Single guys out there, do yourself a favor and read this.

maryhadlamb · 2010-02-25T09:56:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

OhioDude · 2010-02-25T12:06:09+00:00

Here's the direct link to the article.

tomek77 · 2010-02-25T10:16:12+00:00

Society (and marriage) has changed tremendously in the last half century, and as with any change, there will be those who can adapt to it, and those who can't. Men who choose to marry in the US, look like dinosaurs on their way to extinction to me!

It is impossible to justify marriage with a risk vs benefit rational comparison:

The risks:

risk of losing your primary residence
risk of losing your kids
risk of losing your savings
risk of losing your retirement funds
risk of losing your future income for 20 years, or longer
risk of going to jail after a job loss
risk of being trapped in a sexless "relationship" that is simply too expensive to get out of
risk of being abused and having no way out (unless you are ok with never seeing your kids again)

The benefits:

???

Men are clearly voting with their feet on an institution that has turned against them: marriage rates are falling off a cliff, and the speed of the decline is accelerating. People who are in their early 20's today have only 1 chance in 3 of getting married during their life (you can compute that by finding the marriage rate (excluding re-marriages) for each age bracket, and multiplying it by the number of years in the bracket). People born in the 2010's will be very unlikely to ever experience marriage.

MrInvisible · 2010-02-25T14:23:05+00:00

I can agree with some of the article. Traditional marriage does seem to exclusively benefit the woman. When my mom decided she wanted a divorce I somehow wound up staying with dad, but she got the entirety of his retirement savings. He's now 62, alone and utterly ruined financially. He'll be working like a dog until the day he dies. They loved each other at one point, but she robbed him of his financial security and spent over 10 years living a life of leisure off those savings. When the money ran out she found a new man to take advantage of. I'm not saying all women are like her, just that marriage contracts seem to disproportionately benefit the woman.

There are some parts of the article that don't pass the smell test though. Like this.

If a man insists that his wife honor the conjugal requirements of the marriage contract, he can and will be accused of sexual abuse, sexual assault or rape.

If I have business dealings with someone who doesn't follow through on their promises, I can insist that they do so. That's a verbal action, perhaps with some kind of leverage to convince them to act. Laying my hands on them will still be assault regardless of their broken commitments. Why would this suddenly be acceptable with your wife?

Sex isn't a duty. If it becomes a duty you're doing something seriously wrong. If your wife isn't in the mood and you're really hard up for an orgasm, you've still got two hands. Pick one and use it.

OhioDude · 2010-02-25T12:35:11+00:00

I can relate to a lot of this. My first wife was a "modern western woman" and sure enough after my daughter was born she stopped working and I inherited all her debt. She then left me for some dude she met in EQ and tried to get me for alimony and child support. Long story short, she didn't get crap, I've got custody and am now married to a career minded modern asian woman. We've been married for 8 years now and life is grand.

SnakeJG · 2010-02-25T14:11:24+00:00

Despite this reality, many women come into marriage with very few assets, and often are saddled with substantial quantities of debt. In general, men are the ones who save and invest. Don’t believe me? Count the number of women of marrying age that you know who subscribe to financial services magazines or newspapers. A significant number of 20-something and 30-something women spend all of their disposable income on luxury rental apartments, upscale restaurants, frequent exotic vacations, leased cars, spa treatments, and excessive amounts of clothing, purses, shoes and accessories. Yet ironically, in the media, men are the ones who are portrayed as reckless, irresponsible spendthrifts.

As a frugal man, the above offends me, probably because my wife is even more frugal. I know plenty of people of both sexes who spend way outside of their means, and I know plenty of both sexes who save well. Spending money is not a female disease.

evilpeas · 2010-02-25T12:48:12+00:00

Pardon my ignorance, but is the law in US actually written in a way that favors women specifically in divorce cases and child custody cases? Or is it merely a statistic that women "win" divorce most of the time?

rmbarnes · 2010-02-25T15:34:27+00:00

No; do yourself a favor and don't read this over-generalized, non-fact-based, sensationalist, bitter tripe. The article is crap, and it's a forum repost anyway.

Instead, use your good judgment and common sense. Don't marry someone you aren't 100% about. Don't marry someone whose life is a mess or who can't manage her own finances. Don't marry without a prenuptial agreement.

And FFS, have fun at your wedding without spending a ton of money. Amazing how in college you could organize or at least attend a wild party on a shoestring budget, but then you stare down a 5-figure bill for a wedding that isn't even half as fun.

SnakeJG · 2010-02-25T08:47:15+00:00

Too many generalizations

Confucius_says · 2010-02-25T16:16:53+00:00

Why the hell did you link to a forum with terriable margins when you could have linked to http://dontmarry.wordpress.com. It is 100 times easier to read on the source page.

2010-02-26T01:18:52+00:00

This article seems to be written entirely on assumptions and generalizations and is seriously lacking in anything close to a citation or fact.

2010-02-25T16:21:07+00:00

I wouldn't be surprised if some of the claims made by this forum post were true, but if they are, then they're arguments not against marriage in general, but for men being extremely careful in who they marry.

Don't marry if you're still infatuated with a woman. It's unfortunate that the phrase "marry in haste, repent at leisure" has fallen into disuse.
Don't marry if you can't trust her to be willing to take a bullet for you.
Don't marry if you're not willing to take a bullet for her.
Don't marry if you haven't discussed money.
Don't marry if you've discussed money and her attitude towards money doesn't mesh with yours.
Don't marry if her attitudes towards having kids are different from yours.
Don't marry because she wants to get married.
Don't marry because "society" tells you you should be married.
Don't marry to please anybody but yourself.
Don't marry a woman you haven't fucked.
Don't marry a woman with whom you haven't lived for at least six months.
Don't marry a woman who isn't willing to sign a prenup and maintain separate bank accounts.

Confucius_says · 2010-02-25T20:01:29+00:00

Yawn...

Most of the issues raised here could be avoided by simply marying a decent human being who you can communicate with.

This is not to underplay the importance of the real issues at play, like the need for pre nups and the inequality of the legal system come a divorce.

redditmethat · 2010-02-25T16:31:04+00:00

Mid-20's female here, and I have to say I think much of this article is outdated horseshit. Perhaps I grew up in a different world but I would never consider doing most of what this bitter, angry author thinks all women are out to do. I think spending a ton of money on a one day event and/or a single piece of jewelry is irresponsible and foolish. I'm financially responsible for myself and I know that I have to be able to support my own life as well as that of any life I may give birth to. I fully expect to be working until I am very old, regardless of whether or not I have children. I have never once considered letting someone other than myself pay off my student loans or pay my bills in general. I don't have a credit card and never have. Perhaps there are some women who spend the majority of their days drinking lattes and playing tennis, but neither myself or my friends are among them. We take pride in being able to take care of ourselves and if I was to ever decide to become part of such an archaic institution as marriage, you better believe I would be having conversations with my partner about how it's a two way street. I would never be comfortable with just one of us having all financial responsibility, just as I wouldn't want one of us to have all of the child-rearing responsibility. I would also never demand that my partner have a certain salary, car or anything else, just as I would never tolerate someone making such asinine demands of me.

Sorry for the long rant, but this really got me going. Just so you guys know, not all women are like this.

2010-02-26T01:32:41+00:00

cool

Title	Single guys out there, do yourself a favor and read this.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	45
Comments	83
Date	February 25, 2010 7:44 AM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/b69yw/single_guys_out_there_do_yourself_a_favor_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/single-guys-out-there-do-yourself-a-favor-and-read.1050609 https://theredarchive.com/post/1050609

Comments