmensrights-what-should-i-be-on.1037821 https://theredarchive.com/post/1037821

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